Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy New Year!

To make the New Years celebrations more of a celebration I went to the wine store and bought some of the right stuff. They had a good selection, if pricey, compared to the US.

A Typical Canadian Shop

When I paid the bill I used a piece of plastic without a chip in it, which confused the young baby-faced wine salesperson. "No chip, eh?" he asked, warily. "No," I replied, "We don't have those at the 1st Inconvenience Bank of Texas. We're a bit backward that way." The saleschild looked at me and said, "That's not the only way, over there, eh?"

I grinned and gave him a cheery, "Oh yeah. Except for gun rights, we're ahead of the pack there. Happy New Year, man."

A Bison Head

And with that, I wish you all a happy, blessed and joyous New Year.



What is This Thing?

Team LSP was confused, bewildered and perplexed by one of the Hyatt Calgary lobby sculptures, so we went out to the readership for an opinion as to what this thing was.

Some thought it was Germany's famous "Zwarte Piet" or a "PC" variation on the theme, "Pete." Others, fantastically, believe it to be a "Chocolate Christmas Hippo."

One reader wondered if it was Bill Crosby, in disguise. As Zwarte Piet, perhaps? All of these suggestions have merit, but look closely, the chocolate colored Christmas creature has minions.

What does this mean? As I reflected on the implications of this, I looked down at the newspaper. There's no doubt about the identity of the character in this picture.

That would be US President and Commander in Chief, Barack Hussein Obama, you know, the same genius who thinks Islam's a really peaceful religion. Like Buddhism, only way more peaceful.

Your Old Friend,


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Morning Has Broken

Here's a Calgary sunrise, looking out over the city towards the Saddledome and Scotchman's Hill. They're still putting up large buildings here and there's a risk they'll go zombie as Alberta's oil economy collapses.  

Oil Economy

Thanks, Saudi Arabia, for that. Who knows what the consequences of the Magic Kingdom's oil price strategy will be. For that matter, who knows what this is:

It's in the hotel lobby.

Readers, all three of you, help me out here. What is this "sculpture"? 



Tuesday, December 29, 2015

St. Thomas Becket

The Archbishop of Canterbury, no, not Justin, Thomas Becket!, died today in 1170, killed by 4 knights in Canterbury Cathedral. I used to offer prayers at his shrine when I was very young.

Here's an excerpt from New Advent

Four knights who came from France demanded the absolution of the bishops.St. Thomas would not comply. They left for a space, but came back at Vesper time with a band of armed men. To their angry question, "Where is the traitor?" the saint boldly replied, "Here I am, no traitor, but archbishop andpriest of God." They tried to drag him from the church, but were unable, and in the end they slew him where he stood, scattering his brains on the pavement. His faithful companion, Edward Grim, who bore his cross, was wounded in the struggle.
A tremendous reaction of feeling followed this deed of blood. In an extraordinary brief space of time devotion to the martyred archbishop had spread all through Europe. The pope promulgated the bull of canonization, little more than two years after the martyrdom, 21 February, 1173. On 12 July, 1174, Henry II did public penance, and was scourged at the archbishop's tomb.

That was then, this is now.

Good luck, Church of England, and who knows, perhaps St. Thomas Becket will intercede for the soul of Mr. Kilminster.


Lemmy, Rest in Peace

You once told me to ***k Off.

That is my claim to fame.


Monday, December 28, 2015

Calgary Hippy Discovers Rhodesia

After a grueling flight, which was delayed by 3 hours because the plane was broken, I arrived in Calgary. It was good to be back in the land of the ice and snow and I checked in to the Hyatt, downtown.

A Typical Calgary Bar

Good stuff, I like the Calgary Hyatt and it's fun to walk out of the hotel and into the blinding snow, to look at the shops on Stephen Avenue. I was doing just that when a tall hippy came up to me, complete with long hair and beard. He was wearing a pink vest over his coat, and I noticed the pink outfit had a curious logo. "Because I'm A Girl," it said. Hunh, I thought, incisively.

Stephen Avenue Attacked by the Weather

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" said the hippy. "Sure," I replied, "but only for a moment." Heartened by my friendly man-in-the-snow demeanor, the hippy asked where I came from, then launched into his pitch. 

"I'm with Because I'm A Girl."
"Oh, you are?"
"Yeah, we're the oldest community development organisation in the thir... developing countries."
"You nearly said 'third world,' didn't you."
"Uhh, yeah, I guess I kind of did."

The Because I'm A Girl Hippy looked pretty sheepish and started to make a pink-vested excuse for his thought crime. I interrupted.
"Look, I really don't care. I still call it Rhodesia."
"Rhodesia? What's that?"
"Zimbabwe, mate."

Realization dawned on the face of my new friend, and Because I'm A Girl gaped, like a bearded Bass; then he began to laugh. I headed off to look for snow boots.

Make of this what you will.


Sunday, December 27, 2015

I'm Headin' to Calgary

It's that time of year when I go North, to Calgary, and the land of the ice and snow. Unfortunately that means having to endure the nightmare of modern air travel, which is like taking a bus from Gloucester to Tunbridge Wells in the '80s.

But whoever said life would be easy? I remember no such promise, but I do remember that our elite rulers told us we're in a War on Weather.

There were tornadoes in Dallas yesterday. I guess that means we're losing that particular war; well done, team.

God bless,


Saturday, December 26, 2015

LSP, Giver of Gifts

Some of you know her, she goes by BW. That's right, my youngest sister, and all she wanted for Christmas was an adorable dog. So I helped her out.

She created the "meme".

Your Pal,


Feast of Stephen, Tyson Fury

No sooner are our Christmas day celebrations over, than the Church brings us face to face with martyrdom, in the person of St. Stephen, it's his Feast today, and the Holy Innocents.  It seems that the Word made Flesh attracts enraged, deadly opposition. 

That was true then and it's true now, with more Christians dying for their faith than at any other time in history. Of course the secular governments of the West are complicit in this, not least in their refusal to protect the Christians of the Middle East.

Be that as it may, here's the Collect for the day:

GRANT, O Lord, that, in all our sufferings here upon earth for the testimony of thy truth, we may stedfastly look up to heaven, and by faith behold the glory that shall be revealed; and, being filled with the Holy Ghost, may learn to love and bless our persecutors by the example of thy first Martyr Saint Stephen, who prayed for his murderers to thee, O blessed Jesus, who standest at the right hand of God to succour all those who suffer for thee, our only Mediator and Advocate. Amen.

Tyson Fury

St. Stephen, pray for us, and I wish everyone a happy Boxing Day.

God bless,


Friday, December 25, 2015

Christmas, The Aftermath

Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, some other vegetables, I'm not sure what they were, gravy and fun company. Presents, too and a good day was had by all.

I hope you've had a blessed and merry Christmas.

Be good,


Thursday, December 24, 2015

Blue Christmas

Here at the Compound things are pretty rough and ready, as you'd expect, but back at HQ? Different story, only the very finest wines and food will do. 

That's why Blue Navidad got lobster for Christmas. He tore right into that tasty snack! Delicious lobster.

Lucky dog, to be so privileged, unlike the lobster, which lost out in the greater scheme of things. Sorry, crustacean, they can't all be winners. But what can we say, let's hear it for seafood.

As I write this piece of nuanced, three-dimensional prose, safely back at the Compound, the happy sound of Navidad fills the air. Those of you who equate angelic choirs with pulsing Latino bass will know what I mean.

And I'm not complaining.

Merry Christmas,


Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone. And for all you followers of hermetic esoterica, Aleister Crowley's old mansion's burned down the other day.

See? There is a God.



Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Christmas Shopping, With LSP

You can go Christmas shopping on 5th Avenue, NYC; Knightsbridge, London; downtown Neiman Marcus and even North Park Mall in Dallas, or you can do it the LSP way.

That means a quick spin down Davies and a foray into some off-beat gifte shoppe, full of "artisanal" Christmas items. The hipster behind the counter was wearing a Santa's elf hat. The shoppe was empty and I didn't buy anything. 

Next stop? Jefferson, a thrift store, Justin Welby, and a second hand book shop, Lucky Dog Books. Maybe I'd get lucky at Lucky Dog Books, I thought to myself. Sure enough, I did. It'll be a literary Christmas for HQ Company.

Blue got some presents, too, and opened them early. But that's a different story.

It's a thug life,


Texas Winter Paradise

It's a beautiful sunny morning in rural Texas. Squirrels gambol, birds sing, roosters are crowing and crazed peacocks shriek and scream.

Blue Scallywag takes this as his cue to gallop, romp and play. I throw him a tennis ball, which causes great joy in the canine world. But, in this vale of tears, all good things must come to end, which means I have to leave this bucolic paradise and drive to Dallas.

To buy Christmas presents. And that's just the way it is on the front lines of the War.

On Weather.


Monday, December 21, 2015

The Right Gun For The War on Weather

Here at Team LSP we like to think of ourselves as solutions providers, a one-stop-resource-shop, ranging from theology to weaponry. That's why we went to a noted defense systems consultant, asking for his advice on the best gun to take to the War on Weather.

A Unicorn on a Rainbow, With Clouds

Our search parameters weren't easy. The weapon had to pack enough power to take down a cloud, but be accurate enough to shoot a sunbeam, or knock a unicorn off a rainbow. Not easy, you'll admit, but whoever said life would be?

MacMillan TAC 50 Bolt Variant

Fortunately for all of us, there's a solution. A .50 BMG precision rifle, supported by the Tracking Point aiming system.

Guiding it's projectile unerringly onto target, the Tracking Point assisted rifle is capable of neutralizing the most elusive threats the Weather has to offer, and because of pinpoint accuracy, it can do so with minimum collateral damage. And make no mistake, the mighty .50 has plenty of punch.

Girls Love .50s

There you have it. Problem? Solution, which is what we're all about, here at the Compound, helping you to win the firefight against our common enemy. 

Tracking Point sighting systems don't come cheap, but neither does war, on the Weather.

Semper Ubique,


Winning The War on Weather

We're locked into a vicious, no-holds-barred War on Weather. El Nino is on the loose and running wild, sometimes it rains, or even snows, at other times it's hot; sometimes it's sunny, at other times it isn't. Our adversary is cunning, and no one knows for sure when, where and how the Weather will attack. And that's why it's important to be prepared.

Part of that means having the right kit to do the job, and here at the Compound we recommend as an invaluable toolkit for all those who have dedicated their time, resource and yes, lives, to this struggle against our implacable enemy. is especially useful to those of us who live in areas of the world which are hot, such as Texas, California, or Australia, in all those many places where the sun hasn't yet been defeated by our rulers' Coalition of the Willing.

With that in mind, Team LSP is delighted to offer you this important resource, and we're sure that you'll find it as useful as we have, in the fight we all share, the War on Weather.

Arduus Ad Solem,


Sunday, December 20, 2015

German Bishops Apply to Join Anglican Communion

In a surprise announcement, the Catholic German Bishop's Conference, Deutsche Bischofskonferenz, has applied to join the Anglican Communion. Citing a desire to avoid "church dogma," Bishops Conference spokesperson, Dr. Hans Langendörfer SJ, stated that the move would be a "logical next step."

Via Ignatius -- ‘It seemed to us the logical next step in our pilgrimage of faith,’ said spokesperson Dr. Hans Langendörfer SJ. ‘We asked what the doctrinal requirements for entry were, and when we discovered that there weren’t any, we decided to go ahead. German Catholics lay great emphasis on the exercise of individual conscience as opposed to slavish adherence to Church dogma.’

Lambeth Palace is said to be seriously considering the application, along with marriage equality.

Ubi Petrus,


A Sign

A sign.

Thanks, GWB.



Mary exults in the Magnificat, which we heard in today's Gospel. Here it is:

MY soul doth magnify the Lord, * and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
For he hath regarded * the lowliness of his handmaiden.
For behold, from henceforth * all generations shall call me blessed.
For he that is mighty hath magnified me; * and holy is his Name.
And his mercy is on them that fear him * throughout all generations.
He hath showed strength with his arm; * he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He hath put down the mighty from their seat, * and hath exalted the humble and meek.
He hath filled the hungry with good things; * and the rich he hath sent empty away.
He remembering his mercy hath holpen his servant Israel; * as he promised to our forefathers, Abraham and his seed, for ever.

I'd say that was as relevant now as it's ever been.

God bless,


Saturday, December 19, 2015

Anglo-Catholics, This One's For You. A Confession

I know it's terribly confusing, but there's a movement, or a shadow of a movement, within Anglicanism that asserts catholicity for our part of the church. Scripture, creeds, sacraments, apostolic tradition, piety, liturgy, salvation, the nature of the church herself, all these and more are viewed and believed in through a catholic lens.

Now, as a part of this movement, such as it is today, I have a confession to make -- and yes, make yours before Christmas, if you can -- there was a time, not so long ago in the greater scheme of things, when I felt that if I didn't have this:

St. Nicholas du Chardonnet

I wasn't somehow cutting it. But I got this:

Rural missions in Texas. Not shrines in Boston, New York, Philly, Chicago, or even Texas, for that matter. And you know what, I don't feel shortchanged for a moment.

Don't get me wrong, I love a Solemn High Mass as much as I loathe, scorn and despise liturgical dance, or the monstrous regiment of priestesses, women bishop figures and associated clowns. But here's the thing -- don't let yourself become that most ridiculous and pathetic of creatures, a church snob. God will surprise you. In my case, that's been for the good.

Don't Teacup, Fool

In related news, I've reminded the bishop that it'd make a lot of sense to put a new rule in place regarding postulants for ordination. Viz. If you can't ride and you don't shoot, you can't get in.

That is all.

Your Old Pal,