Showing posts with label Archbishop of Canterbury. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Archbishop of Canterbury. Show all posts

Monday, April 13, 2020

Some Kind Of Joke Mate?



Here's the Archbishop of Canterbury, he's saying a worship ritual in his kitchen. No kidding, the leader, the apostolic head of the English Church is gettin' down like a bit-part chef in his plates-on-the-wall kitchen. Really? Yes, really, when he had all of Lambeth Palace to raise up the people to Christ and hope, strength and consolation in the Risen Lord.

That aside, why aren't COE clergy allowed to livestream services from their churches? Not optimal, granted, but better than some low-level, stripped-pine  kitchen malfeasance. Maybe it's because Welby, an Etonian, didn't want his clergy to seem somehow elitist by, you know, saying worship rituals in their churches when everyone else is at home.




What utter, imbecilic, risible, faked up, hypocritical, weak, rubbish plate-on-the-wall uselessness. And what a total contrast to HRH Elizabeth II. She used her privilege, and it's not inconsiderable, to lift the nation and its people. 

Of course the Queen represents the old and true England, unlike the laughable, equivocating, bishop figure currently holding down the See of Canterbury. But hey, when you're heading up the third largest communion in the world, do it in your kitchen coz that's a powerful message.

Your Pal,

LSP

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Craven Mountebanks

The Archbishop of Mountebankery

Some of you may have noticed that the small and getting smaller Church of England had the sheer, brazen, literal temerity to publish a Pastoral Statement reaffirming heterosexual marriage. The numerically declining but Guardian strong prelates of the venerable CofE actually brought themselves to issue this:

It has always been the position of the Church of England that marriage is a creation ordinance, a gift of God in creation and a means of his grace. Marriage, defined as a faithful, committed, permanent and legally sanctioned relationship between a man and a woman making a public commitment to each other, is central to the stability and health of human society. 

OMG. Really, marriage is something that takes place between men and women, like, what? The bishops, emboldened, go on:

In the light of this understanding the Church of England teaches that “sexual intercourse, as an expression of faithful intimacy, properly belongs within marriage exclusively” (Marriage: a teaching document of the House of Bishops, 1999). Sexual relationships outside heterosexual marriage are regarded as falling short of God’s purposes for human beings.


 The Unicorn is a Vicious Beast

Sit down, take a deep breath and reflect on the miracle. Yes, the Church of England's bishops actually restated the Church's teaching on marriage. Then the rainbow revolted in a firestorm of gaily hued rage and everything fell apart. Enter craven mountebanks #1 and #2, the Archbishops of Canterbury and York, Welby and Sentamu. They apologized like beaten children for offending the genderless hivemind of the New World Order, here they are:

We as archbishops, alongside the bishops of the Church of England, apologise and take responsibility for releasing a statement last week which we acknowledge has jeopardised trust. We are very sorry and recognise the division and hurt this has caused.

Jeopardised trust? Yes you have, in the minds of faithful Christians everywhere as you capsize and cower under the threat of the thudding hooves of the dominant rainbow unicorn. We are very sorry, yes, you should be, for being weak, ineffectual, cowardly, Quisling, false apostles.

At what point, we have to ask, will white lib self-loathing come to an end, to say nothing of bishops gaining the courage to openly profess the Faith.


Craven Mountebank #1 and Craven Mountebank #2

Compound consensus says  things'll get worse before they get better, see the Benedict Option. In the meanwhile, behold the apostate face of Canterbury and York.

Your Old Ally,

LSP

Thursday, August 29, 2019

What A Great Time To Be Alive



BREXIT, MAGA, leftist heads exploding into the stratosphere like a frothing pumpkin luvvy latte Vesuvius. London awash in floods of liberal tears and Comey exposed for the lying mountebank we all knew he was. OK, no indictment yet, but this show ain't over and pundits are saying McCabe's going down. Yes, please, drain the swamp.




Speaking of which, the Archbishop of Canterbury's been found in the icy wastes of the Antarctic. "Justsin, in the Antarctic?" said one anonymous Lambeth source, "Travelers Club, Hollow Earth, Hollow Church? I'm awfully afraid, LSP, that I can't comment." More on this exciting story later.




Then, in evidence of a beneficent Creator ruling the cosmos, an HVAC tech turned up today in Dallas who was 1. Competent and 2. Got the job done. I think. Mustn't presume on miracles.

Like the miracle of the nihilist, globalist left and their millionaire billionaire backers being rolled back in the US and the UK.

Keep it coming,

LSP

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Are UFOs A Threat To National Security?



"Holy s___, what is that?" exclaimed one shocked Navy pilot as a UFO darted across his field of view. But this wasn't an isolated report.


"It's white. It has no wings. It has no rotors."



"It didn't fly like an aircraft. It was so unpredictable—high g, rapid velocity, rapid acceleration." 

"I didn't see a trail."

"It was going 70-plus knots underwater."




These are excerpts from newly declassified military reports, in which top elite airpersons describe their otherworldly encounters with mysterious craft and the beings that pilot them.




Here at the Compound we have to ask, are these Unexplained Aerial Phenomena (UAP) on or off world? You, the reader, be the judge.

Lambeth declined to comment,

LSP

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Archbishop of Canterbury Goes Gender Neutral Christ Still King




By now all the world knows that Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury, doesn't think God is male or female.

Welby, who's popularly known as Justsin, dropped this theological bombshell at St. Martin-in-the-Fields, stating, “God is not a father in exactly the same way as a human being is a father. God is not male or female. God is not definable."




Good heavens, there was everyone thinking the necessary Being of the Deity was just a scary old bloke in the sky with a beard. Now we know, thanks to Justsin, that God's a bit more than that and we can only speak of the Creator by analogy.

We know where Justsin's earthshaking logic leads. God's a perfect spirit, beyond gender so, drum roll... we should have wimmin priests and bishops, trans education in church schools, and get rid of all those pesky male personal pronouns invented by the patriarchy to keep the people down.




Let's go further, in the bold spirit of boundary breaking Justsinian theological inquiry. 

God's neither male nor female, obviously, so we deploy gendered language to describe the divinity as a kind of construct. And what's human gender but an invention, a construct? Which means that hybrid no-sex transsexuals reflect the reality of God better than anyone else. So make them bishops.




The problem with this, apart from the fact that it's completely wrong, is that some analogies are better than others and that the ones we use, as Christians, are definitively revealed in the Person of Christ, who was notoriously a Man and taught us to pray to God as Father. Geoffery Kirk, at Ignatius, makes the point and you can read it here.

But feel free to break with revelation in favor of the spirit of the age, disregarding the truth given to us by the Word made Flesh. Go right ahead, disobey your Sovereign King and see where it gets you. 




Just don't be surprised if you wake up to find a demon gnawing on your shinbone.


LSP

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Archbishop of Canterbury Writes Pope



An anonymous source has leaked damning correspondence between the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, and Pope Francis to the Press.

Via Ignatius:


Dear Frank,
I have to admit that I am envious.
As your Synod on Yoof comes to an end you are in the happy position of being able to oversee the drafting of the final document without fear of contradiction. I, on the other hand, am little more than a servant of our General Synod, tied hand and foot by quasi-democratic red tape.
What cheers me is that – au fond – we have identical aims and objectives. We both see the future in an accommodation to the general drift of Western values. Of course, with women’s ordination and casual abortion, we are way ahead of you. But there are new inclusions that we can work for together. What a triumph if you could smuggle a reference to LGBTQERTY into your final document!
Our task is to remedy the declining number of believers by adapting the Faith to what people really do believe. Then we can claim that the majority have been Christians all along and call it ‘evangelisation’.
At the moment, as I am sure you will agree, things are going swimmingly. Though to be honest I have mixed feelings about euthanasia – still, I suppose we will find ourselves embracing it in the end.
Keep up the good work,
Your affectionate ‘partner in crime’,
Justin.


Welby, head of the worldwide Anglican Communion, is popularly known as "Justsin." Stay tuned for further revelations.

Your Old Pal,

LSP 

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Five Ways To Spot A Reptilian Shapeshifter



Xenologists believe off-world reptilian aliens are hiding in plain sight here on earth, where they take the form of human beings. Fortunately, there are five main ways to spot a reptilian shapeshifter.




1. Eyes. Does the "person" have reptile eyes, with pupils like vertical slits? If they do, chances are you've spotted a lizard person.




2. Skin. While reptilians go to great lengths to conceal their true appearance, sometimes their disguise slips, revealing scales. A clear sign that this isn't a human being but a lizard shapeshifter.




3. Flickering. Reptilians use advanced holographic space technology to project a human image over their real bodies. However, due to fluctuating power sources and light conditions, the image can flicker, exposing the apparent person as a reptilian.




4. Soul. Reptilians attempt to mimic human emotions such as love and empathy but this is an act, covering up a grey, soulless interior. Look out for artificiality, a sense that something's not quite "right." If that's the case, there's a high possibility you've discovered a reptile alien.




5. Instinct. Trust your intuition. According to more experienced lizard-spotters, if you feel like the person has an alien presence, they might well be a reptilian.

Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

LSP

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Welby's Fish Rig



Reactions to the recent Royal Wedding have been mixed. Here at the Compound we liked the pomp and pageantry, questioned Michael Curry's role as comedy minstrel revival preacher and came to a juddering stop at the sight of Welby's vestments.


Back of the Fish Rig

Archbishop Justin Welby tipped up at the wedding in his famous Fish Rig, a golden cope and mitre emblazoned with pastel green fish appliques. One of the very few people who read this mind blog was moved to comment:


Welby in Full Rig

I watched a bit of the goings on and was struck by the fact that Welby's vestments seemed to have been designed by an aged, new-age, lesbian hippie in between her bouts of polishing crystals and smoking weed; all of which was to be expected from His Alien-ness.

Does that sound harsh? Here's a close up of Welby's Rig, to help you decide.


Back of the Rig

What's best about Justsin's Fish Rig? The pale green fish appliques, commonly known as the "Anglican Dolphins'? The how very nautical silver ropes surrounding the fish or the firelike fronds of aquatic weed within which the three dolphins chase each other? 

You be the judge,

LSP




Thursday, May 3, 2018

Time Traveler Exposes Grey Aliens!



A mysterious time traveler from 2030 has made the shocking claim that space aliens from another planet are living here on earth.




Wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, the time traveler, named Roman, told Apex TV that the aliens are called Greys and are typically tall, with bad eyesight, high foreheads and receding hair. 





And while some are already living on earth, Roman says more will come in the near future:

As I said, in your time there are already Greys inhabiting Earth, and whenever they see that it is peaceful for them, they decided to come here in multitudes.
At first we thought it was an alien invasion. We thought it was an attack on planet Earth.




While skeptics dismiss Roman's claims,  truth might be stranger than fiction, with Grey aliens hiding in plain sight.

Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Friday, March 9, 2018

Archbishop Of Canterbury Bows Like A Dhimmwit



The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has been caught on camera, bowing like a dhimmwit before Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman.

Salman is on a world tour promoting his version of a more liberal Saudi Arabia. During an hour long meeting with the bowing Archbishop, Salmon reassured the dhimmwitted prelate that Saudi Arabia is committed to "interfaith dialogue within the Kingdom and beyond."


Two Steps Behind, Justin

What would this "dialogue" look like, in a place where the open expression of any faith other than Islam is banned and conversion to another religion is punishable by death? 

Perhaps "interfaith dialogue" is simply a euphemism for bowing before Islam and servile dhimmitude for all who live in the house of war.


Royal Sheikh

It looks like Justin should fit right in.

Kizmet,

LSP 

Saturday, January 6, 2018

Epiphany



You may have missed it in your rush to buy Bitcoin but today's the Feast of the Epiphany and the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles. I like this:

THE Magi took the lids from their urns and unfastened their caskets, when they presented the symbols of universal homage to our infant prince. But when a woman came to anoint the king in his royal city, she shattered her alabaster jar, that she might pour the precious spikenard on his head. There was a sympathy between her action and the approaching Passion: the perfume of man’s homage could not be offered to God, without breaking the veined alabaster, the body of the Son of Man. Our incense may rise, like that of the Magi, from unbroken vessels, if we present our bodies a living sacrifice. Yet a living sacrifice is also a sacrifice, and is made so by some participation in the shattering of the vase. Christ, sacrificing himself, joins us with him in sacrificing him; Christ, sacrificing himself, sacrifices us, for he has made us parts of him. We come to offer our homage to Christ, but his star has brought us, and the breaking of his mortal vase has furnished all the perfume of our offering.
                                                                                  The Crown of the Year, Austin Farrer.

Elf

With that in mind, it's only fair to say that several members of this popular information brokerage have also had epiphanies. Viz. Justin Welby is not so much an Archbishop as  a Comedy House Elf. 

There's no need to get into Mantis People, that's a different post.

Quo Vadis,

LSP

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Welby's Chinos!



They're here, they're there, they're everywhere, you guessed it, Welby's Chinos! 

Never one to stand on ceremony, Old Etonian Archbishop Justsin likes nothing better than to throw down his finely tailored Saville Row suits and pull on a pair of happy go lucky chinos.


Africans Amazed At Welby's Chinos

As a heartfelt proponent of cross-dressing for children, Welby favors the insouciant "whiter shade of pale" chino over its more formal variant, the traditional khaki.


Welby's Chinos Closeup

On TV and off TV, in Synod and out, strolling down the Mall with all the other swells or hanging loose in Old Compton Street, you name it, Archbishop Justin's right at home, in his free and easy cotton twills.


Don't Laugh At The Chinos!

So whether you're rocking a tutu and a fireman's helmet, a tool belt or tiara, never fear, Justsin's here, in chinos!




Bell Harry Forever,

LSP

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Russians Hack Church of England?



Shocking new evidence appears to show the small but aggressively transsexual Church of England disappearing into a portal in Yakutia, Russia, leading experts to claim that the venerable denomination has been hacked by the Kremlin.

Video footage shows the diminutive Church rising into the Russian sky before vanishing into a "portal."


The Church of England disappearing into a portal



"The strange video, seeming to show the Church of England full of lights in the night sky, has emerged in media circles in Yakutia, the largest region in Russia," stated one UFOlogist, "The small object is then swallowed by a portal. I think it was hacked."

Yakutia is famous for its diamonds, which may have drawn the cash-strapped CofE to the Russian wilderness. 



Artist's impression

Reports of the numerically challenged denomination disappearing altogether have come in from several countries, including Canada, New Zealand and America. 


A typical Russian hacker

However, when questioned about Russian hacking, Lambeth Palace declined to comment.


Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby

Archbishop Justin Welby was last seen pawning episcopal regalia on Detroit's notorious 8 Mile Road.

Space is Deep,

LSP

Friday, June 30, 2017

Archbishop of Canterbury Panhandling in Detroit!



Archbishop Justin Welby, leader of the worldwide Anglican Communion, may be a bishop but evidence shows that he's also an aggressive panhandler on Detroit's notorious 8 Mile Road.

Recent photographs reveal the toffee-nosed Old Etonian grifting for spare change outside of pawn shops in America's former Motor City and shamelessly soliciting motorists for money at traffic stops.




The Archbishop's begging has caused Detroit area legislature to pass a tough new law, the Aggressive Solicitation Prohibition Act.


“If you’re getting in and out of your car, and they come right up to you — I’ve talked to people who find that intimidating,” said sponsoring Representative Mike McCready, R-Bloomfield Hills, “And I think that’s where it crosses the line from a personal request to an intimidating request.”




Welby, who once worked for Elf Oil, became a Vicar in the Church of England and quickly rose to the coveted rank of Bishop before getting promoted to Archbishop of Canterbury, the CofE's sought-after top job. But his victory was short lived.




Thanks to dwindling congregations and poor bottom line performance, the Church of England's chief executive is on the streets of Detroit, pawning episcopal regalia and begging for money.

Whether Welby's desperate bid for money will reverse the fortunes of the declining Church of England remains to be seen.

Lambeth Palace has not returned calls.

God bless,

LSP