Operation Golden Calf

 

A Typical Bunkhouse of Bishops

A guest post by your favorite and mine, the Dyslexic Deacon:

Archbuckaroo of Canterbury Justsin Wobbly is riding roughshod over members of the General Sodyn opposed to ‘Operation Golden Calf’ - his plan to turn Anglican pastures, lawfully the preserve of sheep, over to cattle.

In an interview for The Church Crimes he said unleashing Buckarette of London ‘Shotgun’ Sarah Doolally to stampede herds over all in their way was ‘a radically inclusive response to an urgent pastoral need’. Any surviving sheep, he promised, will be corralled and safeguarded by the Bunkhouse of Bishops - pending a final solution.

Shepherds are arming themselves and preparing for a long shoot-out.

 

 

Yours Evre,

DD

The Archdeacon Of Racist Drivel

 

Archdeacon Miranda Threlfall-Holmes blasted "whiteness" and "patriarchy" on social media last week, stating:

I went to a conference on whiteness last autumn. It was very good, very interesting and made me realise: whiteness is to race as patriarchy is to gender. So yes, let’s have anti whiteness, & let’s smash the patriarchy. That’s not anti-white, or anti-men, it’s anti-oppression.

 

Threlfall-Holmes is Archdeacon of Liverpool. Keen-eyed readers will notice zhe's white. And you can read about the venerable if shrinking COE's obsession with racism and white middle class self-loathing here and here  and here.

Please, someone, anyone, make this dropped-on-head-as-infant drivel stop.

Thanks,

LSP

So What's Going On In The Church Of England?

 

What an excellent question and I know you're far too busy listening to our beloved Octogenarian Ruler to think much about Old Mother Damnable the dear old Church of England. But here at the Compound we're boycotting the Old Crook and turning night optics to Ecclesia Anglicana, after all, it's Lent. So what's going on. Rev. Dr. Ian Paul sums it up neatly, via Virtueonline:

Since the first report on marriage and sexuality in 1979, in contrast with debates about divorce and about the ministry of women, no consensus for change has emerged. The Shared Conversations and the LLF process have taken up most of the last ten years. The result? We are more anxious, more divided, more uncertain. The fateful phrase 'a radical new Christian inclusion' has unleashed a civil war in the Church.

In that time, adult attendance has fallen 30%, and the decline is accelerating. Child attendance has fallen 40% in the same period. And in the last three years, vocations to ordained ministry have collapsed by 40%. There is a very real prospect that ministry is going to collapse in large parts of the Church of England within the next five years. Where is this on our agenda?

But here is the other stark reality: Other churches are growing. But we are reluctant to learn from them. We now represent something less than 18% of all Christians in a church on Sunday. We have another eight hours scheduled to talk about LLF (Living in Love and Freedom, ie. gay marriage ritual blessings). What it will it produce? More division, more frustration, no more progress. Fiddling whilst Canterbury burns doesn't even capture it.

If we continue this fruitless process, that will be the legacy we leave: the Church of England, a heap of ruins. It is up to us.

 

Quite, and you'll be pleased to know the Church of England feels tremendously guilty about something called "chattel slavery" and intends to send the wymxn priestess gay sex vote buying  (you can't write that, Ed.) vast sum of £100 million to Africa even as English churches are closing and clergy can't afford to keep the lights on.

Nasty at any level

Well you know what they say, go woke go broke, and I guess this exciting dispatch from the War on the Rainbow files vaguely under "Church" and "God."

Just keeping it real,

LSP

St. Michael Defend Us In Battle

I think it was Gladstone or someone like him who said, "As it now stands, no power on earth can save the Church of England." The Grand Old Man had a point, that year maybe ten people and a dog turned up for Mass at St. Paul's Cathedral in London on Easter day. But that was then, in far-off C19, today?

Gladstone's words apply not just to the venerable if shrinking  COE but to the entire, Godless, corrupt, malfeasant, inverted, insane culture we live in. No earthly power can save it, problem. Solution? We need heavenly power to save us. So here's a prayer:

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

 

This Archangelic prayer in mind, do you think apostate earthly power, which is at heart demonic power, can withstand the terrible swift sword, the implacable, all-bright, relentless blade of divine truth wielded by the angelic host? No, like smoke, like chaff, like the dross it is, it will be blown away.

Do you think God has prolonged the time? It is clear, to me at least, that he has, as foretold, and the message is clear, repent, "turn and live."

Your Friend on the Feast of St. Michael the Archangel,

LSP

Get Back

 

There it was, the urban glory of WC1, and then the nightmare that is Heathrow's Terminal Three. This used to be vaguely congenial, I recall, but presents itself now as some kind of psychotic night club in a bus station sponsored by Hermes, Gucci and Tissot. 

Nightmare? Yes, but word to the wise, you can buy an airplane book at WH Smiths and a surprisingly cheap sandwich at the Boots pharmacy franchise for £1.50. I bought several, along with Nial Gaiman's Neverwhere and headed through the madding crowd to Gate 36.

The sandwiches were tasty, bizarrely, Neverwhere entertaining and the flight easy and fast, getting into DFW an hour early. What can I say, an exception which proved the rule. And then touchdown on the DFW runway and there we were, home. A taxi ride later I was back in the sylvan idyll of Winnetka Heights, Dallas, and a warm welcome from Ma LSP, "Champagne?" Most assuredly yes.

So that was that, a successful recce patrol across the Atlantic and back to Texas, safe and sound. Lessons learned? Don't lose your phone and bank card after carousing at the jolly old NatLib, do go to Mass at the excellent St. Peter's London Docks and while you're at it, spare a thought for Turner's Old Star 'round the corner from the church, well worth the visit.

In other news, CONUS is being attacked by balloons in a vicious act of asymmetrical warfare, the Scottish National Party (SNP) is in tranny turmoil and the dear old Church of England's gone even gayer than it was already, which is saying something.

Get back,

LSP

What Does This Even Mean?

 

Rev. Bingo Allison, real name, is the Church of England's first ever non-binary clergypersyn. Bingo, 36, started off life as a man but had an epiphany reading the first chapters of Genesis and the story of Adam and Eve.

Bingo Gets Commissioned, Note Demonic Episcopal Mask

"There's space in God's creation for change and transformation, just because you're created one way doesn't mean that you can't live another," said the non-binary Vicar who uses the pronouns they/them and identifies as "gender-queer." Bingo serves in the rainbow Diocese of Liverpool, is married to an actual woman and has young children. You can read all about they/them here.

Belcher

In related news, King Charles III has awarded an OBE to Wiltshire Councillor Helen Belcher, real name, who fears a backlash over zhir coveted award, “To be honest, (I feel) a slight fear of what the press reaction is going to be because it’s almost as if trans people can’t do anything right at the moment in the current environment.” Well there you go, play the victim card right after getting an OBE, which is clearly worthless at this point. 

Lo and behold, Bingo & Belcher, two dudes who decided they were women. One was inspired by Scripture, no less. But what does this mean?

Most certainly a parody affront to women, see UK TERFS. More seriously, consider the telling pronouns, they/them. You'll recall the exorcism of the Gerasene demoniac, “What is your name?” Jesus asked. “My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.” 

Out Demons Out,

LSP

Yet More Rainbow Skulduggery

 

This time from the venerable if shrinking Church of England and All Saints with Holy Trinity in Loughborough, Leicestershire. Their crime? Getting people to sing a risible rainbow rewrite version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman in a carol service on Monday.

Rubbish

The new inclusive version of the grand old 17th century carol doesn't include those awkward verses referring to Christ as Saviour and his birth on Christmas day, much less setting us "free from Satan's power when we had gone astray." No, all that's gone, replaced with miserable imprecations on behalf of "erased" women and the "queer and questioning," whoever the latter might be.

Cardinal Vincent Nichols mildly rebuked this torrid malfeasance, telling Times Radio:

I think what Christmas does, and many other moments, it tells us the importance of ritual. Ritual helps us to step outside of our own little bubble and connect with something we have received, inherited and that we hope to pass on.

Those values are the continuation of musical repertoire, of the ability to sing together, of looking at the rituals that have been fashioned over centuries

Those are probably for me more important than particular sensitivities which come and go.

 

Roughly translated, "I am a gentleman, this is appalling." Others were less kind, with one member of the Church of England's Synod, Sam Margrave, blasting, "Absolutely disgusted an act of worship to our Lord and Saviour is being used to push political ideology contrary to Church of England teaching."

Quite. But for how long? Here at the Compound we marvel at the sheer dropped-on-head-as-infant idiocy of it all and apologize to Loughborough on behalf of the ecclesial cringe mountebanks of All Saints. But we're also confused. Why was there no mention of transsexuals in the so-called "inclusive" carol? 

While we're at it, how inclusive is a Christianity which excludes actual Christians. You see, if you throw the baby out with the bathwater, in this case Christ, you don't have an awful lot left. Someone fire their PR firm. Thanks.

Your Friend,

LSP

Church of England Gets Even Moar Gay

 

Hawk-eyed observers of the religious scene will have noticed that the venerable if shrinking Church of England's getting gayer by the day. Yes indeed. In October, an openly partnered rainbow clergypersyn, The Very Revd Dr David Monteith, was promoted to one of the COE’s most prestigious positions, Dean of Canterbury Cathedral.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, congratulated the new Rainbow Dean on his promotion:

"I'm delighted by David's appointment as Dean of Canterbury," gushed Old Etonian Welby, "He has been an exceptional Dean of Leicester -- and his deep faith and spirituality, creativity, and profound sense of service will be a gift to Canterbury Cathedral and all the communities it serves."

How very lovely. Monteith lives in a civil partnership marriage, which somehow isn't a marriage, with David Hamilton, a bereavement counselor. But that's not all, no, not by a long shot.

Only last week, the Bishop of Oxford, Steven Croft, wrote and published an annoyingly long 52 page argument in favor of same-sex wedding rituals. Other bishop figures were swift to applaud Croft's interminably gay essay. 

The Bishop of Worcester, the Rt Rev Dr John, the Bishop of Dudley, the Rt Rev Martin Gorick, the Bishop of Reading, the Rt Revd Olivia Graham, the Bishop of Buckingham, the Rt Rev Alan Wilson, and the Bishop of Dorchester, the Rt Rev Gavin Collins, all backed Croft’s call for the COE to embrace same-sex marriage. 

There's more, much moar, but I'll leave you with this. Rainbow Rider Croft unironically deployed Matthew 7:15-20 as a proof text in support of his lengthy argument in defense of gayness. Here it is:

15 Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.

 

"Thus you will recognize them by their fruits." Quite, to say nothing of false prophets. Rainbow Rider Croft curiously doesn't expound upon these but feels the Church since its conception has been an unhealthy tree because of its bizarre insistence that marriage is something which can only take place between, gasp, shock, horror, a man and a woman.

Kyrie Eleison,

LSP

The Church of England Is So Very Awesome

 

The venerable Church of England's attracting hundreds of thousands of Britons to its pews because it's so  very, very gay. Except that it it's not, COE numbers are plummeting and that's really weird because all the millions of LGBTQ+ people in the UK should be flocking to the nation's premiere rainbow conventicle. But they're not.

So strange. Now that the throne of Augustine's so gaily inclusive, all the colors of the rainbow, you'd think it would have grown by leaps and bounds. Unless we go gay, said the pundits, no one will take us seriously. 

Mirabile dictu, lo and behold, go figure, no sh*t Sherlock they're not, which is why the venerable if shrinking Church of England's average Sunday attendance has fallen off a cliff, from some 1.3 million people a Sunday in 1980 to a miserable 600k or so today.

And this is weird, it should be the other way around. Now that the UK's so gay, you'd think the gen pop would head to the gayest church around, right? But they haven't, they've stayed home, polishing the proverbial Baphomet.

At some point, gentle readers, all two of you, this insane, satanic craze will end leaving a lot of people feeling really stoopid as they clutch their dirty little rainbow flag.

Your Pal,

LSP

Oops, Fail

 

I love the Church of England, with all it's glorious patrimony, stately worship and beautiful buildings. So very awesome. But what's the point of it if nobody goes? To fix this knotty conundrum, the venerable CoE spent >$248 million on "renewal and reform." between 2017 and 2020. The result? Fewer people going to church.

What a dismal fail. According to Breitbart "typical Sunday church attendance fell to 690,000 in 2019 from 740,000 in 2016." So strange, and despite all those millions.

Maybe the English, or anyone else for that matter, aren't convinced by the Baphomet Rainbow. Maybe they're not drawn to the 1st Church of Trans, and who knows, could it be that all those wymyn bishop figures don't cut it when it comes to souls in church, on an actual Sunday.

Readers may recall that the Church, writ large, has been saying for decades, "Unless you conform to the age no one will take you seriously and the pews will empty." My, how that worm's turned. And go figure, why should any Guardian/NYT/NPR zombie go to church to have their disbelief reflected back on them.

Well the proof's in the data. No one, much, is. What does this mean? That the libs, like parasites, will destroy their host and a righteous remnant will remain. Against this, all you jaded cynics, the gates of Hell shall not prevail.

Cheers,

LSP

British Cryptids

Great Britain's no stranger to the weird and wonderful, to mysterious creatures which may or may not be real. Experts, brave enough to look beyond the dogma of current scientific orthodoxy call them "cryptids," creatures that aren't proved by science, until they are. Here at the Compound we're pleased to present a sample of these beasts from the Sceptered Isle.

The Mullally

The Mullally. Long thought to be a lingering remnant of pagan devotion to the corn goddess, the Mullally mythos starts in Devon and became popularized in the 17th century children's song, "Mullally, Mullally, we all fall down." Sightings of the large toothed cryptid are currently confined to London. 

The Southwark

The Mullally is not to be confused with the Southwark, popularly known as the Streatham Werewolf and famous for howling, "I'm the Southwark, it's what I do!" Recent sightings of this half-man, half- something else seem to indicate the Southwark has grown less aggressive in recent years.

Boy

Moving North, reports are coming in about a strange creature locals call "Boy."  Boy, apparently a holdover from an age where biological sex and dentistry was somehow blurred, stalks the winding, cobbled streets of Gloucester, a cathedral city labouring under an ancient curse.

So Faull

To the Northeast, local legend talks of the Faull, part man, part woman, who haunts the onetime Royalist port of Bristol. Witnesses report earsplitting shrieks, cutting the night, "Am I a man!?!"

The Nameless Thing

Then there's the Nameless Thing. A vampire?

Cheers,

LSP

US Navy Goes Sci-Fi?

When we think of the mighty US Navy our minds go to massive aircraft carriers, LL's favorite Littoral Combat Ships, and perhaps transsexual diversity training, so relevant on a warship. But look a little closer and you'll see that the Navy's behind some pretty interesting research.

Dubbed "UFO Patents," Navy backed research into ground breaking tech, such as compact fusion generators and inertial mass reduction devices, useful for FTL travel, seem more like the stuff of science fiction than reality, but the patents are out there. Here's a snapshot, from Forbes:

When Dr. Salvatore Cezar Pais, an aerospace engineer at the Naval Air Warfare Center Aircraft Division (NAWCAD), filed a patent for a “Plasma Compression Fusion Device” in 2019, it was either a giant breakthrough – or mad science. According to the patent application, the miniature device could contain and sustain fusion reactions capable of generating power in the gigawatt (1 billion watts) to terawatt (1 trillion watts) range or more. A large coal plant or mid-size nuclear powered reactor by comparison produces energy in the 1–2 gigawatt range. The revolutionary invention by Dr. Pais, if real, would produce near unlimited clean energy from something no larger than a sports utility vehicle.

 

Check out the whole article if you like, it's not long, and we have to wonder, where's our technology really at and are we on the verge of significant breakthroughs? I'd love to think we were, but if so, could we trust our rulers to use the advance wisely, for the benefit of the people? That's another question again.

In related news, the venerable Church of England appears to be falling into a black hole. You can read the excellent Holy Relic here. Whether the starfaring denomination escapes the event horizon remains to be seen.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Truth

 

As I read LL's excellent sermon on the nature of Truth and Mathematics, my mind went back to the good old days of the Church of England, the days before womyn priestesses. In fact, to the day of a "viva," OK, interview, with the suffragan bishop figure of Tewkesbury, which is a picturesque town in Gloucestershire noted for hippies, a battle and an abbey church, now a cathedral.

"Can we say," asked the grey-clad prelate in his unpleasantly low-ceilinged 'lounge,' "that there is such a thing as right and wrong?"

It was a genuine question and the fighting monkey was young in those days, so I answered, "Oh, I think there is. Say I took a baby and skinned it, alive. Would that be right or wrong?" 

He muttered something like, "Ahem, yes," and moved on, doubtless mentally oppressed by the stifling lowness of the ceiling above him, and the ferocity of the monkey. I apparently passed muster, curiously.

Point of the parable? That there is such a thing as Truth, with a capital T, that which is, and our minds are in conformity with it or not. And, ultimately, this Truth is God, He who is, I AM that I AM, self-existent being which speaks all things into being. Try saying no to that and see how far you get.

Ἐν ἀρχῇ ἦν ὁ λόγος, καὶ ὁ λόγος ἦν πρὸς τὸν θεόν, καὶ θεὸς ἦν ὁ λόγος, in the beginning was the word and the word was with God, and the word was God. Reflect on that and do not dare, unless you are a fool, to go against it, reality Himself.

Here endeth the Lesson,

LSP

Good and Bad

 

Good and bad? You see, there's a difference. On the one hand there's good and on the other, there's bad. Sometimes the two different things masquerade as the same thing, we see this in politics and also in the church. Here, look at this.

That's the bishop figure of London, pretending to be something good, a bishop, which she doesn't believe in anyway. Bad. And here's a couple of clowns celebrating Yewkrist at Trinity Wall Street.

Sinister, don't you think? Go on, receive unholy communion from the clown; sorry about the children, they don't deserve such abuse. But it doesn't have to be this way. There are alternatives.

You can worship God without blasphemously clowning around. Good. It's been done for a few thousand years and's still going on today. Perhaps you need to search it out, it can be hard to find, but it's there and it's worth it.

I say worth it, maybe you'd prefer something else, something more attune to the spirit of the age, something like this:

Why? Because, you know, wymxn priests are gonna fill the pews. Speaking of which, church attendance in England continues to plummet.

At the time of writing, the number of old wymxn on the venerable Church of England's Bench of Bishops is unknown. 

Your Pal,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Found on Mars

Startling footage from a NASA Mars rover appears to show a giant statue of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, on the Red Planet.

While some believe the statue depicts a slave owning Egyptian Pharaoh, careful analysis by a leading UK xenologist says otherwise, that the off-world monument is the Church of England's top bishop figure.

Pharaoh

"It appears to have eye, nose, chin and a very extended forehead, which may have occupied a more enhanced brain. And it's clearly wearing a mitre. All features of Justsin Welby [sic]," stated the ET expert who wishes to remain anonymous.

Extended Forehead Stripped Pine

The colossal pharaonic statue of the Archbishop of Canterbury on Mars comes at a difficult time for the Church of England, which has accused itself of systemic racism and plans to remove statues from its churches and cathedrals to end injustice.

Violent

Whether the declining denomination's statuary purge will extend to Mars has yet to be seen. Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Some Kind Of Joke Mate?

Here's the Archbishop of Canterbury, he's saying a worship ritual in his kitchen. No kidding, the leader, the apostolic head of the English Church is gettin' down like a bit-part chef in his plates-on-the-wall kitchen. Really? Yes, really, when he had all of Lambeth Palace to raise up the people to Christ and hope, strength and consolation in the Risen Lord.

That aside, why aren't COE clergy allowed to livestream services from their churches? Not optimal, granted, but better than some low-level, stripped-pine  kitchen malfeasance. Maybe it's because Welby, an Etonian, didn't want his clergy to seem somehow elitist by, you know, saying worship rituals in their churches when everyone else is at home.

What utter, imbecilic, risible, faked up, hypocritical, weak, rubbish plate-on-the-wall uselessness. And what a total contrast to HRH Elizabeth II. She used her privilege, and it's not inconsiderable, to lift the nation and its people. 

Of course the Queen represents the old and true England, unlike the laughable, equivocating, bishop figure currently holding down the See of Canterbury. But hey, when you're heading up the third largest communion in the world, do it in your kitchen coz that's a powerful message.

Your Pal,

LSP

Church of England Seekers Flock to Hill in Thailand

It may sound like science fiction but UFO seekers are flocking to a hill in northwest Thailand in the hope of spotting the venerable if illusive Church of England. They say it's the same old rock and a journey.

"We use a crocodile-infested lake as a portal from their planets, " said one user, "Pluto and Loku. And while it may sound like science fiction, messages from aliens arriving in spaceships include plenty of off-beat if culturally normative religious teachings too -- yes, I believe they are actually from the Church of England."

"It's all happening three hours by road or rail north from Bangkok in Nakhon Sawan, there it is, the Church of England," opined another church-watcher, "which translates to 'Not The City of Heaven.'" Others aren't too sure.

"Without all the UFO hype, it's just a laid-back small town, risible joke," said a local expert, "But followers believe that if you meditate on Khao Kala hill, outside of Nakhon Sawan, you'll hear the talkative silver bishops as voices in your head, speaking whatever language your thoughts usually chatter. Ignore them."

Ignore them? As you were.

Ad Astra,

LSP