Showing posts with label Justsin Welby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Justsin Welby. Show all posts

Sunday, October 4, 2020

A Sunday Reflection - The Wicked Tenants



Do you remember the parable of the wicked tenants, the murderous usurpers who attempt to steal a husbandman's vineyard for themselves only to come to a miserable end? (Matt. 34-44)

It's a terrifying warning. What will happen to the tenants who beat, stone and kill the owner's servants and murder his son, asks Jesus of the priests and elders. They reply, unwittingly condemning themselves, "He will miserably destroy those wicked men, and will let out his vineyard unto other husbandmen, which shall render him the fruits in their seasons." (Matt. 21:41) 

So it came to pass, and I usually take the opportunity to wax large on the siege of Jerusalem and beat on the iniquitous, apostate heretics infesting the Western Church. Watch out, you brood of vipers or the vineyard will be taken from you.

All well and good, and doubtless an appropriate sermon at, say, the Church of England's York Synod or the Episcopal Church's General Convention. But pause for a moment and consider the features of the vineyard.

It stands for Israel of course, planted by God, with a hedge, the Law, a winepress, the Altar, and a watchtower, the Temple. All of this is present in the new Israel of the Church, which is called to "render him the fruits in their seasons." What is this fruit and where is it offered?

On the wine press which sits between hedge and tower, Law and Temple, as does the Cross between the Incarnation and the Resurrection. And what is the Cross but Christ's sacrificial altar, on which the perfect fruit of the vineyard, righteousness, the Word made flesh, is offered to the Father.

The fruit then, ultimately, is Christ himself, righteousness incarnate, sacrificed on Calvary, and we enter into union with this offering and "yield it up" sacramentally at the altars of of our churches. There, we abide in Christ and he in us. "Abide in me, and I in you," says Jesus,  "As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me." (Jn. 15:4)

This, surely, is the endeavor of the Christian life; as faithful tenants of the vineyard to live ever more closely in Christ, offering up the fruit which is pleasing to the Father, Jesus himself. And as we do, by the grace of God and the working of the Spirit, become channels of his righteousness in the world. 

Unless you're a wicked heretic of course, in which case the concluding words of our Lord ring true with awful effect, "And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder." (Matt. 21:44) 

And so we come full circle. Take note, Justsin Welby and, for that matter, everyone else.

God bless,

LSP

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Mantid Takeover



Do aliens live among us? Technologically advanced creatures from another star or dimension which have the ability to appear human but are, in fact, extraterrestrials? Could they be hiding in plain sight?



What's their agenda; power, wealth, world domination and the enslavement of humanity? The gradual replacement of mankind with a race of freakish hybrids, drones of the hive mind collective which slavishly do their off-world rulers' bidding?



Are they present in the very institutions we hold dear? The Armed Forces, our revered political class, media and entertainment industry? Even Hollywood itself may not be exempt. To say nothing of our financial institutions, perhaps you remember Dominique Strauss-Kahn.



Some say aliens, Mantis People or Mantids, can even be found at the highest levels of our Holy Mother the Church, where they subvert and twist the Gospel for their own purple-robed, insectoid ends.



Here at the Compound we reached out to Lambeth Palace for comment, but spokespyrsxns for Archbishop Justsin Welby refused to return our calls. 

Were they too busy purging systemic racism, tearing down statues, and creating gender neutral safe spaces for once innocent CoE students? 

Possibly. Never forget, Mantids do not think as we do.

Ad Astra,

LSP


Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Craven Mountebanks

The Archbishop of Mountebankery

Some of you may have noticed that the small and getting smaller Church of England had the sheer, brazen, literal temerity to publish a Pastoral Statement reaffirming heterosexual marriage. The numerically declining but Guardian strong prelates of the venerable CofE actually brought themselves to issue this:

It has always been the position of the Church of England that marriage is a creation ordinance, a gift of God in creation and a means of his grace. Marriage, defined as a faithful, committed, permanent and legally sanctioned relationship between a man and a woman making a public commitment to each other, is central to the stability and health of human society. 

OMG. Really, marriage is something that takes place between men and women, like, what? The bishops, emboldened, go on:

In the light of this understanding the Church of England teaches that “sexual intercourse, as an expression of faithful intimacy, properly belongs within marriage exclusively” (Marriage: a teaching document of the House of Bishops, 1999). Sexual relationships outside heterosexual marriage are regarded as falling short of God’s purposes for human beings.


 The Unicorn is a Vicious Beast

Sit down, take a deep breath and reflect on the miracle. Yes, the Church of England's bishops actually restated the Church's teaching on marriage. Then the rainbow revolted in a firestorm of gaily hued rage and everything fell apart. Enter craven mountebanks #1 and #2, the Archbishops of Canterbury and York, Welby and Sentamu. They apologized like beaten children for offending the genderless hivemind of the New World Order, here they are:

We as archbishops, alongside the bishops of the Church of England, apologise and take responsibility for releasing a statement last week which we acknowledge has jeopardised trust. We are very sorry and recognise the division and hurt this has caused.

Jeopardised trust? Yes you have, in the minds of faithful Christians everywhere as you capsize and cower under the threat of the thudding hooves of the dominant rainbow unicorn. We are very sorry, yes, you should be, for being weak, ineffectual, cowardly, Quisling, false apostles.

At what point, we have to ask, will white lib self-loathing come to an end, to say nothing of bishops gaining the courage to openly profess the Faith.


Craven Mountebank #1 and Craven Mountebank #2

Compound consensus says  things'll get worse before they get better, see the Benedict Option. In the meanwhile, behold the apostate face of Canterbury and York.

Your Old Ally,

LSP

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Are UFOs A Threat To National Security?



"Holy s___, what is that?" exclaimed one shocked Navy pilot as a UFO darted across his field of view. But this wasn't an isolated report.


"It's white. It has no wings. It has no rotors."



"It didn't fly like an aircraft. It was so unpredictable—high g, rapid velocity, rapid acceleration." 

"I didn't see a trail."

"It was going 70-plus knots underwater."




These are excerpts from newly declassified military reports, in which top elite airpersons describe their otherworldly encounters with mysterious craft and the beings that pilot them.




Here at the Compound we have to ask, are these Unexplained Aerial Phenomena (UAP) on or off world? You, the reader, be the judge.

Lambeth declined to comment,

LSP

Friday, October 19, 2018

Time Traveler



A transdimensional time traveler has broken silence to tell us what life was like for the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion pre 2000, Before Trans Era (BTE).


Some Kind of Joke?

"It was different," says "Josh" who wishes to remain anonymous, "We were there, like a normal church, and then everything got weird. There were all these priestesses and they did some kind of deal with the gays. Maybe in Chicago.


Gene, Loretta, Sharpton, the Trinity

"Next thing you know they'd gone full rainbow and there were lesbian bishops and this guy, Gene Robinson, but he's gone now because it's not cool to be gay, you have to be trans. 


Gross Van Dyke

"I know this, I sat in Ian Markham's study at VTS, he went to King's, and heard it all spelled out. It was going to get them lots of people in the pews but it didn't. More people get buried in the Episcopal Church than get baptized."


Psi Power

Ian Markham, Dean of the prestigious white privilege seminary, VTS, was unavailable for comment and so was "Josh", the time traveler. The Episcopal Church continues to hemorrhage members despite going "full rainbow."


Justsin

The Archbishop of Canterbury is popularly known as "Justsin."

God bless,

LSP



Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Time Traveler Brings Back Photos Of Life On Mars



Proof has finally emerged that life exists on Mars, in the year 3812. Photos brought back by a young time traveler known only as "Mary", reveal buildings, a cathedral, and humanoid creatures living on the inhospitable surface of the red planet.




“Mars was very interesting and at the same time very frightening," stated Mary, 37, "It looked like a desert with many buildings and York Minster, I immediately took a photo. You can see the spaceships on which we came, you can also see the buildings."




The time traveler met with one Mars creature who called himself "Justsin" and wore a black coat. The humanoid took her for a ride in his flying car to see "the Sentamu."




“I was walking through the city when a man came to me who was wearing a black coat. His name was Justsin, he asked me to follow him to see 'the Sentamu' and we walked away and went to his car. 




"I couldn’t forget that emotion when I was flying above York Minster, on Mars.”

Ad Astra,

LSP

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

NASA Probe Unravels Great Red Spot Mystery



NASA's Juno space probe has captured dramatic photos deep within the heart of the Jupiter's Great Red Spot, revealing what appears to be the head of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby.

Juno left earth in 2011, making its first pass over Jupiter's Great Red Spot in July, 2017. Astronomer's discovered that the Spot has deep roots, well into the planet's atmosphere.




"Juno data indicate that the solar system's most famous storm is almost one-and-a-half Earths wide, and has roots that penetrate about 200 miles (300 kilometers) into the planet's atmosphere,” said Scott Belton, Juno's principal investigator.

However, star gazing boffins were shocked to find the Archbishop of Canterbury in Juno's camera footage.




"It came as a shock," stated Belton, "We didn't expect to find Justin Welby so far down in the Red Spot, right there at the bottom,"

Others aren't convinced. "This is absurd. It's obviously not the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby," said one expert, "It's just hot gas. Red Spot Junior is ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), we know that."




Juno continues on its journey out of the solar system and into the icy void of deep space.

Ad Adstra,

LSP


Sunday, December 10, 2017

Make His Paths Straight



If you follow the newfangled innovation that is the lectionary cooked up by "experts" in the '60s, you'll have noticed that today's Gospel is all about John the Baptist crying out in the wilderness, "Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight."


Rev. "Rachel" Mann

Make his paths straight, what would Archbishop Justsin say about that? Let's find out, here he is in an interview with GQ as reported by Lifesitenews:

Justin Welby, the Church of England’s Archbishop of Canterbury, was asked point-blank, “Is gay sex sinful?” by GQ on Monday.
“You know very well that is a question I can’t give a straight answer to,” Welby answered, then added, “Sorry, badly phrased there. I should have thought that one through.”
According to GQ, Welby paused and looked “mildly embarrassed” after his response.
Asked why he couldn’t answer the question, Welby responded: “Because I don’t do blanket condemnation and I haven’t got a good answer to the question. I’ll be really honest about that. I know I haven’t got a good answer to the question.”

"I haven't got a good answer to the question," tell us, Justsin, is that you or the Chinos talking? Regardless, what would the Baptizer say? 


Welby's Chinos

I think we know and it doesn't take any great leap of the imagination to picture the Forerunner's career trajectory in today's Church of England. From nothing to nothing, springs to mind. 


The Baptizer

Or if the unfortunate prophet found himself within the beast itself, the CofE, where would it end. With his head on a platter at the request of a dancing girl? Or some other thing, like the curiously named trans Canon of Manchester Cathedral, Rachel Mann.


Quite

Whatever the case, I don't see the Baptist backing down. Sorry, Justsin.

Make his paths straight,

LSP


Sunday, November 26, 2017

Archbishop Of Canterbury In Black Friday Mall Brawl



Reports are coming in from around the country that the leader of the cash-strapped Church of England, Archbishop Justin Welby, has been Black Friday mall brawling for cheap deals in a desperate attempt to fix the finances of the Anglican Communion.




Following Thanksgiving, Black Friday discounts drive shoppers into a frenzy as they compete for door buster deals, and Archbishop Justsin was no exception, fighting for bargains with thousands of other hungry shoppers.




Police broke up mall brawls in numerous locations, including Alabama, Detroit and Jersey City.  Always one to mind the bottom line, Archbishop Justsin has reportedly installed 52" flatscreens in Lambeth Palace and stocked his drawers with cut-price cotton twill Chinos.




What this means for the present day Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) is presently unclear.

Quo Vadis,

LSP


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Welby's Chinos!



They're here, they're there, they're everywhere, you guessed it, Welby's Chinos! 

Never one to stand on ceremony, Old Etonian Archbishop Justsin likes nothing better than to throw down his finely tailored Saville Row suits and pull on a pair of happy go lucky chinos.


Africans Amazed At Welby's Chinos

As a heartfelt proponent of cross-dressing for children, Welby favors the insouciant "whiter shade of pale" chino over its more formal variant, the traditional khaki.


Welby's Chinos Closeup

On TV and off TV, in Synod and out, strolling down the Mall with all the other swells or hanging loose in Old Compton Street, you name it, Archbishop Justin's right at home, in his free and easy cotton twills.


Don't Laugh At The Chinos!

So whether you're rocking a tutu and a fireman's helmet, a tool belt or tiara, never fear, Justsin's here, in chinos!




Bell Harry Forever,

LSP

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Is The Church of England Buried? On Mars?



The search for extraterrestrial life has taken an unexpected turn, with NASA photos showing what appears to be the Church of England buried beneath the dust and rock of the Red Planet. 

SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Life) experts have analysed photographic evidence taken by NASA's Curiosity Rover, revealing a cross that's barely visible above the surface of Mars. Some claim it's all that remains of the Church of England.


A Typical DLC Mess Scene Before Everyone Tips up And Gets Rowdy


"Everyone knows the CofE (Church of England) went red a long time ago," stated one SETI analyst, "but no one's been able to find it until now. It was buried under the martian sand, a freak storm must have uncovered its cross."

A ruined arch, that pundits believe is all that's left of the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC), lies broken in the red sand covering the nearby Church of England, a reminder of the denomination's past splendour.




According to UFO Sightings Daily, "This is a very unusual find and probably a significant discovery for some readers here that are religious."

Whether the Church of England will break free of the red planet and dig itself out of the martian dirt remains to be seen. It's leader, Justsin Welby, was unavailable for comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP 

Sunday, January 24, 2016

It's The Dyslexic Deacon!



The Dyslexic Deacon's back and he's back in force, reporting on the recent primates meeting in Canterbury. Over to you, Deacon.

Saucies closed to APB Justsin Wobbly have leaked a seekret reprot on the Naglican Conunuim. '38 Shades of Gay' reveels how conversative FAGCON prymates suckcessfully censered ACUSA (TEC) homosectual weddings at the resent cumming together in Cant A Becket. In the Indrotuction APB Justsin apollogises for the Conunium's phomohobic passed and looks forwood to censering homosectuals in the Cherch of Negland.

Thanks, Dyslexic Deacon, keep it coming!

LSP 

Thursday, September 24, 2015

It's the Dyslexic Deacon!


The Dyslexic Deacon's back, and he's back in force with this insight on the Anglican Communion:


Saucies closed to APB Justsin Wobbly say he and bother promates will gambol on the fewture of the Naglican Conunium at Labmeth Palais. After the last throes of the dioceses they will bed in sepirate sleep rooms.

Justsin Grins


Rumors that the Dyslexic Deacon is the brains behind the Glastonbury Festival may or may not be true. But here's some food for thought.

Depart, harming no-one!

Should Pope Francis, who has a proven track record of exposing evil, visit Lambeth Palace and "liberate" Justsin from the wickedness that oppresses him?

I'd say, "Good call."

LSP

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Eve


What's New Year's Eve without a visit to a gun shop? With that in mind, I made my way to Proline Shooters, in Inglewood, Calgary. This gun shop is remarkable for having a barber on the premises, which means you can get your hair cut and look at the guns. 

Calgary Capital

Some time ago, the resident barber, Doug, was a cadaverous old communist, who liked to demonize Calgary capitalists as he snipped away at your hair. You'd see him, up into the early hours, talking with the owner of the shop over a bottle of whiskey. Doug died of cancer a few years back; may he rest in peace. 

CarolPeter, Father of One

In other news, you'll be interested to know that the Church of England's first trans clergyperson has died of cancer at the young age of 60. Rev. Carol Stone started off life as Peter Stone and decided to get a sex change in 2000. The Bishop of Swindon, Lee Rayfield, stated, "She was a really true priest who overcame a huge amount in her life."

Alien Hybrid Expert

But CarolPeter wasn't a woman, more of a hybrid man/woman, or as someone put it, "A blasphemous parody of a woman." So I'd argue against calling CarolPeter "she." Still, I hope he/she sorts it all out with the Creator.

Rumors that Justsin Welby's Church of England has become a pansexual pantomime are entirely true.

Cheers,


LSP