Some Kind Of Joke?

 

Well yes, yes it is, and the joke's on you, Guardian reader elitocracy of the Church of England. You elected Sarah Mullally to be your next leaderene. Imagine, if you can, Archbishops Ramsey, Temple, Lang et al wondering, in shocked awe, at this risible DEI appointment to Augustine's throne. "No one will take us seriously if we don't ordain womyn priests," sang the chorus. Chortle, and pan to empty pews and litugical dance in an empty church. But someone's not laughing.

That'd be Rev. Alan Griffin, who killed himself after a secret COE report "spread false gossip that he abused children and paid for sex." According to Anglican Ink:

Written by the former head of operations in the diocese, a man since jailed for a £5.2m fraud against the Church, the report contained a toxic mixture of genuine safeguarding concerns and unsubstantiated smears about 42 members of the clergy – including Father Alan.

Mullally apparently saw the report when she was the Bishop Figure of the Diocese of London and took no action. She "didn't read it," claims Anglican Ink. Rev. Robert Thompson ups the ante, "I think the entire diocese has blood on its hands. When Sarah presided at the Eucharist, I felt that the blood of Alan Griffin was on her hands."

Malfeasance, fraud and skulduggery is always despicable, and it's especially despicable in the Church, which is the Mystical Body of Christ, militant on earth, expectant and triumphant in heaven. Whether the risible Mullally will ascend to the COE's top job remains to be seen. Perhaps she'll console zhirself with they/them medals if zhe doesn't.

Your Old Mate,

LSP

London Cryptids - The Mullally

 

London, England, is home to many mysterious creatures unacknowledged by conventional science,  such as Springheel Jack, the Highgate Vampire, the Nameless Thing of Berkeley Square, the River Thames Monster and the Mullally.

The Mullally is reportedly a shortsighted half-man, half-woman and manifests itself as an Anglican bishop figure, terrifying onlookers with sexual innuendo and fearsome teeth. Colloquially known as "Bishop of London," the Mullally attempts to hypnotize its hearers with dysphoric doublethink.

"It's just plain ugly," said one clergyman on condition of anonymity. However, the Justsin Welby, another famous London cryptid, disagreed, “I will be extremely joyfully celebratory of these new [gay prayers of gay blessing]." Much like the Mullally, the Justsin Welby instantiates as a bishop figure but witnesses report it will not perform gay blessings out of concern for "pastoral care." 

Scientific consensus rules against sightings of cryptids like the Mullally and the Welby, "They're just fevered products of overheated imagination, not bishops at all," stated a former member of the Church of England's Catholic Group.

Here at the Compound we're inclined to agree with the skeptics.

That is all,

LSP

No You Are Not Awesome

My, it being a Sunday, just look at these bishop figures. Imagine, if you can, so many people pretending to be something they don't believe in anyway. I like this infographic:

Touching, isn't it. Then there's the new bishop figure of London, pretty hot, eh? C'mon, COE, let's fill those empty pews!

But don't forget Gloucester, which labours under an ancient curse. Maybe Rachel's going to lift that because she's so feminine and gorgeous.

See, the thing is no one's going to take the venerable if disastrously shrinking Church of England seriously if they don't consecrate women to the episcopate.

Just you wait and see; something nasty in the woodshed? With apologies to the awesome Stella Gibbons, hardly, parading in plain sight.

Your Old Friend,

LSP

The Diocese of London Caught On Camera?

Disturbing photos show what appears to be the declining Church of England's Diocese of London. Once a proud stronghold of Anglo-Catholicism, the Diocese of London has seemingly fallen on hard times.

According to one expert, "I’ve loved this diocese since I was a kid. Now look at it, an alleged half-man, half-fish that looks like the charming end of a monkey carcass coated with leather and shoe polish and fastened to the backside of a mackerel."

Others aren't convinced. "This may look a lot like the Diocese of London," stated one pundit, "But it's just a fake mermaid. You can see it on display along with the Anglican Church of Canada at Banff's Indian Trading Company."

Is this eyeless, dried out hybrid all that remains of the once mighty Diocese of London or is it merely a carnival stunt in Justin Welby's ever shrinking big tent?

You, the reader, be the judge,

LSP