So What Is The Best Club?

 

Whoa, tricky question because they're all good in their different ways. For sheer apex predator awesome it has to be White's. If you're a Prime Minister or own half the planet you may be invited to join. I'm not a member, oddly, and that's curious, because I am the Commandant of an irregular troop of light horse, the DLC (Dallas Light Cavalry). Huh.

Boodles

White's being shut to us, we move down St. James by a few hundred yards and land at Boodles. What a beautiful and comfortable Club! Winston Churchill used to sit in its storied bay window and watch passers by. I love that place and used to sit in its famous window, imagining Churchill's shade, but haven't been there in many years; I always think of the smell of coal fires when I remember it. It has, by the way, an amazing 18thC dining room and outstanding wine, obvs.

Carlton

So, walk across the road and what d'ye see? Brooks. I know nothing of Brooks. Keep walking and lo and behold, the Carlton Club. I used to enjoy that place in the '90s, when you could smoke in its Smoking Room and everything was cool and cashless. Just sign a chit, sorta thing. Haven't been there in ages. Still, you know it's good, there was a weighing machine next to the member's dining room. Perhaps there still is.

EIC

Next up. Carlton Club reverie over, stride forth into St. James Square, and what do you find? A veritable cornucopia of Clubs. The East India ain't shabby and offers a great Sunday lunch; order salmon and roast beef from the trolley if you're smart, and you won't be disappointed. 

In & Out

Replete, walk across the way to the Naval & Military (In & Out) to enjoy well-priced cocktails before heading over to the Reform Club on Pall Mall (not open on weekends apart from accommodation and an excellent breakfast). Excelsior. Of course there's others on that strip, notably the Travelers (Trav) and the Athenaeum, which I strangely haven't been to, all in good time. 

Speaking of which, there used to be place called the United Services Club, opposite the Athenaeum, which apparently set the officers mess tenor of Clubland. It's now something awful, the Institute of Directors, where people have business lunches and learn how to do Powerpoint when not checking the market on their phones. It is not a club, sadly, so don't be fooled.

NLC Bar

Pall Mall and Waterloo Place aside, you might want to keep walking towards Trafalgar Square, only to end up at the jolly old NatLib. Yes, the National Liberal Club, founded by Gladstone and still very much alive today. I like it for its exceptionally high ceilings and spectacular terrace overlooking the Embankment and its gardens. Most congenial and hardly snobby at all.

I love the Reform Club

Now, dear readers, all five of you, there are many more clubs and they're all awesome, but this quick shoot-out's based on the ones I mostly visit, apart from White's, and these days Boodles and the Carlton. My favorite? 

Unfair question because they're all most excellent, but I love the East India for Sunday lunch, the Reform for all 'round greatness, not least garden and architecture, the In & Out for a great courtyard where and for being in "Nancy Astor's place," not shabby, and the NatLib because rough and ready Gladstonian greatness, and you can smoke, eat and drink on its enormous terrace. So, each one is best in its particular way and what you want it for. Overall? I vote the Reform as the best on this list, but that's just me, I like them all.

So there you have it.

Clubland Forever,

LSP

Dance Music

see what they stole from you

See you at Whites and twice as fast,

LSP

Hotel Food

 

The Berkley Channelling Melanis

Hotel food. Perhaps you've encountered its beastliness, pricey corporate slop served up as some kind of "treat." Huh. But I recall exceptions to the rule, the Berkley in Knightsbridge served up understated excellence and the Dorchester on Hyde Park wasn't shabby either. 

The Good Old Connaught

Then there was the famous Connaught in Mayfair; go to Mass 'round the corner and fall back to the Connaught for a roast, cell phones not allowed. All famous in their day, justifiably, but let's not forget the Stafford, just off St. James.

Sitting cheek-by-jowl to palatial Spencer House, the Stafford was all about Gilded Age luxury and had wartime cachet to boot, being the WWII Officers' Mess of various allied nations, namely America and Canada. Hence the hotel's American Bar.

The Awesome American Bar

I used to love the American Bar, where you could order up a Club BLT and get perfection, but got to know the dining room menu too well, to the point of exhaustion, it was a work thing. Pan to one night seated at starched linen and gleaming glassware. A waiter approaches and asks in a disturbing French accent, "Sir?"

A moment's reflection, "I should like a cheese omelette and chips." The beastly Dagenhamite sneered at my off the menu order and replied in fakey French, "Would sir like ketchup on his chips?" Stunned by his dam impudence I sat silent while Viscount Furness thundered, beating the table, "He'll eat what he dam well wants!"

The Dorchester, Obvs

The waiter retreated, suitably chastened, and returned with a very decent omelette.

Go to the Stafford if you're in St. James and enjoy the American Bar, I think it remains unscathed from the ravages of the last three decades. Avoid the dining room though, they've ruined it, last I saw.

Apotheosis of Awesome (Boodles)

While you're in the area, gaze in wonder at White's Beau Window and Boodles' equivalent, frown at the forbidding Whiggish facade of Brook's and take solace in the Carlton Club, formerly Arthur's, where, apparently, you're not allowed to smoke anymore. Rubbish.

Cheers,

LSP