Operation Golden Calf

 

A Typical Bunkhouse of Bishops

A guest post by your favorite and mine, the Dyslexic Deacon:

Archbuckaroo of Canterbury Justsin Wobbly is riding roughshod over members of the General Sodyn opposed to ‘Operation Golden Calf’ - his plan to turn Anglican pastures, lawfully the preserve of sheep, over to cattle.

In an interview for The Church Crimes he said unleashing Buckarette of London ‘Shotgun’ Sarah Doolally to stampede herds over all in their way was ‘a radically inclusive response to an urgent pastoral need’. Any surviving sheep, he promised, will be corralled and safeguarded by the Bunkhouse of Bishops - pending a final solution.

Shepherds are arming themselves and preparing for a long shoot-out.

 

 

Yours Evre,

DD

The Lord's Prayer

It was bound to happen and now it has. The venerable if shrinking Church of England's second in command, Archbishop of York Stephen Cottrell told General Synod that the Lord's Prayer was "problematic." 

Why would that be? According to Cottrell, it's because some people have had difficult relationships with their fathers and others again "have laboured rather too much from an oppressively patriarchal grip on life."

Space Aliens

There you have it. Jesus got it wrong, he condoned abusive, oppressive patriarchal imagery and, per Cottrell, it's about time we changed all that. But if Christ got it wrong, what kind of God is he? Not much of one if at all and that's just it, these people don't believe in the God they pretend to worship.

You old frauds

Same thing, come to think of it, on wimmyn priests. Not ordaining them was unjust and evil. Jesus didn't ordain them... I leave you, the reader, to complete the unholy syllogism.

Ave Atque Vale,

LSP

Zero Point Energy

What is Zero Point Energy? Thanks to quantum mechanics and Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, we know that the absolute position and velocity of any particle cannot be simultaneously definable.

So even at a temperature of absolute zero, any substance must have a certain minimum energy. This energy is referred to as zero-point energy (ZPE). 

There have been speculations that usable energy might be extracted using ZPE but this is almost certainly pseudoscience.

Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

God bless,

LSP

Tax The Robots

Bill Gates, the richest man that has ever been and the co-founder of Microsoft, has hit on a novel way to reverse the declining fortunes of the once great Church of England. Tax the robots.

The Church of England is currently plagued by automatons who robotically repeat the slogans of popular culture, leading to shrinking membership and deficit budgets.

The Mind of Synod

"The robots are killing us," stated one General Synod insider, "They won't shut up until the entire Church is gay married, or trans, or both. So normal people don't come anymore and giving is right down. With the Gates plan maybe we can turn the robots into profit centers."

The First Law of Robotics

Robots in the Church of England's General Synod recently decided that marriage wasn't confined to men and women. However, the shrinking denomination stopped short of affirming artificial intelligence marriage equality (AIME).

DAARPA

Rumors that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, is a DAARPA manufactured AI are currently unconfirmed.

God bless,

LSP

Aint Seen Nothing Like The Mighty - TRANTER

Everyone knows that law abiding Englishmen aren't really allowed to own pistols, for fear, I suppose, that they'll turn into gun toting criminals. But I'm confused. The crims already have pistols, AKs, shotguns etc. despite the law - so who's being prtotected here? Seems to me like the various 'hoodies', gangsters and 'Gunchester' types that the State (God bless it!) is legislating against. The phrase, "Turkeys voting for Christmas" springs to mind; makes about as much sense as the Archdhimmitude of Canterbury endorsing sharia.

Anyway, it appears you can own a sidearm in England provided its Black Powder. I know this because an Old Friend sent me a picture of his, a mighty Tranter from the nineteenth century. As I understand it, the Tranter was developed in response to Indian Army officers requesting a weapon that would STOP mutineers and rogue sepoys - it did, and no wonder, coming in at a serious .50 cal.

Here's another picture of OF's C&R sidearm, complete with original holster; he tells me that a smith has checked it and pronounced the beast ready to fire. I'm looking forward to some range pictures.

So more on the Tranter later, in the meanwhile got back from the excellent & outstanding St. Michael's Conference to find worthy parishioners had washed carpets in the parish house and the air conditioning's busted. Able to fry eggs on most flat surfaces - the one's that haven't spontaneously combusted that is.

Melting.

LSP