Listen Up

Imagine you were a church or denomination which says it believed in the divinely ordered givenness of human sexuality, male and female he created them.

Likewise, you hold marriage as something which takes place between a man and woman. More than this, you think babies shouldn't be killed in the womb, not least at the point of birth, and that Jesus is God, the Christ, and his commandments, his Word should be obeyed.

I know, it may be hard, but try to imagine it. Then picture a group of people violently, enthusiastically in favor of abortion. People who believe gender's a construct, gay marriage a right and Christ, at best, one guru amongst many. And in his Western expression, a racist oppressor.

That in mind, you'd expect the churches concerned to stand together and denounce a movement which is antithetical to their belief, Christianity, and to do so clearly, unanimously and loudly. But no.

The Roman Catholic church? Silent or busy making deals with Communist China. The Anglican Church in North America? All about investigating "systemic racism." The venerable Church of England? Very upset about racism and statues. Baptists? Crickets.

Granted, there's notable exceptions, like Cardinal Vigano and priests like Fr. Altman and Fr. Goring in Canada. But this is rare and in ACNA, the Anglican Church in North America, the silence is deafening or even complicit.

Churches, listen up. Cowardice in the face of the enemy won't win you any favors. Stand and be counted while you still have that option in the public square. 

The fight is on, and don't kid yourselves that people who hate, scorn and despise you aren't coming to shut you down.

Your Old Pal,

LSP

PS. Whether the Jesuits should be suppressed, again, is an entirely valid question.

Diocese Of Dallas Feels The Love

Do you follow Anglican church news? No? Who can blame you, but we're here to tell you that 24 gay marriages were celebrated, blessed or recognized in the Episcopal Diocese of Dallas last month. So what? So a lot.

The Bishop of Dallas, George Sumner, is against gay marriage because he's a Christian but he allowed it anyway. Why? Because his gay denomination told him to, it's their law, passed at General Convention last year.

Gene Robinson and his Ex

Rather than go against his denomination's gay rules the Bishop of Dallas played along, declaring himself to be in "impaired communion" with the rainbow but in "full eucharistic fellowship with it." What does that even mean?

How are you in "impaired communion," Sumner and all the rest? You're still up for receiving the Sacrament of Holy Communion from these people, so how's your communion impaired? In the mind apparently, you don't like what they're doing. 

Who can blame you, but it doesn't say much for your understanding of the communion of the church. This, apparently, has been downgraded to an affair of like and dislike, of mere relationship instead of the organic unity of the Mystical Body of Christ caused and evidenced in the Sacrament of the Altar.

Regardless, here's the advice of this mind-blog. Do. Not. Give. An. Inch. Instead, take the fight to the enemy. After all, they're doing the same to you. Just look at Bishop Love. But look, Communion Partners, don't fear the reaper.

Your Friend,

LSP

Anglican Center in Rome Gets a Genius

Did you know that there's an Anglican Centre in Rome? Well there is, and it's all about promoting Christian unity, not least between Canterbury and the Holy See. The Centre says as much on its website. 

The Anglican Centre in Rome is the permanent Anglican Communion presence in Rome. It is a living symbol of our Communion's commitment to the full visible unity of the Church.

Unity

Sounds good, right? All very ut unum sint, which is doubtless why this venerable outpost of Anglican ecumenism has appointed a new director who does believe in gay marriage but doesn't believe in the bodily resurrection, the Very Rev. Dr. John Shepherd.

Shepherd, who served as Dean of Perth Cathedral, is married to a woman and was famous for supporting gay marriage. You can read his line of reasoning here and if you do, note the privileged clergyperson enlisting the aid of St. Paul. It's a clever trick, St. Paul was really in favor of same sex marriage because he was so against it. Whatever, John.

Walk Into The Light!

But that was then, this is now and Shepherd's famous again for denying the bodily resurrection of Christ. So much for the Apostle, the Gospels, the Church Fathers, and every Christian worth the name from the beginning up until now. And that's just it.

How can someone like Shepherd even say they're a Christian while denying the resurrection? To quote Shepherd's favorite Apostle, "your faith is in vain." So too, we have to imagine, is the Anglican Centre's claim to be a "living symbol" of "the full visible unity of the Church."

A Typical Mantid

The problem here is that Christians, even Pope Francis, believe in the resurrection. The Anglican Communion's representative in Rome doesn't. Unity, obviously, isn't in it. I'll leave you with Kirk, via Ignatius:

Quite simply there is no firm or fixed ground on which such discussions can be based. What price agreement on the real presence in the Eucharist, for example, when the bodily resurrection itself is in question? Agreement on the former whilst the latter remained an open question would quite simply be absurd. Of course, one cannot know for certain how many Anglican clergy, like the Very Rev’d John Shepherd, deny the resurrection. But one can be assured that unbelief is no impediment to preferment. And be pretty well certain that its incidence increases up the hierarchy.

And be pretty well certain that its incidence increases up the hierarchy. Exactly. 

All Means All, Justsin

Rumours that Lambeth Palace is controlled by Heisenberg Principle beings from another dimension are entirely that, rumours.

All means all,

LSP

Amazing Pyramid Church Caught on Camera!

Amazing camera footage has captured a skyborne pyramidal structure, which appears to be the Church of England. The pyramid has been seen in multiple locations.

Josh Edbow was startled when he saw the Church of England zig-zagging in the air above Scarborough, Ontario, Canada.

"I was minding my own business when all of a sudden it appeared, zig-zagging in the sky. It was shaped like a giant pyramid," said Edbow, "The Church made a kind of whistling noise, it sounded like 'con-seq-uences.' Then it disappeared behind a water tower."

The same object was seen above the Hebei Luannan power plant in Tangshan City, China, spinning rapidly before becoming invisible.

"The Church of England span very fast," stated one power plant worker, "Then it vanished! There was a wind, the Church was still there, but invisible."

The Church of England was accompanied by a strange smaller craft in the China sighting. 

This too became invisible after spinning wildly. Experts speculate it was the Scottish Episcopal Church.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Diocese of Kentucky Caught On Camera

Shocked cryptozoologists have captured video footage of the Episcopal Diocese of Kentucky, living under a trestle bridge in Louisville, near an abandoned church.

The frightening images came to light on game cameras as developers gained permission to build retail and office space on abandoned wasteland in the vicinity of the bridge. 

Planning Commission staff cited that a mix of commercial uses had been proposed "in a rural area where the scale is inappropriate for the surrounding large rural single family lots. The Diocese of Kentucky is part of folklore but has to move on."

Known locally as the Pope Lick Monster, the Diocese of Kentucky is not to be confused with the Anglo-Catholic movement but may be a species of hybrid.

The Diocese of Kentucky is an enthusiastic supporter of gay marriage and womyn priests. Diocesan Staff were not available for comment.

LSP

Tax The Robots

Bill Gates, the richest man that has ever been and the co-founder of Microsoft, has hit on a novel way to reverse the declining fortunes of the once great Church of England. Tax the robots.

The Church of England is currently plagued by automatons who robotically repeat the slogans of popular culture, leading to shrinking membership and deficit budgets.

The Mind of Synod

"The robots are killing us," stated one General Synod insider, "They won't shut up until the entire Church is gay married, or trans, or both. So normal people don't come anymore and giving is right down. With the Gates plan maybe we can turn the robots into profit centers."

The First Law of Robotics

Robots in the Church of England's General Synod recently decided that marriage wasn't confined to men and women. However, the shrinking denomination stopped short of affirming artificial intelligence marriage equality (AIME).

DAARPA

Rumors that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, is a DAARPA manufactured AI are currently unconfirmed.

God bless,

LSP

Welsh Church Plummets, Where's Barry?

The stats are in and they're not looking good for the Anglican Church of Wales. Figures show that the already small church has gotten even smaller, with worshiping attendance dropping by a whopping 50% since 1990, leaving a mere 29,019 people attending church on any given Sunday. 

Archbishop Barry Morgan 

To put the decline into perspective, the shrinking Anglican Church of Wales has an average Sunday attendance smaller than the population of greater Aberystwyth.

Another Sunny Day in Aber

This discouraging trend prompted the Rev. Stephen Bunting to warn the church’s governing body that unless something changes, the church’s centenary celebrations in 2020 will be “just a few cucumber sandwiches at a wake.” 

The Welsh Church's leader, Archbishop Barry Morgan, believes that gay marriage is biblical. Barry was last seen over the Bristol Channel, at an altitude of 1000'. 

Unconfirmed Report of Barry Morgan Drifting Above Borth

Reports that the high-flying Archbishop was seen drifting over Borth golf club are unconfirmed.

Gorau Moes Gwasanaeth,

LSP

Archbishop of Wales Caught on Camera!

U.K police were baffled by footage of the Archbishop of Wales, Barry Morgan, flying 1000ft above the Bristol Channel.

Stunned coppers thought the object, which was emitting "black heat," was a UFO until magnification revealed Archbishop Barry Morgan.

The Archbishop of Wales, captured on police helicam for 7 minutes

"We thought it was a Chinese lantern or a balloon," said one police source, "But its black heat ruled that out. It turned out [to be] Barry Morgan. He bobbed around in the air for about 7 minutes before disappearing."

Barry Morgan

Morgan has been the focus of investigation by UFOlogists after saying that the Bible supported gay marriage.

The dramatic footage of Barry Morgan was captured by thermal imaging cameras on a police helicopter at 9.30 pm.

Police have appealed for help

Barry Morgan did not show up on local air traffic control, leading to speculation that the Welsh bishop is using off-world technology.

Police have appealed to the public for further eyewitness accounts of the rogue prelate.

Cymru am byth,

LSP

They're Not Saying It's Aliens

But they're not saying it isn't, either, which is why ET boffins at SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) are tuning their telescopes onto a mysterious signal coming from a star in the Hercules constellation, HD 164595.

A tentative translation of the signal reads:

"I don't have a good answer to it. If we were the only Church here and [there were] no other Churches, and if division didn't matter it would be much easier to answer. We were traditionalist, then we were vicious. Now we just look odd."

The stargazing scientists who discovered the strange signal, led by Nikolai Bursov of the Russian Academy of Sciences’ Special Astrophysical Observatory, think that HD 164595 is as a good candidate for SETI investigation as any. “Permanent monitoring of this target is needed,” they say.

Others discount the signal as "meaningless gibberish."

"It's just stray signals being microlensed by the star's gravitational pull," said one SETI source, "They don't mean anything, it's meaningless gibberish."

Justin Welby, who is known on social media as the Deputy Anti-Christ, was unavailable for comment.

To the Stars,

LSP

Nero, The Rainbow Emperor

Christians who support gay marriage might like to consider the marriage equality activism of their forbear Nero.

Nero married three men, Sporus, Doryphorus and Pythagoras. As described by Seutonius and Tacitus:

"[Nero] had a boy named Sporus castrated and tried to transform him into an actual woman; he married him in a regular wedding ceremony, with a dowry and a bridal veil, took him home in front of a great crowd, and treated him as his wife. A witty remark that someone made about this is still circulating: that human kind would have been well off, if his father Domitius had had the same kind of wife” (Suetonius, Nero 28-29).

Here's Doryphorus:

“…he invented a new kind of game (so to speak) in which, dressed in the skin of a wild animal, he was released from a cage and attacked the private parts of men and women who were bound to stakes and, when he had had enough of this savagery, he was finished off (as it were) by his freedman Doryphorus. This Doryphorus he took as his husband, just as Sporus had with him, and in doing so he imitated the cries and wailing of a virgin who is being raped” (Suetonius, Nero 28-29).

And Tacitus gives us Pythagoras:

“A veil was placed over the emperor, the interpreters of the auspices were sent; a dowry, a wedding bed and marriage torches -- in the end, everything that is concealed by night even in the case of a woman was on display” (Tacitus, Ann. 15.37).

A Couple of Rainbow Clowns

The Emperor Nero wasn't just famous for marrying men, he also has a place in history for persecuting the church. According to Tacitus:

"And perishing they were additionally made into sports: they were killed by dogs by having the hides of beasts attached to them, or they were nailed to crosses or set aflame, and, when the daylight passed away, they were used as nighttime lamps. Nero gave his own gardens for this spectacle and performed a Circus game, in the habit of a charioteer mixing with the plebs or driving about the race-course." 

Christians might want to think twice before following the example of the Rainbow Emperor, Nero.

LSP

Behold Your Rulers

Look at our rulers. They're responsible for our security, the preservation of liberty and the common good.

Dumbass

Here's the most powerful one. Inspiring, isn't he.

No Comment

And here's Trudeau's boy. He'll make sure Canada's safe from attack.

Now You're Safe

But what about Great Britain? The Free World is safe for gay marriage with Dave!

Nice One, Shillary

Maybe the next Nuclear Security Summit will be hosted by the famous NWO Illuminati Powershill, Hillary Clinton. What can we say, the genius of Yoko?

Kick out the JAMS.

LSP

Blue Genius

If there's one thing that Blue Genius enjoys it's chasing after a tennis ball, so I lob them into the church hall from my kitchen workstation.

It makes a break from reading trenchant analysis of little Rubio's rat claw hands, Hillary's perfidy and the latest salvos in the war against Christian bakers.

Bake That Cake!

But here's the thing. If the Church of England is buried beneath the sands of the Red Planet, how much will it cost to excavate it and who will own it when it's dug up? Some say this implies a lawsuit.

Regardless, I'm off to hunt down some Confederate dinner plates and try some bank fishing on lake Whitney. You never know, I might even catch something.

This is a Tennis Ball in my Mouth, Not Marco Rubio

Cheers,

LSP

Mystery Beast Destroying Oklahoma Cars

At least 8 vehicles have been ripped apart by a mystery beast in Vinita, Oklahoma, with the culprit leaving behind bite marks, blood, and hair.

“There are paw prints, fine, course hairs mixed in all the mangled parts and what look to be bite marks,” said Fred Griffin, the general sales manager at Green Country Ford. “If it could do this to a car, what could it do to a human being?” said one observer.

Local authorities have set a trap to catch the Oklahoma Beast and police have mounted patrols to catch the crazed animal, which might be a dog, or something more sinister; like an Illuminati puppet stooge for the New World Order of gayness.

The Episcopal Diocese of Oklahoma allows gay marriage but deceitfully calls these rituals "Blessing of a Lifelong Covenant." 

The Oklahoma Beast is still at large.

LSP

A Zombie Communion, Archbishop Welby Calls a Primate's Meeting

It's happened, the moment we've all not been waiting for, when the head of the world's third largest denomination, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, calls a Primates meeting. It's going ahead, the letters are out, and the Primates have been invited to meet, face to face in Canterbury, June, 2016.

So what's it all about? To find a way forward for worldwide Anglicanism to somehow exist while holding irreconcilable differences within itself. Here's Welby:

Useless

"Our way forward must respect the decisions of Lambeth 1998 (which upheld Scriptural teaching on marriage)... recognising that the way in which proclamation happens and the pressures on us vary greatly between Provinces. We each live in a different context.

“The difference between our societies and cultures, as well as the speed of cultural change in much of the global north, tempts us to divide as Christians: when the command of scripture, the prayer of Jesus, the tradition of the church and our theological understanding urges unity."

Zombies

Roughly translated: The Anglican Communion can continue as one big tent provided everyone agrees to disagree and by the way, to break unity with the big tent is against Scripture, Tradition and the will of Christ himself. So take that, trads. If you split from us and our lesbian bishops, you're being disloyal Christians, and anyway, take a pill, it's all contextual anyway.

The GAFCON (Global Anglican Future Conference) Primates weren't slow to answer:

"It is on this basis that the GAFCON Primates will prayerfully consider their response to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s letter. They recognize that the crisis in the Communion is not primarily a problem of relationships and cultural context, but of false teaching which continues without repentance or discipline."

Pathetic

False teaching which continues without repentance or discipline? Right on, and Welby's way forward doesn't seem to envisage much of that, if any at all. But it's a moot point; the Anglican Communion hasn't been a communion since the 1970s, when women were ordained and the orders and sacraments of its various provinces were no longer mutually recognized.

At best, Anglicanism since then has been a fellowship of Churches held together by "bonds of affection," but even these have been strained beyond breaking point by the radical liberalism of what Welby refers to as the "global north."

Oh! I have a Barbour! Whatever.

This has resulted in a so-called Communion that exists in name only, a Zombie Communion of Provinces that don't recognize one another's sacraments, orders, faith or morals. In other words, a sham.

House Elf

Welby has dared to call this hollow man together in the New Year. He shouldn't be disappointed if it blows up in his face.

Welby is known variously as Dobby, Sharkey, House Elf, and Chino.

LSP