Showing posts with label Justin Welby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Justin Welby. Show all posts

Saturday, June 27, 2020

How Totally Not Awesome




Swept away on a rising tide of corporate sponsored, holographic Maoism, Archbishop of Canterbury Justsin Welby's calling for a purge of statues in the Church of England's places of worship, including Westminster Abbey and Canterbury Cathedral.

“Some will have to come down, some names will have to change,” said Welby on the leftist BBC's Today Show. In the same interview, Welby, who sources say suffers from deep depression, appeared to come out against portrayals of Jesus as white.




When asked whether the "way the western church portrays Jesus needs to be thought about again," Justsin replied, "Yes of course it does, this sense that God was white... You go into churches (around the world) and you don't see a white Jesus. 

"You see a black Jesus, a Chinese Jesus, a Middle Eastern Jesus - which is of course the most accurate - you see a Fijian Jesus." 

Wow. Here's the titular leader of the world's third largest denomination, thanks to the British Empire, bowing, scraping and appeasing a Marxist fauxtrage mob which hates Christianity.

Of course the insult's compounded by Justsin being an Etonian, his work for ELF, and membership of the Travellers Club. All of which we love, except for Elf, obviously.




But humour aside, the Faith, handed down to us by Christ himself, is under full-scale attack and the denominations appear unable, with notable exceptions such as Cardinal Vigano, to do anything other than "take a knee" and bow in risible subjection to their Marxist rulers.




I'd argue they've been doing that for forty years and more. Awesome? No, not awesome at all.

Pax,

LSP

Monday, May 11, 2020

The Dyslexic Deacon Returns!



Our old friend, England's Dyslexic Deacon is back and he's back in force with a Lambeth Kitchen Liturgy infographic. Well done, Deacon, we are not worthy to batter the crumbs under thy table.

By way of context, Church of England clergy have been banned by Archbishop Justsin Wobbly, and associated bishops from entering their churches, all to stop the spread of the China Virus. 

How solo worship in kitchens, as opposed to churches, keeps the plague away is presently unclear.  

The Lard be with you,

LSP 

Monday, April 13, 2020

Some Kind Of Joke Mate?



Here's the Archbishop of Canterbury, he's saying a worship ritual in his kitchen. No kidding, the leader, the apostolic head of the English Church is gettin' down like a bit-part chef in his plates-on-the-wall kitchen. Really? Yes, really, when he had all of Lambeth Palace to raise up the people to Christ and hope, strength and consolation in the Risen Lord.

That aside, why aren't COE clergy allowed to livestream services from their churches? Not optimal, granted, but better than some low-level, stripped-pine  kitchen malfeasance. Maybe it's because Welby, an Etonian, didn't want his clergy to seem somehow elitist by, you know, saying worship rituals in their churches when everyone else is at home.




What utter, imbecilic, risible, faked up, hypocritical, weak, rubbish plate-on-the-wall uselessness. And what a total contrast to HRH Elizabeth II. She used her privilege, and it's not inconsiderable, to lift the nation and its people. 

Of course the Queen represents the old and true England, unlike the laughable, equivocating, bishop figure currently holding down the See of Canterbury. But hey, when you're heading up the third largest communion in the world, do it in your kitchen coz that's a powerful message.

Your Pal,

LSP

Saturday, February 1, 2020

Europe And The Faith And Brexit



Hillaire Belloc famously wrote that "Europe is the Faith." He had a point, the ethics, philosophy and culture of Europe, its way of life, was shaped by Christianity. 

Enter the European Union, the continent's bold postwar attempt to reinvent itself as a pan-national superstate governed by... what? Certainly not Belloc's Faith, there's no mention, for example, of Christianity much less Catholicism in the EU Constitution.

Instead we find a utopian vision of unprecedented personal freedom seen in terms of radical autonomy, of Crowley's do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. The fulfillment, if you like, of the liberal project which takes the Enlightenment as its start line only to be ruled over, ironically enough, by unelected bureaucrats in Brussels.


No. 10

Of course there's no room for God in the above equation, how could there be? How dare a so-called deity set limits on my self-expression? And so we find ourselves faced with "bake the cake or go to jail" in the US or "better get trans or lose your job" in the UK. Tolerance, it seems, is a one way street and the Paris Statement makes the point. Read it here.

The UK voted against this, whether deliberately or not. It said no to the secularist, antichrist, false Europe and yes to national sovereignty. Will England realize this in a return to the Faith?


Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby

Probably not if the Church of England has anything to do with it; you see, they took the wrong step years ago. Let's pray something will fill the vacuum other than Islam.

Your Pal,

LSP 

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Church of England Seekers Flock to Hill in Thailand




It may sound like science fiction but UFO seekers are flocking to a hill in northwest Thailand in the hope of spotting the venerable if illusive Church of England. They say it's the same old rock and a journey.

"We use a crocodile-infested lake as a portal from their planets, " said one user, "Pluto and Loku. And while it may sound like science fiction, messages from aliens arriving in spaceships include plenty of off-beat if culturally normative religious teachings too -- yes, I believe they are actually from the Church of England."




"It's all happening three hours by road or rail north from Bangkok in Nakhon Sawan, there it is, the Church of England," opined another church-watcher, "which translates to 'Not The City of Heaven.'" Others aren't too sure.

"Without all the UFO hype, it's just a laid-back small town, risible joke," said a local expert, "But followers believe that if you meditate on Khao Kala hill, outside of Nakhon Sawan, you'll hear the talkative silver bishops as voices in your head, speaking whatever language your thoughts usually chatter. Ignore them."




Ignore them? As you were.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Saturday, October 5, 2019

Church of England Captured on Film



There it is. You step out on the back porch for some coffee and "quiet time" and what do you get? Yes, the Church of England.




There she was, climbing up my window,  a ferocious predator. I had to ask, is this the whole denomination or just its leader?




Lambeth Palace declined to comment. In the meanwhile, rumours of Mantis People, Mantids, taking over the venerable CoE are just that, rumours.

Quatermass,

LSP

Thursday, August 29, 2019

What A Great Time To Be Alive



BREXIT, MAGA, leftist heads exploding into the stratosphere like a frothing pumpkin luvvy latte Vesuvius. London awash in floods of liberal tears and Comey exposed for the lying mountebank we all knew he was. OK, no indictment yet, but this show ain't over and pundits are saying McCabe's going down. Yes, please, drain the swamp.




Speaking of which, the Archbishop of Canterbury's been found in the icy wastes of the Antarctic. "Justsin, in the Antarctic?" said one anonymous Lambeth source, "Travelers Club, Hollow Earth, Hollow Church? I'm awfully afraid, LSP, that I can't comment." More on this exciting story later.




Then, in evidence of a beneficent Creator ruling the cosmos, an HVAC tech turned up today in Dallas who was 1. Competent and 2. Got the job done. I think. Mustn't presume on miracles.

Like the miracle of the nihilist, globalist left and their millionaire billionaire backers being rolled back in the US and the UK.

Keep it coming,

LSP

Monday, July 29, 2019

Abductee Says Do Not Contact Evil Aliens



Alien abductee Daryl Sims has issued a dire warning to humanity in an explosive online interview, do not contact aliens because they are malevolent and evil con artists: 

"When people have a positive contact experience, that means you have accepted the program. Some people have died as a result of attempting alien contact while others have been injured. 


  They Come to Help!

"You will experience a feeling of awe and that the aliens are here to help the planet and all these wonderful things – none of which they have ever done."

Sims continued, stating that abductees have been kidnapped by space aliens and regret the experience, they "don't like what happens":


Off-World

"On the other hand, there is another group called alien abductees, who feel they have been kidnapped or taken without their will. These people often remember parts of the event, sometimes all of it and they don’t like what happens."


 A Typical Grey

Spokespersons for the Episcopal Church, Anglican Church of Canada, the Church of England and Pope Francis declined to comment.




Here at the Compound we urge extreme caution when interacting with extraterrestrials.

Ad Astra,

LSP


Sunday, November 25, 2018

Archbishop of Canterbury Goes Gender Neutral Christ Still King




By now all the world knows that Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury, doesn't think God is male or female.

Welby, who's popularly known as Justsin, dropped this theological bombshell at St. Martin-in-the-Fields, stating, “God is not a father in exactly the same way as a human being is a father. God is not male or female. God is not definable."




Good heavens, there was everyone thinking the necessary Being of the Deity was just a scary old bloke in the sky with a beard. Now we know, thanks to Justsin, that God's a bit more than that and we can only speak of the Creator by analogy.

We know where Justsin's earthshaking logic leads. God's a perfect spirit, beyond gender so, drum roll... we should have wimmin priests and bishops, trans education in church schools, and get rid of all those pesky male personal pronouns invented by the patriarchy to keep the people down.




Let's go further, in the bold spirit of boundary breaking Justsinian theological inquiry. 

God's neither male nor female, obviously, so we deploy gendered language to describe the divinity as a kind of construct. And what's human gender but an invention, a construct? Which means that hybrid no-sex transsexuals reflect the reality of God better than anyone else. So make them bishops.




The problem with this, apart from the fact that it's completely wrong, is that some analogies are better than others and that the ones we use, as Christians, are definitively revealed in the Person of Christ, who was notoriously a Man and taught us to pray to God as Father. Geoffery Kirk, at Ignatius, makes the point and you can read it here.

But feel free to break with revelation in favor of the spirit of the age, disregarding the truth given to us by the Word made Flesh. Go right ahead, disobey your Sovereign King and see where it gets you. 




Just don't be surprised if you wake up to find a demon gnawing on your shinbone.


LSP

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Archbishop of Canterbury Writes Pope



An anonymous source has leaked damning correspondence between the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, and Pope Francis to the Press.

Via Ignatius:


Dear Frank,
I have to admit that I am envious.
As your Synod on Yoof comes to an end you are in the happy position of being able to oversee the drafting of the final document without fear of contradiction. I, on the other hand, am little more than a servant of our General Synod, tied hand and foot by quasi-democratic red tape.
What cheers me is that – au fond – we have identical aims and objectives. We both see the future in an accommodation to the general drift of Western values. Of course, with women’s ordination and casual abortion, we are way ahead of you. But there are new inclusions that we can work for together. What a triumph if you could smuggle a reference to LGBTQERTY into your final document!
Our task is to remedy the declining number of believers by adapting the Faith to what people really do believe. Then we can claim that the majority have been Christians all along and call it ‘evangelisation’.
At the moment, as I am sure you will agree, things are going swimmingly. Though to be honest I have mixed feelings about euthanasia – still, I suppose we will find ourselves embracing it in the end.
Keep up the good work,
Your affectionate ‘partner in crime’,
Justin.


Welby, head of the worldwide Anglican Communion, is popularly known as "Justsin." Stay tuned for further revelations.

Your Old Pal,

LSP 

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Anglican Church Goes Full Green



The leader of the Anglican Communion, Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby has launched a bold new initiative to unite the world's third largest denomination against a common enemy, the Weather.

Called the "Season of Creation," Welby's green campaign has solicited "Letters of Creation" from the Communion's leading bishops, asking them to describe the catastrophic effects of global warming and climate change.




Welby has called the battle to stop the weather changing "essential to the life of faith" and an "ethical crisis."


The ethical crisis of climate change is an opportunity to find purpose and joy, and to respond to our Creator’s charge. Reducing the causes of climate change is essential to the life of faith. It is a way to love our neighbour and to steward the gift of creation.


Not to be outdone, Grace Cathedral, San Francisco, held a special green worship ritual featuring people on stilts dressed as trees and shirtless liturgical dancers.




The leader of the Episcopal Church, Presiding Bishop, Michael Curry is vocal in his support of Welby's green crusade.

“We can maintain a vigorous and effective commitment, and empower Anglicans everywhere to undertake bold action to mitigate and reverse climate change," stated Curry.




Whether the bold action called for by Curry, Welby and the Ents of San Francisco will be enough to stop the Weather from changing remains to be seen.

Viriditas,

LSP

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Five Ways To Spot A Reptilian Shapeshifter



Xenologists believe off-world reptilian aliens are hiding in plain sight here on earth, where they take the form of human beings. Fortunately, there are five main ways to spot a reptilian shapeshifter.




1. Eyes. Does the "person" have reptile eyes, with pupils like vertical slits? If they do, chances are you've spotted a lizard person.




2. Skin. While reptilians go to great lengths to conceal their true appearance, sometimes their disguise slips, revealing scales. A clear sign that this isn't a human being but a lizard shapeshifter.




3. Flickering. Reptilians use advanced holographic space technology to project a human image over their real bodies. However, due to fluctuating power sources and light conditions, the image can flicker, exposing the apparent person as a reptilian.




4. Soul. Reptilians attempt to mimic human emotions such as love and empathy but this is an act, covering up a grey, soulless interior. Look out for artificiality, a sense that something's not quite "right." If that's the case, there's a high possibility you've discovered a reptile alien.




5. Instinct. Trust your intuition. According to more experienced lizard-spotters, if you feel like the person has an alien presence, they might well be a reptilian.

Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

LSP

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Archbishop of Canterbury Levitates In Mexico!



A Mexican star gazer, Salvador Guerrero, got more than he bargained for when he climbed onto his roof in Colonia Agricola Oriental for an evening's UFO spotting. 

Looking out over the night sky, Guerrero saw a floating object that defied belief, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.





Zooming in on the humanoid figure with his video camera, Guerrero witnessed the Archbishop inexplicably hovering in midair.





"The Archbishop had no wings, no parachute, no engine, he just floated, bobbing up and down," stated the shocked UFO spotter, "He was spinning slowly, arms outstretched, then he disappeared behind a house."




The Archbishop's destination is currently unknown.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Welby's Fish Rig



Reactions to the recent Royal Wedding have been mixed. Here at the Compound we liked the pomp and pageantry, questioned Michael Curry's role as comedy minstrel revival preacher and came to a juddering stop at the sight of Welby's vestments.


Back of the Fish Rig

Archbishop Justin Welby tipped up at the wedding in his famous Fish Rig, a golden cope and mitre emblazoned with pastel green fish appliques. One of the very few people who read this mind blog was moved to comment:


Welby in Full Rig

I watched a bit of the goings on and was struck by the fact that Welby's vestments seemed to have been designed by an aged, new-age, lesbian hippie in between her bouts of polishing crystals and smoking weed; all of which was to be expected from His Alien-ness.

Does that sound harsh? Here's a close up of Welby's Rig, to help you decide.


Back of the Rig

What's best about Justsin's Fish Rig? The pale green fish appliques, commonly known as the "Anglican Dolphins'? The how very nautical silver ropes surrounding the fish or the firelike fronds of aquatic weed within which the three dolphins chase each other? 

You be the judge,

LSP




Thursday, May 3, 2018

Time Traveler Exposes Grey Aliens!



A mysterious time traveler from 2030 has made the shocking claim that space aliens from another planet are living here on earth.




Wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, the time traveler, named Roman, told Apex TV that the aliens are called Greys and are typically tall, with bad eyesight, high foreheads and receding hair. 





And while some are already living on earth, Roman says more will come in the near future:

As I said, in your time there are already Greys inhabiting Earth, and whenever they see that it is peaceful for them, they decided to come here in multitudes.
At first we thought it was an alien invasion. We thought it was an attack on planet Earth.




While skeptics dismiss Roman's claims,  truth might be stranger than fiction, with Grey aliens hiding in plain sight.

Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP