Church of England Seekers Flock to Hill in Thailand

It may sound like science fiction but UFO seekers are flocking to a hill in northwest Thailand in the hope of spotting the venerable if illusive Church of England. They say it's the same old rock and a journey.

"We use a crocodile-infested lake as a portal from their planets, " said one user, "Pluto and Loku. And while it may sound like science fiction, messages from aliens arriving in spaceships include plenty of off-beat if culturally normative religious teachings too -- yes, I believe they are actually from the Church of England."

"It's all happening three hours by road or rail north from Bangkok in Nakhon Sawan, there it is, the Church of England," opined another church-watcher, "which translates to 'Not The City of Heaven.'" Others aren't too sure.

"Without all the UFO hype, it's just a laid-back small town, risible joke," said a local expert, "But followers believe that if you meditate on Khao Kala hill, outside of Nakhon Sawan, you'll hear the talkative silver bishops as voices in your head, speaking whatever language your thoughts usually chatter. Ignore them."

Ignore them? As you were.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Goes Gender Neutral Christ Still King

By now all the world knows that Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury, doesn't think God is male or female.

Welby, who's popularly known as Justsin, dropped this theological bombshell at St. Martin-in-the-Fields, stating, “God is not a father in exactly the same way as a human being is a father. God is not male or female. God is not definable."

Good heavens, there was everyone thinking the necessary Being of the Deity was just a scary old bloke in the sky with a beard. Now we know, thanks to Justsin, that God's a bit more than that and we can only speak of the Creator by analogy.

We know where Justsin's earthshaking logic leads. God's a perfect spirit, beyond gender so, drum roll... we should have wimmin priests and bishops, trans education in church schools, and get rid of all those pesky male personal pronouns invented by the patriarchy to keep the people down.

Let's go further, in the bold spirit of boundary breaking Justsinian theological inquiry. 

God's neither male nor female, obviously, so we deploy gendered language to describe the divinity as a kind of construct. And what's human gender but an invention, a construct? Which means that hybrid no-sex transsexuals reflect the reality of God better than anyone else. So make them bishops.

The problem with this, apart from the fact that it's completely wrong, is that some analogies are better than others and that the ones we use, as Christians, are definitively revealed in the Person of Christ, who was notoriously a Man and taught us to pray to God as Father. Geoffery Kirk, at Ignatius, makes the point and you can read it here.

But feel free to break with revelation in favor of the spirit of the age, disregarding the truth given to us by the Word made Flesh. Go right ahead, disobey your Sovereign King and see where it gets you. 

Just don't be surprised if you wake up to find a demon gnawing on your shinbone.

Viva El Cristo Rey,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Writes Pope

An anonymous source has leaked damning correspondence between the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, and Pope Francis to the Press.

Via Ignatius:

Dear Frank,

I have to admit that I am envious.

As your Synod on Yoof comes to an end you are in the happy position of being able to oversee the drafting of the final document without fear of contradiction. I, on the other hand, am little more than a servant of our General Synod, tied hand and foot by quasi-democratic red tape.

What cheers me is that – au fond – we have identical aims and objectives. We both see the future in an accommodation to the general drift of Western values. Of course, with women’s ordination and casual abortion, we are way ahead of you. But there are new inclusions that we can work for together. What a triumph if you could smuggle a reference to LGBTQERTY into your final document!

Our task is to remedy the declining number of believers by adapting the Faith to what people really do believe. Then we can claim that the majority have been Christians all along and call it ‘evangelisation’.

At the moment, as I am sure you will agree, things are going swimmingly. Though to be honest I have mixed feelings about euthanasia – still, I suppose we will find ourselves embracing it in the end.

Keep up the good work,

Your affectionate ‘partner in crime’,

Justin.

Welby, head of the worldwide Anglican Communion, is popularly known as "Justsin." Stay tuned for further revelations.

Your Old Pal,

LSP