A Zombie Communion, Archbishop Welby Calls a Primate's Meeting

It's happened, the moment we've all not been waiting for, when the head of the world's third largest denomination, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, calls a Primates meeting. It's going ahead, the letters are out, and the Primates have been invited to meet, face to face in Canterbury, June, 2016.

So what's it all about? To find a way forward for worldwide Anglicanism to somehow exist while holding irreconcilable differences within itself. Here's Welby:

Useless

"Our way forward must respect the decisions of Lambeth 1998 (which upheld Scriptural teaching on marriage)... recognising that the way in which proclamation happens and the pressures on us vary greatly between Provinces. We each live in a different context.

“The difference between our societies and cultures, as well as the speed of cultural change in much of the global north, tempts us to divide as Christians: when the command of scripture, the prayer of Jesus, the tradition of the church and our theological understanding urges unity."

Zombies

Roughly translated: The Anglican Communion can continue as one big tent provided everyone agrees to disagree and by the way, to break unity with the big tent is against Scripture, Tradition and the will of Christ himself. So take that, trads. If you split from us and our lesbian bishops, you're being disloyal Christians, and anyway, take a pill, it's all contextual anyway.

The GAFCON (Global Anglican Future Conference) Primates weren't slow to answer:

"It is on this basis that the GAFCON Primates will prayerfully consider their response to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s letter. They recognize that the crisis in the Communion is not primarily a problem of relationships and cultural context, but of false teaching which continues without repentance or discipline."

Pathetic

False teaching which continues without repentance or discipline? Right on, and Welby's way forward doesn't seem to envisage much of that, if any at all. But it's a moot point; the Anglican Communion hasn't been a communion since the 1970s, when women were ordained and the orders and sacraments of its various provinces were no longer mutually recognized.

At best, Anglicanism since then has been a fellowship of Churches held together by "bonds of affection," but even these have been strained beyond breaking point by the radical liberalism of what Welby refers to as the "global north."

Oh! I have a Barbour! Whatever.

This has resulted in a so-called Communion that exists in name only, a Zombie Communion of Provinces that don't recognize one another's sacraments, orders, faith or morals. In other words, a sham.

House Elf

Welby has dared to call this hollow man together in the New Year. He shouldn't be disappointed if it blows up in his face.

Welby is known variously as Dobby, Sharkey, House Elf, and Chino.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Leaves Club For Siberian Sinkhole?

Speculation is building that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, is using a mysterious sinkhole in Siberia as an underground HQ, after he announced plans to resign from the exclusive Traveller's Club in London.

Traveller's

For years, Welby, who is popularly known as "Dobby", used the Traveller's Club in London's swanky Pall Mall as a base. However, the prestigious club voted against allowing women to become members, which is at odds with the Archbishop's enthusiastic endorsement of women bishops. According to Lambeth Palace, "He can't remember the vote, which is usually done via correspondence, but would have voted for the inclusion of women."

Not Traveller's

As Welby signaled his intention to leave the smart London club, an anomalous 262' deep sinkhole appeared in Siberia, revealing a path to the earth's unexplored interior. A team of Russian scientists is investigating the bizarre hole and believe it may have been caused by an explosion of ice and methane, brought on by Global Warming. 

Dobby's Chinos

"Global warming may have caused an 'alarming' melt in the under-soil ice, released gas and causing an effect like the popping of a Champagne bottle cork, Ms Kurchatova suggests," stated one expert.

Priestesses

Champagne corks were popping as the CofE voted for women bishops, coinciding with the appearance of the sinkhole.

Siberia

Unlike Welby's new underground Siberian base, the Traveller's Club remains opposed to women members. “Pretty, elegant and interesting women would have no interest in joining our club,” said one member.

I like the Traveller's.

LSP

Forward in Faith U.K. Craven Sell-Outs?

Don't get me wrong, I like English Anglo-Catholicism, but why is the Vice Chairperson of Forward in Faith U.K. attending gay pride rallies?

 She was probably just "having fun" but whatever, not good PR. See Anglican Mainstream. Here's someone's take on it:

In the approach to the fateful meeting of the Church of England’s General Synod, beginning 11 July, all the signs indicate that, unlike the more numerous evangelical opponents to women bishops, ‘catholics’ will now only be offering a token resistance. Their hope appears to be a lasting, honoured place in the bosom of the liberal Establishment. But toleration will not be extended to them for long – not because of their glaring theological incoherence – today’s Church of England does not have a serious concern for theology – but because no amount of ‘gay pride’ will be able to absolve them of the unforgivable sin of ‘sex discrimination’. With no allies at home or abroad and with nowhere else to go, the forward march already begun can lead to only one destination: complete absorption.

Dobby

Of course the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, popularly known as "Dobby", would probably approve.

Cheers,

LSP