Standing on the Cliff

 

Financial Cliff

The Episcopal (TEC) Diocese of Vermont's in trouble, which is weird because they have a famale person of color (POC) at the helm. Problem is, no one's going to their churches or parting with cash. 

This got bishop figure MacVean-Brown worried, so she hired a consultant, Stephen Burnett, who used to work for Deloitte, no less. What did Stephen say?

Bishop Figure

That you're spending more than you're getting, "The Bishop envisioned financial shortfalls early on in her ministry, and we can reaffirm that there is, in fact, trouble ahead, likely in the first quarter of 2023, where, without intervention, expenditures will far exceed revenues.” 

Oops, there you are on that old "financial cliff." So what to do, apart from hiring consultants and appointing "task forces"? Merge with other failing dioceses, obviously, in this case New Hampshire and Maine. And we have to ask, does the Episcopal Church and its lib mainstream protestant, bow tie, seer sucker sorority even have the will to live at this point?

Downsized

Not really, just look how they shut down in the face of a virus that kills what, 0.2something of the people it infects. Or less. But hey, their religion was never the Gospel of salvation, more the gospel of the New York Times and, apotheosis achieved, why not retire? 

Tough luck on MacVean-Brown, though. She might be looking for a job.

Cheers,

LSP

Cheer Up Kids, It's Not All Bad!

Don't be sad, readers, statues have their say too.

And so do Labs.

Uncle Don's standing strong too. See Rasmussen.

In related news, the Episcopal Church's local representative just drove by in his red Porsche. Odd, in a 67 year-old man? Perhaps. Whatever, he assured me the Mission's missing millions had been returned to the church's frozen investment account. 

"Thank you! So much better than a lawsuit in Tarrant county, don't you think?" which is exactly what would've happened otherwise.

Sadly Lost in a Terrible Boating Accident

I invited my friend to a cheerful glass of wine, and a celebration of the successful conclusion of our business. He declined, curiously.

Don't say embezzlement,

LSP

Lawyers Guns And Money

All I've been doing since Sunday is talking to lawyers and bankers. Why? Because a couple of local libs figured they could take a lot of cash out of one of our frozen bank accounts. You know, just take it, and then what, hole up on the Brazos, like no one would notice?

Their malfeasance, literal skulduggery and mutiny is back under control and calm, and cash, is back where it should be.

Libs, don't even think of trying it on again. 

Your Buddy,

LSP

Witch Finder General

Some people have been shorting the market, smart, others have been getting to the root of the problem. Yes, witch finding.

Episcopal dioceses (large geographic worship gatherings, LGWG) are cancelling "in-person worship," and offering presumably out-of-body alternatives. Check it out here.

The dominoes continue to fall.

LSP

Episcopal Church Bat Bug Wipeout

***DEVELOPING***

Already hit by declining numbers and graying congregations, dioceses in the Episcopal Church (TEC) are starting to close their doors for worship in the face of the Chinese Bat Bug pandemic.

Goff

On March 11, Suffragan Bishop figure Susan Goff told churches in the Diocese of Virginia to cancel "public worship" for a least two weeks. Goff is hoping to "slow the spread" of the Wuhan Virus through "social distancing."

"Mathematical models show that the virus is spreading exponentially. We can't stop the spread, but we can slow it, thereby saving lives and helping ensure that our health care system remains effective. Social distancing is our best means of slowing the spread," stated Goff in a pastoral letter to the diocese.

Budde

The Episcopal Diocese of Washington (EDOW), encompassing the nation's capital, also suspended worship services. Marianne Budde, EDOW's leaderene, told area churches to cancel public worship ceremonies until the end of March and possibly beyond. All 88 of Budde's congregations will close today, March 12.

Following Budde and Goff's example, the Episcopal Diocese of North Carolina ordered it's churches to close for "in-person worship" for the next two Sundays beginning March 15. "All non-worship gatherings are also to be cancelled," write diocesan bishop figures Sam Rodman and Anne Hodges-Copple.

Rodman and Copple

Several Episcopal clergypersons who attended the CEEP (Consortium of Endowed Episcopal Parishes) conference in Kentucky this month have been diagnosed with the Wuhan Virus. Their wealthy churches are closed.

No Mass for them. No change there, then.

Here at the Compound we have to ask, how many more dominoes are about to fall?

Cheers,

LSP

Diocese Of Dallas Feels The Love

Do you follow Anglican church news? No? Who can blame you, but we're here to tell you that 24 gay marriages were celebrated, blessed or recognized in the Episcopal Diocese of Dallas last month. So what? So a lot.

The Bishop of Dallas, George Sumner, is against gay marriage because he's a Christian but he allowed it anyway. Why? Because his gay denomination told him to, it's their law, passed at General Convention last year.

Gene Robinson and his Ex

Rather than go against his denomination's gay rules the Bishop of Dallas played along, declaring himself to be in "impaired communion" with the rainbow but in "full eucharistic fellowship with it." What does that even mean?

How are you in "impaired communion," Sumner and all the rest? You're still up for receiving the Sacrament of Holy Communion from these people, so how's your communion impaired? In the mind apparently, you don't like what they're doing. 

Who can blame you, but it doesn't say much for your understanding of the communion of the church. This, apparently, has been downgraded to an affair of like and dislike, of mere relationship instead of the organic unity of the Mystical Body of Christ caused and evidenced in the Sacrament of the Altar.

Regardless, here's the advice of this mind-blog. Do. Not. Give. An. Inch. Instead, take the fight to the enemy. After all, they're doing the same to you. Just look at Bishop Love. But look, Communion Partners, don't fear the reaper.

Your Friend,

LSP

The Feast of St. Thomas - A Helpful Meditation

It's the Feast of St. Thomas today. He doubted, like the Church of England itself but unlike the Episcopal Church, came to great faith.

Thomas scorned liturgical dance

And hated bad vestments

He was against wimmyn bishops, note Gloucester's teeth. And...

He stood for the Faith.

Here's the collect.

ALMIGHTY and everliving God, who, for the greater confirmation of the faith, didst suffer thy holy Apostle Thomas to be doubtful in thy Son's resurrection; Grant us so perfectly, and without all doubt, to believe in thy Son Jesus Christ, that our faith in thy sight may never be reproved. Hear us, O Lord, through the same Jesus Christ, to whom, with thee and the Holy Ghost, be all honour and glory, now and for evermore. 

Amen.

LSP 

Abducted?

Shocking new research suggests that US transsexuals weren't "born that way" but are victims of a sinister experiment by space aliens, the "Greys", to alter human DNA. 

According to one UK based paranormal expert, A. DelGarde, the current wave of American transsexualism is the result of 20 years of alien abduction.

"The notorious grey aliens are, on the whole, devoid of gender," stated DelGarde, "but were in the 1990s interfering with humans because of some peculiar reproductive agenda of their own. Within its own frame of reference this would explain why aliens after human spermatozoa didn’t just covertly raid a sperm bank rather than target men in California, Austin and the Midwest."

DelGarde and other experts believe we are now seeing the results of alien experimentation.

"So, after twenty years of alien hybrids and experimentation, their Midwich Cuckoos are growing up - we are now seeing the consequences of alien interference with human DNA. 

"In the words of a colleague, 'Given that some estimates say that up to 3 million Americans may have been abducted by aliens, it could explain what's occurring over the Pond'."

Others aren't so sure. Singer songwriter superstar, Lady GagGa, Presidential hopeful Joe Biden and the Episcopal Church believe that gender's a construct, that being a man or a woman is the result of brain waves rather than biology or experimentation by space aliens.

So what's it to be. Are transsexuals the sad victims of alien abduction or a victory of mind over matter?

You, discerning reader, be the judge.

LSP

Presiding Bishop Michael Curry's Awesome Sermon

PB Michael Curry got up and preached at the Royal Wedding, even though the Episcopal Church is banned from representing Anglicanism at important events. Still, the remarkable Curry wowed audiences with his down-home southern revival, big tent delivery.

Dancing Fool

How affirming and diverse. I mean to say, we don't just employ these people to mow lawns at the country club, we make them bishops! How very Sewanee seersucker civil rights.

Don't Say Fraud

As you reflect upon Curry's remarkable accent along with his Yale and Princeton education, read this, by Gavin Ashenden.

Don't say What. A. Fraud.

LSP

Diocese of Kentucky Caught On Camera

Shocked cryptozoologists have captured video footage of the Episcopal Diocese of Kentucky, living under a trestle bridge in Louisville, near an abandoned church.

The frightening images came to light on game cameras as developers gained permission to build retail and office space on abandoned wasteland in the vicinity of the bridge. 

Planning Commission staff cited that a mix of commercial uses had been proposed "in a rural area where the scale is inappropriate for the surrounding large rural single family lots. The Diocese of Kentucky is part of folklore but has to move on."

Known locally as the Pope Lick Monster, the Diocese of Kentucky is not to be confused with the Anglo-Catholic movement but may be a species of hybrid.

The Diocese of Kentucky is an enthusiastic supporter of gay marriage and womyn priests. Diocesan Staff were not available for comment.

LSP

Cuddle Party -- WARNING GRAPHIC

Thanks to Brietbart's reporting on the Cuddle Industry, we know that cuddle parties are booming, comforting people everywhere who are traumatized by President Trump.

A Typical Cuddle Party

According to professional cuddler, Anastasia Allington of Austin, Texas, cuddling is all about space.

I started thinking about why it would be that people would seek out this service after this particular election and I think it has a lot to do with space. We walk through our days and we wear all these hats: mother, sister, employee, then something like this happens where, for many people, they felt bereft and the world doesn’t stop. In the cuddle space, you can be where you are with whatever emotion you’re feeling and no one has any expectations of you.

 Cuddling

I won't comment about space but, No one has any expectations of you, are you sure, Anastasia? Regardless, here's some furries, cuddling.

Cuddlespace is centered in San Francisco and Austin. The number of Episcopalian and Church of England clerics who cuddle is currently unknown.

God bless,

LSP

Bishop Bruno's Shadow Caught in Space?

Remarkable camera footage from the International Space Station (ISS) shows what appears to be a dark shadow cast into the icy void of deep space, which some believe comes from the outsized Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles.

"Some call him [Bruno] a compassionate champion of social justice. Others see him as a cunning bully. Many Episcopal hierarchs around the United States have similarly bifurcated reputations," stated one pundit, "It's no wonder he cast a dark shadow in space."

The ISS spacecam shows the dark shadow thrown by Bishop Jon Bruno gradually fading as a small blurred object moves into view. 

Bruno has announced his intention to retire after this year's diocesan convention. He will be replaced by Rev John Taylor, a former Chief of Staff to Richard Nixon.

Now fading, Bruno is famous in church circles for selling church property to developers, suing congregations and appointing lesbians to positions of power. 

Ad Astra,

LSP

Anglican Instruments of Communion Flash Past Space Station!

UFO enthusiasts were stunned when live footage from the International Space Station (ISS) revealed the Anglican Instruments of Communion flashing past the spaceship like bright lights.

In live footage uploaded by ET experts, mysterious glowing lights can be seen moving across the backdrop of planet Earth. However, when the strange Instruments of Communion get too close for comfort, an astronaut appears to block the camera's view.

The Instruments of Communion

This has led some experts to speculate that the long lost Instruments of Communion do, in fact, exist. However, conspiracy theorists claim that the lights are part of an elaborate "cover up."

"These are some incredible clips, I've never seen any of them. How could anyone possibly debunk these?" said one UFO pundit, while a conspiracy theorist stated, "No one's fooled. It's an elaborate cover up by Lambeth Palace, they don't want us [to] know that the Instruments are lost in space."

Cover Up?

The enigmatic Anglican Instruments of Communion are: The Archbishop of Canterbury, the Lambeth Conference, the Primates Meeting and the Anglican Consultative Council. 

A Space Alien

These were reported missing in the 1970s when the Episcopal Church (TEC) ordained women clergypersons and have been sporadically sighted over the last 40 years.

Justin Welby's Tailor

Archbishop Justin Welby was unavailable for comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Christa - Craven Prophets of a False God

Back in 1984, a bronze sculpture of a crucified female Christ, called Christa, was thought inappropriate for New York's Episcopal Cathedral of St. John the Divine.

The then Suffragan Bishop of New York, Walter Dennis, claimed that Christa was "theologically and historically indefensible" and the controversial bronze was removed from the cathedral. It upset too many people, back in 1984.

Christa

Now Christa's back up again, with the engaging bronze hanging above the altar of the Chapel of St. Savior in the Morningside cathedral. It seems opinion, like time itself, has moved on. Here's what the current Bishop of New York, Andrew Dietsche, has to say, in the New York Times, no less:

In an evolving, growing, learning church, we may be ready to see ‘Christa’ not only as a work of art but as an object of devotion, over our altar, with all of the challenges that may come with that for many visitors to the cathedral, or indeed, perhaps for all of us.

With all the challenges? How about this one, Jesus wasn't a woman. So who and what are you worshiping in that chapel, Dietsche? Hint, it's not Christ; in fact, it's not anyone at all. There never was a Christa who died on the Cross for the redemption of mankind, like it or leave it, and all the gender advocacy narrative of the Upper West Side can't create one.

Cathedral of St. John the Divine

But it can create an idolatrous blasphemy above an altar in what was once a Christian cathedral. Times have most certainly changed, but maybe not for the better.

As Jeff Walton reports for Juicy Ecumenism and the IRD, the Episcopal Diocese of New York has declined rather sharply over the last decade:

Between 2005 and 2015, the Episcopal Diocese of New York declined from 64,027 members to 53,353 members, a loss of 10,674 members (-17%). During the same time period, average Sunday attendance dropped from 21,723 in 2005 to 16,878 in 2015, a loss of 4,845 attendees (-22%). Baptisms in the diocese declined from 1,612 in 2005 to 904 in 2015 (-56%) and marriages performed decreased from 579 in 2005 to 290 in 2015 (-50%).

A 56% decrease in Baptisms and a 22% fall-off in worshiping attendance?

Go figure. Maybe Christa will help get those numbers back up again. 

Don't hold your breath.

LSP