Bishop Bruno Scares Lesbian Bishop Shocka!!

In a stunning revelation that shocked no one, the world's first ever openly partnered lesbian bishop (OPLB), Mary Glasspool, said that the Bishop of Los Angeles, Jon Bruno, "scared the shit" out of her.

Glasspool's remarkable statement came to light during testimony given at Bruno's trial for misconduct regarding the sale of St. James, Newport Beach. 

Bruno

When questioned about her interaction with Glasspool, who "wanted a hug" in a woman's restroom, Canon Cindy Voorhees stated, “And then she [Glasspool] said, the bishop scared the shit out of her,” and that “she needed to get out of here and was just trying to make it through General Convention.”

Glasspool

The pioneeringly lesbian Glasspool left the Diocese of Los Angeles in 2015 following her opposition to Bruno's plans to sell St. James, and is new an assistant bishop figure in New York. Bishop Bruno, who has been described by some pundits as "a liar, a bully, and a cheat," is on trial for ecclesiastical wrongdoing, dubbed by some as "skulduggery and malfeasance."

Space Station

Experts are divided on whether Bruno's shadow was seen occluding the earth from the International Space Station.

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LSP

Bishop Bruno's Shadow Caught in Space?

Remarkable camera footage from the International Space Station (ISS) shows what appears to be a dark shadow cast into the icy void of deep space, which some believe comes from the outsized Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles.

"Some call him [Bruno] a compassionate champion of social justice. Others see him as a cunning bully. Many Episcopal hierarchs around the United States have similarly bifurcated reputations," stated one pundit, "It's no wonder he cast a dark shadow in space."

The ISS spacecam shows the dark shadow thrown by Bishop Jon Bruno gradually fading as a small blurred object moves into view. 

Bruno has announced his intention to retire after this year's diocesan convention. He will be replaced by Rev John Taylor, a former Chief of Staff to Richard Nixon.

Now fading, Bruno is famous in church circles for selling church property to developers, suing congregations and appointing lesbians to positions of power. 

Ad Astra,

LSP

Anglican Instruments of Communion Flash Past Space Station!

UFO enthusiasts were stunned when live footage from the International Space Station (ISS) revealed the Anglican Instruments of Communion flashing past the spaceship like bright lights.

In live footage uploaded by ET experts, mysterious glowing lights can be seen moving across the backdrop of planet Earth. However, when the strange Instruments of Communion get too close for comfort, an astronaut appears to block the camera's view.

The Instruments of Communion

This has led some experts to speculate that the long lost Instruments of Communion do, in fact, exist. However, conspiracy theorists claim that the lights are part of an elaborate "cover up."

"These are some incredible clips, I've never seen any of them. How could anyone possibly debunk these?" said one UFO pundit, while a conspiracy theorist stated, "No one's fooled. It's an elaborate cover up by Lambeth Palace, they don't want us [to] know that the Instruments are lost in space."

Cover Up?

The enigmatic Anglican Instruments of Communion are: The Archbishop of Canterbury, the Lambeth Conference, the Primates Meeting and the Anglican Consultative Council. 

A Space Alien

These were reported missing in the 1970s when the Episcopal Church (TEC) ordained women clergypersons and have been sporadically sighted over the last 40 years.

Justin Welby's Tailor

Archbishop Justin Welby was unavailable for comment.

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LSP

Diocese of Gloucester Captured by Astronaut

What started off as a routine mission on the International Space Station became something spectacular, as astronaut Scott Kelly saw the Diocese of Gloucester, flying high above the earth.

“We see here what appears to be a long, white diocese, maybe the Bishop of Gloucester herself,” said the astronaut. “It looks to have two lights on it, one on each end.”

The Diocese of Gloucester

Others disagree, stating that the off-planet anomaly isn't the Diocese of Gloucester, or its bishop figure, Rachel Treweek, but a UFO.

"When an astronaut tweets a photo of a UFO," said UFO expert, Steve Waring, "you can bet people notice it. Scott Kelly likes to send out photos of the view from the windows of the space station… and they look cool. This one however has a cigar shaped glowing UFO with a metallic body in it. The UFO is about 25 meters long and 150-200 meters away. It looks like Scott was trying to hint at the existence of aliens. Message received Scott, and thanks."

UFO with aliens in it, or Diocese of Gloucester?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP