UFO Or Gravel?!?

 

What is this, some kind of UFO or "UAP" come to rest in the greensward of the Compound's vehicle park? No, it was not, just a load of aggregate arriving to "improve the ground" and make it "code compliant." Whatever that means in today's movable feast of  civic virtue.

Aggregate and a Rig

Far-sighted readers will remember the Code Cops paid us a visit a few days ago because someone had made a formal complaint about vehicles parked on our attractively grassy lot and demanded they go unless the "ground was improved."  After a congenial conversation about Glocks, I assured the Code Constables that there'd be a solution.

Sure enough there was, with D turning up with serious amounts of aggregate and gravel. He told me he'd do it and he did, I respect that, well done. Next step? March across the way to the church which generously hosts your rigs on its erstwhile grass. He tells me he will, after all, it's his local.

Gravel

Hey, I can't complain, all that "ground improvement," ahem, doesn't come cheap. Thanks, D, 'preciate you, what a good neighbor.

In Rure,

LSP

Musical Interlude

 

There you go. How 'bout that.

LSP

I Saw A UFO On Sunday

A UFO? Don't you mean ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), flying across the heavens on its way to the icy void of deep space? No, readers, this was the real deal.

Two days ago I stepped out onto Compound's back porch to take in the starry brilliance of a Texan night sky. OK, not as Milky Way remarkable as, say, West Texas but still, not bad. Then a light appeared in my peripheral vision, very bright, moving North to South. 

The exhaust looked a bit like this but more defined

I thought it was a chopper, perhaps a Careflight, or Law Enforcement chasing down some cultural enrichment. In a second it was in front and above me, moving fast. I looked up, noticing an intermittent jetlike red exhaust behind the craft. Weird, do choppers do that? then registered that whatever it was was silent, no noise whatsoever. 

No sooner noted than the light and exhaust blinked out as though they had never been, nothing was there, not even a silhouette against the starlit sky. So what was this thing?

Some kind of new, noiseless stealth tech, a visitor from another dimension, defying the laws of space and time? A Toronto deanery,  a liturgical dancer, Hillary's emails? Who knows, but there it was, silent and fast, and then it wasn't.

Make of this what you will,

LSP

Archbishop Of Wales Captured On Camera

Welsh schoolchildren got the fright of their lives when they met the Archbishop of Wales, John Davies, a few days before Easter after the Archbishop landed in a field outside Haverfordwest, Pembrokshire.

"It was terrifying," stated student spokesperson, Rhys Morgan, "At first we saw bright lights floating above Market Street and thought it was a UFO. Then it landed and out came the Archbishop. We asked him if he believed in the resurrection and he said, 'I don't think any of us actually knows, frankly.' Then he climbed back in his spaceship and flew off. We were scared out of our wits!"

However, while the frightened schoolchildren believe they saw the Archbishop of Wales, paranormal expert, Gareth Hunt, isn't convinced. "It looks like the Archbishop but it could be a fly on the lens, a hang-glider, or a simple camera malfunction. We can't jump to conclusions."

Archbishop Davies succeeded Barry Morgan in September, 2017, who was often spotted by UFO enthusiasts above the coastal towns of Borth and Aberystwyth as well as the Bristol Channel.

Ad Astra,

LSP

UFO Hunters Find ACoC On Mars!

Amazed UFO hunters believe they've discovered ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada) on the surface of the red planet.

Images of the crashed 1.3 mile long object were discovered in footage from NASA's Mars Global Surveyor, leading xenologists to conclude that ACoC had at last been found.

ACoC Enhanced

“I have processed, colorized and rebuilt the object and in my opinion it is ACoC," stated one expert, "The object is too degraded to enhance totally so I have rebuilt it using the points of interest, it's also over a mile long, so this must have been a mothership, either a Martian one or possibly an off planet alien species. That's when we realized we had found ACoC, but why did it crash?”

Why did it crash, on Mars?

Why Did It Crash?

That, readers, is a very good question.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Russians Hack Church of England?

Shocking new evidence appears to show the small but aggressively transsexual Church of England disappearing into a portal in Yakutia, Russia, leading experts to claim that the venerable denomination has been hacked by the Kremlin.

Video footage shows the diminutive Church rising into the Russian sky before vanishing into a "portal."

The Church of England disappearing into a portal

"The strange video, seeming to show the Church of England full of lights in the night sky, has emerged in media circles in Yakutia, the largest region in Russia," stated one UFOlogist, "The small object is then swallowed by a portal. I think it was hacked."

Yakutia is famous for its diamonds, which may have drawn the cash-strapped CofE to the Russian wilderness. 

Artist's impression

Reports of the numerically challenged denomination disappearing altogether have come in from several countries, including Canada, New Zealand and America. 

A typical Russian hacker

However, when questioned about Russian hacking, Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby

Archbishop Justin Welby was last seen pawning episcopal regalia on Detroit's notorious 8 Mile Road.

Space is Deep,

LSP

Llandaff UFO Sighting

Welsh skywatchers are baffled after sightings of what appears to be a UFO, hovering over Llandaff's ancient cathedral.

"It was a very clear night and the lights were directly above me," stated one witness, "They were not moving at all. I counted five in a curve like a mothership, above the cathedral, plus two which were not part of the curve. There was a similar sighting in Bristol."

Others, such as Residentiary Canon, Gareth Hunt, aren't convinced.

"The lights aren't a UFO, they're Chinese diversity lanterns which were released into the night sky as a special welcome to Llandaff's new bishop, June Osborne," said Canon Hunt, "She's an incredibly talented senior clergyperson and we're thrilled that 'Mother' June will be our next bishop."

Canon Hunt's Chinese lantern theory was angrily dismissed by one Cardiff resident, Gwyn Etherington.

"Look, I am totally sick to death of people saying these are Chineese [sic] lanterns, some maybe, but not all. I personally believe in this UFO because I have seen it myself, with my girlfriend and even with my own dad. No way was it a Chinese lantern or some bishop figure!"

UFO, Chinese diversity lanterns, or fantastically qualified senior female clergyperson? You, the reader, be the judge.

Your Old Pal,

LSP

Welsh Church Plummets, Where's Barry?

The stats are in and they're not looking good for the Anglican Church of Wales. Figures show that the already small church has gotten even smaller, with worshiping attendance dropping by a whopping 50% since 1990, leaving a mere 29,019 people attending church on any given Sunday. 

Archbishop Barry Morgan 

To put the decline into perspective, the shrinking Anglican Church of Wales has an average Sunday attendance smaller than the population of greater Aberystwyth.

Another Sunny Day in Aber

This discouraging trend prompted the Rev. Stephen Bunting to warn the church’s governing body that unless something changes, the church’s centenary celebrations in 2020 will be “just a few cucumber sandwiches at a wake.” 

The Welsh Church's leader, Archbishop Barry Morgan, believes that gay marriage is biblical. Barry was last seen over the Bristol Channel, at an altitude of 1000'. 

Unconfirmed Report of Barry Morgan Drifting Above Borth

Reports that the high-flying Archbishop was seen drifting over Borth golf club are unconfirmed.

Gorau Moes Gwasanaeth,

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada's Theology Found on Mars!

Star gazing boffins at NASA believe they may have unlocked the mystery of the Anglican Church of Canada's (ACoC) missing theology, on Mars!

Mars

Hi-resolution images from NASA's Reconaissance Orbiter show the missing theology in a depressed area of the barren Red Planet, possibly the impact site of a meteor or asteroid. Resembling Morse Code, ACoC's theology consists of a series of dots and dashes which have been decoded by planetary scientist, Veronica Bray, to read:

Decoding The Theology

NEE NED ZB 6TNN DEIBEDH SIEFI EBEEE SSIEI 

ESEE SEEE !!

Others aren't convinced. "It's not really theology," stated one Xenologist, "It's more like a random series of dunes created by the swirling wind of ACoC's General Synod."

Off-World

Has the Anglican Church of Canada's theology finally been found and if so, what does it say? Or is the so-called "theology" nothing more than sand, blown by the fierce Martian wind?

Ad Astra,

LSP

The Diocese of New Westminster Crashes in Pershore!

Residents of a sleepy market town in Worcestershire, England, got a rude awakening when the Diocese of New Westminster fell to earth early this morning.

Pershore High Street

The piece of space junk crashed onto Pershore's Church Walk, near the toney farming community's historic abbey, narrowly missing cars and startling locals.

"I was on my way to buy some smoked salmon and pheasant," stated Annabelle Harley-Ffoulkes, "when there was an appalling noise. I thought it was one of those beastly women vicars at the Abbey, but it was just the Diocese of New Westminster. I was pretty relieved, I can tell you."

Typical Pershore Street Scene

The Diocese of New Westminster went into orbit in the early 1990s, along with the Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC), and communicated sporadically with earth until it crash landed in the prosperous farming community.

Space Junk

There are an estimated 500,000 pieces of man made debris, or space junk, orbiting the earth at speeds of up to 17,500 mph. Pershore is home to 8000 people.

LSP

Diocese of Gloucester Captured by Astronaut

What started off as a routine mission on the International Space Station became something spectacular, as astronaut Scott Kelly saw the Diocese of Gloucester, flying high above the earth.

“We see here what appears to be a long, white diocese, maybe the Bishop of Gloucester herself,” said the astronaut. “It looks to have two lights on it, one on each end.”

The Diocese of Gloucester

Others disagree, stating that the off-planet anomaly isn't the Diocese of Gloucester, or its bishop figure, Rachel Treweek, but a UFO.

"When an astronaut tweets a photo of a UFO," said UFO expert, Steve Waring, "you can bet people notice it. Scott Kelly likes to send out photos of the view from the windows of the space station… and they look cool. This one however has a cigar shaped glowing UFO with a metallic body in it. The UFO is about 25 meters long and 150-200 meters away. It looks like Scott was trying to hint at the existence of aliens. Message received Scott, and thanks."

UFO with aliens in it, or Diocese of Gloucester?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Busted!

Presented with no comment, via everyone's fave pagan. Why? if you have to ask...

Cheers,

LSP

Church of England Infographic

Presented without comment.

LSP

Communist Alien Overlords

Red Chinese UFO

A recent spate of UFO sightings over China has left observers asking whether the oriental Communist Superstate is a key player in an extraterrestrial bid for world dominance. According to SINA news agency, unidentified flying objects have been seen over five locations, including the provincial capital of Jinan, on August 20. This was followed by a September sighting above Chengdu, a major city in Sichuan Province. In similar news, Miyuki Hatoyama, Japan's new First Lady, claims close relationship with space aliens, who abducted her to Venus aboard a triangular spaceship. Abductee Miyuki (left) with Japanese Premier As reported in the Toronto Star, Miyuki stated, "While my body was sleeping, I think my spirit flew on a triangular-shaped UFO to Venus... It was an extremely beautiful place and was very green." Evidence of close bonds with aliens, at the highest level of Japanese government, has led some pundits to question the possibility of a pan-sino, extraterrestrial pact. The consequences of such an alliance would be grave, not least to the continuing sovereignty of the United States. In a move that many see as a recognition of the world's shifting balance of power, the Communist Chinese flag will fly above the White House on September 20. A noted political analyst in the U.K. had this to say, "I for one welcome our Communist Alien overlords." Government officials were unavailable for comment. Lets hope and pray they don't take us over. LSP