Russians Hack Church of England?

Shocking new evidence appears to show the small but aggressively transsexual Church of England disappearing into a portal in Yakutia, Russia, leading experts to claim that the venerable denomination has been hacked by the Kremlin.

Video footage shows the diminutive Church rising into the Russian sky before vanishing into a "portal."

The Church of England disappearing into a portal

"The strange video, seeming to show the Church of England full of lights in the night sky, has emerged in media circles in Yakutia, the largest region in Russia," stated one UFOlogist, "The small object is then swallowed by a portal. I think it was hacked."

Yakutia is famous for its diamonds, which may have drawn the cash-strapped CofE to the Russian wilderness. 

Artist's impression

Reports of the numerically challenged denomination disappearing altogether have come in from several countries, including Canada, New Zealand and America. 

A typical Russian hacker

However, when questioned about Russian hacking, Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby

Archbishop Justin Welby was last seen pawning episcopal regalia on Detroit's notorious 8 Mile Road.

Space is Deep,

LSP

Check Out This Piece Of Trash

Trash

Check it out, a piece of trash I found in the street as I was walking Blue Steak Eater. There it was, lying in the gutter, along with the cast-off weaves, rusting needles and associated curbside debris which is all that remains of the Democrats' wanton lust for power.

A Typical Texas Street Scene

In associated news, President Putin has sen a cordial letter to President Trump, sensibly implying an entente between our two powers. Note that the Russian strongman and former KGB Colonel signs off his missive by referring to President Trump as "His Excellency." 

Obama had a rather different treatment at the hands of the Russians, but that's another story again.

Your Friend,

LSP

The Way of The Axe

You can ride your unicorn over the rainbow as you listen to Give Peace a Chance, like a thieving two-bit hippy, or you can get down to business and get an axe, a hand axe, from one of the local pawns. I chose the latter option.

Note #4 -- Finish The Project, LSP

It was an old Stanley, lying there nonchalantly amidst cast off socket sets, broken hacksaws and rusty screwdrivers. Sure, the axe was beat up, but right away I knew it could be restored to fighting glory. A few minutes and a couple of bucks later, You take cash? Yessir, we do, the axe was back at the Compound.

Getting There

After Mass, I sanded it down with 100 grit paper, applied some cold blue and polished the beast up with gun oil and steel wool. It seemed appropriate to do that alongside a Lee Enfield project; wood and steel.

Good Result

So there it was, one axe back in business, and you never know, maybe this hatchet will come in handy in these dark and barbarous times. 

Dedicated Family Man?

In related news, you might like this, about the holy martyr, Philando Castile.

Your Pal,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury in Detroit Phone Heist?

Detroit police have released photos of a larceny suspect from the crime plagued city’s west side, to help investigators find the man wanted in connection with the incident.

A camera showed the suspect, wearing a stonewashed buttoned shirt, black T-shirt, dark shorts and white gym-shoes, inside the Marathon filling station in the 16300 block of Fenkell  at about 7 p.m. May 6. He then proceeded to grab a woman's cell phone and race from the store into a parked maroon vehicle, shouting, "Consequences!"

Authorities described him as a middle-aged Caucasian male, 5-foot-10, 160 pounds, with a gray complexion, and a startling resemblance to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.

Anyone who has any information is asked to call the Detroit Police Eighth Precinct Investigative Unit at (313) 596-5840 or Crime Stoppers of Michigan at 1-800-SPEAK-UP.

Justin Welby was last seen attempting to pawn church regalia on the Motor City's notorious 8 Mile Road.

LSP

Advent Lights

We've done Hanukkah and it was awesome, but now it's time for some Advent lights. Well, I guess they're the same as Christmas lights that somehow turn on early. But I'm not complaining.

I like to stroll down to the Courthouse, which is all lit up.

Some of the other strollers might be lit up, too.

I take a pistol, just in case. The lights in Dallas are greater, but so is the threat level.

Is that Justin Welby, cruising the pawns?

So there you have it, Advent greetings.

From Texas.

LSP

Archbishop Justin Welby Thrown Out of Detroit Pawn Shop

Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, was thrown out of a pawn shop on Detroit's famous 8 Mile Road.

"This guy came in here claiming to be an 'Archbishop' and trying to sell me a miter with all these fish on it," said pawn shop owner, Les Rich, "I offered him five bucks and he went off on me, insulting Detroit. We had to kick him out, like all the other riff-raff. Don't mess with this great city, that's what I told him."

Detroit Street Scene

Trying to pawn his archiepiscopal regalia is a new low for Welby, who was recently photographed brawling over a flatscreen T.V. at a Michigan mall, on Black Friday.

Hands Off The Flatscreen, Justin.

Reports that Welby was seen hustling for spare change outside of Cobo Hall have not been confirmed by Lambeth Palace.

LSP