Into The Sprawl Like A Hero

 

So what's up? You sip strong covefe on the back porch of your compound and watch the sun rise through pecan trees, casting golden light on dewy grass. Such is rural Texas at the end of September, not bad at all. Next?

Thank God for the beauty of it all, say Morning Prayer (1928 BCP) and steel yourself for the day ahead. Why steel, that sounds extreme and somehow absurd. Not so fast, punters, steel's the word because the mission ahead meant driving into the DFW Metrosprawl to a lawyer's office in a place called "Arlington." And let's make no mistake, driving into the 'sprawl from the country takes nerve.

I took the scenic route. I35 E towards Dallas, exit 287 to Midlothian, which has nothing to do with Gladstone, veer onto 360 Toll, exit I30 West to Fort Worth, hook a left on Collins, marveling at the sheer sprawl of the thing, and reach your target. Collect your box of documents from the law dog and drive back from whence you came.

Like wow. South Fort Worth is exploding with new apartment blocks, condos and mega churches. They look mighty flimsy, and I30 is insanely spaghetti junction. OK, all hail prosperity and Texas, but is this the best we can do? As in, "Why live in a city when we can live on a road." You''ll note, dear readers, that the latter turns us into a kind of hobo.

Anyway, made it back from the different planet that is Mega City DFW, it's the size of Connecticut btw, to the relative tranquility of the Compound. Mission accomplished. But hey, have to tell you, really pleased I'm back in the country; the 'sprawl connurb is a whole different thing.

Speaking of which, someone's turned up to mow the acre of so of compound/church yard, in the dark. Huh. Guess I'd better check on that mowop.

Cheers,

LSP

Choktaw Bingo

 

Per Wild, "It's a stone-cold miracle that Ray Wylie Hubbard has lived as long as he has." Good call, Mr. Wild. Me? Go, RWH, even if you are a nasty old hippie and a Dallas boy to boot. So how, like RWH, did Waylon get to live? Mirabile dictu or in other words, I dunno know, miracle.

Still, serious question; many of my pals didn't make it and they were fractions of all the above. Maybe they simply lacked the strength. Whatever, rest in peace kids, and may the blessed Ever Virgin Mary intercede for you, ad aeternum.

Then there's Oklahoma.

Salve,

LSP

Dallas Reflections

 

When you think of Dallas do you think of the ancient TV show featuring JR Ewing? Perhaps, but regardless, one of the things you get to do in LSPland is drive there, down the murder expressway called I35. I did so today, bumper to bumper tailgating crazy at 85/90 mph. Whatev, same old.

Before long you get to the outer reaches of the massive DFW connurb, but keep on, foot on the pedal, and then there it is, rising like a gunmetal OZ, Dallas' skyline. No small thing and especially emerald impressive at night.

Don't be fooled, though. Get in amongst those gleaming glass and steel towers, which rise Babel to the sky, and what do you find? Beggars, indigents, homeless encampments and associated ne'er do wells chancing it in triple digit climate change. We've moved, you see, into SUMMER. It's like this ineluctable climatic progression.

That in mind, take the Illinois exit, head south on Zang past old and new ghetto housing and ride on 'til you hit Davies and Bishops Arts. Marvel at the throngs hanging out at various bars and eateries, wonder at multiple apartment blocks which have sprung up in the last couple of years, and mourn the tragic passing of Ten Bells and Hattie's, two BA stalwarts which went under post COVID.

Oh well. Hang a right opposite the appalling PHD Pourhouse sports bar and into this neat wine shop. Buy a bot and get into a convo with the staff. Like this: 

"Hey, man, I saw you went into here by the door." You pause and reply, "Yeah, that's what I did."

"But why did you do it that way, was there, like, a METHOD?"

"Say again?"

"A method?"

"Sure there was. I walked in the door and spotted some kind of white zin on offer and wanted to look further, that's why I ended up by your fridge and this great bottle of Malbec."

"Wow, man, you sound like Elon Musk!"

"Is that a good thing, brother?"

"Yeah it it is, all good, man."

 

I looked at my tattooed counterparts, what were they, extras for Pirates of the Caribbean?, and gave both boys a sunny hello goodbye. Yeah, they'll be laughing when they're extradited to England. Good luck with that, stoneheads.

Vinter's done, fall back to Ma LSP, who's watching a neat show called, "Why Does Everyone Hate Meghan Markle?" What a good show. Surely not because she's a D-List, simpering, fraudulent, delta minus semi moron, social climber, gold digging Hollywood fool. Surely not, and a witch who ensorcelled Harry with her witch power. He, of course, is obviously an idiot.

Your Old Pal,

LSP

Back in Dallas

 

Why? To take down Christmas at Ma LSP's. All those glass ornaments, many like old friends. Down they go, to retrain for next year.

While we're at it, you may remember the Baptism of Christ in the Jordan. Surely it should've been the other way around and the Baptizer says as much, "I should be baptized by you." Jesus was, notoriously, without sin. So how are we to make sense of this fulfillment of "all righteousness." Perhaps this helps.

Our Lord, true God and true Man, like in every way as we are yet without sin, took the sins of humanity on his sinless shoulders upon the Cross in obedience to the Father's will. Here we find an analogue to Christ's baptism, and he says as much, referring to his Passion and Crucifixion later on in the Gospel account, "Are you able to be baptized with the baptism I am to be baptized with?"

Jordan River,

God bless,

LSP

What A Good Day!

 

What a good day! An easy spin down I35 to Dallas followed by some serious standing rib, roast potato and Yorkshire pudding Christmas action with Ma LSP and two sisters. Just big fun, and now everyone's watching Black Adder's Christmas, amusing. But back to food.

What's your standing rib recipe? Mine's this: Preheat oven to 450*, season room temp beef with salt and pepper, put the beast on a vegetable trivot of roughly chopped carrot, onion, celery and a few whole cloves of garlic. Fire that beef into the oven and roast at 450 for 15 minutes, then reduce heat to 375 and roast until the meat's at 120*, around 13 minutes per pound. Take it out, put the thing on some kind of platter and cover with tinfoil. Make gravy out of the veg and drippings in the roasting plan.

OK, no surprises there, but you may have a better solution, feel free to chime in. After all, there's nothing wrong with a team effort when it comes to the quest for roast beef perfection. More on this culinary adventure anon, back to Black Adder.

Hope you've all had the best of days.

Cheers,

LSP

Back In Dallas

 

At Dallas HQ on a pre-Christmas mission. Part of that involved going to Hunky's in Bishop Arts for excellent burgers. Seriously, they do a good job and you should go, but beware, it's not easy to find parking and you might have  deal with the Bat Woman muriel.

Rando Revolver

Huh, since when did Bat Woman free Palestine? Last year she was standing with Ukraine and the year before she was trusting the science, wearing a mask and getting vaxxed. Like no kidding, zhe's a right social trend barometer.

Genuinely Good Burger

Delicious burgers complete, we drove around the neighborhood, looking in awe at new apartment blocks going up in what was once shacktown ghetto. Smart people snapped those shacks up and guess what, now they're worth lots. 

A Wooden Tree With Glass

We balked at that investment opportunity, oh well, but did manage to set up a tree which glistens in the living room. Nice. In other news, the Pope's gone gay but not as gay as the Church of England, and the Senate's apparently some kind of bath house. And people are fleeing Democrat cities because Climate Change. But of course they are.

Cheers,

LSP

Back in Dallas

 

It's that time of year when you barrel down I35 to Dallas on a mission to set up Christmas at Ma LSP's place in North Oak Cliff, and it feels good to be back with all the houses lit up for the holiday, all very festive. Nice, but then you drive a few blocks over to the 7-11 to pick up a phone charger and everything changes.

The 7-11

There's a homeless guy slumped over by the doorway, a couple of fat little tackheads in dirty pajama bottoms getting loud over pizza slices, one's wearing a mask, why? and the whole place stinks of pot. Neck tattoo store clerk takes your cash with a snarl and you get the feeling this inconvenience store could go off-hook  at any moment, which it could. 

Typical Oak Cliff Street Scene

Like no kidding. Back in June a store worker was shot and killed in this 7-11 by some random POC who was after cash, I don't know if he was caught. So I was glad to get back to Christmasland HQ and tomorrow we'll venture forth in search of a tree. 

Stay tuned for more of this urban Texan story as it unfolds.

Texit,

LSP

What Fresh Hell is This?

 

You may have noticed a Dallas church blessed a crew of degenerate rainbow drag nuns, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, on Sunday. The blasphemous worship ritual took place at the so-called Hope Cathedral in Oak Lawn, where congregants recited a special diversity pledge creed extolling the virtue of drag queens who mock Christianity and Catholicism:

YESTERDAY

TFP and Defend Our Kids Texas was on site during a Dallas church’s “drag Sunday” service.

Attendees recited this pledge 👇@SaraGonzalesTX pic.twitter.com/46yFXJWaeg

— Texas Family Project (@FamilyProjectTX) September 18, 2023

I won't comment but perhaps you noticed the Rainbow Hopians are all-in for people "no matter who they love." How very lovely, but what about someone who loves the unholy spirits of Irma Greese, Hiltler or Dzyrzhinsky, what then? Cult logic says that's OK, but of course they don't believe in reason and neither does their Father who was a murderer from the beginning.

Keen-eyed readers will remember the demon Baphomet and the conclusion of The Wicker Man.

Cordially,

LSP

McCommas Bluffs

 

If you drive down 12 E in South Dallas and look North you'll see the Trinity, tame, running through an engineered flood plain. Then look right and there it is, the Trinity untamed. Keep driving East, turn right on Longbranch and keep driving.

You'll end up at the Riverwood overlook at McCommas Bluff. Pull over, think yourself lucky you've got a sturdy truck, and walk up to the bluffs and stare out at the river, winding wide through the Trinity forest. Look down and pick up a few spent cartridge cases by way of souvenirs, then clamber down the bluff to the river.

Conservationists are angry about the City reinforcing the bluffs with wire and rock but maybe this is no bad thing and stops the banks from collapsing. Regardless, the reinforcement's pretty minimal and there's plenty of original limestone standing tall above the river.

And there you are, looking out at the Trinity. It has a primeval aspect, at least to me, and can't be so very different from the way it looked when the pioneers arrived; what, 170 years or so ago? Reverie over, clamber about the banks and look out at the fast-flowing river.

Are there fish to be had? Most definitely, though I didn't bring a rod. Next time, and again it was good to be out in the country even though this was in Dallas.

Tight Lines,

LSP

Fish Won This Round

 

Dallas is home to North America's largest urban forest, run through by the Trinity river. You can meet the stream close to downtown, from Oak Cliff. Go East on Davies, drive over I 35, go a little further and take a left at a machine shop next to Donato's Convenience.

The road soon degenerates into a potholed track, so count yourself lucky you've got a 4x4 truck, seriously, don't do this in a regular car in May or maybe any other rime. Ride over, disembark near the river and walk in under the DART and old Santa Fe trestle bridge.

This used to be a grand multimillion dollar experiment in turning the Trinity into a recreational fun park, complete with faux rapids, concrete walkways, signs telling you what to do and so on, Moore Park. Great plan, didn't go down so well. The faux rapids, which destroyed the banks of the river but provided great fishing, are gone. The signs scrawled over with gang graffiti and the paths overgrown, DART roars overhead.

But don't be dismayed, recce down to the muddy river and look East, into the primeval entrance to the forest. Scout the banks for likely looking spots and set up in shade to try your best against the piscine adversary. Worms, "crappie bites," topwater lures, no avail. And go figure, you don't know the water, still, fun trying.

Then, just beyond casting reach, behold schools of Gar thrash and leap in search of prey. I tried to get to them but failed, there was a mudflat in between, which I skidded across like a monkey. Well, next time. And there you have it, fishing the Trinity. This time the fish won, they won't be so lucky on the return match.

That aside, so good to get out in the country, even if it was in the middle of town.

Fish on,

LSP

On The Road

 

On the road to Dallas, and that's not a bad thing except they drive like maniacs on I35 and, right at the run-in to 'sprawl central there was a cataclysmic deluge of rain. Adventure, and surely a harbinger of apocalypse to come.

That in mind, a couple of people came up after Mass yesterday and said, "LSP, we went to get money out of the ATM in Whitney and not a single one was working, not one, and we tried all the banks." Huh, imagine that, you go to your bank to withdraw some cash and sorry buddy, you can't. What then.

you shoot an exotic goat with a 30-06

Nothing good and it reminds me of a prepper who said, wisely, "When you see lines around the block for the ATM it's time to get out." Good call and you don't have to be a druidic seer to picture the impossibility of getting out of our doomed cities when the SHTF. Kyrie, they're bad enough as is.

In related news, two violent extremist white supremacists, who identify as Mexican, killed some people in Allen and Brownsville, as all the world knows. But question, what's the issue? Were they Mexican Nazis, Cartel gang people, rando crazies or all of the above.

if you're not scared you should be

Terrifying any witch way, eh?

#2A,

LSP

Ma LSP Update

 

I drove to Dallas after the Sacred Mysteries to check in on what Mr. Wodehouse liked to call "the aged P," aka Ma LSP. And there she was, sitting up in bed at Methodist hospital, recovering from surgery on a herniated diaphragm.

The op was a success, thank God, and while quite weak she was in good spirits, if annoyed to be in hospital. Being sick or infirm ain't her style at all, let the reader understand. 

So I left and returned in the early evening to find her rallied, which was reassuring. It's no small thing for a person pushing 80 to go through pretty major surgery.

She thanks you for your prayers, as do I. Please continue to pray for a strong recovery.

Pax et Bonum,

LSP

Dallas After Midnight

 

En lieu of anything remotely resembling serious posting, here's another old hippy, Ray Wylie Hubbard. Remember him? All very dance at the pyramids with the Dead.

Nice, but for goodness sake, Oak Cliff Ray, time for a shower and haircut, eh? Reeking hippies aside, maybe Ray tells it like it is. Your call.

Be careful out there Kids,

LSP

Putting Up Christmas

 

Here we are in Dallas, putting up Christmas and it's pretty minimal this year, maybe less is more. But I tell you this, more was more when it came to this morning's storm. Thunder and crashing sheets of rain, all hail Texas and the Eschaton.

Next step? Marvel at the speed at which the storm passed by, someone must've paid their tax, and find yourself at Lowe's in search of a tree. We found one, a smallish one, took it back home and set it up.  Nice.

In other news, SBF's been arrested, the freakish nuclear power guy's been fired and drag queens are invited to the White House to celebrate the, ahem, Defense of Marriage act. Like, what? 

Are we at peak degeneracy and is this a function of being people of the lie? A people so invested in deceit that anything else becomes unbearable or to cut to the chase, have we been driven insane by Satan.

Your call and in the meanwhile we get get ready to celebrate the birth of the Savior.

God bless,

LSP

Edinburgh Garrison RSM - For LL

 

Behold the power of the RSM, and well done those boys. LL, this short infovid's for you, respect. In other news, we had our diocesan convention this morning and it was incredibly, mercifully short. Upshot? They made me a Rural Dean. What does a Rural Dean even do?

I guess we'll find out. My guess is... fish, shoot, listen to Waylon, ride again, drive rigs, say Mass and get rural on a Dean tip. But seriously, if you'd said in the mid '90s and beyond that I'd be Priest-in-Charge of two country missions between Dallas and Waco, well, I'd have laughed.

How preposterous. Hey, the joke was on me, and I thank God for it. No kidding.

Your Pal,

LSP

Just Hanging Out

 

Just hanging out in Dallas, Lao Tze style, enjoying the porch

Good thing there's a handy leaf blade knife, right?

Blue agrees, he's up for a treat scrap

In other news, the appalling Salman Rushdie's been stabbed by some outta control Jihadist. Rushdie wrote the aggressively annoying Satanic Verses and incurred a Fatwah. Well, looks like it caught up with him. Bad luck, Rushdie.

I met the bizarrely annoying Rushdie back in the '90s at some place in London. He was with the even more annoying Malcolm McLaren, who distinguished itself by wearing fancy shirts without cuff-links. Whoa, what a radical.

The intenselt irritating McLaren died in 2010, Rushdie still lives.

All best,

LSP

Time Travel

 

Do you remember the days when we were able to afford meat? Yes, actual meat which we cooked on carbon footprint grills. Perhaps you recall that halcyon time and here at Dallas HQ we dialed back the clock last night to relive them.

After a brief dimensional shudder, a rip in the fabric of space and time, there it was, a grill with two New York strips sizzling above the charcoal.

Quick! Grill those bad boys before the Rainbow Time Cops bust down your door like so many SWAT teams ransacking Mar-a-Lago. Then let those steaks rest as you consider the future you've just escaped, a crazy timeline where America's run by a power mad gerontocracy, the Uniparty.

Can the future be changed by going back in time? And if so, where do we start? Perhaps with General Lee winning the War or Archduke Ferdinand's assassin apprehended before he took the fatal shot which set the end of Western civ in motion. But why stop there.

Portal through to the 11th C, stop the Eastern Schism, perhaps a saint speaks sense, turn the 1st Crusade into an allied operation against the Moslem horde and... Asia Minor would still be Christian, to say nothing of the Bosphorus. 

βασιλική Ἄννα Κομνηνή, Princess Anna Comena would rejoice.

Xαῖρε,

LSP

Total Disaster

 

Saturday morning was great, the leafy glens of old Texas and all of that, no complaints whatsoever. Then disaster struck, like no kidding. The phone, that marvel of handheld computing power rings.

"Hey Dad, my car just exploded, literally exploded."

"Say again?"

"Car exploded."

"Where are you?"

"On I35 at Wintergreen. Firemen here and police."

"You OK?"

"I am, come get me, I'll text the address of the police station."

"On my way."

Off I went down I35 to the precinct at Camp Wisdom Rd. East to RV with the young soldier. He was excited because he was alive, thank God. "Hey kid, good to be picking you up from the right side of the station, eh?" He grinned and showed me photos and videos of his exploded Kia.

Dam. The thing was totaled and he was more than lucky to be alive, no kidding. Apparently he'd been driving down the nightmare expressway that is I35 when he smelled burning and then, boom, an explosive sound from the engine, the vehicle lost power and he managed to glide it onto the verge.

At that point the front of the car was on fire and after bailing out of the death trap the Signalsman retrieved his uniform, laptop and personal possessions from the flaming wreckage. Several minutes later the vehicle exploded.

Well done, boy, and I told him that the angels were most definitely working overtime. We can all imagine vastly worse scenarios. But here's the thing. He needs a new ride and has a liability insurance issue. Solution? 

I upgrade to a new/used fleet One Fiddy and the kid gets the old rig. In the meanwhile, looks like another person's adding their name to the great list of people looking at suing Kia for self-igniting kill cars. Photos to follow.

Moral of the story? Be prepared, this night thy soul may be required of you.  And, of course, don't buy cars which spontaneously ignite. In the meanwhile, the OctoPelosi WMD is threatening Asia. Please Lord, grant us some respite.

Your Pal,

LSP

Dallas On The Skids

What's it like in Dallas, you know, before midnight? It has skaters, so important to keep fit

It has shopping too

And affordable housing

Sometimes shopping and housing come together in a kind of ne'er do well, corrupt symphony

And there you have it,

LSP

Patrolling

 

The day dawned bright, with the sun torching its way through the hazy air of a Texan July; time to go on patrol. So much better than lying and moaning on a post-op sickbed and after all, movement, we're told, is a sign of life.

The alley cats were out in force. They were on patrol as well, though much of this seemed to be about an ad hoc all round defense. Well, they are irregulars.

The Fuel Stop was up and running too. They've had bullet proof(?) perspex forever, way before the Covid craze brought sheets of see through plastic to our stores. Does the plastic defend against bullets? Perhaps. Does it stop a virus? Maybe as much as the vaccines themselves.

Then it was time to stroll by Cursed House. According to legend, Cursed House used to be a dental office and home to untold horrors, and for a fact it's seen a stream of unfortunate tenants over the last few decades. 

These leave, shrieking, and are mostly never heard from again. It's under new management these days, let's see if the renovation cleanses the place from its wicked spirits. And there you have it. A good morning, well spent.

Cheers,

LSP