Some people were freaking out, swallowing their tongues and going full panic Eschaton this morning because of 47's tariffs. As in, how dare a US president stop his country being ripped off! Now the world's going to END. So they shrieked as they tore out their hair, pulled out their teeth and gouged out their eyes (What? Ed.) in fear, shock, horror and heart stopping Panican dismay. But not us, no, here at the Compound we were excited. Why?
Because DIRE WOLVES are back. That's right, thanks to Texan ingenuity and can-do spirit, Dallas biotech start up Colossal Biosciences has successfully bioengineered two white Dire Wolves, the first of their kind since the formidable breed went extinct some 10,000 years ago. Why did they go extinct? Good question.
The appallingly smug leftist New Yorker risibly thinks Dire Wolves and similar megafauna were hunted to extinction by bloodthirsty humans who obviously weren't taxed and regulated enough. The Compound's boffins think differently. They believe a celestial cataclysm triggered massive, catastrophic, climate change, killing off Mammoths, Saber Tooth Tigers, Mastodons, Dire Wolves and the like. But that's as maybe, the long gone wolves have returned in the form of two adorable pups, Romulus and Remus. Here's TIME, which somehow still exists:
Romulus and Remus are doing what puppies do: chasing, tussling, nipping, nuzzling. But there’s something very un-puppylike about the snowy white 6-month olds—their size, for starters. At their young age they already measure nearly 4 ft. long, tip the scales at 80 lb., and could grow to 6 ft. and 150 lb. Then there’s their behavior: the angelic exuberance puppies exhibit in the presence of humans—trotting up for hugs, belly rubs, kisses—is completely absent. They keep their distance, retreating if a person approaches. Even one of the handlers who raised them from birth can get only so close before Romulus and Remus flinch and retreat. This isn’t domestic canine behavior, this is wild lupine behavior: the pups are wolves. Not only that, they’re dire wolves...
Or something very like it. The question is, what's next, what else will be brought back from the dead by some miracle of modern science? Who knows, perhaps ACoC, the Anglican Church of Canada, will once again walk the earth.
Cheers,
LSP
