Anglican Church of Canada's Theology Found on Mars!

Star gazing boffins at NASA believe they may have unlocked the mystery of the Anglican Church of Canada's (ACoC) missing theology, on Mars!

Mars

Hi-resolution images from NASA's Reconaissance Orbiter show the missing theology in a depressed area of the barren Red Planet, possibly the impact site of a meteor or asteroid. Resembling Morse Code, ACoC's theology consists of a series of dots and dashes which have been decoded by planetary scientist, Veronica Bray, to read:

Decoding The Theology

NEE NED ZB 6TNN DEIBEDH SIEFI EBEEE SSIEI 

ESEE SEEE !!

Others aren't convinced. "It's not really theology," stated one Xenologist, "It's more like a random series of dunes created by the swirling wind of ACoC's General Synod."

Off-World

Has the Anglican Church of Canada's theology finally been found and if so, what does it say? Or is the so-called "theology" nothing more than sand, blown by the fierce Martian wind?

Ad Astra,

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada ODs on Zombie Drug

Scores of zombielike Canadian bishops were seen staggering blindly through a Toronto suburb, weeping, babbling and foaming down their purple shirts.

But this wasn't a movie, it was a scene from the Anglican Church of Canada's (ACoC) General Synod. "I thought I was watching The Walking Dead," said one shocked Synod delegate.

Staggering

“These guys were wandering around, stumbling all over the place, and were completely out of it, they didn’t know their whereabouts, and some couldn’t even get up off the floor. One guy, I think it was the Bishop of Ottawa, was even trying to hold himself up with a Johnny pump [fire hydrant]. It was ridiculous.”

Incoherent

The disturbing scenes came after the Synod narrowly failed to vote in favor of allowing same-sex marriage, prompting a number of bishops to "lose it." According to one member of Synod:

"After the initial vote, a lot of people, especially bishops, seemed to lose it. People just kept showing up and then quickly dropping to the ground, flopping over, or crumpling onto the floor. They all seemed oblivious to their surroundings and just couldn't stay on their feet. It was obviously a bad batch of K2."

High on K2

K2 is a form of legal synthetic marijauna, which is known for its dangerous side-effects. After discovering that the Synod had in fact voted in favor of gay marriage rituals, affected members appeared to recover.

Loved Up

Reports that ACoC's bishops have resorted to a deadly mix of K2 and the illegal street drug Ecstasy are unverified.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Wants to Get Rid of AIDS

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, wants to eradicate AIDS by 2030. I hope he succeeds, that'd be grand, no more AIDS, though some have questioned why Anglicanism's top prelate isn't focusing on on other more widespread and equally deadly diseases.

In related news, the Church of England invests heavily in the rainbow tech giant, Google. How much money does the venerable CofE have with the Big Gay NWO champion of alternative gender identity and same-sex marriage? 

According to RT, some $22 million as of 2011.

Make of that what you will.

LSP