The Diocese of New Westminster Crashes in Pershore!

Residents of a sleepy market town in Worcestershire, England, got a rude awakening when the Diocese of New Westminster fell to earth early this morning.

Pershore High Street

The piece of space junk crashed onto Pershore's Church Walk, near the toney farming community's historic abbey, narrowly missing cars and startling locals.

"I was on my way to buy some smoked salmon and pheasant," stated Annabelle Harley-Ffoulkes, "when there was an appalling noise. I thought it was one of those beastly women vicars at the Abbey, but it was just the Diocese of New Westminster. I was pretty relieved, I can tell you."

Typical Pershore Street Scene

The Diocese of New Westminster went into orbit in the early 1990s, along with the Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC), and communicated sporadically with earth until it crash landed in the prosperous farming community.

Space Junk

There are an estimated 500,000 pieces of man made debris, or space junk, orbiting the earth at speeds of up to 17,500 mph. Pershore is home to 8000 people.

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada Found at Bottom of Baltic Sea?

Anglican Church of Canada?

In a dramatic new discovery, a team of salvage divers have found what might be the lost Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC). At the bottom of the Baltic sea!

Spotted on sonar last year, the mysterious object appeared to resemble the Millennium Falcon, of Star Wars fame, leading some observers to speculate that it was a UFO. But when the diving team, calling themselves "Ocean X," returned to the site this June, something even stranger was discovered.

artist's impression

The UFO shaped object appears to be a massive stone mushroom, the size of a passenger jet, with grooves cut in its surface and small fireplace-like structures covered in what might be soot. One diver stated that it was like "nothing I'd ever seen before."

Speculation over the identity of the object is rife. “We've heard lots of different kinds of explanations, from George Lucas's spaceship – the Millennium Falcon – to ‘It's some kind of plug to the inner world,’ like it should be hell down there or something,” said Peter Lindberg, an Ocean X diver.

stairway to Tartarus?

Mystery and speculation deepened when it was discovered that the strange stone structure shut down electrical equipment and media devices, leading some experts to question whether the underwater phenomenon was the Anglican Church of Canada.

Millennium Falcon

According to Canon James Daltrey, a noted ACoC theorist, "It's about the right size, about as big as a jumbo jet, and it cuts off communications. Just what you'd expect from the Anglican Church of Canada." But others aren't so sure. "True, the object is extremely small for a religious denomination and appears to be covered in dirt, but everyone knows that ACoC launched into deep space some time ago. The object's probably a Nazi device for catching submarines or an antedeluvian monolith of some sort. Who knows, perhaps it's a UFO," said one senior Episcopal cleric who insisted on anonymity for fear of being sued under his church's draconian Title IV Canons.

bishop Michael Ingham

Anglican Church of Canada, UFO, or pre-flood remnant of an ancient civilization, no one knows for sure. Ocean X is set to return to the site later this year.

Stay tuned,

LSP

Starchild Space Alien?

Ground-breaking scientific research has revealed that a mysterious skull, discovered in a Mexican tunnel, may not be human.

After extensive DNA testing, the outsize cranium, popularly known as "Starchild", was shown to have different mtDNA than normal humans, with a much larger number of nucleotides than a usual person.

This has lead some experts to speculate that the Starchild is a space alien, “foreign to normal human genetics within the framework of that subject as it is currently understood... definitely not from planet Earth."

ACoC Bishop

Others disagree. "The Starchild isn't a space alien, it's a hybrid," said one source, "It's probably just the swollen skull of an ACoC bishop. Part human, part something else."

Human, hybrid or alien, Starchild remains a mystery. ACoC continues its journey into the far reaches of the stellar void.

LSP