The venerable Church of England's attracting hundreds of thousands of Britons to its pews because it's so very, very gay. Except that it it's not, COE numbers are plummeting and that's really weird because all the millions of LGBTQ+ people in the UK should be flocking to the nation's premiere rainbow conventicle. But they're not.
So strange. Now that the throne of Augustine's so gaily inclusive, all the colors of the rainbow, you'd think it would have grown by leaps and bounds. Unless we go gay, said the pundits, no one will take us seriously.
Mirabile dictu, lo and behold, go figure, no sh*t Sherlock they're not, which is why the venerable if shrinking Church of England's average Sunday attendance has fallen off a cliff, from some 1.3 million people a Sunday in 1980 to a miserable 600k or so today.
And this is weird, it should be the other way around. Now that the UK's so gay, you'd think the gen pop would head to the gayest church around, right? But they haven't, they've stayed home, polishing the proverbial Baphomet.
At some point, gentle readers, all two of you, this insane, satanic craze will end leaving a lot of people feeling really stoopid as they clutch their dirty little rainbow flag.
Your Pal,
LSP
