Showing posts with label Archbishop Justsin Welby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Archbishop Justsin Welby. Show all posts

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Church of England Gets Even Moar Gay

 



Hawk-eyed observers of the religious scene will have noticed that the venerable if shrinking Church of England's getting gayer by the day. Yes indeed. In October, an openly partnered rainbow clergypersyn, The Very Revd Dr David Monteith, was promoted to one of the COE’s most prestigious positions, Dean of Canterbury Cathedral.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, congratulated the new Rainbow Dean on his promotion:

"I'm delighted by David's appointment as Dean of Canterbury," gushed Old Etonian Welby, "He has been an exceptional Dean of Leicester -- and his deep faith and spirituality, creativity, and profound sense of service will be a gift to Canterbury Cathedral and all the communities it serves."




How very lovely. Monteith lives in a civil partnership marriage, which somehow isn't a marriage, with David Hamilton, a bereavement counselor. But that's not all, no, not by a long shot.

Only last week, the Bishop of Oxford, Steven Croft, wrote and published an annoyingly long 52 page argument in favor of same-sex wedding rituals. Other bishop figures were swift to applaud Croft's interminably gay essay. 




The Bishop of Worcester, the Rt Rev Dr John, the Bishop of Dudley, the Rt Rev Martin Gorick, the Bishop of Reading, the Rt Revd Olivia Graham, the Bishop of Buckingham, the Rt Rev Alan Wilson, and the Bishop of Dorchester, the Rt Rev Gavin Collins, all backed Croft’s call for the COE to embrace same-sex marriage. 

There's more, much moar, but I'll leave you with this. Rainbow Rider Croft unironically deployed Matthew 7:15-20 as a proof text in support of his lengthy argument in defense of gayness. Here it is:


15 Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.

 

"Thus you will recognize them by their fruits." Quite, to say nothing of false prophets. Rainbow Rider Croft curiously doesn't expound upon these but feels the Church since its conception has been an unhealthy tree because of its bizarre insistence that marriage is something which can only take place between, gasp, shock, horror, a man and a woman.

Kyrie Eleison,

LSP

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Archbishop of Canterbury Found on Mars



Startling footage from a NASA Mars rover appears to show a giant statue of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, on the Red Planet.

While some believe the statue depicts a slave owning Egyptian Pharaoh, careful analysis by a leading UK xenologist says otherwise, that the off-world monument is the Church of England's top bishop figure.


Pharaoh

"It appears to have eye, nose, chin and a very extended forehead, which may have occupied a more enhanced brain. And it's clearly wearing a mitre. All features of Justsin Welby [sic]," stated the ET expert who wishes to remain anonymous.


Extended Forehead Stripped Pine

The colossal pharaonic statue of the Archbishop of Canterbury on Mars comes at a difficult time for the Church of England, which has accused itself of systemic racism and plans to remove statues from its churches and cathedrals to end injustice.


Violent

Whether the declining denomination's statuary purge will extend to Mars has yet to be seen. Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP