Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Archbishop of Canterbury Found on Mars



Startling footage from a NASA Mars rover appears to show a giant statue of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, on the Red Planet.

While some believe the statue depicts a slave owning Egyptian Pharaoh, careful analysis by a leading UK xenologist says otherwise, that the off-world monument is the Church of England's top bishop figure.


Pharaoh

"It appears to have eye, nose, chin and a very extended forehead, which may have occupied a more enhanced brain. And it's clearly wearing a mitre. All features of Justsin Welby [sic]," stated the ET expert who wishes to remain anonymous.


Extended Forehead Stripped Pine

The colossal pharaonic statue of the Archbishop of Canterbury on Mars comes at a difficult time for the Church of England, which has accused itself of systemic racism and plans to remove statues from its churches and cathedrals to end injustice.


Violent

Whether the declining denomination's statuary purge will extend to Mars has yet to be seen. Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

10 comments:

Kid said...

There's a reason we keep sending rovers to Mars. No doubt this is it. To confirm this rover theory is true, I noted that "a trader" who is anonymously oft cited on CNBC's pages tells us that "the stock market is going to go up forever now". "Because".
This statue figures prominently in his analysis. He is also a private pilot, an amateur metallurgist and he also predicted Trump would win in 2016. He says he knows the secret to getting rid of belly fat and also knows someone who claims to know a Mason.

Ed Bonderenka said...

Looks like we need to skip Mars and keep going....

drjim said...

So is he one of the Lizard People, Parson?

Enquiring minds want to know!

Anonymous said...

"It is life Jim, but not as we know it".

Jim said...

A contingent of Antifa needs to be sent there to pull that statue down.

LSP said...

Kid, I was a little surprised to see Justsin had put up a large Pharaoh statue of himself on Mars. Doesn't he know that Pharaohs owned slaves?!?

I've sent a complaint.

LSP said...

I know it seems disheartening and wrong, Ed, but we must not give up, ever. Take. Back. Mars.

LSP said...

That's interesting, drjim. The consensus is that Lambeth Palace has been taken over by Mantis People or "Mantids." This would make Justsin more insectoid than reptilian.

LSP said...

Anon, that's very well put.

LSP said...

Exactly, Jim. They need to make themselves useful, for goodness sake.