Climate Change

 

Here's the thing, the land of the ice and snow was more like the land of t shirt and shorts for most of the past week. Obviously someone remembered to pay their carbon tax, and then they didn't. Yesterday dawned grey and chill, with the cold seeping into your Arctyrx fleece as a harbinger of things to come, Winter.

the climate has changed

So I took the young 'un out for an enormous burger at the Inglewood Diner, tasty, and prophesied, "Son, it feels like snow." He agreed, and sure enough that's exactly what happened. A biting wind kicked in at around 6 pm and white supremacy fell from the sky, indifferent to the fate of the oppressed.

random Canadian fridge magnet

"Look, Dad," exclaimed Junior LSP, "A winter wonderland!" And so it was, "Welcome to Narnia, Son." We spent the rest of the evening watching John Wick movies along with superlative Chinese food ordered up from Chinatown. Big fun.

brrrrr

Today dawned clear, crisp and bright, beautiful. Climate Change, you see, has its benefits and to celebrate this I shoveled the sidewalk and scraped ice off the car. Then SL's rig pulled up from High River and off we went to the airport, mission accomplished.

Stay Frosty,

LSP

High River BB Gun

 

Drive about 45 minutes out of Calgary and you get to High River, which is "a vibrant, People-First community and the back door to the Kananaskis." Marketing aside, it was fun to get out of the city and visit family within sight of the mountains; there they were, at the very end of the road, and you can imagine the toughness of the people who pioneered this place, in the winter. Like Texans but Brits and Scots in the snow for months.

what a daisy

War against the Weather aside, I was knocking about in the backyard, watching the grass grow, when all of a sudden I spotted a Daisy lying nonchalantly against a wall. Yes, it was loaded, and there was a tin can.

Put two and two together and what do you get? No, not maths racism, but a backyard shooting range, so I set to, practicing abominably rusty off-hand with the little BB monster. Big fun, watch that can pop around the lawn. It brought me back to my youth and an air gun, a BSA pump, in Oxford. Sorry, birds, I genuinely apologize.

gotcha

No sooner were hundreds of BBs exhausted than feminine cries echoed from the kitchen, "Please, please get us Poutine! It's just at the end of the street!" Huh. Off I went to the end of the street and there were the mountains, most majestic, but no poutine shop, so I recced around, miraculously found the place, and all was well in High River.

note horse totem

Maybe I need to invest in an air gun when I get back to Texas, just for backyard plinking and keeping the eye in, sort of thing. Shooting is, well, shooting, eh?

Cheers,

LSP

Welcome To Calgary

 

The plane touched down and off we went into the frozen expanse of Calgary's airport. It's larger now and the new terminal seems a bit less friendly than the original but whatever, it works, and some 30 minutes and a taxi later there I was in Inglewood, right off of downtown. Hippies? Use the backdoor, without exception.

a typical Calgarian kitchen scene

Entering appropriately through the front door, the fun began, beginning and ending, curiously, at the Swan pub. Nice. It was good to be back in the land of the ice and snow and I like this part of Calgary, with its shops and eateries and downtowny vibe on a UK meets US tip.

Colonel McLeod

The next day was all about strolling around town, which isn't hard because the city center's only 20 minutes walk away. March over the bridge from Inglewood to Fort Calgary, admiring the Bow river to your right, with its excellent fly fishing, salute the the statue of Colonel McLeod, then walk with purpose through East Village towards the hideous new city library and find yourself on Stephen Avenue.

Stephen Ave

All good, but gasp in dismay at the Hyatt's bar, why, you fools, did you remove the BISON HEAD from above the fireplace? Walk away in disgust from that place. Also wonder at hideously overpriced steak houses as you mourn the loss of the Arctyrx/Mountain Adventure shop. Huh, I guess COVD got you while sparing the unpleasant Patagonia store. 

Just look at this hideous concrete portrait of tyranny

So yes, the scamdemic claimed a few victims in this High Street and there you have it, but think of all the money others made; rejoice for your rulers. Speaking of which, on your return take time to walk through the brutalist concrete nightmare that is Calgary's Town Hall.

 

Is that a Bofors gun sitting idle?

Then, safely back in Inglewood, detour by Crown Surplus. What a neat little store, complete with artillery in the yard. And there you have it, what a lot of fun to be back in Calgary, I like it here.

More on this exciting adventure as it unfolds,

LSP

Off To The Land Of The Ice And Snow

 

The land of the ice and snow, aka Canada, which means getting up at an unearthly hour tomorrow and venturing forth to DFW and the joy of modern air travel. What will Alberta be like? Will you still be able to pay with cash, will there be giant billboards of Justine Trudeau staring down at you from Orwellian rainbow hoardings?

A typical Albertan house

Who knows, and this mission's all about reconnaissance, it's a recce patrol. And I tell you, it's been a few years since I've been there, not since the deadliest plague to lockdown humanity in the history of deadliest plagues. That's passed over now, leaving 99.9% of the populace alive, so let's see what's left of Calgary, Alberta, in the aftermath of the horror.

My feeling is that the Ranchmen's Club still stands. Regardless, see you on the other side.

Ite,

LSP

Mother And Son

 

From the land of the Ice and Snow and pre-deployment exeat. Dog inna fight? I'll leave it there but feel free to comment on the iniquity of the MIC.

Your Old Friend,

LSP

Degenerate

 

Here we are, it's 2022 and we've got a new Leader, a defender, if you like, of the Fourth Rainbow Reich. That's right, Vlad Zelensky, comedian and celebrity popstar. Here zhe is:

Wow, maybe that was a one off? Not so fast punters, look at zhir:

Huh, don't say degenerate actor, say brave leader of the rainbow free world for whom, apparently, we're prepared to go to thermonuclear war. Check out Great Britain's top spy chief, the head of MI6, and Joe Biden, the most popular president ever in the history of 81 million evers:

Transsexualism, says the Big Guy. The greatest civil rights issue of our time. So now we know. Thanks, Joe, let's beat the hell out of Russia.

In other news, leading elements of Team LSP went to a Foreigner gig last night. Uh huh, at Grey Eagle Casino, in Alberta. "Is this a tribute band? I was dancing in the front row," said one member of the fighting patrol.

Juke Box Hero,

LSP

Monday Madness

 

I've heard Albertans are fleeing the Province.

Why would that be?

And they're moving to Texas. Yes, the FREE STATE.

Your Pal,

LSP

Alberta Goes Full COVID Stasi

 

Alberta, Canada's most conservative province, has gone full COVID Stasi. Starting today, and via Zero:

All Canadians must mask up at work, and any Canadians who can must work from home. Individuals must provide proof of vaccination, or a recent negative test, simply to enter a business - and the unvaccinated will not be permitted to attend any private indoor social gatherings as well.

 

The unvaccinated will not be permitted to attend any private indoor social gatherings. Better stay in your pod, unvaxxed serf and starve, because science. That's not all, the vaxxed are allowed to leave their slave quarters and even enjoy the privilege of "indoor social gatherings,"  but only if ten vaxxed people or less are involved. From Alberta's new "rules on social gatherings":

Vaccinated: Indoor private social gatherings are limited to a single household plus one other household to a maximum of 10 vaccine-eligible, vaccinated people and no restrictions on children under 12.

 

Lucky Albertan children, you're exempt from showing vax papers, for now.  In the meanwhile, who or what got to Jason Kenney, the province's premier. Apparently, in a fit of tragic science, the "health system being overwhelmed" did it. 

Now where have we heard that before. Perhaps you remember the hospital ships and pop-up "Florence Nightingales" which hardly saw a single patient. Then again, keen-eyed readers of this incisive mind blog might remember Obama's maskless birthday party or the equally maskless Met Gala, maskless unless you're a serf, obviously.  

You Malfeasant Frauds

You'd almost think our overlords didn't believe in their own mandates, as though they were the sort of people who'd buy million dollar socialist seaside property in the face of catastrophic climate change. Again, I ask, who got to Jason Kenney?

It's a fruity little dictatorship

Good luck, Canada,

LSP

Utter Disaster

The kid didn't get through Terminal B this morning because of insufficient Canadian id. You know, copies of his citizenship card, mother's birth certificate, Alberta Health Services card etc. weren't sufficient. No, sorry, can't come in. 

What? You say in amazed wonder. Hold that thought, here's the thing. Fully vaxxed Canadians with Canadian id can enter Canada. Anyone else can't, even if they're fully vaxxed. Why? Because science, because COVID. You see, a Canadian passport functions as a VIRAL SHIELD unlike a US passport, which most evidently doesn't.

Net result of this two-bit chicanery? My eldest son and soldier can't go home to visit his mother, brother and sister, whom he hasn't seen for a year and a half. He was a bit upset about that, so to make it up I put down some smoke and we ate burgers. This helped. 

I tell you this, there is a special place in Hell for the people who've foisted this wickedness upon us.

Cheers,

LSP

Everybody Was Kung Flu Fighting

Sources in Calgary on the front line of the fight against the Chinese Bat Bug say this song's being played on a continuous loop in healthcare clinics across Canada's cow town.

Here at the Compound we hope you find it as inspirational as we do.

Mind how you go,

LSP

Morning Has Broken

Here's a Calgary sunrise, looking out over the city towards the Saddledome and Scotchman's Hill. They're still putting up large buildings here and there's a risk they'll go zombie as Alberta's oil economy collapses.  

Oil Economy

Thanks, Saudi Arabia, for that. Who knows what the consequences of the Magic Kingdom's oil price strategy will be. For that matter, who knows what this is:

It's in the hotel lobby.

Readers, all three of you, help me out here. What is this "sculpture"? 

Thanks,

LSP

Calgary Hippy Discovers Rhodesia

After a grueling flight, which was delayed by 3 hours because the plane was broken, I arrived in Calgary. It was good to be back in the land of the ice and snow and I checked in to the Hyatt, downtown.

A Typical Calgary Bar

Good stuff, I like the Calgary Hyatt and it's fun to walk out of the hotel and into the blinding snow, to look at the shops on Stephen Avenue. I was doing just that when a tall hippy came up to me, complete with long hair and beard. He was wearing a pink vest over his coat, and I noticed the pink outfit had a curious logo. "Because I'm A Girl," it said. Hunh, I thought, incisively.

Stephen Avenue Attacked by the Weather

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" said the hippy. "Sure," I replied, "but only for a moment." Heartened by my friendly man-in-the-snow demeanor, the hippy asked where I came from, then launched into his pitch. 

"I'm with Because I'm A Girl."
"Oh, you are?"
"Yeah, we're the oldest community development organisation in the thir... developing countries."
"You nearly said 'third world,' didn't you."
"Uhh, yeah, I guess I kind of did."

The Because I'm A Girl Hippy looked pretty sheepish and started to make a pink-vested excuse for his thought crime. I interrupted.

"Look, I really don't care. I still call it Rhodesia."
"Rhodesia? What's that?"
"Zimbabwe, mate."

Realization dawned on the face of my new friend, and Because I'm A Girl gaped, like a bearded Bass; then he began to laugh. I headed off to look for snow boots.

Make of this what you will.

LSP

Cyber Monday Fail

mirror of illusion

It being "Cyber Monday", I tried to buy a North Face coat to send to a friend in the frozen wilds of Canada. I figured it'd be easy; go online, find a neat "Cyber Monday" deal, go to the virtual checkout with my imaginary shopping cart, pay for the goods, get them sent to the icy vastness of Alberta and move on, satisfied, with the day.

cold grey mask of morning

After an hour of broken websites, shattered dreams and mirrors of illusion, I gave up. Some people might have persevered and fought through to the objective. I went lateral onto target by making the purchase and sending it on, in person.

fog of war

All very fog of war. But not to worry, soon we'll have drones to deliver our online purchases and everything will be just fine.

Cheers,

LSP