Thursday, December 17, 2015

Putin Finds Elixir of Life

A series of photos has emerged proving that Russian President, Vladimir Putin, hasn't aged since at least 1920. Many are speculating that the former KGB strongman is immortal, and some suggest that the animal-loving ruler of the Russian Federation may, in fact, be a vampire.

Vampires Don't Cross Themselves

We dispute that claim, here at the Compound, and for several reasons. Unlike a vampire, Putin is frequently seen in daylight and has a reflection. He also goes to church, venerates icons and receives Communion. Vampires do none of these things.

Vampires Don't Venerate Holy Icons

However, Putin has clearly found the key to extreme longevity if not "immortality." This suggests that he may have found the Elixir of Life, and possibly the Philosopher's Stone, which turns base metal into gold.


So we call the question. Is Vladimir Putin an Alchemist and if so, what does that make Barack Obama?

You, the reader, be the judge.



LL said...

There certainly are a lot of theories on Vlad's longevity. I think that it's because he has sex with a different nymph every single night, but that too, may be an urban legend.

LSP said...

But never forget that O'Bama is not a Muslim.

LL said...

Right, Obama is a Black Liberation Theologist. Other than cursing America, I'm not sure what they believe in.

LSP said...

I agree, but I've heard from several experts that "Michelle" started off life as "Mitchell" -- is this true?

Adrienne said...

This is because Russians all look alike. There is a large contingent of Russian immigrants in Spokane and I waited on them often at Costco. Not only do they look alike, they are easily identified as Russians. Now, thing is, if someone asked you to describe a Russian, you can't do it. But, you know one when you see one.

LSP said...

Good point, but I'll wager LL could have a go...