The Church of England Found Snooping, in Wisconsin?

A Wisconsin man claims to have seen the Church of England snooping around his house in Monona, Dale County.

The anonymous Wisconsinite saw the Church from a reflection in his window. “It was in the reflection of the room," he said, "while my back was turned. It apparently sneaked from hiding to staircase. My father was asleep in a different room.”

By the time the man turned around the Church had gone, leaving "no trace." However, the Monona resident was able to describe the small denomination as being 4' tall, balding, with a small mouth and large alien-like eyes. The humanoid entity was reportedly wearing a "blue one-piece with no belt." 

However, some experts disagree. "I've seen the drawing and it's clearly not the Church of England," stated one pundit, "It looks a lot more like the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby. You can tell by its glasses, head and grey-like features. He might have been sneaking about for money or food."

Why the Church of England or its leader, Archbishop Welby, have been sneaking through houses in Wisconsin remains unknown.

Monona, Wisconsin, has a population of 8,000.

LSP

Is The Church of England Buried? On Mars?

The search for extraterrestrial life has taken an unexpected turn, with NASA photos showing what appears to be the Church of England buried beneath the dust and rock of the Red Planet. 

SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Life) experts have analysed photographic evidence taken by NASA's Curiosity Rover, revealing a cross that's barely visible above the surface of Mars. Some claim it's all that remains of the Church of England.

A Typical DLC Mess Scene Before Everyone Tips up And Gets Rowdy

"Everyone knows the CofE (Church of England) went red a long time ago," stated one SETI analyst, "but no one's been able to find it until now. It was buried under the martian sand, a freak storm must have uncovered its cross."

A ruined arch, that pundits believe is all that's left of the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC), lies broken in the red sand covering the nearby Church of England, a reminder of the denomination's past splendour.

According to UFO Sightings Daily, "This is a very unusual find and probably a significant discovery for some readers here that are religious."

Whether the Church of England will break free of the red planet and dig itself out of the martian dirt remains to be seen. It's leader, Justsin Welby, was unavailable for comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP 

It's The Dyslexic Deacon!

The Dyslexic Deacon's back and he's back in force, reporting on the recent primates meeting in Canterbury. Over to you, Deacon.

Saucies closed to APB Justsin Wobbly have leaked a seekret reprot on the Naglican Conunuim. '38 Shades of Gay' reveels how conversative FAGCON prymates suckcessfully censered ACUSA (TEC) homosectual weddings at the resent cumming together in Cant A Becket. In the Indrotuction APB Justsin apollogises for the Conunium's phomohobic passed and looks forwood to censering homosectuals in the Cherch of Negland.

Thanks, Dyslexic Deacon, keep it coming!

LSP 

It's The Woman Bishop Beauty Pageant!

It's a rare day that the shrinking Church of England doesn't promote a woman to one of its top bishop jobs, but who's the best looking?

Libby Lane?

Karen Gorham?

Christine Hardman?

Alison White?

Rachel Treweek?

Which one of these stained glass ceiling stunners wins the beauty prize?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Suspect in Detroit Carjacking

CCTV footage and a witness reconstruction, make Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, a prime suspect in a series of Detroit carjackings.

The most recent attack happened on Sunday at a gas station at McNichols Road and St. Mary’s Street. After purchasing Blunts, the carjackers ran up to a parked vehicle and robbed it's owner.

Carjacker Suspect

One of the carjackers was captured on in-store video surveillance, which agrees with the victim's description of one of his attackers as, "A balding, Eurolib technocrat, white Caucasian male."

Artist's Reconstruction

The images and description point to the Archbishop of Canterbury, who was recently involved in a mall brawl in a Detroit suburb and thrown out of a pawn shop on the Motor City's iconic 8 Mile Road.

Justin Welby in Mall Brawl

Police have appealed for information and warn the public that Welby is potentially dangerous.

Lambeth Palace was unavailable for comment.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Enforces New Beatitudes

A source deep within Lambeth Palace has revealed that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, is forcing his Talent Pool to recite the Beatitudes, with a twist!

Unfortunate members of the Talent Pool, a group of high-flyers in the Church of England, have been ordered by Welby to recite a new set of "Beatitudes" as an exercise in "team building":

Blessed is the Talent Pool - because theirs is the kingdom of promotion,

Blessed are the MBAs – because they will inherit the salary,

Bessed are HR - because they will cut out the dead wood in a caring, sympathetic and inclusive manner,

Blessed are the CEOs – because the first will be first every time,

Blessed are the Accountants – because they can make rich men appear poor,

Blessed are the Lawyers – because they can plea-bargain here on earth,

Blessed are those with poor memory – because Alzheimer's is a great excuse when you get caught,

Blessed are the immoral – because they will rise to the top,

Blessed are those with a private jet – because they can lecture on climate change around the world.

"We have to go around the Palace wearing chinos and loafers, chanting these so-called 'Beatitudes,'" said our source, "Justin calls it 'team building' but it's really humiliating. He sits on the edge of a desk squeezing a stress ball, watching us. It's pretty unnerving, some of the Talent Pool are seriously considering dropping out of the program altogether."

The Church of England is facing declining membership and rising costs, despite women bishops and celebrity Crowley lookalike, Giles Fraser.

LSP

Is This the Church of England?

Look, I'm not saying that this plucky little purple plush unicorn is for sure the Church of England, it might be the Diocese of Southwark, or the Bishop of Gloucester. Perhaps it's the diminutive ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), or even the cash rich but numbers starved Episcopal Church itself. Maybe it's the Anglican Communion Office. Who knows.

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Anglican Gender Justice

Do you remember the latest headline-breaking news about the Church of England? That it had launched a bold new ecotheology initiative to reduce its carbon footprint? Well, that's not all.

Gender Justice Warriors

Courageous Anglican gender justice warriors met at a workshop in London in March to kick off an "international movement for gender justice."

Anglican Communion Office

According to Revd Terrie Robinson, Director for Women in the Church and Society (WITCHS) at the Anglican Communion Office, “The workshop was a constructive reminder that we will travel further in our efforts for gender justice if we travel together. Women and men have become trapped in distorted mythologies around power which erode the status and agency of women, deny men and women the benefits of just gender relations, and get in the way of development, health and well-being."

Distorted Mythology?

Vicious rumors that the Anglican Communion Office has been taken over by space aliens are just that, rumors.

Travel Together

Former oil executive, Justsin Welby, is Archbishop of Canterbury.

LSP

Get Out And Shoot

It was a beautiful morning, here in Texas, so I thought I'd better hurry up and head off to the range to see if the AR 15 lower receiver I built the other day actually worked.

First things first, I loaded Blue Tactical into the truck along with gun stuff and bought some ammo, 5.56, 62 grain, out of Turkey. It was cheap, and that appealed.

Did the lower work? It worked flawlessly, with no malfunctions over several hundred rounds. Very pleasing. But here's the thing, my red dot sight (RDS) was zeroed at 100 yards for 55 grain ammo, which meant it was off for 62 grain ammo.

If I'd been a smart shooter, I would have used my not-so-smart-phone to look up ballistic charts for the ammo I had in hand and zeroed accordingly. To help myself, you, and all the world, I've included a chart in this post to save everyone a lot time, money, and aggro. 

People like LL, who have forgotten more about shooting than I will ever know, may laugh at this. But hey, we learn by mistakes, unless you're the Church of England, or the Administration. In which case you don't.

I got on, in the end, after a lot of unnecessary messing around with my RDS. But the main thing is, the lower receiver worked perfectly. It'll go with my new upper, which should be ready in a day or two. I'm excited by that.

Blue Tactical was excited by the gunfire. So much so that he had to have a time-out in the bed of the truck. He liked that too.

Shoot straight,

LSP

Church of England Cathedral Taken Over by Mantis People?

Startling new evidence suggests that Bury St. Edmund's Cathedral has been infiltrated by Mantis People.

Sources in the picturesque market town have drawn attention to a new stained glass window, which they claim is being commissioned by the Cathedral.

"The Cathedral has always been a patron of the arts," said one insider, who wishes to remain anonymous, "But this is an outrage. The new window isn't even about Jesus. I think our beloved Cathedral has been taken over by Mantis People."

Others disagree, saying that the proposed window is just the cover of a popular book, Quatermass and the Pit.

"It may look a lot like a stained glass window in the Cathedral, and lot of people in the town think it is," claimed window skeptic and paranormal expert, A. Delgarde, "That's not true. It's the cover of a popular novel, Quatermass and the Pit. There is no truth at all to rumours suggesting that the Cathedral has been taken over by Mantis People."

Is the Cathedral's new window a smoking gun, showing that the once Christian place of worship is being run by an off-world cabal of mantids, run amok? Or is it just the cover of a book?

You decide,

LSP

Church of England Infographic

Presented without comment.

LSP

Church of England No-Talent Management

The Church of England has hit on a radical new way to reverse its declining fortunes. Hire some consultants and create more bureaucracy, of course.

Budget

In a bold new move to turn around the dismal failure of CofE leaders to get people to go to their failing church, a £2-million budget has been approved to implement Talent Management for Future Leaders and Leadership Development for Bishops and Deans: A new approach.

Talent

In keeping with CofE best practice, training will be run by a secular institution or business school, although a "spiritual retreat" is also envisaged. In step two of the career promotion programme, 150 potential top decision makers will have to pass a 5 year course at Archbishop Justin Welby's London palace.

Success

Failure to pass the five year "path to success" will result in career candidates being thrown out of what the report refers to as a "talent pool" and having to make do as ordinary, if failed, clergypersons. According to the Church Times, the "talent pool" will be made up of up to "150 high-potential individuals."

High Potential

You can read Let Nothing You Dismay for some commentary but I have to say, whatever happened to holiness of life being a qualifier for office in the church? And who's making the profit? 

Throw Up In Your Mouth

I'll tell you this, it won't be parishes or the increase of the Body of Christ. And with that in mind, maybe someone should follow the money all the way to the "talent pool."

God bless,

LSP

Canon Rosie Harper Caught on Camera?

Eerie footage of what appears to be a female Babylonian demon may in fact be a senior clergyperson in the Church of England, Canon Rosie Harper.

Lamashtu?

Photos reveal a malignant creature terrorizing a female patient in hospital, leading some experts to speculate that the Babylonian woman demon, Lamashtu, had finally been caught on film. According to one commentator, “This picture was taken of a nurse’s viewing monitor. On the monitor, this black figure appeared standing on top of the patient who was lying in the bed. The patient died within a few hours of this figure appearing.”

Rosie?

Others were less sensational. "It looks a lot like the Babylonian demon Lamashtu," stated a paranormal expert, "but it's just Canon Rosie Harper, messing about with a sick patient, the Church of England."

Lamashtu?

Does this startling photograph of a female demon reveal the evil Lamashtu? Or is it just a senior woman priest in the Church of England, Canon Rosie Harper?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Chickens in the Tree. The Anglo-Catholic Future?

"That's weird!" I thought, "There are chickens in this tree." Seriously, I'd no sooner sooner stepped out on the back porch when I noticed a largish white shape in my neighbor's tree. I walked up for a closer look and sure enough, it was a chicken. One of many.

Flying Bishop?

The chickens are roosting now, "better together", sleeping, high up in the tree. Lots of them. I didn't know they did that, but now I do.

Better Together

Perhaps you're thinking that this is some kind of metaphor for the Anglo-Catholic Movement. And maybe the chickens think they'll be safe, sleeping up there in the tree.

God bless,

LSP

Archdruid of Canterbury

photo thanks to All Seeing Eye & GOT here

From the Daily Mail:

"The Archbishop of Canterbury last night admitted the future of the Church of England was 'chaotic and uncertain'. Rowan Williams said 'God knows' what will happen amid attempts by the Vatican to lure Anglican clergy to convert to Roman Catholicism."

Well go figure, ++Rowan, spiritual heir to Augustine, druid, dhimmi, sharia endorsing writer of incomprehensible theology and all round Anglo-Catholic sell out. But hold on, something's wrong with the list - ah yes, the Augustine bit.

Lets see how many in the U.K. swim the Tiber for Rome, maybe few but I'd be surprised if trads are staying in out of love for their leader.

Guns tomorrow.

LSP