Archbishop Of Canterbury Bows Like A Dhimmwit

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has been caught on camera, bowing like a dhimmwit before Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman.

Salman is on a world tour promoting his version of a more liberal Saudi Arabia. During an hour long meeting with the bowing Archbishop, Salmon reassured the dhimmwitted prelate that Saudi Arabia is committed to "interfaith dialogue within the Kingdom and beyond."

Two Steps Behind, Justin

What would this "dialogue" look like, in a place where the open expression of any faith other than Islam is banned and conversion to another religion is punishable by death? 

Perhaps "interfaith dialogue" is simply a euphemism for bowing before Islam and servile dhimmitude for all who live in the house of war.

Royal Sheikh

It looks like Justin should fit right in.

Kizmet,

LSP 

Epiphany

You may have missed it in your rush to buy Bitcoin but today's the Feast of the Epiphany and the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles. I like this:

THE Magi took the lids from their urns and unfastened their caskets, when they presented the symbols of universal homage to our infant prince. But when a woman came to anoint the king in his royal city, she shattered her alabaster jar, that she might pour the precious spikenard on his head. There was a sympathy between her action and the approaching Passion: the perfume of man’s homage could not be offered to God, without breaking the veined alabaster, the body of the Son of Man. Our incense may rise, like that of the Magi, from unbroken vessels, if we present our bodies a living sacrifice. Yet a living sacrifice is also a sacrifice, and is made so by some participation in the shattering of the vase. Christ, sacrificing himself, joins us with him in sacrificing him; Christ, sacrificing himself, sacrifices us, for he has made us parts of him. We come to offer our homage to Christ, but his star has brought us, and the breaking of his mortal vase has furnished all the perfume of our offering.

                                                                                  The Crown of the Year, Austin Farrer.

Elf

With that in mind, it's only fair to say that several members of this popular information brokerage have also had epiphanies. Viz. Justin Welby is not so much an Archbishop as  a Comedy House Elf. 

There's no need to get into Mantis People, that's a different post.

Quo Vadis,

LSP

Patriarchal Wisdom

Listen up, you heathen. Here's the Patriarch of Constantinople dispensing incarnational Christmas wisdom.

Neither the tragic experience of violence and reduction of the human person, nor the proclamation of noble ideals have prevented the continuation of aggression and war, the exaltation of power and the exploitation of one another. Nor again have the domination of technology, the extraordinary achievements of science, and economic progress brought social justice and the peace that we so desire. Instead, in our time, the indulgence of the affluent has increased and globalization is destroying the conditions of social cohesion and harmony...

In the Church, we experience freedom through Christ, in Christ and with Christ. And the very summit of this freedom is the place of love, which “does not seek its own” but “derives from a pure heart.” Whoever depends on himself, seeks his own will, and is self-sufficient—whoever pursues deification by himself and congratulates himself—only revolves around himself and his individual self-love and self-gratification; such a person only sees others as a suppression of individual freedom. Whereas freedom in Christ is always oriented to one’s neighbor, always directed toward the other, always speaks the truth in love. The aim of the believer is not to assert his or her rights, but rather “to follow and fulfill the rights of Christ” in a spirit of humility and thanksgiving.

This truth about the life in Christ, about freedom as love and love as freedom, is the cornerstone and assurance for the future of humankind. When we build on this inspired ethos, we are able to confront the great challenges of our world, which threaten not only our well-being but our very survival.

The truth about the “God-man” is the response to the contemporary “man-god” and proof of our eternal destination proclaimed by the Holy and Great Council of the Orthodox Church (Crete, 2016): “The Orthodox Church sets against the ‘man-god’ of the contemporary world the ‘God-man’ as the ultimate measure of all things. “We do not speak of a man who has been deified, but of God who has become man.” The Church reveals the saving truth of the God-man and His body, the Church, as the locus and mode of life in freedom, “speaking the truth in love,” and as participation even now on earth in the life of the resurrected Christ.”

The truth about the "God-man" is the response to the contemporary "man-god" and proof of our eternal destination... Outstanding and you can read the whole thing here. 

As a parting shot, what does the Patriarch's "man-god" look like? Hint, it likes to ride a unicorn en lieu of an eyes wide shut, Rothschild supplied driver but don't ask Welby, he doesn't know.

God bless,

LSP

NASA Probe Unravels Great Red Spot Mystery

NASA's Juno space probe has captured dramatic photos deep within the heart of the Jupiter's Great Red Spot, revealing what appears to be the head of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby.

Juno left earth in 2011, making its first pass over Jupiter's Great Red Spot in July, 2017. Astronomer's discovered that the Spot has deep roots, well into the planet's atmosphere.

"Juno data indicate that the solar system's most famous storm is almost one-and-a-half Earths wide, and has roots that penetrate about 200 miles (300 kilometers) into the planet's atmosphere,” said Scott Belton, Juno's principal investigator.

However, star gazing boffins were shocked to find the Archbishop of Canterbury in Juno's camera footage.

"It came as a shock," stated Belton, "We didn't expect to find Justin Welby so far down in the Red Spot, right there at the bottom,"

Others aren't convinced. "This is absurd. It's obviously not the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby," said one expert, "It's just hot gas. Red Spot Junior is ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), we know that."

Juno continues on its journey out of the solar system and into the icy void of deep space.

Ad Adstra,

LSP

Archbishop Of Canterbury In Black Friday Mall Brawl

Reports are coming in from around the country that the leader of the cash-strapped Church of England, Archbishop Justin Welby, has been Black Friday mall brawling for cheap deals in a desperate attempt to fix the finances of the Anglican Communion.

Following Thanksgiving, Black Friday discounts drive shoppers into a frenzy as they compete for door buster deals, and Archbishop Justsin was no exception, fighting for bargains with thousands of other hungry shoppers.

Police broke up mall brawls in numerous locations, including Alabama, Detroit and Jersey City.  Always one to mind the bottom line, Archbishop Justsin has reportedly installed 52" flatscreens in Lambeth Palace and stocked his drawers with cut-price cotton twill Chinos.

What this means for the present day Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) is presently unclear.

Quo Vadis,

LSP

Welby's Chinos!

They're here, they're there, they're everywhere, you guessed it, Welby's Chinos! 

Never one to stand on ceremony, Old Etonian Archbishop Justsin likes nothing better than to throw down his finely tailored Saville Row suits and pull on a pair of happy go lucky chinos.

Africans Amazed At Welby's Chinos

As a heartfelt proponent of cross-dressing for children, Welby favors the insouciant "whiter shade of pale" chino over its more formal variant, the traditional khaki.

Welby's Chinos Closeup

On TV and off TV, in Synod and out, strolling down the Mall with all the other swells or hanging loose in Old Compton Street, you name it, Archbishop Justin's right at home, in his free and easy cotton twills.

Don't Laugh At The Chinos!

So whether you're rocking a tutu and a fireman's helmet, a tool belt or tiara, never fear, Justsin's here, in chinos!

Bell Harry Forever,

LSP

Amazing Pyramid Church Caught on Camera!

Amazing camera footage has captured a skyborne pyramidal structure, which appears to be the Church of England. The pyramid has been seen in multiple locations.

Josh Edbow was startled when he saw the Church of England zig-zagging in the air above Scarborough, Ontario, Canada.

"I was minding my own business when all of a sudden it appeared, zig-zagging in the sky. It was shaped like a giant pyramid," said Edbow, "The Church made a kind of whistling noise, it sounded like 'con-seq-uences.' Then it disappeared behind a water tower."

The same object was seen above the Hebei Luannan power plant in Tangshan City, China, spinning rapidly before becoming invisible.

"The Church of England span very fast," stated one power plant worker, "Then it vanished! There was a wind, the Church was still there, but invisible."

The Church of England was accompanied by a strange smaller craft in the China sighting. 

This too became invisible after spinning wildly. Experts speculate it was the Scottish Episcopal Church.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Russians Hack Church of England?

Shocking new evidence appears to show the small but aggressively transsexual Church of England disappearing into a portal in Yakutia, Russia, leading experts to claim that the venerable denomination has been hacked by the Kremlin.

Video footage shows the diminutive Church rising into the Russian sky before vanishing into a "portal."

The Church of England disappearing into a portal

"The strange video, seeming to show the Church of England full of lights in the night sky, has emerged in media circles in Yakutia, the largest region in Russia," stated one UFOlogist, "The small object is then swallowed by a portal. I think it was hacked."

Yakutia is famous for its diamonds, which may have drawn the cash-strapped CofE to the Russian wilderness. 

Artist's impression

Reports of the numerically challenged denomination disappearing altogether have come in from several countries, including Canada, New Zealand and America. 

A typical Russian hacker

However, when questioned about Russian hacking, Lambeth Palace declined to comment.

Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby

Archbishop Justin Welby was last seen pawning episcopal regalia on Detroit's notorious 8 Mile Road.

Space is Deep,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Panhandling in Detroit!

Archbishop Justin Welby, leader of the worldwide Anglican Communion, may be a bishop but evidence shows that he's also an aggressive panhandler on Detroit's notorious 8 Mile Road.

Recent photographs reveal the toffee-nosed Old Etonian grifting for spare change outside of pawn shops in America's former Motor City and shamelessly soliciting motorists for money at traffic stops.

The Archbishop's begging has caused Detroit area legislature to pass a tough new law, the Aggressive Solicitation Prohibition Act.

“If you’re getting in and out of your car, and they come right up to you — I’ve talked to people who find that intimidating,” said sponsoring Representative Mike McCready, R-Bloomfield Hills, “And I think that’s where it crosses the line from a personal request to an intimidating request.”

Welby, who once worked for Elf Oil, became a Vicar in the Church of England and quickly rose to the coveted rank of Bishop before getting promoted to Archbishop of Canterbury, the CofE's sought-after top job. But his victory was short lived.

Thanks to dwindling congregations and poor bottom line performance, the Church of England's chief executive is on the streets of Detroit, pawning episcopal regalia and begging for money.

Whether Welby's desperate bid for money will reverse the fortunes of the declining Church of England remains to be seen.

Lambeth Palace has not returned calls.

God bless,

LSP

Are Women Priests Awesome?

Women priests, commonly known as "priestesses," awesome or not so awesome? That depends on who you speak to. Katherine Jefferts Schori thinks they are.

Justin Goofing Off With Priestesses

So does Justin Welby, the chino-wearing leader of the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC).

Typical Priestess Street Scene

On the other hand, Archbishop Okoh, who leads Nigeria's 20 million+ Anglicans, takes a dim view of priestesses. So does the Pope, the Ecumenical Patriarch and the Bishop of Fort Worth, Jack Iker.

If You Don't Ordain Women No One Will Go To Church

The conservative-minded Anglican Church in North America (ACNA) can't quite make up its mind and produced a report, outlining arguments pro and con. Both sides of the issue, says the report, have Godly integrity.

Is She or Isn't She

They do? One side emerged from God-hating feminist cultural Marxism and the other didn't. Likewise, one side destroyed Anglican sacramental unity, turning WAC (Worldwide Anglican Communion) into WANC, and the other didn't. And who was it that shipwrecked the chances of Anglican unity with the great churches of the East and West? 

A Dancing Priestess

As you reflect on these difficult questions, I'll leave you with a short rhyme.

Jefferts Schori

Woman priest? No such beast.

LSP

Dark Matter Holding Anglican Communion Together Captured by Boffins

Stargazing boffins at the University of Waterloo, Canada, have captured an image of the mysterious "dark matter" that holds the Anglican Communion together.

Using a technique known as gravitational lensing, which detects unseen mass, the Canadian astrophysicists were able to create a picture of the dark matter bridge that holds the Anglican Communion together.

Before the groundbreaking discovery, astronomers were baffled by the Anglican Communion's continued existence because visible matter wasn't strong enough to keep the Church together. This led to speculation that an unseen force was at work, acting as a scaffold to to bond the Communion.

Dark matter is an invisible element said to make up around 84 per cent of the Anglican Communion. It's known as "dark" because it doesn't shine, absorb or reflect light, which has traditionally made it largely undetectable, except through gravity and gravitational lensing.

Whether dark matter will continue to hold the Anglican Communion together and prevent its various Churches from spinning off at random into the icy void of deep space remains to be seen.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Unholy Week

Police are appealing to the public following a carjacking in Ann Arbor, a suburb of Detroit.

The incident occurred around 1 a.m. in the 400 block of Washington Street, when two men forced a driver from his car at gunpoint. The carjackers then drove the vehicle a short way before crashing it and fleeing the scene on foot. 

Justin Welby, left, and Cursitor Doom, right.

Police describe the suspects as middle-aged, balding, white Caucasian males with grey complexions. CCTV footage shows the men have a striking resemblance to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, and the Rev. Cursitor Doom, aka "Giles Fraser."

The Archbishop of Canterbury

Anyone with information about this crime is asked to call the Michigan Crime Line: 1-800-SPEAK-UP.

Lambeth Palace was unavailable for comment.

LSP

Church of England Death Spiral?

Gavin Ashenden comments on the withdrawal of Bishop North from the Diocese of Sheffield, and the secular left's monopoly of power in the venerable but shrinking Church of England. Has the parasite fatally wounded its host?

The Philip North crisis has shown us what the end game always was. The monopoly of a sub-Christian, neo-Arian, power-driven heterodoxy that was infuriated by Christian orthodoxy.

The golden rule for the parasite is not to kill the host, just to weaken it and live off it. The vulnerability of +Philip North proved too tempting a target, and the progressives struck too soon and too hard. It may prove to be that they have fatally wounded their host, the Church of England.

Since it has become clear that orthodox Christians will not be allowed the privilege of following their consciences, living out biblical paradigms and challenging the secular culture from within the Church of England, they will either have to adopt a separate orthodox jurisdiction of their own, or leave. The jury is out on which the faithful will choose.

You can read the whole thing at Anglican Ink.

Good luck, CofE.

Your Pal,

LSP

Tax The Robots

Bill Gates, the richest man that has ever been and the co-founder of Microsoft, has hit on a novel way to reverse the declining fortunes of the once great Church of England. Tax the robots.

The Church of England is currently plagued by automatons who robotically repeat the slogans of popular culture, leading to shrinking membership and deficit budgets.

The Mind of Synod

"The robots are killing us," stated one General Synod insider, "They won't shut up until the entire Church is gay married, or trans, or both. So normal people don't come anymore and giving is right down. With the Gates plan maybe we can turn the robots into profit centers."

The First Law of Robotics

Robots in the Church of England's General Synod recently decided that marriage wasn't confined to men and women. However, the shrinking denomination stopped short of affirming artificial intelligence marriage equality (AIME).

DAARPA

Rumors that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, is a DAARPA manufactured AI are currently unconfirmed.

God bless,

LSP