It's The Woman Bishop Beauty Pageant!

It's a rare day that the shrinking Church of England doesn't promote a woman to one of its top bishop jobs, but who's the best looking?

Libby Lane?

Karen Gorham?

Christine Hardman?

Alison White?

Rachel Treweek?

Which one of these stained glass ceiling stunners wins the beauty prize?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Behold Your Rulers!

Look upon your rulers in awe. They're meeting in Paris, to work out a plan to tax you more. And here's Illuminati shill, Miley Cyrus.

Illuminati NWO Puppet

Rock on, the New World Order.

Kick out the Jams.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Suspect in Detroit Carjacking

CCTV footage and a witness reconstruction, make Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, a prime suspect in a series of Detroit carjackings.

The most recent attack happened on Sunday at a gas station at McNichols Road and St. Mary’s Street. After purchasing Blunts, the carjackers ran up to a parked vehicle and robbed it's owner.

Carjacker Suspect

One of the carjackers was captured on in-store video surveillance, which agrees with the victim's description of one of his attackers as, "A balding, Eurolib technocrat, white Caucasian male."

Artist's Reconstruction

The images and description point to the Archbishop of Canterbury, who was recently involved in a mall brawl in a Detroit suburb and thrown out of a pawn shop on the Motor City's iconic 8 Mile Road.

Justin Welby in Mall Brawl

Police have appealed for information and warn the public that Welby is potentially dangerous.

Lambeth Palace was unavailable for comment.

LSP

Church of England Appoints Nudist Woman Bishop

Hardly a week goes by without the Church of England appointing a new woman bishop in its desperate attempt to reverse declining congregations and shrinking budgets. But the new Bishop of Sherbourne, Karen Gorham, isn't just a woman, she's also a nudist.

Archdeacon of Buckingham, Karen Gorham, was named next Bishop of Sherbourne last Thursday and has a long history of nudism, going back to her upbringing in a nudist family. According to Gorham, going around naked isn't necessarily about sex:

A Typical Woman Bishop Figure

"The connection of nakedness and sex, though it may seem inescapable, need not necessarily be so," stated the new bishop in a theology booklet, "Life in a naturist club, or a naturist resort, is just about doing things which one generally does with clothes on, but unclothed when the circumstances permit it."

Pew Filler

Gorham, 51, is unmarried. Maybe she'll get all the "singles" back to church and fill those empty CofE pews.

Good luck.

 

LSP

Jesus Isn't Your Imaginary Friend

Here's a helpful message for Advent. Maybe you think Jesus is some kind of imaginary buddy, in your mind. Well He's not.

At some point in our history, we began to attribute a merely mental reality to anything that was not an object and reduced the importance of objects to what they could contribute to our mental reality. We live in a sea of psychology. Things, we believe, are only what we think they are. My “relationship” with you means nothing more than the set of inner experiences and dispositions I have towards you. In many ways, a very good version of “virtual reality” is just as good as “reality” itself.

You can read the whole thing here. And while we're at it, let's have Hagia Sophia back.

Maybe you think I'm kidding about that last bit.

LSP 

Advent Prayer

Listen up, it's Advent. Time to pray, and none of your newfangled rubbish either.

ALMIGHTY God, give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness, and put upon us the armour of light, now in the time of this mortal life, in which thy Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility; that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious Majesty, to judge both the quick and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal; through him who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, now and ever. Amen.

God bless,

LSP

A Cheery Little Advent Message

Here's a cheery little message to get you ready for Advent:

When confronted with Americans who have seen their standard of living falling for the last twenty five years and are sick and tired of hearing drivel about white privilege, black lives matter, safe spaces, gay and transgender “rights”, micro-aggressions, rape culture, misogyny, $15 minimum wage, and a myriad of other offenses against feminism, these easily offended “warriors” will piss their pants. These trivialities will seem so quaint when they are confronted with an angry guy with a gun on the streets or when they are told to report for duty as we wage war with Russia and China. The foolishness of the culture wars will become strikingly apparent when economic collapse and life or death choices confront our special snowflake generation.

Special snowflake generation. I like that.

God bless,

LSP

Another Day in The War on Weather

It's another typically cold, rainy day in Texas, and smart citizens are staying inside by the fire, cleaning guns, loading magazines and turning Thanksgiving leftovers into pies. 

It was hot here, once, but that was before El Nino broke loose and started his current reign of weather extremism. 

El Nino

Thank the "higher power" that our Commander-in-Chief takes the War on Weather seriously. He's taking some time off from watching reruns of the Danish Girl and Transparency to meet with world leaders in Paris next week, where they'll work on a strategy to defeat The Weather. 

Must. Raise. More. Money. To Beat The Weather

It'll be a veritable War Cabinet against the enemy that threatens us all with destruction. And maybe our War Leaders will manage to tax the Weather into submission, which will make the atmosphere colder, which will turn Texas hot again.

We live and hope.

LSP

Our Pals Turkey And ISIS Oil

ZeroHedge -- Finally, note that Ceyhan is less than two hours by car from Incirlik air base from which the US is flying anti-ISIS sorties. In other words, ISIS oil is being shipped to the world right down the road from Washington's preferred Mid-East forward operating base.

Now that we can add what looks like quantitative evidence that ISIS oil is shipped from Turkey to the voluminous qualitative evidence supplied by ex-Turkish lawmakers, investigative reporters, and the Russian government (to name just a few sources), we can now proceed to consider one final question: where does the crude that helps to fund Bakr al-Baghdadi's caliphate ultimately end up? More on that over the weekend.

We have to ask, to what extent is the US complicit?

LSP

Archbishop Justin Welby Thrown Out of Detroit Pawn Shop

Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, was thrown out of a pawn shop on Detroit's famous 8 Mile Road.

"This guy came in here claiming to be an 'Archbishop' and trying to sell me a miter with all these fish on it," said pawn shop owner, Les Rich, "I offered him five bucks and he went off on me, insulting Detroit. We had to kick him out, like all the other riff-raff. Don't mess with this great city, that's what I told him."

Detroit Street Scene

Trying to pawn his archiepiscopal regalia is a new low for Welby, who was recently photographed brawling over a flatscreen T.V. at a Michigan mall, on Black Friday.

Hands Off The Flatscreen, Justin.

Reports that Welby was seen hustling for spare change outside of Cobo Hall have not been confirmed by Lambeth Palace.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury in Black Friday Mall Brawl

Shocking photos reveal the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, scrapping with Black Friday shoppers at a Michigan mall.

The maul brawl erupted after Welby tried to wrestle a discounted flat screen T.V. out of the hands of a single Mother. "I waited all night to get my Vizio," said Toya Laquanda, "Then Welby come in and try and take it!"

Onlookers were outraged by Welby's attempted T.V. grab,  and one angry shopper faced off against the leader of the worldwide Anglican Communion, in what soon became a full-on slugfest. 

The fight ended when mall security was called, but not before a bruised and battered Welby disappeared into the Black Friday crowd of bargain hunters.

Lambeth Palace has not commented on the incident.

LSP

Sultan Erdogan. Terrorist

Fars News -- After being dumped by the European Union for not meeting the criteria to become an EU member; then despised by the international community for acting as “Jihadist Super-Highway” for foreign goons pouring into Syria; and still being rejected by Iran as a route to transit natural gas into Europe, Turkey is desperate to do whatever it can to stay in this New Great Game, even if that means shooting down Russian warplanes over Syria.

Trans Night at The White House

ZeroHedge -- here is a brief, if very disturbing snapshot, of both father and son Erdogan by F. William Engdahl, one which should make everyone ask whether the son of Turkey's president (and thus, the father) is the silent mastermind who has been responsible for converting millions of barrels of Syrian Oil into hundreds of millions of dollars of Islamic State revenue.

Not The Danish Girl

But why worry, after all, as Joe "Butterfly Knife" Biden reminds us, LGBT rights are the "greatest civil rights issue of our time." In the meanwhile, our Commander-in-Chief spends his time watching The Danish Girl.

I doubt Putin's doing that.

LSP

Salute The Flag

But which one? I'd have thought that was obvious. Less obvious is the fact that everyone here at HQ is watching a Thanksgiving Day murder mystery, set in Aberystwyth.

A Typical Day in Aberystwyth

Myth has it that the drummer of the world famous pop band, the Scorpions, owned a mansion just outside of Aberystwyth. 

Braggable.

LSP

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Cheers,

LSP

Bushcraft Wednesday!

Maybe you're so focused on the potential for World war III breaking out in Syria, or the Race For Raqqa, that you've forgotten about bushcraft.

Time to end that amnesia. Part of surviving in the wild means surviving in the wild. So here's a helpful video to drum that point home.

Uzi.

LSP

All The Colors of The Rainbow!

It's been tough sledding for the diminutive Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC) over the last decade or so. For some reason, not too many people want to be included in Fred Hiltz's church of inclusion. But maybe that's about to change, thanks to the government.

Via Anglican Samizdat:

The federal government will include gay men among the Syrian refugees it brings into Canada as part of a plan that puts the focus on accepting women, children and families.

Now we know why the Anglican Church of Canada has been campaigning for more refugees to be admitted: an influx of potential ACoC priests.

Experts describe ACoC as "lost in the icy void of deep space." Whether a sudden and massive influx of gay Muslim refugees will turn the dwindling denomination's fortunes around is unclear.

LSP

Turkish Math

Looks like the Turks aren't so hot at math.

ZeroHedge -- Miraculously, there were no further escalations overnight, but as we outlined in detail on Tuesday, something doesn’t add up about the story Ankara is telling. According to a letter Turkey sent to UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon and the 15 members of the UN Security Council, the Russian warplane, flying at 19,000 feet, “violated Turkish national airspace to a depth of 1.36 miles and 1.15 miles in length for 17 seconds.” If you do the math on that, it means the Su-24 was basically flying at stall speed. 

Our Friends, The Moderate Jihadists, Executed This Pilot

As you reflect on that wisdom, don't forget that the Al-Qaeda affiliated Jihadists who executed a Russian airman are backed by the US. Why?

Our Frenemies, ISIS

Because they're moderates, of course. And we have to ask, why is Turkey even a member of NATO? But given that it is, why not sign up the Caliphate too.

I mean to say, it's not as though we're supplying them with guns and money, or anything.

Cheers,

LSP

Don't Be An Idiot, Go Out And Fish

Don't be an idiot, I thought to myself, go out and catch some fish. So that's what happened, but it took a while.

Scientific Method

I casted, using the scientific method: chuck everything in the water and see if something works. Did the method work? Good question.

Ugly Stick

Not at first.

There is That Leviathan!

Then it lifted off and I was reeling in the mighty Leviathans.

Hey, it's a Fish

Monsters of the deep.

Message to market? Don't be an idiot, get out and fish, you never know, you might even catch something.

Fish on,

LSP

Go Visiting

In a bold attempt to escape the appalling news, I drove off to visit some of the flock. Blue Traveller got to come along for the ride.

It was sunny

There were trees

And it was good to get out in the countryside.

I celebrated this excursion by roasting up some beef, and that was good too.

God bless,

LSP

How Did ISIS Get So Big?

Surely this didn't have anything to do with it:

"You went 12 full months while ISIS was on the march without the U.S. using that air power and now as the pilots come back to talk to us they say three-quarters of our ordnance we can’t drop, we can’t get clearance even when we have a clear target in front of us,” Royce said. “I don’t understand this strategy at all because this is what has allowed ISIS the advantage and ability to recruit.”

Surely we haven't been fighting some kind of phony war on the white running shoe head choppers? I mean, that'd be ridiculous, right?

LSP

Christ the King

It's the Feast of Christ the King, and I won't preach, but I will give you these words from Pius XI:

"The faithful, moreover, by meditating upon these truths, will gain much strength and courage, enabling them to form their lives after the true Christian ideal. If to Christ our Lord is given all power in heaven and on earth; if all men, purchased by his precious blood, are by a new right subjected to his dominion; if this power embraces all men, it must be clear that not one of our faculties is exempt from his empire. He must reign in our minds, which should assent with perfect submission and firm belief to revealed truths and to the doctrines of Christ. He must reign in our wills, which should obey the laws and precepts of God. He must reign in our hearts, which should spurn natural desires and love God above all things, and cleave to him alone. He must reign in our bodies and in our members, which should serve as instruments for the interior sanctification of our souls, or to use the words of the Apostle Paul, as instruments of justice unto God."

I like that.

God bless,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Enforces New Beatitudes

A source deep within Lambeth Palace has revealed that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, is forcing his Talent Pool to recite the Beatitudes, with a twist!

Unfortunate members of the Talent Pool, a group of high-flyers in the Church of England, have been ordered by Welby to recite a new set of "Beatitudes" as an exercise in "team building":

Blessed is the Talent Pool - because theirs is the kingdom of promotion,

Blessed are the MBAs – because they will inherit the salary,

Bessed are HR - because they will cut out the dead wood in a caring, sympathetic and inclusive manner,

Blessed are the CEOs – because the first will be first every time,

Blessed are the Accountants – because they can make rich men appear poor,

Blessed are the Lawyers – because they can plea-bargain here on earth,

Blessed are those with poor memory – because Alzheimer's is a great excuse when you get caught,

Blessed are the immoral – because they will rise to the top,

Blessed are those with a private jet – because they can lecture on climate change around the world.

"We have to go around the Palace wearing chinos and loafers, chanting these so-called 'Beatitudes,'" said our source, "Justin calls it 'team building' but it's really humiliating. He sits on the edge of a desk squeezing a stress ball, watching us. It's pretty unnerving, some of the Talent Pool are seriously considering dropping out of the program altogether."

The Church of England is facing declining membership and rising costs, despite women bishops and celebrity Crowley lookalike, Giles Fraser.

LSP