German Bishops Apply to Join Anglican Communion

In a surprise announcement, the Catholic German Bishop's Conference, Deutsche Bischofskonferenz, has applied to join the Anglican Communion. Citing a desire to avoid "church dogma," Bishops Conference spokesperson, Dr. Hans Langendörfer SJ, stated that the move would be a "logical next step."

Via Ignatius -- ‘It seemed to us the logical next step in our pilgrimage of faith,’ said spokesperson Dr. Hans Langendörfer SJ. ‘We asked what the doctrinal requirements for entry were, and when we discovered that there weren’t any, we decided to go ahead. German Catholics lay great emphasis on the exercise of individual conscience as opposed to slavish adherence to Church dogma.’

Lambeth Palace is said to be seriously considering the application, along with marriage equality.

Ubi Petrus,

LSP

Womyn Bishops Are So Very Awesome

The shrinking Church of England is falling over what's left of itself to make womyn bishops, the top jobs that the declining denomination has to offer. A former Archdeacon, Christine Hardman, is the latest in a series of womyn to break through the stained glass ceiling this year, and has been nominated as the next Bishop of Newcastle.

According to Church statistics, only 5 dioceses in the CofE grew between 2008-2012, with the other 38 in decline. Average church attendance shrunk by 37,000 persons in the same period. Maybe all the womyn bishops will turn this Titanic around. Here's a womyn's Creed to get things moving.

I believe in God, our Mother Bear,

source of all being. 

I believe in Jesus Christ, God’s wisdom made flesh, 

along with Sophia, the church, and all that live in wisdom. 

Born of the bad-ass womanist liberation theologian, Mary, 

suffered under the systems of oppression of this world, 

was crucified, died, and was buried,

forever joining in solidarity with those murdered by Empire.

On the third day, the women declared him risen;

signifying God’s “No” to oppression.

He points to God our Mother Bear,

who works in this world, calling for justice for the poor and oppressed.

I believe in Sophia Spirit,

Christ’s body, the church,

the communion of saints,

the grace to reject this world’s systems,

hope for justice in the future,

and renewed life everlasting. Amen.

Beautiful, isn't it. Perhaps you didn't know that God was a Mother Bear and Mary was a bad-ass womanist liberation theologian. Now you do.

Good luck, CofE,

LSP

The Awesome Beauty of Liturgical Dance

One of the things we like, here at the Compound, is Liturgical Dance. And while we're at it, why not accompany the Dance with a patriarchy-busting version of the Lord's Prayer. Like this one:

O Divine Womb,
birthing forth the river of blessing which runs through all,
Soften the ground of our being,
and hallow in us a space for the planting of thy presence.

In our depths,
sow thy seed with its greening-power
that we might be midwives to thy Reign.

Then, let each of our actions
bear fruit in accordance with thy desire.

Impart to us the wisdom to bring forth the gifts of the earth
and share them daily according to the needs of each being,

And restore that which has been usurped
by injustice to its rightful owners,
as we restore to others that which is not our own.

Do not let us be seduced
by that which would divert us from our purpose,
but make us sensitive to the moment at hand.

For from thy fertile soil is born the creativity,
the life-energy, and the dance,
from birthing to birthing. Ameyn.

How very, very beautiful. And awesome.

Ameyn.

LSP

New World Order, We Apologize

Team LSP has an apology to make. We may have given you, the reader, the idea that the Church of England is hell-bent on creating a new super race of androgynous, talent pool, shill puppets for the New World Order. 

Some people have even accused us of accusing the venerable CofE of being a party to sinister eugenics experiments, euphemistically called "bishops," which will be the forerunners of a new race of genderless, Illuminati clone slaves.

If we've given that impression we apologize.

Rumors that interpretive liturgical dance featured at the consecration of the Bishop of St. Edmundsbury and Ipswich are entirely without foundation.

Or are they?

LSP

God of Surprises

It's not every day that the numbers-thin Church of England is rescued by a stray cat on the icy streets of a provincial Russian town. So here's a helpful prayer, to mark the event:

God of Surprises, 

you call us

from the narrowness of our traditions

to new ways of being church

from the captivities of our culture to

creative witness for justice

form the smallness of our horizons

to the bigness of your vision.

Beautiful, isn't it, and while we're at it, why not join together in song? Here's one, from Worship and Rituals in a Feminist Key. It's called "You're a Lot Like Me."

(Chorus)

In the very middle - In the very middle - You're a lot like me

A shining rainbow personality

The clothes and the skin -- are just the car you're in

In the very middle you're a lot like me.

(Verse)

Some got castles - Some got shacks - Some got backpacks on their backs

Many different ways to dance and sing

But the most important thing is :

(Chorus)

In the very middle...

How very uplifting.

LSP

                                                                                  

Busted!

Presented with no comment, via everyone's fave pagan. Why? if you have to ask...

Cheers,

LSP

Almost Christmas

While you're all recovering from Festivus and getting ready for Kwanzaa, I'm gearing up for the first Masses of Christmas, fortified by Huevos Rancheros, strong coffee, and corn tortillas.

Excuse me?

Here's some Austin Farrer to reflect on before Mass:

“WHEN Mary laid Jesus Christ upon her knees, when she searched him with her eyes, when she fed him at the breast, she did not study to love him because she ought, she loved him because he was dear: he was her Son. His conception had been supernatural, perplexing, affrighting; it had called for faith in the incomprehensible, and obedience beyond the limit of human power. His nativity was human and sweet, and the love with which she embraced it was a natural growth, inseparable from the thing she loved. She was blessed above all creatures, because she loved her Maker inevitably and by simple nature; even though it needed the sword—wounds of the Passion to teach her fully that it was her Maker whom she loved. The Son of Mary is the Son of all human kind; we embrace him with the love of our kind, that we may be led up with Mary to a love beyond kind, a selfless love for the supreme Goodness, when we too shall have climbed the ladder of the cross.”

I love that -- the Farrer, not the random dancing priestess, obviously.

God bless,

LSP

Liturgical Dance Will Build Your Church

It's not easy. You want to build your congregation and you know that Liturgical Dance is the way forward. But how do you get there? Simple, sign up for a workshop at Abbey of the Arts. This is what you get, for a mere $375:

"Together we will explore how the healing power of such tools as guided imagery, body awareness, dream work, ritual, poetry, journal writing, visual art, movement, song, and storytelling enrich our own spiritual lives and our work in spiritual direction by giving us access to another language with which to encounter the divine presence within. Participants will develop comfort and skills in using these tools."

Some people think that there's a lot of "dream work" and "story telling" in the church as it is, to say nothing of anything else.

Fascists.

LSP

Liturgical Dance. How Very Awesome.

The best thing about liturgical dance is its awesomeness, you think. But not so fast! What does the Church say? Team LSP has been hard at work, bringing you the truth.

Oh Yeah.

Here's what the Vatican has to say, in Dance in the Liturgy:

For that reason it cannot be introduced into liturgical celebrations of any kind whatever: That would be to inject into the liturgy one of the most desacralized and desacralizing elements, and so it would be equivalent to creating an atmosphere of profaneness which would easily recall to those present and to the participants in the celebration worldly places and situations.

Tanking

And again, "psuedo-ballet" is also condemned, in case you wondered:

Neither can acceptance be had of the proposal to introduce into the liturgy the so-called artistic ballet because there would be presentation here also of a spectacle at which [only] one would assist, while in the liturgy one of the norms from which one cannot prescind is that of participation [by all].

Thanks, Congregation for Sacraments and Divine Worship.

Disaster

Now, let's see that enforced, please. Go on, don't be shy, you'll get some numbers back.

Carry on,

LSP

Church of England Gives Huge Yes To Women Bishops

Dance to the goddess

The Church of England's General Synod voted overwhelmingly in favour of women bishops, with one priestess, Canon Rosie Harper, arguing that failure to make women bishops would make the Church of England look "weird."

Canon Rosie Harper isn't weird, at all

"I would like to name the sheer weirdness of a community arguing about discrimination in the 21st century - people out there don't care enough to be angry but they do dismiss us as weird," stated Rosie.

Nothing weird about Schori!

According to Rosie, the weirdness of not having women bishops would hurt the declining Church of England's mission, "If we are serious about our mission, and I know this is a very basic point, we really do have to stop being weird," she told the Synod. 

Totally not weird

In a final appeal to normality, Canon Rosie concluded, "Stop being weird and vote yes."

Deranged

Well done, Church of England. With women bishops you won't be weird anymore and everyone will start going to church again. Next stop, Gay Marriage, which everyone knows is entirely normal.

Entirely normal

Good luck, Church of England.

LSP

Lift Up Your Hearts!

Joy!!

The news hasn't been good. The Religion of Peace is acting with characteristic savagery, the Administration stonewalls, lies and bullies, ammo's too expensive or unavailable altogether and we're being smitten by a plague of tornadoes. Oh, I almost forgot! Mainstream Anglicanism in the West has become a sort transsexual pantomime.

Really?

So here's a version of the Lord's Prayer to lift the spirits and get everyone closer to the goddess.

Our mother who art in earth 

hallowed be thy creation 

shekinah come 

indwell wisdom 

within this mortal person 

you give us this day 

our daily cup 

attend our deepest wounds 

for we are called to birth life anew 

tempt us with your beauty 

to pursue your desire 

and deliver us from all slavery 

present this hour 

for thine is the drink of passion 

that nursed a manger baby 

great found of mystery 

spring 

now and forever, amen.

Toothsome...

Pretty neat, eh? Here's some more. It's a form of intercession to be used at a women's Eucharist. 

"Sophia Wisdom: Our world community today, broken, unhealed and full of suffering, cries out for women's voices and leadership. We need women priests...to witness daily for nonviolence in a world gone mad with the power of weapons and guns and greed. 

Getting rid of the guns and greed

We need women priests...to put their bodies on the line and witness to the Powers that Be to stop bloodshed. We need women priests...to name our government's squandering of the people's money. We need women priests...to call our government, church, and all institutions to transparency, conversion, and accountability. 

Wall Street Trembles

We need women priests...to speak up to the government and voice the basic needs of the grassroots -- which have gone unmet for so long. We need women priests...to preach the Good News to the poor, the oppressed and exploited, and to empower them mightily. 

Afflicting the Rich

We need women priests...to boldly proclaim the Gospel so that it afflicts the rich and comfortable -- who need shaking up. We need women priests...to name the injustices-which are many-that take us away from the fullness of our humanity. 

We Demand Respect!

We need women priests...to demand respect for our Earth and her life-giving waters. We need women priests...to restore us and our lives to wholeness/holiness-and to recreate us as community."

You Clowns

What a gang of clowns.

LSP

All Saints

Today is the Feast of All Saints, when we commemorate the holy men and women of God and ask for their powerful intercession. Protestants think that idolatry, which is ridiculous.

You can celebrate the Feast the right way.

Or the wrong way.

God bless,

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada Declines, Members Sing and Dance!

Faced with over 50 years of continuous decline, graying membership, a second quarter deficit of 900,000 "loonies" and a mere 320,000 pewsitters per Sunday, dioceses and parishes across the Anglican Church of Canada (ACoC) are being forced to take drastic measures.

Justice Camp. That'll pack 'em in!

The Diocese of Toronto is advertising Justice Camp, where the people sing. Here's an excerpt, to the tune of My Favorite Things, apparently:

Meeting with Linda, with movers & shakers,
Activists, greenies, and health-and peace-makers,
MP’s and editors, right on the ball,
Help us respond to our fai-aithful call.
Postcards and letters and online petitions,
Rallies and sit-ins with local musicians,
Scripture reminds us to take care of all-
Working for justice can be such a ball!

Refrain 

When our greed strikes,
When our fears roar,
When we’re feeling proud,
We simply remember our fai-aithful call -
And then we can speak out loud!

Catchy, isn't it.

Some churches have turned to liturgical dance in a desperate bid to feel good, despite all those empty pews.

note the disgruntled 'subdeacon'...

And the circle just gets wider, unless you're a trad, in which case the Diocese of Huron evicts you and puts concrete blocks in front of your church so no one can get in.

Well done ACoC. Now no one gets to go to St. Hildas's. 

ACoC looks set to continue on its current trajectory away from earth and into the stellar void of deep space.

Thanks, Samizdat, for the stats and pics.

God bless.

LSP