Thursday, November 13, 2014

Ebola Horoscope

I'm a Christian and a Padre, or Priest, so it stands to reason that I'm against witchcraft, sorcery, and horoscopes. But sometimes they're weirdly accurate, like this one, divined by the Manhattan Infidel. Here's an excerpt:

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

Don’t let others talk you into doing something that will tie you down for weeks at a time! Quarantine? Pshaw! Not necessary. You have your own interests like bicycling with your boyfriend. If others get sick you can’t be blamed. You’re a good person remember. And Ebola is not contagious for white people. Look up the science, bitches.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

A major change of direction is not needed, despite what some people may be telling you. There is no need for you to inconvenience your lifestyle with a quarantine. Sure you vomited on a flight from Liberia to the United States but it was probably just bad airplane food. Besides since when have quarantines ever been effective? Never! All quarantines do is unjustly stigmatize those in quarantined areas. If Republicans weren’t so anti-science they’d understand this.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

You have been pushing yourself too hard and need to slow down. That fever you’re running is pretty high. And your explosive diarrhea probably left you dehydrated. But don’t worry. It’s not Ebola. It’s probably just a common cold. And America thanks you for your dedicated service in Ebola-ravaged areas of Africa. When you feel better we’ll have a toast to your selflessness. If you can get out of your place try going to heavily populated areas like shopping malls and vomit in public. People have to learn not to be afraid.

You can read the whole thing here.

Arduus Ad Solem,



LL said...

It's sound advice. How else can I comment?

Adrienne said...

Link is broken, LS, However, you do have me Capricorn thingy so all is good.

LSP said...

I thought it was pretty helpful, LL.

LSP said...

Fixed the link...

Infidel de Manahatta said...

Thanks for the link!

LSP said...

Infidel, you have magic horoscope power!