Ebola Horoscope

I'm a Christian and a Padre, or Priest, so it stands to reason that I'm against witchcraft, sorcery, and horoscopes. But sometimes they're weirdly accurate, like this one, divined by the Manhattan Infidel. Here's an excerpt:

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

Don’t let others talk you into doing something that will tie you down for weeks at a time! Quarantine? Pshaw! Not necessary. You have your own interests like bicycling with your boyfriend. If others get sick you can’t be blamed. You’re a good person remember. And Ebola is not contagious for white people. Look up the science, bitches.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

A major change of direction is not needed, despite what some people may be telling you. There is no need for you to inconvenience your lifestyle with a quarantine. Sure you vomited on a flight from Liberia to the United States but it was probably just bad airplane food. Besides since when have quarantines ever been effective? Never! All quarantines do is unjustly stigmatize those in quarantined areas. If Republicans weren’t so anti-science they’d understand this.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

You have been pushing yourself too hard and need to slow down. That fever you’re running is pretty high. And your explosive diarrhea probably left you dehydrated. But don’t worry. It’s not Ebola. It’s probably just a common cold. And America thanks you for your dedicated service in Ebola-ravaged areas of Africa. When you feel better we’ll have a toast to your selflessness. If you can get out of your place try going to heavily populated areas like shopping malls and vomit in public. People have to learn not to be afraid.

You can read the whole thing here.

Arduus Ad Solem,

LSP

No One Can Catch Ebola

See, the thing about a deadly airborne virus is that it's really hard to catch. Almost impossible to catch; in fact, it's hardly a disease at all.

That's why our soldiers who were sent to Liberia on a stupid Demoncrat PR stunt are being quarantined on their return home, and why the CDC has ordered up how many thousands of "body bags," and FEMA's busy storing coffin liners against a catastrophe that won't ever happen.

I hope I'm wrong. And I hope that not quarantining countries with an infectious, non-curable disease like Ebola, makes sense, and that all those CDC Hazmat suits have been ordered just 'coz, you know, the CDC thinks they won't be needed.

Respirators on, advance to contact,

LSP