LGBT Rules?

A well known equality activist sent us this infographic, and here at the Compound we feel it's only right to share it.

All the colors of the rainbow,

LSP

The Feast of St. Matthew The Apostle

Listen up, Heathen.

It's the Feast of St. Matthew the Apostle, so throw your grimoire in the trash, bin chalice, wand and sword, burn that dog-eared Tarot and say your prayers. Here's one, from the 1928 BCP:

O ALMIGHTY God, who by thy blessed Son didst call Matthew from the recipt of custom to be an Apostle and Evangelist; Grant us grace to forsake all covetous desires, and inordinate love of riches, and to follow the same thy Son Jesus Christ, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, one God, world without end. Amen.

Saint Matthew, pray for us.

LSP

Witches Don't Like Trump

By now everyone knows that witches and occultists in general are against President Trump. They don't like him and wish that The Old Witch had become president. That's why they keep casting spells on Trump to "bind him."

Like the Oracle of Los Angeles, who told Tucker Carlson that magic "symbolic actions" were equivalent to standing for the Star-Spangled Banner or saluting the flag.

In fairness to the Oracle, both involve symbols and both produce what the esoteric Californian calls "tangible results," but one appeals directly to supernatural force and the other doesn't.

Here's an excerpt from the Binding Spell. See if you can work out who the witches are praying to:

Hear me, oh spirits
Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
Heavenly hosts
Demons of the infernal realms
And spirits of the ancestors

After asking the elemental spirits, angels, demons and ancestor spirits to stop the President from doing bad things, the ritual ends with a bit of creative visualization, of Trump "blowing apart into ash." Note rubrics:

(Light the small photo of Trump from the flame of the orange candle stub and hold carefully above the ashtray)
(Speak the following loudly and with increasing passion as the photo burns to ashes)

So mote it be!
So mote it be!
So mote it be!

(Blow out orange candle, visualizing Trump blowing apart into dust or ash*)

Well that's alright then, asking spirits and demons to incinerate the President. Nothing untoward about that at all, just like saluting the flag or singing the Star-Spangled Banner; another regular day in normal America. Except it's not. 

Remember, it's all a magical life coach larf until you wake up.

And a demon's gnawing on your elbow.

LSP

Battle Dog

He fell asleep very peaceably, furry head resting on paws and I wondered, how come you're so tired? Because Blue's been moonlighting as a Hollywood extra Battle Dog.

Just watch the opening scene of Gladiator and there he is, charging through the woods with the cav, ready to take out the savage Tuetons. Sorry, Germania, you've met your match.

I don't know how much the furry aggressor's been paid for his movie parts and he's not telling. 

Vocal chords are, of course, an issue.

SPQR,

LSP

Anglican Church of Canada Spotted Over Yorkshire

Two stargazers were shocked when they spotted ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada) flying high above England's famous Yorkshire Dales.

Jayson Morehead, 21, and Keith Downlow, 23, got more than they bargained for when they went camping in the Dales to "look at the stars." 

"We were looking at the stars," stated Morehead, "When it just popped up on the horizon, blinking red, purple and rainbow [sic]. Then disappeared back where it came from. I was not sure if I saw it but looked at Keith and his face was white.

"It was there one minute, then next it lit up like a bolt of lightening. It was like a flash and whoosh, it was gone. If I'd blinked I would have missed it.

"It was absolutely incredible. The stars were dots in the night sky and the Anglican Church of Canada was the size of a 5p. It was hard to judge how far away it was but it was definitely higher than the hills."

Why the diminutive ACoC was flying above the Yorkshire Dales only to suddenly disappear remains a mystery.

Fred Hiltz declined to comment.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Melania Mondays! STEM Edition

What's Monday without Melania Mondays!? Not much of a Monday at all, enough to make you want to shoot the whole day down. Which is why we're delighted to bring you another episode in the life of America's attractive and glamorous First Lady.

Note Heels

After helping people in hurricane disaster zones, you'd think that Melania would take a well needed rest, after all, she deserves it. But no, she's been uplifting and inspiring children, promoting STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) education at a youth center.

Maternal Melania

"Hi sweethearts," said the maternal First Lady as she entered the room of aspiring technologists, "Welcome Mrs. Trump" said a giant heart in red marker.

Don't Mess With This Woman

Melania presented the lucky children with a White House coloring book, "This is the Oval Office, where the President sits and makes all the decisions. You could make a pink room in the White House," said the Presidential Consort to the children, after enjoying their adorable Legos.

Coat Dress

After playing paper airplanes with the STEM students, the most attractive world leader in the world encouraged the kids, "You're doing very well. This is the way to learn."

Yes, and how much easier to learn with the help of Melania at your side? 

Leader

Thank you, First Lady, for doing your part to make America great again.

MAGA,

LSP

Sorry Fish, You Lose This Round

Smarting from our signature defeat against the fish the other week on the dam spillway, the team decided to have another go. To catch the fish off-guard we went to a different location, Soldier's Bluff. 

There's been times when fishing the Bluff has been simply outstanding, fast action, good fish and pretty much a catch a cast and sometimes more. No kidding, when the Bass are blitzing it's topwater frenzy and devil take the hindmost.

With that in mind we cast off into the depths and at first things didn't look good. A boat kept roaring by, surfer in tow, churning the water, frightening the fish and blasting some kind of pop music. Perhaps it was rap/r 'n b hybrid, I don't know, I'm no expert but I do know this, it was annoying and we weren't catching.

At last, the boat sped off into the vastness of Lake Whitney and we were in with a chance, perhaps. After throwing worms and their plastic imitations into the usual spots and getting nothing, we headed towards the dam.

Still nothing and then, as the sun was going down, a fierce tug at the line. Yes, fish, you're on the radar. After that it was pretty much a Bluegill every five minutes or so and many more escapees, who were happy to run off with our enticing worms and "Crappie Bites."

Regardless, it was fish on and if we'd been in the way of keeping them, dinner on too. As it was, these fierce little predators went back in the water. They lived to fight again another day.

Victory assured, we headed back in the setting sun. Burgers were on the menu and the Cadet wasted no time in dialing up Highland Regiments, piping us into the Compound.

He's inspired by the A&M Corps and ROTC. Shoot in the X Ring, kid.

Tight lines,

LSP

Hypersonic Debt

Now that Dallas has removed its infamous statue of General Lee, we can safely assume that everyone's going to be better off and a brave new world of tolerance, diversity and equal opportunity can begin now that institutional racism is finally erased from our parks. But not so fast, readers.

In your excitement over statues you may not have noticed that we're $20 trillion in debt and climbing at a rate of around $1.1 trillion a year. That's something like $34,880 a second or if you picture it in terms of the speed of sound, which is 1,125 feet per second, our debt is flying at over Mach 30. Eat your heart out, Chuck Yeager.

This means that the US is hurtling towards bankruptcy at hypersonic speed and looking somewhere down the pike at a Grecian-style sovereign debt crisis. So how do you resolve a >104% debt to GDP ratio, with a $19 trillion economy and a $20 trillion debt overhang?

Through tax cuts and economic boosting? Good call but not enough. You solve the problem by devaluing the dollar, by inflation.

Jim Rickards, at Zerohedge, suggests this can be done by the Treasury inflating the price of gold, from around $1,330 an ounce to $5,000 through the use of a Gold Certificate issued to the Fed. It's been done before, in 1934 and 1953, under the Roosevelt and Eisenhower administrations respectively. And sure enough, inflation ensued.

Problem? Solution, except that your dollars will be sadly worthless. Of course there's another option which perhaps goes hand in hand with the first, war.

You can read all about the debt here and here. Or obsess about statues in parks, your call.

Midas Touch,

LSP

More London Jihad, COBRA Meet CREEP

The Islamic terror group ISIS has claimed responsibility for today's bomb attack on London's Underground, which wounded some 29 people on a District Line train.

Fortunately the bucket bomb only caused burns instead of fatalities as it sent a fireball through a crowded passenger carriage during rush hour.

The Underground blast is the fourth terror attack carried out by the religion of never-ending peace in Britain this year. Muslim fanatics killed 5 people on Westminster Bridge in March, 22 people at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester in May, and 8 people on London Bridge in June.

Law Enforcement hasn't been idle in the face of this threat, reportedly making 379 terrorism related arrests so far this year. However, police have warned that there's "no such thing as a 'typical terrorist'."

Nothing Typical About These Terrorists

British Prime Minister, Theresa May, has raised the country's terror threat level to "critical" and called a special anti-terrorist meeting of COBRA.  And you have to feel sorry for COBRA, how will they be able to protect their country when they can't identify the enemy. 

Nothing Typical About Salman

After all, according to the police, there's nothing "typical" about the terrorists, there isn't a type who commits these these crimes, there's no common motive or ideology, no unifying creed, belief or ethnicity. So who are they? COBRA scratches its head in baffled bewilderment along with their lesser allies in the Met.

Khalid Masood? Not Typical

Here at the Compound we've decided to be proactive and help out our transatlantic allies, which is why we've fired up our predictive crime software, CREEP (Criminal Recognition Enemy Engagement Prediction), and crunched the numbers. The results are as shocking as they're surprising.

Four out of five major terrorist acts in the UK this year were carried out by Muslims. That's right, Muslims, followers of the Prophet Mohammed.

Over to you, COBRA.

LSP

Hillary And The Devil, Pathetic At Patheos

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, possessed by demons? All because flies keep landing on them and the former has an allegedly occult past and writes about wanting to stick pins in voodoo dolls? Ha, ha, how stupid, how very tin-foil and beneath serious thought. At least that's what Jason Mankey, a pagan writer at Patheos, thinks.

Apparently, Trump called Hillary the Devil during one of the presidential debates and Mankey takes exception to this. It "sounds like the regular bat-shit crazy off-the-cuff Donald Trump remarks we are all used to at this point," writes Mankey smugly, but not so fast. 

Trump, we're told, roll of the drums, is in league with the appallingly right wing Alex Jones, who's safely on the record accusing Hillary and Obama of being not only evil but also demon-possessed. Mankey, a self-described pagan priest with two "kinetic cats," goes so far as to quote the heinous Jones. Here's an excerpt.

Imagine how bad she smells, man? I’m told her and Obama, just stink, stink, stink, stink. You can’t wash that evil off, man. Told there’s a rotten smell around Hillary. I’m not kidding, people say, they say — folks, I’ve been told this by high up folks. They say listen, Obama and Hillary both smell like sulfur. I never said this because the media will go crazy with it, but I’ve talked to people that are in protective details, they’re scared of her. And they say listen, she’s a frickin’ demon and she stinks and so does Obama. I go, like what? Sulfur. They smell like Hell.

Disturbing, isn't it and the cat-owning pagan goes on to point out that there's a whole internet culture centered around Hillary Clinton's satanic aspect. How inane and indicative of the kind of sub-par, not to say crazy, mentality of Trump and Jones supporters. Mankey dismisses these with more than a hint of condescension, if not sulfur.

"Am I super cool with Hillary being called a witch? You bet!" gushes the enthusiastic pagan, "But I’m pretty sure she’s a Methodist." A Methodist who goes to voodoo rituals and seances, obviously. But here's the kicker.

Of course Jones and his ilk represent only a small portion of the electorate, but in many ways Trump has helped to legitimize this rather confused group of people. When he loses next month it won’t be the fault of Jesus or the electorate, it will be because of the demons that plague most Democratic candidates. It’s all absurd of course, but it might be something someone brings up at Thanksgiving dinner.

When he loses next month. Right, of course. Hillary losing? How absurd.

At what point does smug liberal condescension evolve into hubris? Or to put it another way, sorry, Mankey, your so-obvious-to-win candidate lost and lost hard, flies and all. 

Who knows, perhaps Satan discarded his toy.

Out, demons, out,

LSP

Pedogate, The Stench of Satan?

Did you know that 11 mayors have been accused of pedophilia since 2016? No? Perhaps that's because our media's too busy whipping itself into a statue frenzy to notice crimes perpetrated by our political elites against children. 

Statues aside, Seattle's Democrat Mayor, Ed Murray, is the latest political pedophile to be brought down in the non-reported Pedogate scandal.

Murray, who resigned on Wednesday, has been accused by five men of child molestation. He joins: 

New York Mayor Rick Nelson, Dale Kenyon; former mayor of Clayton, New York, Dwayne Schutt; the 61-year old mayor of Randolph, Nebraska; former Ohio mayor, Richard Keenan; Anthony Silva, former mayor of Stockton, California; Kenneth Lewis Barrett, former mayor of Winston, Oregon; Christopher Wright, a former Georgia mayor; former Rockdale, Texas mayor, Darral Gene Walker; former Millbrook, New York mayor, Donald H. Briggs.

It's quite a list and that's just the mayors. How many senators, congressmen, judges and media celebrities are caught up  in child sex and trafficking rings? For that matter, how many of the very rich? People like Jeffrey Epstein, famous for his "Lolita Express."

Perhaps we'll find out as Interpol, the FBI and assorted agencies widen the net and drag these beasts in to face their victims in court. Maybe, who knows, our friends in the lying, corrupt, venal media will even begin to take notice and cover the story. And note this.

Child abuse, extending to sacrifice, is a satanic hallmark.

Out, demons, out.

LSP

Sally Quinn, DC Occultist

It seems that hardly a day goes by without a member of the liberal elite DC establishment coming out as an occultist. John Podesta's spirit cooking, Hillary Clinton's voodoo, witch rituals and seances, and now there's Sally Quinn. 

Washington society maven, journalist for the Post and wife of its former editor, Ben Bradlee, Quinn makes no bones about her occultism, explaining in her new book, Finding Magic, that she killed three people through casting spells or "hexes." That's right, Quinn believes she killed people through black magic. 

Who were these unfortunate victims of Sally's dark art? A woman who flirted with a former boyfriend, a magazine editor and a psychic. While Quinn claims to regret these magical murders, she admits to wanting to hex President Trump but has so far "restrained" herself.

“You can’t imagine the number of people who have asked me to put a hex on Donald Trump," states Quinn in TheCut.com, "I mean, I have got friends lined up. This is my biggest restraint now.”

Unsurprisingly, Quinn feels uneasy in the presence of the Sacrament. Here's her reaction to the funeral Mass of her friend, NBC's Tim Russert:

... At Tim's funeral mass at Trinity Church in Georgetown (Jack Kennedy's church), communion was offered. I had only taken communion once in my life, at an evangelical church. It was soon after I had started "On Faith" and I wanted to see what it was like. Oddly I had a slightly nauseated sensation after I took it, knowing that in some way it represented the body and blood of Jesus Christ. ... I was determined to take it for Tim, transubstantiation notwithstanding.

I had a slightly nauseated sensation after I took it. No kidding, Sally.

Quinn, curiously, is no fan of Hillary Clinton, possibly because the failed presidential candidate turned down an invite to one of Sally's famous parties. An argument amongst witches?

Out, demons, out,

LSP