Fish, You Fool

For a country blogger you sure don't seem to do much country stuff, so-called LSP, I thought bitterly to myself. To set the record straight, I drove over to the dam after visiting the sick.

The sun was out, the air was fresh and the water churned in the spillway, but would I catch any fish? Only one way to find out, cast off, which I did, using an earthworm as bait. No science, just throw the thing out there and let the current do its work. 

Soon enough, boom, fish on and a fighter. I reeled him in, struggling all the way, and was pleased with a decent Whitney dam Striper. Good result. 

Just as I was putting him back another fisherman arrived and started casting off with what looked liked fake minnows or shad. I was curious to see how he'd do compared to my nightcrawlers.

I Gave it Away

Another Striper later I felt vindicated, not a bad fish at all, and I gave it to my new pal who told me he'd caught a 30 incher yesterday. But here's the thing, he went on to catch a lot of fish with his fake minnows and I only caught one more. So I'm tempted to try his method and see how it goes.

And that was that, an hour or so of fishing and some fast action with it. For my next trick I'll go out and shoot some guns, if only to see if I remember how.

God bless,

LSP

Tax The Robots

Bill Gates, the richest man that has ever been and the co-founder of Microsoft, has hit on a novel way to reverse the declining fortunes of the once great Church of England. Tax the robots.

The Church of England is currently plagued by automatons who robotically repeat the slogans of popular culture, leading to shrinking membership and deficit budgets.

The Mind of Synod

"The robots are killing us," stated one General Synod insider, "They won't shut up until the entire Church is gay married, or trans, or both. So normal people don't come anymore and giving is right down. With the Gates plan maybe we can turn the robots into profit centers."

The First Law of Robotics

Robots in the Church of England's General Synod recently decided that marriage wasn't confined to men and women. However, the shrinking denomination stopped short of affirming artificial intelligence marriage equality (AIME).

DAARPA

Rumors that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, is a DAARPA manufactured AI are currently unconfirmed.

God bless,

LSP

Melania Mondays!

It's that time of the week again, the best time of the week, that's right, Monday, Melania Monday! So what's America's popular and glamorous First Lady been up to? Only leading a Florida rally, and by proxy the nation, in prayer.

God-Fearing Melania

God-fearing Melania opened the Presidential rally at Orlando-Melboune Airport with the Lord's Prayer last Saturday, causing leftist heads to explode in paroxysms of scorn and derision. One antisocial media user, Harry Benson (@TrumpUriNation) went to far as to blasphemously accuse Melania of being a "whore." Benson's Twitter page no longer exists.

Melania Prays. Demons Hate Prayer

People that are possessed hate the Lord's Prayer, it makes them lash out in furious rage; the demons that drive them don't like it, you see. Perhaps that says something about the left in general and the critics of Melania's prayer in particular. You be the judge.

In the meanwhile, well done Melania for leading the nation in prayer. Keep up the good work!

God bless,

LSP

So What's England Like?

There's a lot to love about England, the pubs, butchers, cheap food, being able to walk around the towns, beautiful countryside and the history of the place. All that and more, such as the greatness of the Victorians who pretty much built, with bricks and mortar, what we see today. 

Greatness

Go to Trafalgar Square and look out at the buildings and consider the Victorians who built them as they conquered the world. They were giants, obviously, but are today's Britons pygmies? Has the Sceptered Isle that produced Palmerston, Gladstone and Disraeli become a cossetted realm of beta cucks sipping foamy coffee in plush onesies as they cuddle their favourite unicorn?

LSP Goes Postal

I don't think so, go ask your nearest Millwall fan and see how far it gets you. That said, perhaps Great Britain's been co-opted by the Caliphate and you'd be forgiven for thinking that, given London's Muslim Mayor and the Church of England's fondness for the call to prayer. But no, the England I saw wasn't lost in the grip of the global Jihad, thank God. If anything it was overrun by Russians, who are clearly a Putinist 5th Column intent on subverting what was once a great liberal democracy.

So all that's good but is there a downside? Unfortunately there is. England's very regulated. For example, pretty much wherever you go you're being filmed. Driving, shopping, walking around town, whatever, smile, you're on camera. Are there microphones in the hedges? Who knows.

Smile, You're on Camera

Maybe this has something to do with geography and size of the population, some 60 million people crammed into a country the size of a shoe box; without a lot of rules there'd be chaos. Perhaps, but it's a far cry from Britons never, ever, ever shall be slaves. And of course today's Englishman, sorry Englishperson, isn't allowed to defend themselves, that's up to Nanny.

I Love Pubs

America in general and Texas in particular, seems to have a broader horizon. It's less settled, it's much larger, and the frontier isn't that far behind. That lends itself to an expansiveness and sense of opportunity which England doesn't have. And hey, I can go out and buy a Glock and a deadly assault rifle and blaze away without being sent to gaol via CCTV. You can defend yourself here and you can't in England, who's more free?

The French House Flies The Union Jack

Still, there's a greatness to England and maybe that's getting greater now that the country's decided to throw off the dead hand of Brussells and BREXIT. Let's see how that goes. I'm looking forward to a return visit.

Cheers and Rule Britannia,

LSP

Are They Insane?

Keen-eyed observers of the religious scene will have noted that Pope Francis doesn't think Islamic terrorism exists.

“Christian terrorism does not exist, Jewish terrorism does not exist, and Muslim terrorism does not exist. They do not exist,” said the popular pontiff in a statement to the World Meeting of Popular Movements in Modesto, California.

Germany's unpopular Chancellor, Frau Merkel, wasn't slow off the mark either. In a speech outlining the European Union's responsibility to take in more Muslim refugees as well as fighting terrorism, she stated that the EU has to "convince people that it is not Islam that is the problem, but a falsely understood Islam."

So, it's agreed, by authorities none other than the Holy Father and the German Chancellor, that Islam has nothing to do with terrorism. Hunh, far out, now we know, Islamic terrorism doesn't exist, which prompts the question. Are these people insane?

Maybe Mohammad, when he was cutting people's heads off at Medina or raping sex slaves wasn't anything to do with Islam. Perhaps, when the Prophet was leading his war horde to conquest, he was guilty of misunderstanding the religion he founded.

Sure, maybe he was, in the crazy world of PapalMerkelLand, and maybe Pope Francis and the German Chancellor know more about Islam than the learned Imams who sanction slavery, wife beating, stoning for adultery and execution for apostasy.

On the other hand, maybe Francis and Merkel have been driven mad by the glittering lights of progleft lib dogma, by the faith that says all religions are but aspects of one big Lennonesque peace sign written in the aether.

Tell that to a Yazidi sex slave or a Christian in Mosul.

Kizmet.

LSP

Pier Pressure

"I want to go to the Pier."

"Er, why?"

"Because it's awesome."

So that's what we did, climbed into the Mercedes and drove, fast and furious, through the winding streets of downtown Aberystwyth until we reached the wave racked seafront and its famous Pier. Gulls shrieked overhead as we skidded to a stop, loose Welsh grit flying like shrapnel.

Team on Target

"Do it!" No time for hesitation, this is D Day, and the Team was out of the vehicle and making for the Pier. Open the door, walk right through the casino glow of the slots, they mean nothing, and hit the objective. That's right, our target, Aber's notorious Inn on the Pier bar.

Windowpanes

It was empty. "I'd like a pint of San Miguel, please. Make that two, and a glass of red wine," I asked the lonely barman. "Right you are, sir," he replied, and there we were, on the Pier. "It's like being on the Channel Ferry," I observed, looking at the sea through the windows of the deserted bar. "I feel seasick," replied my brother. "Don't be ridiculous," said JS with characteristic common sense, "It's nothing like being on the Channel Ferry." 

Dizzy

We sipped our drinks, watching the seafront through windows that might have seen better days, or not. "But it is awesome," I replied at last, "It's the Pier."

We wanted to go outside, to the end of the Pier, and look out to sea and Ireland and the barman told us it was closed, but he did show us how to go through the snooker hall to an outside smoking area. We walked through the snooker tables, past young Welshmen sticking darts in their hands, and made it outside.

The Seafront

The sun shone through the clouds, illuminating the seafront with a golden glow. It was a good moment and I imagined the same coast, with its now ruined castle, standing guard against Irish raiders. 

The Aberystwyth Angel

Then the moment passed and we left, mission accomplished. "I feel dizzy," said my brother, "I know," I replied, "It's like being on the Channel Ferry." JS wasn't playing, "It's not like a ship at all. But look at that angel!" And sure enough, off to our right was an angel, wings outspread towards the sea.

Perhaps it's the spirit of the place.

LSP

It's the Dyslexic Deacon! Sinodd Rocks Wobbly

Yes, he's back and reporting on the venerable but shrinking Church of England and its recent Gendral Sinodd. Over to you, Deacon:

The Chruch of Ingland's Genderal Sinodd has desided not to take nowt of a long-aweighted £360,000 Bishops' Rapport on Homosectuality, Mantrimony, and Status Quo (with reverence to 'Down the dustpipe' 1970, Whatever you want 1979, and Burning bridges 1988).

Sinodd Delgeates

APB Justsin Wobbly, Promate of Ingland's Naglican Chruch, said 'All plobrems are made in the image of God'. He will now aks the Chruch Conmissiomers for £500,000 for a much stronger dysagreement.

The Church of England's Genderal  Sinodd is famous for being unable to affirm that marriage is something that takes place between a man and a woman.

Rumours that Justsin Wobbly's coat of arms now include a rainbow unicorn are presently unconfirmed.

LSP

Churches And Pubs

England used to be known as Mary's Dowry because it had such a wealth of religious houses and churches dedicated to Our Lady and it still does. Two of those churches are Southwall Minster and St. Mary the Virgin, Nottingham.

Southwall Minster

The Minster isn't far from Nottingham and you can visit the monumental Norman church after reassuring yourself that Sherwood Forest does, in fact, exist. As I understand it, Cardinal Wolsey stayed at the Minster during his fall from grace and doubtless sat on one of the remarkably well preserved 14th century misericords in the quire. 

Chapter House

Parliamentary horse were also barracked in the church at the end of the Civil War and miraculously didn't smash up the interior in a fit of puritan zeal. After marveling at the stonemasonry in the Chapter House, you can fall back to several pubs. 

The Admiral Rodney

The Team favored the Admiral Rodney, with its cosy fireplace and big bang for the buck ploughman's lunch. What a good pub, check it out if you're in Southwall.

St. Mary's

St. Mary the Virgin in central Nottingham isn't shabby either, a soaring perpendicular gothic church with fine Anglo-Catholic revival altars. I imagined the liturgies that took place in the sanctuary and chancel, with their quiet power to lift heart, soul and mind to God in conjunction with the architecture of the place. 

Mary Chapel

It's high, literally, and invites the soul to ascend to its creator. For now, the incense, plainsong and choreography of the ancient Western Rite have gone. Perhaps, one day, all this will return, along with the rough and ready natural catholicism of the English themselves.

High Church

Uplifted by St. Mary's, stroll over to Nottingham castle. Yes, like Sherwood Forest, there is one, and visit the Olde Trip to Jerusalem, which claims to be one of the oldest pubs in England. Then, as you drink your pint(s), have a go at the pub's famous ring and horn game, in which you attempt to swing a brass ring onto a horn attached to the wall. 

LSP on the Olde Trip

It took me a few goes but after a while the right ballistics chart fell into place and the ring found its target. Have a go, don't be shy, and feel absurdly pleased with yourself if you achieve the objective.

A Typical Unicorn

Speaking of ring and horn games, the venerable Church of England has rejected a report by its bishops stating that marriage is something that's confined to men and women. I'll resist the temptation to accuse the Church of England's Synod of being taken over by rainbow riders, unicorn wranglers and dhimmwits.

God bless,

LSP

#MEGA

What do the English care about, I asked myself as I strolled across Trafalgar Square in what was once the capital of Empire. I soon found out.

Scouse Lives Matter

Rebuild The Wall

And the French House.

As always, London was great and big fun to see old friends.

#MEGA

LSP

Act of War

Perhaps they didn't like the message, maybe a rogue algo went off the rez and attacked but whatever the cause, Blogger.com took LSP down in a preemptive strike last week. Boom. An unprovoked act of war.

The site's back up now and the Team's regrouping, somewhere in the UK. Stay tuned for a bigger, faster, stronger LSP in the near future at lonestarparson.com, free from the dead hand of tech giant Google/Blogger censors.

Bigger, Faster, Stronger

But as the famous Old Etonian George Orwell liked to say, "If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear."

We will win this war.

That is all.

LSP

Trump Bans Muslims

Disaster. Epic, global, catastrophic disaster. And all because President Trump has stopped people from 7 Muslim countries travelling to the US. How Fascist.

Muslims

No. How smart. Who's driving trucks into Christmas crowds, chopping people up with machetes and shooting up newsrooms? Methodists? Followers of the Dalai Lama? 

A Muslim

No, it's Muslims. Everywhere you turn they're going Mohammad and killing people. So why let them into your country? 

Here's another thought, how about the rapefugees move to Qatar and Saudi Arabia.

Oh, those countries won't let them in.

Kizmet,

LSP