Calgary Hippy Discovers Rhodesia

After a grueling flight, which was delayed by 3 hours because the plane was broken, I arrived in Calgary. It was good to be back in the land of the ice and snow and I checked in to the Hyatt, downtown.

A Typical Calgary Bar

Good stuff, I like the Calgary Hyatt and it's fun to walk out of the hotel and into the blinding snow, to look at the shops on Stephen Avenue. I was doing just that when a tall hippy came up to me, complete with long hair and beard. He was wearing a pink vest over his coat, and I noticed the pink outfit had a curious logo. "Because I'm A Girl," it said. Hunh, I thought, incisively.

Stephen Avenue Attacked by the Weather

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" said the hippy. "Sure," I replied, "but only for a moment." Heartened by my friendly man-in-the-snow demeanor, the hippy asked where I came from, then launched into his pitch. 

"I'm with Because I'm A Girl."
"Oh, you are?"
"Yeah, we're the oldest community development organisation in the thir... developing countries."
"You nearly said 'third world,' didn't you."
"Uhh, yeah, I guess I kind of did."

The Because I'm A Girl Hippy looked pretty sheepish and started to make a pink-vested excuse for his thought crime. I interrupted.

"Look, I really don't care. I still call it Rhodesia."
"Rhodesia? What's that?"
"Zimbabwe, mate."

Realization dawned on the face of my new friend, and Because I'm A Girl gaped, like a bearded Bass; then he began to laugh. I headed off to look for snow boots.

Make of this what you will.

LSP

I'm Headin' to Calgary

It's that time of year when I go North, to Calgary, and the land of the ice and snow. Unfortunately that means having to endure the nightmare of modern air travel, which is like taking a bus from Gloucester to Tunbridge Wells in the '80s.

But whoever said life would be easy? I remember no such promise, but I do remember that our elite rulers told us we're in a War on Weather.

There were tornadoes in Dallas yesterday. I guess that means we're losing that particular war; well done, team.

God bless,

LSP

LSP, Giver of Gifts

Some of you know her, she goes by BW. That's right, my youngest sister, and all she wanted for Christmas was an adorable dog. So I helped her out.

She created the "meme".

Your Pal,

LSP

Feast of Stephen, Tyson Fury

No sooner are our Christmas day celebrations over, than the Church brings us face to face with martyrdom, in the person of St. Stephen, it's his Feast today, and the Holy Innocents.  It seems that the Word made Flesh attracts enraged, deadly opposition. 

That was true then and it's true now, with more Christians dying for their faith than at any other time in history. Of course the secular governments of the West are complicit in this, not least in their refusal to protect the Christians of the Middle East.

Be that as it may, here's the Collect for the day:

GRANT, O Lord, that, in all our sufferings here upon earth for the testimony of thy truth, we may stedfastly look up to heaven, and by faith behold the glory that shall be revealed; and, being filled with the Holy Ghost, may learn to love and bless our persecutors by the example of thy first Martyr Saint Stephen, who prayed for his murderers to thee, O blessed Jesus, who standest at the right hand of God to succour all those who suffer for thee, our only Mediator and Advocate. Amen.

Tyson Fury

St. Stephen, pray for us, and I wish everyone a happy Boxing Day.

God bless,

LSP

Christmas, The Aftermath

Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, some other vegetables, I'm not sure what they were, gravy and fun company. Presents, too and a good day was had by all.

I hope you've had a blessed and merry Christmas.

Be good,

LSP

Blue Christmas

Here at the Compound things are pretty rough and ready, as you'd expect, but back at HQ? Different story, only the very finest wines and food will do. 

That's why Blue Navidad got lobster for Christmas. He tore right into that tasty snack! Delicious lobster.

Lucky dog, to be so privileged, unlike the lobster, which lost out in the greater scheme of things. Sorry, crustacean, they can't all be winners. But what can we say, let's hear it for seafood.

As I write this piece of nuanced, three-dimensional prose, safely back at the Compound, the happy sound of Navidad fills the air. Those of you who equate angelic choirs with pulsing Latino bass will know what I mean.

And I'm not complaining.

Merry Christmas,

LSP

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone. And for all you followers of hermetic esoterica, Aleister Crowley's old mansion's burned down the other day.

See? There is a God.

Cheers,

LSP 

Christmas Shopping, With LSP

You can go Christmas shopping on 5th Avenue, NYC; Knightsbridge, London; downtown Neiman Marcus and even North Park Mall in Dallas, or you can do it the LSP way.

That means a quick spin down Davies and a foray into some off-beat gifte shoppe, full of "artisanal" Christmas items. The hipster behind the counter was wearing a Santa's elf hat. The shoppe was empty and I didn't buy anything. 

Next stop? Jefferson, a thrift store, Justin Welby, and a second hand book shop, Lucky Dog Books. Maybe I'd get lucky at Lucky Dog Books, I thought to myself. Sure enough, I did. It'll be a literary Christmas for HQ Company.

Blue got some presents, too, and opened them early. But that's a different story.

It's a thug life,

LSP

Texas Winter Paradise

It's a beautiful sunny morning in rural Texas. Squirrels gambol, birds sing, roosters are crowing and crazed peacocks shriek and scream.

Blue Scallywag takes this as his cue to gallop, romp and play. I throw him a tennis ball, which causes great joy in the canine world. But, in this vale of tears, all good things must come to end, which means I have to leave this bucolic paradise and drive to Dallas.

To buy Christmas presents. And that's just the way it is on the front lines of the War.

On Weather.

LSP

The Right Gun For The War on Weather

Here at Team LSP we like to think of ourselves as solutions providers, a one-stop-resource-shop, ranging from theology to weaponry. That's why we went to a noted defense systems consultant, asking for his advice on the best gun to take to the War on Weather.

A Unicorn on a Rainbow, With Clouds

Our search parameters weren't easy. The weapon had to pack enough power to take down a cloud, but be accurate enough to shoot a sunbeam, or knock a unicorn off a rainbow. Not easy, you'll admit, but whoever said life would be?

MacMillan TAC 50 Bolt Variant

Fortunately for all of us, there's a solution. A .50 BMG precision rifle, supported by the Tracking Point aiming system.

Guiding it's projectile unerringly onto target, the Tracking Point assisted rifle is capable of neutralizing the most elusive threats the Weather has to offer, and because of pinpoint accuracy, it can do so with minimum collateral damage. And make no mistake, the mighty .50 has plenty of punch.

Girls Love .50s

There you have it. Problem? Solution, which is what we're all about, here at the Compound, helping you to win the firefight against our common enemy. 

Tracking Point sighting systems don't come cheap, but neither does war, on the Weather.

Semper Ubique,

LSP

Winning The War on Weather

We're locked into a vicious, no-holds-barred War on Weather. El Nino is on the loose and running wild, sometimes it rains, or even snows, at other times it's hot; sometimes it's sunny, at other times it isn't. Our adversary is cunning, and no one knows for sure when, where and how the Weather will attack. And that's why it's important to be prepared.

Part of that means having the right kit to do the job, and here at the Compound we recommend MilitarySunHelmets.com as an invaluable toolkit for all those who have dedicated their time, resource and yes, lives, to this struggle against our implacable enemy.

MilitarySunHelmets.com is especially useful to those of us who live in areas of the world which are hot, such as Texas, California, or Australia, in all those many places where the sun hasn't yet been defeated by our rulers' Coalition of the Willing.

With that in mind, Team LSP is delighted to offer you this important resource, and we're sure that you'll find it as useful as we have, in the fight we all share, the War on Weather.

Arduus Ad Solem,

LSP

German Bishops Apply to Join Anglican Communion

In a surprise announcement, the Catholic German Bishop's Conference, Deutsche Bischofskonferenz, has applied to join the Anglican Communion. Citing a desire to avoid "church dogma," Bishops Conference spokesperson, Dr. Hans Langendörfer SJ, stated that the move would be a "logical next step."

Via Ignatius -- ‘It seemed to us the logical next step in our pilgrimage of faith,’ said spokesperson Dr. Hans Langendörfer SJ. ‘We asked what the doctrinal requirements for entry were, and when we discovered that there weren’t any, we decided to go ahead. German Catholics lay great emphasis on the exercise of individual conscience as opposed to slavish adherence to Church dogma.’

Lambeth Palace is said to be seriously considering the application, along with marriage equality.

Ubi Petrus,

LSP