Who is Welby, Cheap Two-Bit Grifter or Solo Crime Fighter?

It's a far cry from the silk robes of Westminster Abbey and the gilded Fish Miter of Canterbury Cathedral but photographic evidence reveals Archbishop Justin Welby has left his posh Lambeth Palace digs for the mean streets of Detroit.

Initial reports suggested that the leader of the struggling CofE was panhandling for spare change and hustling pawnshops in America's onetime automotive capital, in a desperate bid to meet his shrinking denomination's budgetary shortfall.

However, recent photos show a different Welby, a solo crime fighter gunning a motorcycle through the abandoned Studebaker plant and posing alongside a homemade vigilante network poster.

Detroit Police Chief, James Craig, appears to welcome the Archbishop's new initiative.

"Criminals are getting the message that good Detroiters are armed and will use that weapon. If Justin Welby wants to be part of taking back our streets, that's fine. Detroit's a big city,” said Chief Craig to local press.

Others aren't convinced. "Welby can set up as a Motor City crime fighter but no one's fooled, it's just a cheap stunt," said one resident, "I saw him grifting outside Cobo Hall on Monday, he's always after spare change."

Archbishop Justin Welby, cheap two-bit grifter or Motor City solo crime fighter?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

The Plan

So what's the plan? It's simple, read up on  Luke's Gospel, drink some coffee, fry up a steak and couple of eggs, then load some rods and a gun in the truck and get out in the field. And who knows, maybe catch a fish or two and shoot some birds. I think you'll agree, a clear, compelling, achievable plan.

Bill Clinton has a plan, too. He plans to fill Detroit with Syian refugees. Well, hey, they've got to go somewhere and Martha's Vineyard is already booked, by millionaire socialists.

Champagne all 'round!

LSP

A Musical Interlude

Here's a soothing musical interlude to help all three readers of this so-called "blog" get through the jaw-dropping consternation of watching the brazen, murderous machinations of the Clinton campaign.

It's called In The Ghetto, by the late great Elvis Presley.

The King Lives,

LSP

Detroit Gets Goats?

It's no secret that America's onetime automotive capital, Detroit, has fallen on hard times. Over 60% of the Motor City's population has left since 1950, leaving behind some 677,000 inhabitants and between 20 and 40 square miles of vacant land.

Yes, somewhere between 20 and 40 square miles of vacant land. So what do you do with all that land where houses once stood and the remaining 677,000 suffer from what's euphemistically referred to as "food security"? Simple answer, you turn some of that empty space into farmland and you change the city's ordinances to allow livestock.

If upcoming code amendments pass the city's Planning Commission, Detroiters will be able to farm with livestock, including chickens, goats and rabbits. Imagine, you're driving down Gratiot and there's a goat, on the rubble of a collapsed crack house, next to a field of wheat.

Good idea, right? But there's a catch. You see, farming's racist. According to Kathryn Lynch Underwood, a member of Detroit's Planning Commission:

“You have people that may have come from the South and don’t necessarily have good memories of their experience in the South, so the whole agriculture, animal thing reminds them of something they wanted to get away from.”

The curiously named Lynch Underwood is black and so is around 80% of what's left of the Motor City's population. How many of these will be able to shake off their memories of being slaves on southern plantations and return to the land, is presently unknown.

Maybe hunger will help solve that dilemma.

Way to go, Detroit. You're obviously coming back, or not.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury in Detroit Phone Heist?

Detroit police have released photos of a larceny suspect from the crime plagued city’s west side, to help investigators find the man wanted in connection with the incident.

A camera showed the suspect, wearing a stonewashed buttoned shirt, black T-shirt, dark shorts and white gym-shoes, inside the Marathon filling station in the 16300 block of Fenkell  at about 7 p.m. May 6. He then proceeded to grab a woman's cell phone and race from the store into a parked maroon vehicle, shouting, "Consequences!"

Authorities described him as a middle-aged Caucasian male, 5-foot-10, 160 pounds, with a gray complexion, and a startling resemblance to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.

Anyone who has any information is asked to call the Detroit Police Eighth Precinct Investigative Unit at (313) 596-5840 or Crime Stoppers of Michigan at 1-800-SPEAK-UP.

Justin Welby was last seen attempting to pawn church regalia on the Motor City's notorious 8 Mile Road.

LSP

Detroit Shanty Town

Do you remember Detroit? It used to be America's motor city, now it's a prospective venue for zombie parks and "sack of corn, take a mule" land grants, as the once great automotive capital reverts to green field site.

Well done, Libs. Detroit was your great experiment and now it's a wreck, some would say a shanty town,

I know I was there.

LSP

Mighty Hunter

A seasoned veteran of the intelligence community threatens to visit for a pig hunt in April and I think his method goes roughly like this. Wait for a massive tusker to charge you and then, calmly, deliberately, shoot it with a .357 Magnum revolver. Probably a Colt Python. In the meanwhile, LSP stands back with a 30 of some sort and a sharp kukri. 

LL Visits Texas

With that in mind, here's a typical hunting tale. 

As I patrolled along a hi-fenceline the dog came to a point, all attention, and there, 150 yards downhill to my left was a giant black pig, black hair bristling menacingly in the hot white light of a Texan morning.

Someone's Pig Hunt Gone Wrong

Fast as you like and maybe faster, up comes my AR, red dot hold on the shoulder of the pig, breathe, squeeze the trigger and... nothing. Try it again, is the gun broken? and... nothing. A split second of consternation.

Random Pictograph Somewhere in Texas

Then thumb-off the safety, fire, and the hog's running like a speeding maglev, barreling through the dystopian ruins of Detroit towards the Windsor tunnel. That one got off to fight again another day. 

Maybe this good fortune will change sometime soon.

Attention to detail,

LSP

The Archbishop of Canterbury is Steve Jobs?

Startling new photo evidence suggests that former oil executive and Motorcity brawler, Archbishop Justin Welby, is in fact Steve Jobs.

Evidence emerged at a rural Texan Walmart, where stunned onlookers were shocked to see the face of the Archbishop of Canterbury on CD covers of the smash-hit film, Steve Jobs. 

Justin Welby, Steve Jobs

"I never knew Justin Welby was the high-tech genius behind Apple," stated one worried farmer, "I thought he was just, you know, an oil executive who went off the rez (reservation) in Detroit, hustling for spare change and trying to pawn his finery on 8 Mile."

Bronski Beat With Justin Welby (Center)

Others aren't convinced. According to sources at the Anglican Consultative Council, "The Archbishop of Canterbury is not Steve Jobs. Everyone knows he was the lead singer with the Bronski Beat. Nothing has changed."

Is Justin Welby Steve Jobs, or the former singer of the famous pop boy band, Bronski Beat?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

And So It Begins, A New Dark Age

The Iraqis are building a wall around Baghdad to stop Jihad barbarians from driving into the city and blowing it and its people up.

If anyone thinks this is reminiscent of the later Roman Empire and the Dark Ages, they'd be right. The wall will be three meters high, made of concrete and backed up by a trench, or "moat."

Constantinople's walls were considerably larger and held back the barbarians until the 15th century. We'll see how long Baghdad's new wall lasts and have to ask how many other cities will follow suit. 

Some Americans believe that a wall should be built around Detroit, but that would be to keep the barbarians in.

Cheers,

LSP

Go Out And Get a Hat, in Calgary

After a short blast of living the downtown Calgarian dream, I fell back to Inglewood, which is nifty little neighborhood near the center of town.

Random Fridge Magnet -- Note former Detroit Mayor, with "entourage"

Inglewood's alright, it has shops, pubs, restaurants, an army surplus and Calgary's world famous barber gunshop. That's right, a gunshop that's also a barber, so you can go in there and get your hair cut and buy a gun. I'll go next week for a cut, it's a tradition.

Inglewood

As I walked around crunching my way through the snow, I noticed it was getting warmer, considerably so. It seemed like a Chinook was moving in, giving respite from the subzero, freeze your hair cold.

Your Old Pal

That meant a trip to the Chinook Center Mall, on McLeod Trail. I bought a hat from Lammles Western Store; it's a "Justin" and I wasn't able to get one in the right size or color in Texas. Well done, Calgary. You are a hat solutions provider.

Stay on the horse,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Suspect in Detroit Carjacking

CCTV footage and a witness reconstruction, make Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, a prime suspect in a series of Detroit carjackings.

The most recent attack happened on Sunday at a gas station at McNichols Road and St. Mary’s Street. After purchasing Blunts, the carjackers ran up to a parked vehicle and robbed it's owner.

Carjacker Suspect

One of the carjackers was captured on in-store video surveillance, which agrees with the victim's description of one of his attackers as, "A balding, Eurolib technocrat, white Caucasian male."

Artist's Reconstruction

The images and description point to the Archbishop of Canterbury, who was recently involved in a mall brawl in a Detroit suburb and thrown out of a pawn shop on the Motor City's iconic 8 Mile Road.

Justin Welby in Mall Brawl

Police have appealed for information and warn the public that Welby is potentially dangerous.

Lambeth Palace was unavailable for comment.

LSP

Archbishop Justin Welby Thrown Out of Detroit Pawn Shop

Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, was thrown out of a pawn shop on Detroit's famous 8 Mile Road.

"This guy came in here claiming to be an 'Archbishop' and trying to sell me a miter with all these fish on it," said pawn shop owner, Les Rich, "I offered him five bucks and he went off on me, insulting Detroit. We had to kick him out, like all the other riff-raff. Don't mess with this great city, that's what I told him."

Detroit Street Scene

Trying to pawn his archiepiscopal regalia is a new low for Welby, who was recently photographed brawling over a flatscreen T.V. at a Michigan mall, on Black Friday.

Hands Off The Flatscreen, Justin.

Reports that Welby was seen hustling for spare change outside of Cobo Hall have not been confirmed by Lambeth Palace.

LSP

Texas Ghost House

There used to be more farms here, but many of these became uncompetitive and were bought out by larger operations. Sometimes the houses remain, derelict, being slowly reclaimed by nature; I looked at one today.

It wasn't large, a simple one story house, though it had two substantial stone chimneys, topped off with brick. I peered through the dirty windows, mindful of snakes, and saw that the furniture was still in place and the kitchen shelves still stocked. It was like a decaying time capsule that someone had left, expecting to return.

And not that long ago. The rusting Impala in front of the house was last registered in 2005, though an old plow had fallen into disuse long before that. It was becoming part of tree, which had grown up around it. 

There was a well, too, and you could see water flowing at its bottom. If the grid goes down I'll know where to go, if the ghosts don't mind company.

I left that place thinking about Detroit; chances are, the chimneys would have been in use.

There's a moral to this, if you care to draw it.

LSP  

The City of Brass

And the heart of a beast in the place of a man’s heart was given

From the City of Brass

They unwound and flung from them with rage, as a rag that defiled them
The imperial gains of the age which their forefathers piled them.
They ran panting in haste to lay waste and embitter for ever
The wellsprings of Wisdom and Strength which are Faith and Endeavour.
They nosed out and digged up and dragged forth and exposed to derision
All doctrine of purpose and worth and restraint and prevision:
And it ceased, and God granted them all things for which they had striven,
And the heart of a beast in the place of a man’s heart was given...

You can read the whole thing here, if you like. Kipling was writing about the Empire on which the sun never set, some think he's relevant today.

Kizmet,

LSP

Come on. Move to Detroit.

Detroit

It's tempting to write something about the crazed Norwegian Templar(?!) and the Jihad, or Amy Winehouse, or the peculiar speech delivered by Barak 'He's less of a man than Putin' Obama last night. 

Evil Madman

But the recent 'cash incentives to live downtown' caught my eye.

'Cash incentives to live downtown?' you ask, 'Where?'

Motor City

Detroit, of course. Under a new $4 million scheme to revitalize Motown, first time home buyers will get a $20,000 forgivable loan and renters a grant of $3,000 spread over two years. That's not all, existing owners living in Detroit's post-apocalyptic urban wasteland will be eligible for a $5000 'exterior improvement' grant.

Tempted? Neither am I. Though my old friend 'Red'  (why didn't he get in trouble for firing off a shotgun in an abandoned house last year - why?) might think of applying for the 'home improvement' money.

I'll suggest it when I visit next week before crossing the river to Canada and the comparative safety of Windsor.

Pray for rain.

LSP

Happy Independence Day!

Back in the day, I used to look out across the Detroit river on Independence Day, watch the fireworks, then listen to the running gun battles breaking out across the Motor(way) City; all from the safety of an apartment in Windsor. The next day you could read all about it, "In a brisk firefight outside the Bastille Bar and Grille, five midnight revelers were killed when assailants opened fire with AK 47s and Uzis. Another seven bystanders were wounded in the ensuing exchange of shots.A further unspecified number of persons were admitted to hospital throughout the night, suffering from gunshot wounds. These are mostly believed to have been caused by the 4th of July custom of discharging firearms into the air..." etc.


Perhaps you think I'm somehow "making that up"? Well, think again.


Whatever the case, have a blessed Independence Day and don't get into any tomfoolery with guns.


Cheers,


LSP

Motor(way) City

Life has a strange way of sending me to Detroit, but I'll spare you the backstory... regardless, after the trial of modern interstate air travel -- not dissimilar to catching a bus from Victoria Station to Canterbury in the '80s in terms of time and discomfort -- I clambered off the plane and into Motor City to see an old friend before going across the river to Canada.

'Red' was using a crowbar to jimmy up great slabs of concrete from his back yard when I arrived. He's fixing up his house you see, which is hard work at the best of times; till then it'll be a little bit Fight Club -- the house should look good when it's done though.

Remarkable city, Detroit; I'm in Windsor now, but if I get the chance I'll venture back across the river for a tour and some pictures, hopefully before the place reverts to wilderness.

Missing guns and horses -- must check out the local range, don't think there's much of a riding opportunity here, annoyingly.

Cheers,

LSP