Archbishop Welby And The Eye Of Satan

 

Look, A Grinning Fool

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby. Hey, he's just a grinning fool who somehow crept into the Travelers Club. But is he really the harmless Etonian neo-lib evangelical he pretends to be? Some say otherwise. Have a look, let's zoom in:

See what I'm sayn'?

LSP

State Religion Goes Dhimmwit In Blackburn

If you're a state religion, like the Church of England, it'd be a bit odd if your teaching didn't mirror the state's. Which is awesome as long as the state's Christian, but what happens when it isn't?

Imagine a mythical country where everyone thinks you can change your biologically given gender at will and that anything less is an attack on freedom. 

The freedom to be what you wanna be regardless of your chromosomes. Sure, you've still got to slave away at the cubicle for the Man but you can do it in a frock, because now you're free.

OK. The State Church supports this in our imaginary country and starts telling its few believers that there's no such thing as the fatherhood of God and gets rid of all his oppressive personal pronouns. Boom. Liberty at last.

Now take this small thought experiment a step further.  Say you live in a small town, let's call it Blackburn, where 25% of its 100+k population are Muslim and you decide to hold an "anti war mass" on Armistice Day eve. What happens?

Being a reflection of the state of things, an imam gets up during the beautifully pacifist liturgy and incites Jihad with the Muslim call to prayer or Adhan, thus claiming the cathedral for Islam. 

Speech, as it were, notoriously enacts and there it is, a once Christian cathedral becomes a mosque in the imaginary land of the dhimmwits.

You can read all about this make believe scenario here. The Archbishop of Canterbury's preference for a genderless God is as well known as his love for chinos.

Good luck, CofE,

LSP

Church Of England Goes Tiara Tutu

Just when you thought the venerable if shrinking CofE couldn't get any more dysphoric, it did, instructing its schools to encourage boys to dress up in tiaras and tutus. Here's an excerpt from the declining denomination's new rainbow guidelines for primary school teachers:

Tutu

For example, a child may choose the tutu, princess’s tiara and heels and/or the fireman’s helmet, tool belt and superhero cloak without expectation or comment. Childhood has a sacred space for creative self imagining.

 A Beautiful Unicorn

How many senior clergypersons enjoy dressing up in the tutu/fireman's helmet combo is presently unknown.

Justsin Welby

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has endorsed the trans promoting document.

All the colors of the rainbow,

LSP

Detroit 5 Felons And A Bishop

In shocking news that's surprised nobody, half of Detroit's mayoral candidates are convicted felons, and one of them is a Bishop, Justin Welby.

Welby, leader of the worldwide Anglican non-communion, is well known for favoring the erstwhile automotive capital's pawn shops and filling stations, where he attempts to boost the dwindling CofE's "bottom line" by selling church regalia and favors. 

However, unlike other candidates for the lucrative job of Mayor, Welby isn't a felon, even though he worked for ELF Oil before he became a clergyperson. Other candidates have extensive rap sheets.

According to The Detroit News, candidate Marie Pitts, 58, was involved in a shootout over car repair and convicted of "assault with intent to do great bodily harm, less than murder, in the shooting involving the shop owner as well as a firearm offense."

Welby, who does not have firearms convictions, is vociferously in favor of womyn bishops and welcomes transgenderism. 

Mantids may or may not control the Big House, Lambeth Palace.

Quo Vadis,

LSP

Who is Welby, Cheap Two-Bit Grifter or Solo Crime Fighter?

It's a far cry from the silk robes of Westminster Abbey and the gilded Fish Miter of Canterbury Cathedral but photographic evidence reveals Archbishop Justin Welby has left his posh Lambeth Palace digs for the mean streets of Detroit.

Initial reports suggested that the leader of the struggling CofE was panhandling for spare change and hustling pawnshops in America's onetime automotive capital, in a desperate bid to meet his shrinking denomination's budgetary shortfall.

However, recent photos show a different Welby, a solo crime fighter gunning a motorcycle through the abandoned Studebaker plant and posing alongside a homemade vigilante network poster.

Detroit Police Chief, James Craig, appears to welcome the Archbishop's new initiative.

"Criminals are getting the message that good Detroiters are armed and will use that weapon. If Justin Welby wants to be part of taking back our streets, that's fine. Detroit's a big city,” said Chief Craig to local press.

Others aren't convinced. "Welby can set up as a Motor City crime fighter but no one's fooled, it's just a cheap stunt," said one resident, "I saw him grifting outside Cobo Hall on Monday, he's always after spare change."

Archbishop Justin Welby, cheap two-bit grifter or Motor City solo crime fighter?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Church of England Talent Pool, Caught on Camera?

The Church of England's elusive Talent Pool may have been caught on camera, running through Victorian sewers beneath Merseyside.

Filmed by engineers, the mysterious creature has long back legs and glowing eyes. Paranormal experts speculate that the pipe prowling Talent Pool has been feeding off fat deposits and waste water. 

Taken by surprise at the unexpected sighting, cameraman Ian Appleton stated, “I physically jumped when I saw the Talent Pool."

Others aren't convinced, claiming that the Talent Pool was just a hoax staged by United Utilities, as part of the water company's What To Flush marketing campaign which uses school visits, advertising and PR stunts to encourage customers to think before they flush.

Is the frightening creature filmed in Liverpool's sewers the CofE's fast-track to promotion, or yet another MBA inspired sales drive to reverse the declining denomination's fortunes?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP