Happy Cooking With LSP - Yorkshire Pudding

 

how can anyone take you seriously?

Can you have too much of a good thing? No, but only if the thing in question is absolutely good. That in mind, this humble cookery blog's focusing on the X-Ring, yes, Yorkshire Pudding, so very tasty. But how do you make these "puddings"? Good question and here's my fix, backed up by experts.

nice

Get a mixing bowl, mine's made of pyrex, you maybe have some other kind and that's OK. Tip a cup of regular flour into the bowl. Add 4 eggs. Stir it all about until smooth, perhaps you use an Olde Wooden Forke to achieve this τέλος, or a whisk, or whatever, your call.

Next up pour a cup of whole milk or 3/4 cup of whole milk and 1 1/12 tbs water into the mix. Add 1/2 tsp of salt. Stir until the consistency of cream. Well done, you've just made Yorkshire Pudding batter, no small thing. So now what?

next add milk/water, don't forget salt

Put the batter aside, expert YP science says it doesn't matter if it goes in the fridge or not, I use the fridge, and let it rest. Settled science says the longer the rest the better, up to overnight, makes for a better rise, because science. But if you're turning these beasts on a schedule/dime, 30+ minutes works too.

this batter's ready to go hot

Then clean some guns, or catapults, kitchen knives and sticks if you're in the UK, wash the kitchen floor, catch up on blogs and LL's excellent meditation on Faith and Substance while the batter's resting. Admire the rus in urbe aspect of your Compound's back yard while you're at it, all is good. Next?

hot tin

Preheat oven to 425* and pour beef dripping or olive oil into your pudding tin. I use olive oil and a sixfold muffin thing; you don't need much oil/fat, just cover the bottom of each indent or, if you're going hardcore heavy metal, 8" heavy metal skillets (x2).

Well done, you've got this far, sharpen a kukri while the oven heats. When it's ready, put the oiled tin into the oven, let it heat up for around 10 minutes if you're using a Sixer muffin tin. Tin hot, experts say it doesn't matter if it is, take it out and pour in the batter, around a 1/4 cup per ripping hot indent. It should sizzle. Word to the wise, don't take the hot tin out of the oven with your hands, sayn.

Command & Control from the, er, kitchen

Too much detail? Hey, no gain without pain; fire the superhot tin into the 425* (some techologists say 450*) oven and let it do its thing for around 20 minutes. Word to the wise, don't take it out too soon or the puddings will collapse, you want a crispy exterior which upholds the rise. They should look something like this.

a bit done? Hey 4 outta six, not a bad ratio

Mission accomplished, behold the beauty of the thing and fall upon your scoff, yes, like a warrior.

Adveniat,

LSP

Cooking With LSP - Venison Sausage Pasta

 

So how exactly do you cook with LSP? You mutter skeptically. But not so fast, here's how. Go out and shoot a deer or get someone else to do it for you. Either way is good, your call. Then get some of that venison processed into sausage, so far so good. Next step?

Slice the sausage up into tasty morsels. It's not hard and I use a vintage Sabatier which has a miraculously keen edge. You might choose a different knife, and that's up to you, no "rule." Mission accomplished, dice up onion and garlic and chop up tomatoes. Behold a task well done.

Then fry up the onion in olive oil until translucent and add garlic. Fry for a minute or so 'til fragrant and add venison, brown it as you reflect on bond yields, interest rates and Credit Suisse shareholder wipeout, then add a tablespoon or so of tomato paste. Stir that beast around for a minute or two. Result. Add chopped tomatoes to the mix.

Well done, you've got this far, no small feat. So use your Old Wooden Spoon to stir the pot, adding 2 bay leaves, salt, pepper and basil to taste. Have a glass to celebrate this not inconsiderable victory and add a glass of red wine to the mix, just for kicks. 

Then let it simmer and listen to uplifting music; don't be in a rush, for goodness sake, let tomato, onion, and venison combine together into one compelling whole, you'll smell it when it's done. Word to the wise, let the oil seperate but in the meanwhile, boil up pasta to al dente perfection. Then fall upon your scoff.

Like a Warrior,

LSP

Sunday Comms

 

There we were on the back porch, just me, Old Blue and a razor sharp kukri. Typical, maybe a glass of well chilled wine was involved. Then the sat phone rang. Yes, it was the Wolf.

"Are you able to pay full time clergy or is it all volunteer, like the Mormons?" I thought about this for maybe a second, "No, we're all good in this diocese, unlike, say, the Episcopalians. They're running out of cash to pay full time pastorenes. Go figure."

"Maybe this will help," offered LL with an infovid of PMC WAGNER recruiting out of some penal colony. "Good call. We'll bus those convicts straight to the homes of Episcopalien bishops. Kinda like sanctuary cities but house church."

"Exactly," said the Wolf, who proceeded to lay out preliminary plans for the operation. All well and good, then a rambunctious soldier burst through the back door, full of youthful high spirits allied to fitness, "Hey Dad, how's it going!" I stared into his EyePros. "Everything's good, kid, we're just fixing to solve a clergy staffing crisis. Working title? OPERATION MARTHA'S VINEYARD."

Have a beautiful Sunday.

Cheers,

LSP

FEROX

Note razor sharp Kukri. Thanks, LL.

Your Old Buddy,

LSP

 

Everything's Just Fine

Except that it's not. Standby, punters, for rough and stormy seas ahead. You might even want to lay in food, water and ammo. But what am I saying, you are already. Result, and don't worry, if it's not needed you can always give to the poor who are always with us.

Hero

Seriously, I'm getting a disaster vibe, not unlike early 2020. Remember when we ran out of food and toilet paper? Amplify that by a factor of clown world insanity and do yourself a favor, get prepped up and sharpen the kukri.

In the meanwhile, Archbishop Vigano continues to rock. 

Your Best Friend,

LSP

STORMFRONT

 

Lightning cracks across the sky, turning night to day as thunder crashes down like a barrage of guns on the Oder, shaking the house with elemental fury. Our Old Enemy the Weather is at it again. Dauntless, I stood on the porch, braving the lashing rain to do its worst. 

"Do your worst, Weather!" I thundered from the safety of the Compound's spacious, safe, historic and well constructed porch, "Monetize all the debt you like, you green mountebank, but we're not falling for your corporate Bolshevik ponzi."

Ferox, but our enemy ignored me entirely and continued to bombard this once prosperous farming community with a deluge of rain, sky water. What will tomorrow bring? Discarded weaves, needles, cast off Dicky's BBQ beakers, the broken fragments of a child's toy, all that and more floating in a poisonous backflow effluent of broken drains. 

Witch

A parable? Perhaps. In the meanwhile, smart people are sharpening kukris, loading mags, laying in supplies and praying hard for angelic and divine aid. My feeling is that we'll need it in the coming years.

Your Friend,

LSP

Cooking With LSP

Typical Cooking Kukri

Ah yes, cooking with LSP, that tired old trope. Tired! No, this is a recipe that's ever old and ever new, equally at home in the wintry wastes of Northern England and the oven intense heat of a Texan summer. (Stop it, I'm warning you. Ed.). OK, here it is, Cottage Pie, and it starts at the grill.

A Grill

You know how it goes. Grill up some 80/20 burgers, yes they're delicious, eat half, freeze the rest, repeat. A week or so later open the freezer and behold the frozen medium rare, seared patties. Defrost the icy offerings and chop up an onion, celery, and a carrot. Saute the veg for a few minutes until it smells and looks right. You'll know, then add a clove or more of minced garlic. I prefer more, you may not, no rule.

Add  Some Flour, It's Not Hard

Next add the meat, stir it 'round, break it up, and simmer on medium high 'til it looks right, as in browned. Perhaps you think that's a sly, racist, reference to POCs. It's not, we're just talking cooking. Meat and veg together as one, add 1/4 cup of flour. 

Chuck it in, don't be afraid, then mix in 4 tbs of tomato paste, 1/2 cup of cheap as you like red wine, 2 cups of beef broth, 1 tsp Thyme, 2 dried Bay Leaves, 2 tbs Worcestershire Sauce, salt, pepper and chili powder to taste. Alright, the chili's not trad, but I like it, and I'm willing to bet that dry English mustard wouldn't go amiss either. Anyway...

Simmer Down!

Simmer this beast until the sauce reaches desired consistency. I let it run on medium high, stirring occasionally, until the oil and sauce start to separate, as in Bolognese or curry. Your call, just don't leave off in a fit of weakness and find yourself with a watery sauce. That's an error.

Just Enough Potatoes

Sauce/gravy achieved, take it off the heat and let it cool down. This will, maybe, prevent the filling of the pie from seeping into its mashed potato top. Not a disaster if it does, but better if it doesn't; preserve the integrity of the pie, as we should the electoral process itself.

Most Awesome

Potatoes mashed, cover the sauce with the creamy spuds, sprinkle with Parmesan or some other cheese, grind pepper over the thing, add a tbs of butter or olive oil, and put it in the oven at 350 until golden brown. Perhaps you want to texture the mashed potato top, maybe add a slogan. Up to you, some say it makes for a better pie.

Cottage Pie

Kick back for 30 minutes, have a glass of wine, sharpen a kukri,  load magazines, clean weapons, whatever, then take the pie out of the oven, let it rest, and fall upon your scoff.

Like a Warrior,

LSP

Cooking With LSP - Chicken Pot Pie

What? Cooking with LSP, that's both dangerous and stupid. Not so fast punters, here's how it's done.

First up, get some chicken thighs (4) for around 5 bucks at Walmart, or wherever. Boil them with salt and pepper, maybe a bay leaf, in a pot for around 30 minutes. Then remove the boiled thighs to your fridge in a bowl to cool down. Keep the water they were boiled in, this is your stock, chicken stock.

In the meanwhile, melt 1/4 cup of unsalted butter in yet another pot. Add 2 sliced carrots, a small chopped onion, a sliced stick of celery, and maybe some garlic, your call. Simmer these in the butter for 5 minutes or so. Wow, look at that, vegetables. So very healthy.

Next step, add 1/3 cup of flour to the simmering veg. Stir it about, then pour 2 cups of your homemade chicken stock into the mix, followed by a cup or so of frozen peas. Stir that too and watch in wonder as it reaches creamy consistency. If it doesn't, add more flour, if it's too thick add more stock. While you're at it, apply salt, pepper and a dash or two of Worcestershire Sauce.

Let it all combine and simmer for around 20 minutes, stirring. In the meanwhile, you've removed all the chicken from the bone, fed the dog with chicken skins, chopped up some mushrooms, washed up and... added chicken and mushroom to the pot.

Stir it up. Let it simmer. No need to rush and freak out, have a glass of wine and admire your pistol, or kukri. Bull up a shoe, a gas mask, clean a gas regulator, shine a cap badge or whatever comes to hand. Reverie over, unfold some unfrozen puff pastry, roll it out on a floured surface and stand by, you're almost there.

Pour the pie mix into whatever counts as your pie dish. Cover the mix with a rolled out sheet of pastry, maybe add some leftover pastry bits to the thing by way of fun. No matter, your call, then put it in a 375* preheated oven for around 30 minutes.

At the end of which, take the pie out of the oven and fall upon your scoff.

Like a warrior,

LSP

Father's Day

This year's Father's Day was good because both my sons are OK. One's fixing to ship to South Korea, as opposed to somewhere else, and the other's passed his tests and's working at a friend's construction company. Good boys. Well done.

To celebrate the awesomeness of this, I grilled up some chicken and sausage. Surf 'n Turf without the surf, sort of thing (No, nothing like surf 'n turf... Ed.) And yes, a sharp Kukri's always helpful. Thanks, LL.

And there it is. Pull down a statue of a Founding Patriarchal Oppressor Father or fall on your scoff, like a warrior.

#MAGA2020

Best,

LSP

What is Texas?

What's it like, living in a rural farming community in Texas, where not having a pick up truck marks you as weirdly eccentric. I went for a walk to find out.

Irish Texas

Apparently it's about Ireland, which is why the local filling station's called Shamrock, or is it? The Shamrock may be Irish but it sure sells a lot of Mexican food. It's also run by Nepalese; I know this because I've asked them and we talk about the Gurkhas. Sometimes they salute me, Brit style, which is appropriate, if weird.

Dog Texas

I pondered that as I made my way back to the Compound with Blue Congressman. Why would a family from Nepal end up running a pick 'n steal in rural Texas, selling Mexican food in an Irish filling station. For that matter, why is there a Mongolian "buffet" in the town, run by real Mongolians as opposed to Mexicans? (don't eat there...) Why are people from the farthest reaches of the world coming to the Lone Star State?

Well, the answer's obvious. Because Texas is awesome.

TEXIT,

LSP

Mighty Hunter

A seasoned veteran of the intelligence community threatens to visit for a pig hunt in April and I think his method goes roughly like this. Wait for a massive tusker to charge you and then, calmly, deliberately, shoot it with a .357 Magnum revolver. Probably a Colt Python. In the meanwhile, LSP stands back with a 30 of some sort and a sharp kukri. 

LL Visits Texas

With that in mind, here's a typical hunting tale. 

As I patrolled along a hi-fenceline the dog came to a point, all attention, and there, 150 yards downhill to my left was a giant black pig, black hair bristling menacingly in the hot white light of a Texan morning.

Someone's Pig Hunt Gone Wrong

Fast as you like and maybe faster, up comes my AR, red dot hold on the shoulder of the pig, breathe, squeeze the trigger and... nothing. Try it again, is the gun broken? and... nothing. A split second of consternation.

Random Pictograph Somewhere in Texas

Then thumb-off the safety, fire, and the hog's running like a speeding maglev, barreling through the dystopian ruins of Detroit towards the Windsor tunnel. That one got off to fight again another day. 

Maybe this good fortune will change sometime soon.

Attention to detail,

LSP

The Fryday Roundup

It's been a busy week, here in the newsroom, as our team of hard-pressed writers struggle to make deadline while living on a punishing diet of pork chops, bacon, steak, Fritos, bean dip and the occasional Marie Callender chicken pot pie. While being attacked by The Weather. So here's a couple of highlights.

Houston Goes Full Pink Stasi 

Two Christian daycare workers have been fired in Houston. Their crime? Refusing to tell the kids that a girl is a boy. 

What. A. Pair. Of. Haters.

Unlike the Episcopal Church, (TEC) which is welcoming and inclusive, unless it's suing you. 

The Episcopal Church on Full Gurn 

Michael Curry became the Episcopal Church's Presiding Bishop at Washington National Cathedral on November 1. Maybe he'll turn the declining denomination's ever dwindling demographics around by making people "happy." Or Muslim, or both. But in the meanwhile...

The Episcopal Church Tanks 

TEC's stats are in and what can we say? Don't worry. Be happy!

"To put some of these losses in perspective, in terms of membership, we lost the combined equivalent of the dioceses of Bethlehem, Central Pennsylvania, Delaware, Easton, Northwestern Pennsylvania, Southwestern Virginia, and West Virginia. Or (in Province IV) of Mississippi, Tennessee, and Western North Carolina. Or (in Province VII) of Arkansas, Fort Worth, Northwest Texas, Oklahoma, and West Missouri."

Way to go, TEC.

And then there was Heather Cook, the onetime Assistant Bishop of Baltimore.

Shackled Felon 

"It was also revealed in Court that any civil claims and liability surrounding then-Bishop Heather Cook, the Diocese of Maryland and The Episcopal Church have been settled. Lawyers for the Palermo family confirmed such a resolution was hammered out but declined to provide details."

As Heather was going down, America was going up, in gun ownership.

Thanks, Barack and Hillary.

Gun Up! 

“Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton are the best gun salespeople on the planet. The more they scream for new gun control laws the more guns walk off the shelves at gun stores,” said Alan Gottlieb, the head of the Second Amendment Foundation. “To quote the lyrics of Peter, Paul and Mary, ‘When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn.’”

Apparently never, like our President's, ahem, resolve to destroy the murdering white tennis shoe savages of the Caliphate.

Radically Destroy Them 

“You are asking me how we can deal radically with ISIS. The only answer is to radically destroy them."

Canon Andrew White may affect a curious blazer rig but no-one can fault him for telling it like is.

Just so you know, White's a member of the Anglican Communion, which may have been found by stargazing boffins at the European Space Agency.

Anglican Communion Found by Astrophysicist? 

"Many other regions beyond our observable universe would exist with each such region governed by a different set of physical parameters than the ones we have measured for our universe..."

Maybe we'll see how it all ends in January, but one thing's for sure, the cutthroat War on Weather continues with a vengeance.

Winning The War on Weather

Not easy when El Nino's on the loose and the Antarctic ice cap's growing. But wars don't come cheap, so sue Exxon.

Good work, Hillary, et al. Speaking of which, People Don't Trust Her. 

Shocka.

And let's not forget the ongoing curse of the Diocese of Gloucester.

Beating The Curse of The Diocese of Gloucester

Gavin Ashenden wins the truth prize as another bishop figure falls afoul of the ancient curse.

"In the end, it is Scripture and the creeds that divide us. Bishop Rachel and those who appointed her and follow her are on one side of the divide; and the one, holy, catholic and apostolic church is on the other."

Perhaps the latter will somehow survive in the venerable CofE, but at ACoC's St. Albans, in Ottawa? Not so much.

The Anglican Church of Canada Misses Earth?

A mysterious skull-faced asteroid narrowly missed collision with our fragile island home, the earth. 

Or did it land at St. Albans, in Ottawa?

You, the reader, be the judge.

And don't forget, Hillary for Prison, 2016.

LSP