Cooking With LSP

Typical Cooking Kukri

Ah yes, cooking with LSP, that tired old trope. Tired! No, this is a recipe that's ever old and ever new, equally at home in the wintry wastes of Northern England and the oven intense heat of a Texan summer. (Stop it, I'm warning you. Ed.). OK, here it is, Cottage Pie, and it starts at the grill.

A Grill

You know how it goes. Grill up some 80/20 burgers, yes they're delicious, eat half, freeze the rest, repeat. A week or so later open the freezer and behold the frozen medium rare, seared patties. Defrost the icy offerings and chop up an onion, celery, and a carrot. Saute the veg for a few minutes until it smells and looks right. You'll know, then add a clove or more of minced garlic. I prefer more, you may not, no rule.

Add  Some Flour, It's Not Hard

Next add the meat, stir it 'round, break it up, and simmer on medium high 'til it looks right, as in browned. Perhaps you think that's a sly, racist, reference to POCs. It's not, we're just talking cooking. Meat and veg together as one, add 1/4 cup of flour. 

Chuck it in, don't be afraid, then mix in 4 tbs of tomato paste, 1/2 cup of cheap as you like red wine, 2 cups of beef broth, 1 tsp Thyme, 2 dried Bay Leaves, 2 tbs Worcestershire Sauce, salt, pepper and chili powder to taste. Alright, the chili's not trad, but I like it, and I'm willing to bet that dry English mustard wouldn't go amiss either. Anyway...

Simmer Down!

Simmer this beast until the sauce reaches desired consistency. I let it run on medium high, stirring occasionally, until the oil and sauce start to separate, as in Bolognese or curry. Your call, just don't leave off in a fit of weakness and find yourself with a watery sauce. That's an error.

Just Enough Potatoes

Sauce/gravy achieved, take it off the heat and let it cool down. This will, maybe, prevent the filling of the pie from seeping into its mashed potato top. Not a disaster if it does, but better if it doesn't; preserve the integrity of the pie, as we should the electoral process itself.

Most Awesome

Potatoes mashed, cover the sauce with the creamy spuds, sprinkle with Parmesan or some other cheese, grind pepper over the thing, add a tbs of butter or olive oil, and put it in the oven at 350 until golden brown. Perhaps you want to texture the mashed potato top, maybe add a slogan. Up to you, some say it makes for a better pie.

Cottage Pie

Kick back for 30 minutes, have a glass of wine, sharpen a kukri,  load magazines, clean weapons, whatever, then take the pie out of the oven, let it rest, and fall upon your scoff.

Like a Warrior,

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Country Style Ribs

"Cooking with LSP?!?" you snort indignantly into an old Jeb! campaign brochure, "You can't do that." But you can, and here's how.

Go out and get a couple of pounds of bone-in country style ribs from the supermarket for around eight or nine bucks. Take a gun, if Nanny allows you to defend yourself like a free man, or woman; I chose a Glock 21, but that's just me. Buy some carrots, celery, onion, garlic, dry white wine, olive oil, apple juice or cider, cider vinegar and tomato paste, grainy Dijon mustard, bay leaves, thyme, chicken broth and dried red pepper. 

Ingredients. Note Spyderco

If you already have these ingredients you don't have to get them again, unless you're all about building fail-safe redundancy into your EOTW (end of the world) food store.

Return from the supermarket and get out a crock pot, cast iron works well, it can go in the oven. Put the pot on the stove at medium high with 2 tablespoons of oil and brown the pork, previously salt and peppered, then place the meat aside. Don't be intimidated, it's not hard.

Shoot The Plate With a Glock

Add 1 more tablespoon of oil, 1 chopped carrot, celery stick and onion to the pot, and cook on medium heat until softened. Add 3 cloves of minced garlic and cook for a further minute, then 2 tablespoons of tomato paste. Stir this up for a bit then pour in that white wine you bought earlier, 1/2 a cup worth. Raise the heat to medium high and scrape up any browned meat or veg from the bottom of the pan. 

While you're at it, turn up the jukebox, perhaps it's playing Thank Christ For The Bomb, or Rebel Son's famous Bury me in Southern Ground. Whatever, you decide, like a Sovereign.

Well done, you've got this far, so have a drink as you look in wonder at the food in the pot. Have several, or not, there no rule.

Meat in, Atogether, Bring to Boil, Transfer to Oven

Wine in, add 1/4 cup of apple cider, 2 1/2 cups chicken broth, 1/2 cup cider/apple juice, 1 tbs mustard, 2 bay leaves, 3 sprigs thyme or dried equivalent, and red pepper. Salt and pepper to taste. Then put the pork in the pot. There, it's altogether. Bring to a boil then cover and transfer to an oven at 325*, middle position. Cook for around 1 hour 45 minutes, removing the lid for the last half hour. 

Scoff

The meat should be fall-off-the-fork tender, if it isn't, return to the oven and cook that pork 'till it is. Take it out of the oven, let it rest for a bit, and serve over mashed potatoes.

Get a Haircut, Fool.

Then eat your scoff like a Warrior. And that's cooking with,

LSP