Cooking With LSP, Toad in the Hole

"Cooking with LSP is as dangerous as it's absurd," you mutter darkly to yourself. But not so fast, it's possible and here's how.

Get hold of a large iron pot, a mixing bowl, some flour, a pack of Johnson's Original Brats, if you can't find English bangers, eggs and milk. Then bask in the cost-effective simplicity of the ingredients. Well done, you're making Toad in the Hole; cheap and simple, nothing fancy and mighty tasty. 

Self-congratulatory reverie over, make the batter by mixing up a cup of flour, 3 eggs and 1 1/4 cups of milk in your bowl, the consistency should be smooth. Add a pinch of salt and set the mix aside in the fridge as you preheat an oven to 425. Have a glass of wine in the interim, or not. There's no rule.

Next step, pour some oil in the iron pot, add the sausages and fry until golden brown, for about 10 minutes. Watch them hiss and spit like defeated Democrats, then take your batter from the fridge, nicely chilled, and pour it directly over the sausages. (NB. some experts set the sausages aside, pour some batter in a hot pan to make a base, let it cook for 5 minutes, then add sausages and the rest of the batter. )

It won't look pretty. But don't freak out like a Spirit-Cooking Podesta staring down the barrel of emailgate, just put the whole thing in the oven, uncovered, and let it cook for 25 minutes.

After its stint in the oven, take the pot out and stare in amazement at the batter which has risen up around the sausages. Congratulations, you've made Toad in the Hole.

Cut it up and serve with onion gravy and vegetables. Then eat your scoff like a warrior.

And that's cooking with...

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Country Style Ribs

"Cooking with LSP?!?" you snort indignantly into an old Jeb! campaign brochure, "You can't do that." But you can, and here's how.

Go out and get a couple of pounds of bone-in country style ribs from the supermarket for around eight or nine bucks. Take a gun, if Nanny allows you to defend yourself like a free man, or woman; I chose a Glock 21, but that's just me. Buy some carrots, celery, onion, garlic, dry white wine, olive oil, apple juice or cider, cider vinegar and tomato paste, grainy Dijon mustard, bay leaves, thyme, chicken broth and dried red pepper. 

Ingredients. Note Spyderco

If you already have these ingredients you don't have to get them again, unless you're all about building fail-safe redundancy into your EOTW (end of the world) food store.

Return from the supermarket and get out a crock pot, cast iron works well, it can go in the oven. Put the pot on the stove at medium high with 2 tablespoons of oil and brown the pork, previously salt and peppered, then place the meat aside. Don't be intimidated, it's not hard.

Shoot The Plate With a Glock

Add 1 more tablespoon of oil, 1 chopped carrot, celery stick and onion to the pot, and cook on medium heat until softened. Add 3 cloves of minced garlic and cook for a further minute, then 2 tablespoons of tomato paste. Stir this up for a bit then pour in that white wine you bought earlier, 1/2 a cup worth. Raise the heat to medium high and scrape up any browned meat or veg from the bottom of the pan. 

While you're at it, turn up the jukebox, perhaps it's playing Thank Christ For The Bomb, or Rebel Son's famous Bury me in Southern Ground. Whatever, you decide, like a Sovereign.

Well done, you've got this far, so have a drink as you look in wonder at the food in the pot. Have several, or not, there no rule.

Meat in, Atogether, Bring to Boil, Transfer to Oven

Wine in, add 1/4 cup of apple cider, 2 1/2 cups chicken broth, 1/2 cup cider/apple juice, 1 tbs mustard, 2 bay leaves, 3 sprigs thyme or dried equivalent, and red pepper. Salt and pepper to taste. Then put the pork in the pot. There, it's altogether. Bring to a boil then cover and transfer to an oven at 325*, middle position. Cook for around 1 hour 45 minutes, removing the lid for the last half hour. 

Scoff

The meat should be fall-off-the-fork tender, if it isn't, return to the oven and cook that pork 'till it is. Take it out of the oven, let it rest for a bit, and serve over mashed potatoes.

Get a Haircut, Fool.

Then eat your scoff like a Warrior. And that's cooking with,

LSP