Happy Easter!

 

Christus surrexit alleluia!

LSP

Cooking With LSP - Bread

 

I know, man shall not live on bread alone. That in mind, we notoriously have bodies which need to be fed and the aerogel rubbish which passes for bread in our supermarkets, if you can even find it, doesn't cut the ticket. Problem? Solution. Make it yourself. Here's how. 

Get a mixing bowl and add 3 1/4 cups all purpose flour, 2 teaspoons salt, 1/2 teaspoon active dry yeast, and 1 1/2 cups of warm water. Mix that beast around, stir it up, then cover the thing and rest it, covered, somewhere out of reach of animals. And here's the thing.

Let the dough rest and rise overnight++, ignore it, let it do its thing as though it were an errant teen. Then, somewhere before Vespers on Holy Saturday, remove the dough onto a floured surface and form it into a ball. Let it rest some more in a bowl on parchment paper as heavy metal heats up in the oven at 450*.

After the metal's hot, about 30 minutes, pull it out and transfer the dough to the pot, parchment paper and all, then cover the thing, put it back in the oven and kick back for 30 minutes. Maybe clean a gun or sharpen a kukri, not that any of you have such things. They were lost at sea. Whatever, your call, no rule.

After 30, uncover the metal and finish off the loaf for around 10 minutes. Result? Behold your delicious, life giving bread and fall upon that scoff, like a warrior.

Song of a Baker,

LSP

Why Why Why?!?

 

Why, you ask yourselves from the bay window of your various clubs was Lemmy's floral Iron Cross tribute featured in yesterday's Space Empire post? Good question. Because awesome, obvs. Picture, if you can, Texas' Total Space Dominance (TSD).

In the meanwhile we have to wonder whether the Virus was somehow DAARPA homegrown, and if so, which heads should roll. Fauci, NIH anyone?

That in mind, I'm not a betting man, but I'll wager the fighting monkey on no one, exactly no one being held accountable. But I will buy the crypto dip 'coz fiat's just so trustworthy. Volatility forever and up the Gloucesters.

That's the Spirit of the Age,

LSP

Cooking With LSP - Pie

 

"Cooking with LSP!" you exclaim ferociously from your bay window at Boodles, "That old trick?!?" But not so fast, it can be done, here's how.

Look defiantly at Thanksgiving leftovers and instead of problem see solution. In this case a pie, a turkey and mushroom pie and because you want to save on hassle, made in one 10" skillet. That's right, a one skillet pie.

First up, melt some butter and olive oil in heavy metal, put on Tree Top Flyer Best Version Ever, add half a chopped onion, a couple of cloves of chopped garlic, 2 cups of chopped mushrooms, salt and pepper to taste, a tsp of thyme and fry till the onions are translucent, around 5 minutes. Yes indeed, nice and easy.

Behold the vegetables in their fried glory and sort out the jukebox, perhaps Golden Brown is appropriate, then continue. Add 3 tbs of flour to the mix, coat the veg, it'll stiffen, then slowly add 2 cups of homemade chicken broth, stirring. It's not hard, just pour it in and watch the gravy thicken. Result.

Then add up to a cup of milk and stir it into the mix until you get the consistency you want, not too watery, not too thick. Apply chopped up turkey. We got ours from a rancher whose wife had gone to Vegas to run PRA barrel competitions, "Here boys, you take this," and so we did.

Rodeo aside, simmer or rest your pie mix for a while, it takes time for those flavors to become as one delicious one. And then? Cover the beast with pastry and put it in a 400* preheated oven until the crust is golden, around 20 minutes. But no rule, your call.

Go on, shoot the dam pie

Well done, bask in the glory of it all and fall upon your scoff.

Like a Warrior,

LSP

PS. Careful on the salt... word to the wise.

Juke Box Monday

 

Shoot some pool, fire off a few darts, have a pint or several and spin some tunes on the juke. Yes, it's Jukebox Monday and here's Juliette's choice, Copperhead Road. Great choice.

Infidel takes us to a contemplative space, with Stella Blue. Let's hear it for the Dead:

RHT recommends Stevie boy.

And here's some country from Jim.

Me? I just like Thunderstruck, because it's awesome. Check it out:

Rock on,

LSP

Just Another Sunny Day in Texas

 

The day dawned clear and bright, yet another victory in our ongoing War Against The Weather (WATW). And praise God for it, Texas shouldn't be blessed with clement weather because it's failed to pay its Carbon Tax. 

Foolish rednecks, don't you know the sea will rise and Obama's mansion be flooded out if you don't cough up, cough up and play the game? Apparently not. That said, I made it safely through the rising floods of Global warming to the Compound.

Where pork hit heavy metal, and all was well, Iron Skillets forever. Well? Yes, but then there's the election which isn't well at all. How many of our Elite Millionaire Overlords are bought and paid for shills of the CCP, and who finances them?

Well, duh, no one, just a weird conspiracy theory, said everyone who bought and sold Solar Wind stock. Speaking of which, one of the many great things about today's Progressive Left is the way they back billionaire capitalists and war, all in the name of the "working man." Sorry, tranny.

Better get that right, you intolerant Nazi, and while you're at it, don't look at us getting fabulously richer than we already are as we bomb whoever into the ground. Speaking of which, the Left, which loves war and hates our country's workers, calls Trump a Nazi.

He's clearly not a National Socialist, despite having an ego the size of a Golden Tower, but what does that make you, his sworn, vote rigging enemies? Bolsheviks, and I'll fight that till the sun sets and the stars align.

Cheers,

LSP

Cooking With LSP - Fish on Friday

Cooking with LSP? That's a great idea. Look, enough of your sarcasm, here's how it's done. Get on a boat and catch some Striper, then watch in awe as your Guide fillets the fish in a fraction of the time it'd take you. Guide magic, but hey, it's his job. Next step?

Take the fillets back home and put 'em in the fridge, only to be taken out later in the day. Behold their piscine glory and as you do, pour an inch or two of oil into some heavy metal (dutch oven), put this on medium/high heat along with a candy thermometer. As the oil does its thing, wash the fish, salt and pepper it, and leave it on a cutting board while you prepare the batter. This is easy.

Put 1 cup of flour into  a mixing bowl, glass or plastic, your call. I use glass, not being Eastern European. Then add 1 teaspoon of baking powder, a pinch of salt, some cracked pepper and whisk it about. 

Job well done, pour in a bottle of beer or soda water and stir it up. The mixture should end up like thinnish pancake batter. But that's not all, put half a cup of flour in a bowl next to the batter, you'll use this to dredge the fish.

Done? Salute your endeavor with a glass of wine or something else, your call, no rule, but don't take too long, there's oil to be watched. So glance over at your heavy metal and check the oil's temperature. It should be between 365-70 degrees.

This is important. If the oil's too hot it'll ignite and destroy your kitchen like some kind of air bomb, you don't want that. If it's not, whatever's being fried will sit in the unpleasant oil and become a greasy mess. So, make sure it's hot, I recommend 370*, this will fry your fish without it becoming a grease nightmare.

This achieved, take a piece of fish,  dredge it in flour, coat it in batter and place it in the heavy metal. Watch it boil and fry as you add more fillets to the cauldron. You'll know when they're done, crispy, golden brown awesomeness. 

And just for kicks you can do the same thing for a side, I went down the onion ring route, you may choose differently, your choice.

Then fall upon your scoff, like a warrior,

LSP

Cooking With LSP - Bread Of Life

Inspired by the Archbishop of Canterbury, I went to the kitchen in search of action. Yes, bread action. Here's the thing. From January to early March you were laying in supplies of flour and yeast. 

Why? Because you knew a Red Plague panicked populace would empty the shelves come the COVID shoe drop. So what to do with all those baking supplies? Make bread, obviously, and here's an easy recipe, which works. Trust me on this.

Dough after appx 18 hours. Add more flour if too runny

Here's how it's done. First step. Put three cups of flour in a mixing bowl, add 1/4 tsp yeast and 1 tsp salt. You can add more salt if you want to make like some kind of NYT know-it-all. There's no rule, it's up to you, but I recommend 1 tsp.

Whatever, behold the result and stir it around. Don't be shy, stir it up, then add 1 cup of tepid water to the mix.  Stir that up too, it's not hard. Add more water, maybe a 1/3 of a cup until you've got a shaggy dough. 

Tip it outta the bowl and onto a floured surface

It shouldn't be too wet or too dry, just a shaggy dough, and you'll know it when you meet it. Cover that fella with clingfilm, the bowl, not the dough, and let it rest overnight, 18 hours+.

Next day the dough should look bubbly, this is good. Remove it to a floured surface and form to a ball. Add more flour or water if the floury beast's too dry or too wet. That done, put it back in the mixing bowl, cover with clingfilm and let it rest for another hour, another rise. 

Heavy Metal

In the meanwhile, preheat your oven to 450*. 30 minutes later, put some unoiled heavy metal into the oven to heat up. I use a Lodge, you might prefer Crueset. That's up to you. Another 30 minutes later, uncover the mixing bowl, form the dough into a ball again on the jolly old floured surface, take the heavy metal from the oven, uncover it and...

Put the dough ball in the Dutch, crease side up. Don't burn your hands on the incandescent heavy metal, use an oven mitt, for goodness sake. Then cover and bake for 30 minutes at 450*. Uncover for another 10 minutes or until the bread's as crusty as you like, totally your call, and remove from the oven.

Right Tasty

Gasp in wonder. You've made bread which smells good, looks good and is good, it wasn't even hard to do. Reflection over, cover that bad boy up with an Archiepiscopal tea towel and let rest for a few minutes. Then cut into it and fall upon your scoff like...

A Warrior. 

LSP

Navajo Bread -- Cooking With LSP

What, cooking with LSP? That's both dangerous and stupid. Not so fast, punters, here's how it's done. First up, gaze wonderingly at all your wisely stockpiled flour and ask, what're you gonna do with it, eh? Make bread, obviously, Navajo Bread. It's easy and goes like this.

Put 2 cups of regular stockpiled flour in a mixing bowl. Add 1 stockpiled teaspoon salt, then follow that bad boy up with a tablespoon of baking soda. Throw in two teaspoons of hoarded vegetable oil and a teaspoon of salt. Or not, anarchist, your call.

Whisk it about but don't run off and fall asleep under the nearest tree like some kind of Mexican, your job's not done. No, add lukewarm water to the mix until it becomes a tacky, shaggy, workable dough. Around one cup perhaps.

Then mix that beast up, put it on a floured surface and knead the thing until it's elastic, around three or four minutes. Well done, congratulate yourself on getting this far and place the dough in an "oiled container," the original mixing bowl will do. Cover it up and let rest for an hour.

Next step? Cut the dough into six pieces. Roll each piece flat on a floured surface and fry the offerings in a hot, oiled, iron skillet. Don't be an idiot and burn the delicious bread, take each piece off the heat as brown spots occur and it's obviously done. 

You'll find, if all goes well with the culinary odyssey, that you end up with something like a cross between a tortilla and a naan. Awesome on both counts. And then, bread on hand...

Fall on your scoff like a warrior,

LSP

Get it Together

OK, so you've got these neat metal chairs which belonged to your Great Great Grandmother, and there they sit, restored and gleaming on the newly painted porch. Great result, no doubt about it, but something was missing. A swing.

The swing arrived last week and sat in its box while our old enemy, The Weather, attacked us with an endless barrage of rain. Then it cleared, the climate changed and out came the swing, ready for painting.

Blue Painter

It lay there looking pristine and wooden at the front of the Compound, ready for a light sanding and paint. I opted for cheap white enamel primer & paint spray for the first couple of coats and then Rustoleum's "professional grade" white enamel. That was cheap too, thanks, Walmart.

Typical Texan Street Art

Rustoleum's hi-grade spray paint is apparently tough enough for "industrial applications," so I figured it'd probably do the trick. Time, all three of you who read this engaging mind blog, will tell. And I have to say, spray painting wood takes a while; maybe I should have brushed on the primer. Still, perhaps spray makes for a better finish.

Painted, at Last...

Then it was done. A painted porch swing sitting on its cardboard box in front of the house in the Texan sun, waiting for the paint to do its thing and dry in the marketeers' promised 15 minutes, which it pretty much did.

Well I'll be, There's a Swing on The Porch

Now it's on the porch, suspended by two 10' chains and I thank our ancestors for being wise to high ceilings, it makes a difference.

Rifle to Pot

To celebrate this victory, I broke out a pack of venison sausages from their refrigerated prison, made some batter and put it all together in a heavy metal pot. It'll be toad in the hole in a bit, and goes with onion gravy, delicious.

Porch life,

LSP

Cooking With LSP Macaroni Cheese

Excuse me, what did you just say? Cooking with LSP? It sounds impossible yet there it is and here's how.

Pull out some heavy metal and melt 4 TBLs of butter in the iron, match it with the same amount of flour. Mix it up and well done, you've made a poor man's roux. Then add 2 1/2 cups of full milk, stir it in and behold the beauty of the thing, Glock optional.

Then add cheese. Grate as much as you like into the pot, your call, there's no "rule." Stir it around until you reach the desired consistency and add more cheese and milk as required. 

Also, don't forget to throw in a teaspoon of dry mustard along with salt and pepper to taste or even Worcestershire Sauce, your call. 

That done, stir away and preheat the oven to 400*. While it's firing up have a glass of wine or 10 and ponder your culinary genius.  There it is, cheese sauce, pasta and everything else, just waiting to come together in union. 

While you're at it, resist the temptation to draw parallels with the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion and throw the thing in the oven after grating some cheese on top.

Leave it in until it's getting cripsy and then take it out and eat your scoff...

Like a Warrior,

LSP

Rain Bomb!

The Masses were said, the Sacrifice offered and it seemed right to cook up some macaroni cheese in a heavy metal pot. I wasn't sure which was best, Thin Lizzy's version of Whiskey in the Jar or Metallica's but I did know that we needed milk and cheese. Then it happened.

Rain, gentle at first then crashing down like the wrath of God on the roof of the porch, and everywhere else. Yes, a rain bomb, blitzing from the sky with indiscriminate fury. I pulled on a wax jacket and ran to the rig.

A chinking thud. It was hail, the size of a large marble bouncing off the truck and before you could say shrapnel, the sky was full of hurtling chunks of ice and rain, torrential, wind-lashed, driving rain. There was only one choice; don't give up, keep moving, reach the objective, complete the mission.

Perseverance allied with sheer dogged determination paid off, and I left Brookshire's with milk and cheese safely in hand, noting that our Old Enemy, the Weather, had changed yet again. The rain and hail was gone, leaving a rainbow in its wake.  This parting shot from the opposition curiously snuck up behind First Baptist.

How First Baptist dealt with the multi-hued aggressor is another matter again but I'll tell you this, the heavy metal macaroni cheese was delicious and all the better for being a hard fought prize.

Don't fear the reaper,

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Toad in the Hole

"Cooking with LSP is as dangerous as it's absurd," you mutter darkly to yourself. But not so fast, it's possible and here's how.

Get hold of a large iron pot, a mixing bowl, some flour, a pack of Johnson's Original Brats, if you can't find English bangers, eggs and milk. Then bask in the cost-effective simplicity of the ingredients. Well done, you're making Toad in the Hole; cheap and simple, nothing fancy and mighty tasty. 

Self-congratulatory reverie over, make the batter by mixing up a cup of flour, 3 eggs and 1 1/4 cups of milk in your bowl, the consistency should be smooth. Add a pinch of salt and set the mix aside in the fridge as you preheat an oven to 425. Have a glass of wine in the interim, or not. There's no rule.

Next step, pour some oil in the iron pot, add the sausages and fry until golden brown, for about 10 minutes. Watch them hiss and spit like defeated Democrats, then take your batter from the fridge, nicely chilled, and pour it directly over the sausages. (NB. some experts set the sausages aside, pour some batter in a hot pan to make a base, let it cook for 5 minutes, then add sausages and the rest of the batter. )

It won't look pretty. But don't freak out like a Spirit-Cooking Podesta staring down the barrel of emailgate, just put the whole thing in the oven, uncovered, and let it cook for 25 minutes.

After its stint in the oven, take the pot out and stare in amazement at the batter which has risen up around the sausages. Congratulations, you've made Toad in the Hole.

Cut it up and serve with onion gravy and vegetables. Then eat your scoff like a warrior.

And that's cooking with...

LSP

Country Life

I file this picture, from the local Walmart, under "country life in Texas." The same goes for these venison sausages, Rifle to skillet and thank you very much. I think they go well with farm fresh eggs.

Heavy Metal

And you know what? I'm not complaining.

God bless Texas,

LSP