Cooking With LSP - Bread

 

I know, man shall not live on bread alone. That in mind, we notoriously have bodies which need to be fed and the aerogel rubbish which passes for bread in our supermarkets, if you can even find it, doesn't cut the ticket. Problem? Solution. Make it yourself. Here's how. 

Get a mixing bowl and add 3 1/4 cups all purpose flour, 2 teaspoons salt, 1/2 teaspoon active dry yeast, and 1 1/2 cups of warm water. Mix that beast around, stir it up, then cover the thing and rest it, covered, somewhere out of reach of animals. And here's the thing.

Let the dough rest and rise overnight++, ignore it, let it do its thing as though it were an errant teen. Then, somewhere before Vespers on Holy Saturday, remove the dough onto a floured surface and form it into a ball. Let it rest some more in a bowl on parchment paper as heavy metal heats up in the oven at 450*.

After the metal's hot, about 30 minutes, pull it out and transfer the dough to the pot, parchment paper and all, then cover the thing, put it back in the oven and kick back for 30 minutes. Maybe clean a gun or sharpen a kukri, not that any of you have such things. They were lost at sea. Whatever, your call, no rule.

After 30, uncover the metal and finish off the loaf for around 10 minutes. Result? Behold your delicious, life giving bread and fall upon that scoff, like a warrior.

Song of a Baker,

LSP

Navajo Bread -- Cooking With LSP

What, cooking with LSP? That's both dangerous and stupid. Not so fast, punters, here's how it's done. First up, gaze wonderingly at all your wisely stockpiled flour and ask, what're you gonna do with it, eh? Make bread, obviously, Navajo Bread. It's easy and goes like this.

Put 2 cups of regular stockpiled flour in a mixing bowl. Add 1 stockpiled teaspoon salt, then follow that bad boy up with a tablespoon of baking soda. Throw in two teaspoons of hoarded vegetable oil and a teaspoon of salt. Or not, anarchist, your call.

Whisk it about but don't run off and fall asleep under the nearest tree like some kind of Mexican, your job's not done. No, add lukewarm water to the mix until it becomes a tacky, shaggy, workable dough. Around one cup perhaps.

Then mix that beast up, put it on a floured surface and knead the thing until it's elastic, around three or four minutes. Well done, congratulate yourself on getting this far and place the dough in an "oiled container," the original mixing bowl will do. Cover it up and let rest for an hour.

Next step? Cut the dough into six pieces. Roll each piece flat on a floured surface and fry the offerings in a hot, oiled, iron skillet. Don't be an idiot and burn the delicious bread, take each piece off the heat as brown spots occur and it's obviously done. 

You'll find, if all goes well with the culinary odyssey, that you end up with something like a cross between a tortilla and a naan. Awesome on both counts. And then, bread on hand...

Fall on your scoff like a warrior,

LSP

All the Colors of the Rainbow

Perhaps you've been following the gay war against Christian bakers, in which the tolerance brigade ask the bakers to bake them a gay cake for their gay wedding. When the Christians refuse, they get sued, and either get gay or go bankrupt and shut up shop.

To stop that kind of thing happening, Indiana passed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. This allows for-profit businesses the right to "the free exercise of religion." Christian bakers, in Indiana, can't be sued by gays for not getting gay with their cakes.

A Typical Gay Cake

For that matter, Muslim catering firms can't be sued by pork chop Evangelicals for refusing to cook up delicious pulled pig. Neither can lesbian publishing houses be sued by zealous Catholics for refusing to print heteronormative tracts.

Ellen and Portia, Eating Cake

Sounds fair enough, eh? But no. Not if you're part of the pink steamroller equality juggernaut. For Angieslist and Apple's CEO, nothing must be allowed to stand in the way of gayness. Nothing, and certainly not religion. So for them, Indiana's RFRA is abhorrent. You can read Breitbart's take here, and the libleft gay Atlantic, here.

What do I think? Well done, Indiana. Stick to your guns.

LSP