Saturday, January 14, 2017

Cooking With LSP, Spaghetti -- UPDATE

"What!" you say in that exasperated I've got better things to do with my time tone, "Cooking with LSP? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Not so fast, large international readership, you can cook with LSP and here's how.


Go to Walmart and marvel at the guy with a shaved head and an eagle tattooed across his scalp, then pick up 2 Ilbs of ground beef, 80/20, an onion, some garlic, a big can of tinned tomatoes and its diminutive brother, tomato paste. Guess what, none of this is expensive or even hard to find.


Then take your haul home in the rig and get down to business. First, chop up the garlic, around 3 cloves, and a medium onion. Perhaps you use a Spyderco Perseverance for this arduous task, perhaps you don't, there's no rule

Next step. Make like a Sovereign and pour a tablespoon of olive oil in a pot, add the onion and garlic and heat it up until translucent; do not burn the garlic like a fool.

Mix It Up

Add two thirds of your six buck Walmart 80/20 and brown it off. Stand back in amazement as the fat renders off the ground beef and pour in a big can of whole tomatoes and half a can of tomato paste. 

Feeling confident in your culinary expertise, spice it up with some basil and a couple of bay leaves. Don't be shy of salt and pepper and, if you're not on the pledge, some red wine.


Speaking of which, this is a good time to have a well deserved drink. After all, you've earned it, but don't forget your food! Stir the in potentia Spaghetti Bolognese around with a wooden spoon, bring it to a boil and then reduce heat. Let that bad boy simmer away covered for an hour or so, give it time to rest, then serve with spaghetti and Parmesan cheese.

Come Together

And that's the way I do it. Some people use fresh as opposed to canned tomatoes and I admire that, way to go; I can't be bothered. Others add carrots, celery, mushrooms, corn, sugar, whatever. I don't, I think that's a mistake.

Don't add carrots.

Sidearms are not essential to this recipe but they help, and remember...

Every gun is a loaded gun.

Your Old Pal,





The handgun is NOT optional.

A pinch of sugar, chili powder, and mushrooms are advised.

Gunpowder may be used. Marmite may be used.



GruntOfMonteCristo said...

And no corn! That would be a mistake. That's to feed to the cows before you put them in the sauce. Everything else looks pretty good. I can almost taste the Spyderco on the onions. Did you clean that thing? Nevermind. It adds to it.

We didn't have the pasta, but had some good, cheap Argentinian Malbec with seasoned ground beef in some fresh sliders, so I feel there was some real communion going on here. Well done, Padre!

LSP said...

Ah Hah! Well Malbec spotted, Grunt.


GruntOfMonteCristo said...

But I forgot the sidearm! Still learning... The table was definitely missing something.

LSP said...

Grunt, I find it helps; I'm not saying it's a must have, but it does help. Say, for example, the sauce fights back. You can always shoot it. Problem? Ready solution.

Jules said...

Looks very tasty. And why use real tomatoes when you can ...err... open a tin of real tomatoes?

But, you should always put a pinch of sugar in any dish using tomatoes ( when I say tomatoes I say TOMARRRRTOES and NOT TOMAYYYYTOES) because it reduces the acidity that can be ever so slightly present. Gordon Ramsay told me this and one should not argue with someone who can tell you to *F off* at least 5 times in one sentence.

Another excellent ingredient is a teaspoon of Marmite. No kidding. It helps balance the beef taste and show the TOMARRRTOES who is boss. Marmite - the gift that keeps on giving.

LL said...

You might want to add some gunpowder for flavor - other than that' I'm 100% down with your recipe. Never add corn or celery to spaghetti sauce or you will never make it to heaven. St. Peter will bar the gate to you.

Having the handgun ready to defend your hot spaghetti is critical to being able to eat dinner unmolested.

LSP said...

Thanks, Jules. I stand corrected on the sugar.

Love Marmite.

LSP said...

Nice gunpowder tip, LL. And I have to say, having a handgun close by always makes sense.

Who knows when you'll have to defend your dinner?

LL said...

You also have Blue Food Watcher to defend your food. I recall a cherry pie that he defended very cleverly. His eyes bug out when you cook a steak and he'd like to defend that too. He's selfless in that way - anything to keep the Master's food from getting into the wrong hands.

LSP said...

LL, you're right. BFW is entirely selfless when it comes to food defense, I see that as a subset of LOYALTY. Important virtue, eh?

He loves butter, oddly enough, almost as much as he hates the mailman. Steak and cherry pies are his favorites though, and who can blame him?

Infidel de Manahatta said...

Every time you use olive oil you are putting money into the hands of the Corleone crime family in New York.

Wait.....that was the Godfather. Just a movie. I think.

LL said...

He's an American dog. Steak and cherry pie will MAGA!

LSP said...

Infidel, I was about to accuse you of spreading Fake News but changed my mind.

LSP said...

Good call, LL!

Steak and cherry pie will MAGA every time.