It's Bushcraft Wednesday!

Bushcraft is a skill, the skill of living and surviving in the wild, and part of that means hunting for your food. But sometimes the hunter becomes the hunted.

With that in mind, Team LSP is pleased to present this infovideo as a cautionary tale. We hope you find it useful.

Be prepared,

LSP

Anglican Communion Snatched by Evil Owl?

Startling game cam footage has revealed the Anglican Communion being snatched by an evil owl, proving that there are "consequences" for what's euphemistically referred to as "riding the rainbow."

Where the owl will take the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion (WANC) is uncertain. According to the game cam's owner, the photos provided "clarity." 

Riding The Rainbow

"Some people thought there weren't any, you know, consequences when it came to riding the rainbow," he said, "Others reckoned there were when it looked like there weren't. It was really confusing, then the owl came and took the whole Communion away. It gave some clarity to the narrativity crisis."

Owls

When questioned about the destination of the owl and its captured Communion, the hunter stated, "I don't know where it's going, no one does. Maybe not even the owl, it could be flying around for kicks, fixing to drop that Communion when it gets tired playing. They do that."

An Owl Attacks

Where the Worldwide Anglican Non Communion will land is uncertain, that it's been snatched up in the talons of an evil owl appears irrefutable.

Stay tuned as the story develops.

LSP

If Trump Wins Dunham Goes

Rich celebrity socialist, Lena Dunham, who is popularly known as "Clay Golem," has threatened to leave America if Donald Trump becomes President.

You Need To Leave

“I know everyone’s always idly threatening this, but I’d be 100 percent moving to Canada,” Dunham stated from the luxurious Waldorf Astoria hotel, “I love Canada. I think that it’s a great place, and there’s an area in Vancouver that I find beautiful and appealing, and I can conduct business from there."

Get Out.

Dunham's not alone, Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton and Rosie O'Donnell are all planning to inflict themselves on Canada if Trump wins the election.

Time To Go.

This has encouraged the real estate business mogul to campaign harder. In a telephone interview with Fox News, Trump stated, "We’ll get rid of Rosie? I love it. Now I have to get elected, because I’ll be doing a great service to our country. Now it’s much more important. In fact, I’ll immediately get off this call and start campaigning right now.”

Bye Bye.

Trump earlier referred to Dunham as a "B-actor" with "no mojo."

Watch out, Vancouver.

LSP

Obama is Weird & Ridiculous. Germans Wake Up.

"Obama is ridiculous and weird," says London Mayor, Boris "Bojo" Johnson. And who am I to disagree? Britons, obey your ruler. But of course Bojo is entirely normal and not weird at all. Still, I'm not sure why he insists on messing about in pink cowboy hats unless it's a low gambit to win votes.

I say, Bojo, steady.

Regardless, we used to enjoy the occasional drink together back in the day, not that he'd remember. But speaking of weird, have you noticed how a German comedian is being prosecuted by Frau Merkel's State for making fun of Sultan Erdogan in a rude TV "bit"? 

Nein!

Germans. You must stop this! Obey your Muslim Overlords and your Supreme Sultan, Recep Erdogan. There must be no more German TV with this mocking of your Sultan! It is for your good that you obey him and his servant Merkel.

This is Forbidden!

There must be an end to poems mocking your ruler, Erdogan, and his friendship with goats, young boys, and ISIS. This is forbidden. Forbidden with Jail! Germans obey!

Bojo, Cut it Out.

But seriously, you can go to jail in Germany for making fun of the crazed Muslim despot Recep Erdogan? Really? C'mon guys, don't put up with that.

In the meanwhile, let's have Hagia Sophia back. I'm counting on Putin.

New Constantine,

LSP

LSP, What a Sell-Out!

God is in His heaven, my rig is in the shop and before you can say, "LSP, you should've done it yourself, what a sell-out!" I'll say it for you. I sold out, to The Man, and let the mechanics deal with the truck's broken coolant system.

There Was a House Here, Once

That meant a pleasant walk back into town along 22. There were more houses here at one time, and nature's fast reclaiming the empty spaces where they once stood.

Courthouse

The railway's still here, though it only runs freight these days, and so is the courthouse, standing tall in the town square. We can thank Willie Nelson for part of that because he helped with its renovation in the '90s, after a fire.

Huevos Rancheros

It's a short walk across the square to Montes Mexican diner and Huevos Rancheros (Rancher's Eggs). Montes has other food and I'm sure it's great, but I don't order it, I just get Rancher's Eggs because I like them and they taste good.

A Couple of Random Glocks

This time was no exception.

God bless,

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Country Style Ribs

"Cooking with LSP?!?" you snort indignantly into an old Jeb! campaign brochure, "You can't do that." But you can, and here's how.

Go out and get a couple of pounds of bone-in country style ribs from the supermarket for around eight or nine bucks. Take a gun, if Nanny allows you to defend yourself like a free man, or woman; I chose a Glock 21, but that's just me. Buy some carrots, celery, onion, garlic, dry white wine, olive oil, apple juice or cider, cider vinegar and tomato paste, grainy Dijon mustard, bay leaves, thyme, chicken broth and dried red pepper. 

Ingredients. Note Spyderco

If you already have these ingredients you don't have to get them again, unless you're all about building fail-safe redundancy into your EOTW (end of the world) food store.

Return from the supermarket and get out a crock pot, cast iron works well, it can go in the oven. Put the pot on the stove at medium high with 2 tablespoons of oil and brown the pork, previously salt and peppered, then place the meat aside. Don't be intimidated, it's not hard.

Shoot The Plate With a Glock

Add 1 more tablespoon of oil, 1 chopped carrot, celery stick and onion to the pot, and cook on medium heat until softened. Add 3 cloves of minced garlic and cook for a further minute, then 2 tablespoons of tomato paste. Stir this up for a bit then pour in that white wine you bought earlier, 1/2 a cup worth. Raise the heat to medium high and scrape up any browned meat or veg from the bottom of the pan. 

While you're at it, turn up the jukebox, perhaps it's playing Thank Christ For The Bomb, or Rebel Son's famous Bury me in Southern Ground. Whatever, you decide, like a Sovereign.

Well done, you've got this far, so have a drink as you look in wonder at the food in the pot. Have several, or not, there no rule.

Meat in, Atogether, Bring to Boil, Transfer to Oven

Wine in, add 1/4 cup of apple cider, 2 1/2 cups chicken broth, 1/2 cup cider/apple juice, 1 tbs mustard, 2 bay leaves, 3 sprigs thyme or dried equivalent, and red pepper. Salt and pepper to taste. Then put the pork in the pot. There, it's altogether. Bring to a boil then cover and transfer to an oven at 325*, middle position. Cook for around 1 hour 45 minutes, removing the lid for the last half hour. 

Scoff

The meat should be fall-off-the-fork tender, if it isn't, return to the oven and cook that pork 'till it is. Take it out of the oven, let it rest for a bit, and serve over mashed potatoes.

Get a Haircut, Fool.

Then eat your scoff like a Warrior. And that's cooking with,

LSP

Thanks a Lot, "Rig."

It being the Feast of St. George, I rose with the sun, got everything squared away, said Morning Prayer, walked the dog and put some rods in the back of the rig; the plan being to go fishing. Good plan, eh? Simple, clear, realistic, doable. But you know what they say, as soon as you make contact the plan goes all to hell. That's what happened to me.

Everything was fine until I got to Whitney and picked up some bait. Then, as I pulled away from the bait shop filling station, the dash pinged me with a check radiator warning and the gauge went into the red like a voracious Bass on a juicy worm.

The Plan

Sure enough, the radiator was leaking coolant like a good 'un and the reservoir was empty. I filled it up and drove home, hoping that, as if by magic, the leak would stop when I got back to the compound. It hadn't, and I resisted the temptation to get a quick fix with Stop Leak and folk remedies like black pepper, eggs etc.

St. George Makes Contact. Note: Princess, Humpback Hill, Your 9 O' Clock.

It can go to the shop on Monday, and in the meanwhile I console myself with the thought that the fish will still be there when we get back in the fight.

All for Texas and St. George,

LSP

St. George's Day

It's the Feast of St. George, patron saint of England and several other countries, as well as Moscow. He was martyred by Diocletian after extensive torture and miraculously saved the city of Beirut from a fierce dragon. His intercession is especially powerful against Turks and Jihadists.

You might find this prayer helpful:

Faithful servant of God and invincible martyr, Saint George; favored by God with the gift of faith, and inflamed with an ardent love of Christ, thou didst fight valiantly against the dragon of pride, falsehood, and deceit. Neither pain nor torture, sword nor death could part thee from the love of Christ. I fervently implore thee for the sake of this love to help me by thy intercession to overcome the temptations that surround me, and to bear bravely the trials that oppress me, so that I may patiently carry the cross which is placed upon me; and let neither distress nor difficulties separate me from the love of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Valiant champion of the Faith, assist me in the combat against evil, that I may win the crown promised to them that persevere unto the end. Through Christ our Lord, Amen.

The account of his fight with the dragon and the demonic idols of Beirut can be found here.

For St. George and England,

LSP

Earth Day, London Goes Baal

It's earth day today, and what better way to celebrate that than by setting up a life size replica of an arch, from the Temple of Baal in Palmyra, in Trafalgar Square.

Baal, meaning "Lord", was the fertility deity of the Canaanites and ranks first in the Goetic 72 spirits, or demons, of Solomon; he's said to satisfy sensual craving, confer knowledge and, curiously, impart invisibility. According to the Zohar, Baal is the demonic equal of Raphael in rank.

Baal's wife is the demon Astoreth, the infernal anti-type of the Virgin Mary. And before you breathe a collective sigh of so what, consider this. Baal was worshiped by sacrificing infants, with fire.

Odd, isn't it, how earth worship or our presently non-cultic modern equivalent, materialism, seems to demand that.

Will the arch in Trafalgar Square open up a portal to hell? Some argue that it's already there.

Mind how you go,

LSP

Consequences, Consequences

All the world knows that the small but fabulously wealthy Episcopal Church (TEC) got itself in trouble with the Primates of the Anglican Communion for being, well, you know, so very gay, maybe the gayest little rainbow of a church the world has ever seen.

Because of that, the diminutive and shrinking Episcopal Church was sanctioned for a period of three years and not allowed to represent the Communion by taking part in its decision making with regards to doctrine or polity. 

The Improbably Named Bishop Tengatenga, Outgoing Chair of the ACC

So far so good, but then the members thin but coffers full Episcopal Church was invited to send delegates to the Anglican Consultative Council's (ACC) meeting in Lusaka, Zambia, earlier this month. And who can blame the ACC? After all, the faith weak but dollar rich denomination funds the ACC to the tune of $400,000 a year. Small change for the empty-pewed but bank-vault-full Episcopal Church, big money for cash starved ACC.

The TEC delegation had a good time of it in Lusaka and were pleased to write about their success in ignoring the sanctions imposed by the Primates:

A Typical TEC Delegate to Lusaka

“Because this ACC meeting was held in the shadow of the January Primates Gathering and Meeting that sought to restrict our participation as members from The Episcopal Church, we want to assure you that we participated fully in this meeting and that we were warmly welcomed and included by other ACC members.”

Justsin

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, was also present at the event and stated, “The ACC received my report [on the Primates Meeting], which included those consequences. The consequences stand.”

TEC Presiding Bishop Michael Curry

Team LSP questions the transparency of these "consequences;" apparently the Episcopal Church is unable to see them. 

Good luck, Worldwide Anglican Non Communion.

Your Friend,

LSP

Prince is Dead, I Went Fishing

Prince has died. He was a Pop Star singer songwriter from the '80s and considered a super if eccentric talent. He may or may not have been a member of the Illuminati. Regardless, I celebrated Mass this evening and went fishing at Soldiers Bluff, at Lake Whitney. I guess soldiers used to watch over the mighty Brazos from the limestone bluffs, a century or so ago.

That was then, today Soldiers Bluff is a campsite surrounding a cove near the dam and it was flooded, thanks to Hillary's foreign policy and the settled science of climate change, or The Weather, which we're in a war with. Undeterred, I scouted the banks of this near inland sea and I have to say, the catfish were boiling in the shallow water.

Excited, I cast off with worms on a treble hook and was flummoxed when the cats didn't bite. There they were, juicy, tasty, fat Canadian worms and there they were, Catfish, in a bankside feeding frenzy. Hunh. The two should match but didn't, like Anglicanism and credal orthodoxy.

Who knows, maybe the hook was wrong and perhaps a bad workman blames his tools. Whatever, the treble was swapped out for a circle hook, the worms remained the same, and the fish started to bite. I caught a couple of Blue Gills and a Catfish, in a kind of competition with a Mexican gentleman who was bow fishing. 

He shot two Gar with an orange arrow, and warned me about a "real big snake" that was heading our way.

He was a good guy, that Mexican. 

Fish On,

LSP

Hillary Clinton's Foreign Policy Caught on Camera?

Two Florida men believe they may have caught Hillary Clinton's Foreign Policy on video in the Florida woods.

The Foreign Policy, which is popularly known as "Skunk Ape" because of its "awful stench," was briefly caught on camera and could be heard "chattering," making incomprehensible noises.

"I will mimic it," said one of the men, "Most of the time it sounds like bluh, bluh, bluh.”

Others aren't convinced. According to one expert, "It may look, act and sound a lot like Hillary Clinton's foreign policy, but there's a simpler explanation. It's just the Bishop of Gloucester, messing around in the woods, trying to get away from the old curse."

Is the mythical Skunk Ape Hillary's Foreign Policy, or is it the Bishop of Gloucester? You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP