Consequences, Consequences

All the world knows that the small but fabulously wealthy Episcopal Church (TEC) got itself in trouble with the Primates of the Anglican Communion for being, well, you know, so very gay, maybe the gayest little rainbow of a church the world has ever seen.

Because of that, the diminutive and shrinking Episcopal Church was sanctioned for a period of three years and not allowed to represent the Communion by taking part in its decision making with regards to doctrine or polity. 

The Improbably Named Bishop Tengatenga, Outgoing Chair of the ACC

So far so good, but then the members thin but coffers full Episcopal Church was invited to send delegates to the Anglican Consultative Council's (ACC) meeting in Lusaka, Zambia, earlier this month. And who can blame the ACC? After all, the faith weak but dollar rich denomination funds the ACC to the tune of $400,000 a year. Small change for the empty-pewed but bank-vault-full Episcopal Church, big money for cash starved ACC.

The TEC delegation had a good time of it in Lusaka and were pleased to write about their success in ignoring the sanctions imposed by the Primates:

A Typical TEC Delegate to Lusaka

“Because this ACC meeting was held in the shadow of the January Primates Gathering and Meeting that sought to restrict our participation as members from The Episcopal Church, we want to assure you that we participated fully in this meeting and that we were warmly welcomed and included by other ACC members.”

Justsin

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, was also present at the event and stated, “The ACC received my report [on the Primates Meeting], which included those consequences. The consequences stand.”

TEC Presiding Bishop Michael Curry

Team LSP questions the transparency of these "consequences;" apparently the Episcopal Church is unable to see them. 

Good luck, Worldwide Anglican Non Communion.

Your Friend,

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury in Easter Bunny Mall Brawl

That bunny packs a punch!

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, was attempting to raise money for the cash-strapped Church of England, by dressing up as the Easter Bunny at a New Jersey Mall. But things started to go wrong when a young girl slipped off the Pontif's lap.

The girl's father became irate and started to brawl with the Archbishop, at which point Welby took off his furry rabbit mask and charged at the angry dad, swinging punches.

Both the Archbishop and the enraged father were escorted out of the shopping center by mall security and taken to a medical clinic for treatment.

Whether Welby was under the influence of the dangerous new synthetic drug, "ACC", has yet to be determined.

High on "ACC"?

Carry on,

LSP

Scientist Unlocks Mystery of Junk DNA

Scientists have long been puzzled by what appears to be "Junk DNA" that doesn't code like normal human DNA and appears to have no real purpose. But startling new research may have found an answer, Extraterrestrials.

Sequence The Code

According to Professor Chang of the Human Genome Project, Junk DNA is evidence of an ET "programmer" who "grew" beings in the same way we grow bacteria in a Petri dish. 

“Our hypothesis is that a higher extraterrestrial life form was engaged in creating new life and planting it on various planets," stated Chang, "Earth is just one of them. Perhaps, after programming, our creators grow us the same way we grow bacteria in Petri dishes."

However, Chang believes the alien programmers' motives are unknowable, "We can’t know their motives – whether it was a scientific experiment, or a way of preparing new planets for colonization, or is it long time ongoing business of seedling life in the universe [Sic].”

Junk DNA. The accidental debris of evolution, or proof of space alien bio-engineering.

You be the judge,

LSP