Madonna, Hermetic Sorceress?

Famous pop icon and low-level Illuminati witch, Madonna, has thrown her pointed hat into the ring against Dolce & Gabbana, after the fashion duo spoke out against gays having IVF children.

Here at Team LSP, we have to ask: Who would be so irresponsible as to lend Madonna a child, and secondly, since when did the Queen of Pop become an "as above, so below" authority on Hermes Trismegistus?

As noted previously, the Vatican is wisely commissioning more Exorcists; here's what Kipling has to say.

Oh the road to En-dor is the oldest road

And the craziest road of all!

Straight it runs to the Witch’s abode,

As it did in the days of Saul,

And nothing has changed of the sorrow in store

For such as go down on the road to En-dor!

God bless,

LSP

The Face of the Church of England?

Christians have been wondering when the Church of England went off the tracks, and began its downward spiral into becoming a gay advocacy womyn's group. Startling new evidence points to 1941, when a strange object crashed near Cape Girardeau.

A witness claims that the wreckage looked identical to the Church of England, which he described as "a rounded shape with no edges or seams." Police and military were allegedly at the crash scene, where they recovered bodies of what appeared to be CofE bishops and deans.

"It was hard for him to tell if they had on suits or if it was their skin," stated one source, who described the senior clergypersons as having "large, oval-shaped eyes, no noses, just holes and no lips, just small slits for mouths." 

Is it possible that space aliens infiltrated the Church of England in the 1940s, and have now spread out to once quiet market towns, like Bury St. Edmunds? Perhaps that would explain the off-world and obviously unfounded rumors of secret "gay annulments" and predatory texts emanating from the hallowed grounds of Bury's Cathedral Close.

While many believe that the Church of England has been the victim of an attack by Extraterrestrials, others claim that things started to go wrong when Henry VIII went ISIS and started chopping off heads.

Cheers,

LSP

Meet the New Grill, Same as the Old Grill

I went out and bought a new grill; it's a Weber, just like the old one, except that it has plastic handles and isn't a broken down old wreck.

I fired the shiny new grill up this evening, after church. Did it work? Sure it did, and I reckon Weber Kettles are worth every penny, especially if your idea of cooking is mostly about putting meat on fire.

But here's some food for thought. Do negative interest rates signify an essentially worthless currency? Fiat forever.

Grill on,

LSP

Devil's Advocate

Maybe you think everything is just fine, and all we need is some more diversity training poetry workshops to make our very own modern utopia. But what happens when the money, and the credit, runs out? Reflect on this:

It looks as though they’ve got the perfect hustle going. They create money to buy their own debt.

You can read it all, at ZeroHedge.

Cheers,

LSP

Get A Grip!

After Evening Prayer, I set up on the porch and got into some complex gunsmithing. That's right, I changed out the stock pistol grip on my deadly assault rifle, for a more deadly looking Mega Arms hogue grip.

See that little spring? Don't lose it.

It's not hard. Unscrew the old piece of plastic rubbish that comes with the gun. As you do, you'll see a small spring; that's the safety detent spring. Don't lose the spring or the detent. If you do, you'll feel like an idiot and your gun won't work.

Mega

When the old grip is off, sit back and enjoy the wonder of firearms for a moment, and the neat look of the Mega Grip. Meditation over, screw in the new grip, making sure that the detent spring is on the detent.

Illuminati Stooge Puppet

Check and see if the fire control group works. It does. Good job, you've done well, unlike Azealia Banks, who is an Illuminati stooge puppet of the New World Order.

Shoot straight,

LSP

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you, readers. And if you're not too busy shipping up to Boston with the Dropkick Murphys, spare some thought for the great Saint, who converted the Irish.

Or did he? Some say that was a difficult task; others, again, claim that the job wasn't finished. Whatever the case, mind how you go when you next visit Southie, and listen to some war tunes.

They seem appropriate today.

Cheers,

LSP

Cooking, with LSP

You can't cook with LSP! I hear you say in that half-dismissive, half-indignant way of yours. But you can! And here's how.

Get some 80/20 Chuck, separate it out and add seasoning, salt and pepper, not Worcestershire Sauce, Tabasco or some other thing. You're making hamburgers, not Bloody Marys. Wash your hands in cold water and shape that meat into balls, then press them into 3/4" patties. Put those patties in the refrigerator as you fire up the Weber. I prefer two chimneys of charcoal. 

Cold Steel Force Recon 1

Why? Because you want the grill to be hot. Then have a glass or two of ice-cold beer, why not? There's no law against it, and when the charcoal's ready, spread it out and cover the grill to preheat it for around 5 minutes. Uncover and get the patties; put them on the hot grill. It should sizzle. 

Glorious Gloucesters

Cover the grill and let the meat cook for 4 minutes. Uncover and flip the burgers. Cover again and cook for another 4 minutes. Take the burgers off the grill, and cover in tinfoil. Then toast some buns; be careful, they don't take long, and use Sesame Seed buns, not some weird "artisanal" high-stepping tomfoolery. 

Dallas

Lay out sliced onion, tomatoes and iceberg lettuce, English mustard, ketchup, and Duke's Mayonnaise. Say grace, and eat those burgers like a chieftain.

And that's cooking, with...

LSP

The Watcher

I like my dog for his ears and sometimes wild eyes. He's a fierce little thing and has a visceral hatred of mail trucks. Though he likes gunfire well enough. In fact he likes that a lot.

He likes to set up on the porch, too. So do I. You meet a lot of the congregation that way and it's better than being cooped up inside. That's what I think and I'm sticking to it.

Just Some Crazy Person

Good luck finding Hillary's emails.

God bless,

LSP

I Love Texas

Presented without comment.

LSP

Redder Than Russia? #3

Do you remember the old days? Back when America was fighting a Cold War for freedom and democracy against the godless Reds? Back then, Russia went to the Communist Manifesto for guidance, and we were against that.

The Communist Manifesto is famously against the "bourgeois claptrap of the family," and so were the Reds, who encouraged abortion, no-fault divorce and "free love." 

Modern America stands for gay marriage, and it's fast becoming a hate crime to be against it. In Russia, "gay propaganda" is illegal.

So who's more Red these days, America, or Russia?

You be the judge,

LSP

Stations & Benediction

So what's up, LSP? You ask, in that questioning way. Well I'll tell you. I drove to Dallas in ferocious highway rain to give a Lenten sermon in that space between Stations of the Cross and Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament.

Get a Haircut

It was good to get out and I like the church and its people. My theme (set by the Rector) was, "Give us this day our daily bread." I was pleased to talk about that, and they're a good crew at St. Matthias, Dallas.

O Salutaris

Somehow, "deadly assault rifle" got into my sermon. Unlike "fire and movement." Must work on that.

Homiletic skills,

LSP

Civil Rights Hero, Lesley McSpadden

This is Michael Brown's mother, Lesley McSpadden. She was invited to speak to a UN Committee Against Torture last year. After testifying, the UN panel recommended the immediate arrest of Officer Darren Wilson, who shot Michael Brown, after Brown rushed him on the same day that he robbed a store.

Lesley McSpadden

Darren Wilson was acquitted, though he had to leave Ferguson PD. Lesley McSpadden is facing a felony armed robbery indictment. Why? Because this civil rights heroine decided to trash Pearlie Gordon's Michael Brown T Shirt stand, in the parking lot of a BBQ joint in Ferguson.

Civil Rights

Pearlie is the mother-in-law of Michael Brown's father, who is divorced from McSpadden, and she wasn't too pleased to see someone else making a bit of unauthorized tin on the Gentle Giant Franchise.

McSpadden, and her crew of 20 or 30 people, attacked the rival vendors. According to a police report, Gordon said that McSpadden approached her tent and told her she couldn't sell the merchandise. When Pearlie refused, McSpadden's mother, Desuria Harris, began pulling down t-shirts that were hanging on a line, and then other attackers started tearing apart her booth and beating the Brown memorabilia sellers.

Hero

Gordon claims that McSpadden repeatedly punched her in the head during the assault, which left one person hospitalized. Pearlie alleges that Brown's stepfather, ex-con, Louis Head, was also involved in the fighting.

Louis And Lesley, Cashing In

Reflect on this. Louis Head and Leslie McSpadden were invited to testify before the United Nations.

Michael Brown

Two policemen were shot, early today, during a demonstration against police brutality in Ferguson. Some say that Eric Holder and President Obama have blood on their hands.

LSP