A Zombie Communion, Archbishop Welby Calls a Primate's Meeting

It's happened, the moment we've all not been waiting for, when the head of the world's third largest denomination, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, calls a Primates meeting. It's going ahead, the letters are out, and the Primates have been invited to meet, face to face in Canterbury, June, 2016.

So what's it all about? To find a way forward for worldwide Anglicanism to somehow exist while holding irreconcilable differences within itself. Here's Welby:

Useless

"Our way forward must respect the decisions of Lambeth 1998 (which upheld Scriptural teaching on marriage)... recognising that the way in which proclamation happens and the pressures on us vary greatly between Provinces. We each live in a different context.

“The difference between our societies and cultures, as well as the speed of cultural change in much of the global north, tempts us to divide as Christians: when the command of scripture, the prayer of Jesus, the tradition of the church and our theological understanding urges unity."

Zombies

Roughly translated: The Anglican Communion can continue as one big tent provided everyone agrees to disagree and by the way, to break unity with the big tent is against Scripture, Tradition and the will of Christ himself. So take that, trads. If you split from us and our lesbian bishops, you're being disloyal Christians, and anyway, take a pill, it's all contextual anyway.

The GAFCON (Global Anglican Future Conference) Primates weren't slow to answer:

"It is on this basis that the GAFCON Primates will prayerfully consider their response to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s letter. They recognize that the crisis in the Communion is not primarily a problem of relationships and cultural context, but of false teaching which continues without repentance or discipline."

Pathetic

False teaching which continues without repentance or discipline? Right on, and Welby's way forward doesn't seem to envisage much of that, if any at all. But it's a moot point; the Anglican Communion hasn't been a communion since the 1970s, when women were ordained and the orders and sacraments of its various provinces were no longer mutually recognized.

At best, Anglicanism since then has been a fellowship of Churches held together by "bonds of affection," but even these have been strained beyond breaking point by the radical liberalism of what Welby refers to as the "global north."

Oh! I have a Barbour! Whatever.

This has resulted in a so-called Communion that exists in name only, a Zombie Communion of Provinces that don't recognize one another's sacraments, orders, faith or morals. In other words, a sham.

House Elf

Welby has dared to call this hollow man together in the New Year. He shouldn't be disappointed if it blows up in his face.

Welby is known variously as Dobby, Sharkey, House Elf, and Chino.

LSP

Is This the Church of England?

Look, I'm not saying that this plucky little purple plush unicorn is for sure the Church of England, it might be the Diocese of Southwark, or the Bishop of Gloucester. Perhaps it's the diminutive ACoC (Anglican Church of Canada), or even the cash rich but numbers starved Episcopal Church itself. Maybe it's the Anglican Communion Office. Who knows.

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Back in Texas -- Happy 4th of July!

I'm back in Texas now, in the countryside, and it's good to be back after the writing challenge that was the 78th General Convention of the Episcopal Church. 

I managed to write a quick article at the airport, accusing the iniquitous TEC of "systemic racism," and then it was over, mission accomplished.

As I write this in depth "thought piece" a very small white chicken is pecking about in my back yard. It escaped, somehow, from its colleagues next door.

Have a great 4th of July!

LSP

The Mysticke Rainbow, or Scalia Gets it Right

Here's Scalia on the new mysticism of the law:

"If, even as the price to be paid for a fifth vote, I ever joined an opinion for the Court that began: ‘The Constitution promises liberty to all within its reach, a liberty that includes certain specific rights that allow persons, within a lawful realm, to define and express their identity,’ I would hide my head in a bag. The Supreme Court of the United States has descended from the disciplined legal reasoning of John Marshall and Joseph Story to the mystical aphorisms of the fortune cookie."

Scalia's referring to yesterdays SCOTUS decision to go gay; he might just as well have been describing the theology of the Episcopal Church.

Ad Astra,

LSP

Katharine Jefferts Schori Racist

The leader of the Episcopal Church, Katharine Jefferts Schori, has stated that ghetto thug Michael Brown's death might become a "sacramental offering."

Racist

According to Schori, "Michael Brown's death was and is a tragedy, and has become a powerful witness to those divisions between human beings in this nation. His death also carries the potential to become a sacramental offering - if it continues to challenge us to address our divisions and the injustices in this nation that are far more than skin deep."

Racist

Jefferts Schori appears to be saying that Brown's death should be seen as a sacrifice that will encourage America to stop being racist. 

Racist

Maybe the top bishop of the Episcopal Church should leave her multi-million dollar 5th Avenue (?) penthouse apartment and live in Germantown, Philadelphia, or Detroit, or Baltimore, or even St. Louis. Or any one of any number of urban ghetto hellholes that are a festering sore in this nation.

Perhaps she'd learn enough to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Or not.

#pullpantsup

LSP

Get Gay or Go to Gaol

Well that didn't take long. Two Christian ministers in Coeur D'Alene, Idaho, have been told by city officials to perform gay wedding ceremonies in their marriage chapel or go to jail, or pay massive fines, or both.

Get Gay, Donald Or Go To Gaol

The city claims that Donald Knapp and his wife Evelyn would be in violation of non-discrimination laws if they didn't get gay and perform same-sex marriage rituals in their Hitching Post chapel. Coeur D'Alene's aggressive gay advocacy follows recent federal court decisions overturning Idaho's voter-approved constitutional amendment, that defined marriage as being between a man and a women.

Ernst Rohm

The Knapps have refused to perform a homosexual wedding ceremony and face 180 days in jail and a fine of $1000 for each day they refuse to conduct the gay ritual. They are being defended by the Alliance Defending Freedom against the gay city of Coeur D'Alene.

You see where this is going. To be against homosexual marriage is fast becoming unconstitutional and therefore illegal. 

New World Order of Gayness

People need to stand up and put a stop to this garbage. I mean for God's sake, if you want to "tie the knot" with your SSP (same-sex partner) just go to an Episcopal church. It's not hard, if degenerate.

So this is my message to the Couer D'Alene Gaystapo.

Leave the Knapps alone.

LSP

Ride English

In a ferocious bid to break personal stereotyping I decided to go horse riding, Saturday being as good as any other day. I rode English for the first time in a while and really enjoyed it. Keep those legs down, LSP!

Simon and Pistol

Don't get me wrong, I like Western too, a lot, but maybe English -style forces you to work on basic equestrian skills. More contact, too.

Dzerzhinsky

Keen-eyed observers of the religious scene are speculating that Felix Dzerzhinsky and Anton LaVey are the two top contenders for the soon-to-be vacant position of Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church.

LaVey

Is there an outside contender?

Ride on,

LSP

It's Stepping Down

By now the whole world knows that Katharine Jefferts Schori, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, is stepping down. That's right, she's resigning after next year's General Convention.

Just Some Witch

Well that's great, isn't it. Or is it? As someone wrote, "She’s likely to be replaced by someone worse. You do realize that."

Typical Fighting Monkey

I'll wager my fighting monkey against any 3 of your priestesses that he's right.

Not that I'm a gambling man.

LSP

Friend of the Devil

You may have heard that some goof-off clowns are getting ready to hold a "Black Mass" in Oklahoma City's Civic Center. Despite being "sanitized", the diabolic parody of the Eucharist in question is evidently serious.

When asked about their Satanic Sunday activities, the leader of the devilish group replied that they meet every Sunday in an Oklahoma City-area home, going through a cycle of rituals and activities that include teachings, working on journals and workbooks, and meals together.

Dobby

One commentator couldn't resist the obvious: "Oh, it’s an Episcopal church."

Tip of the deadly assault rifle to Stand Firm.

More ammo, please.

LSP

Eschaton and the End of Time

I know. This kabob stand on the information superhighway is frivolous and shallow at best. So here's an apocalyptic vision to quicken up the pace:

“The image of the woman [the Church] before the altar in front of the eyes of God that I saw earlier was now also shown to me again so that I could also see her from the navel down. From the navel to the groin she had various scaly spots. In her there appeared a monstorous and totally black head with fiery eyes, ears like the ears of a donkey, nostrils and mouth like those of a lion, gnashing with vast open mouth and sharpening its horrible iron teeth in a horrid manner... Lo, the monstrous head removed itself from its place with so great a crash that the entire image of the woman was shaken in all its members. Something like a great mass of much dung was joined to the head; then, lifting itself upon a mountain, it attempted to ascend to the height of heaven. A stroke like thunder came suddenly and the head was repelled with such strength that it both fell from the mountain and gave up the ghost.”

Damian Anti-Christ

After describing the fall of anti-Christ and the woe of those who had been deceived by him, the Seer continues:

“Behold, the feet of the aforementioned female image appeared to be white, giving out a brightness above that of the sun. I heard a voice from heaven saying to me: ‘Even though all things on earth are tending toward their end, so hardships and calamities is bowed down to its End, nevertheless, the Spouse of my Son, though much weakened in her children, will never be destroyed either by the heralds of the Son of Perdition or by the Destroyer himself, however much she will be attacked by them. At the End of time she will arise more powerful and more secure; she will appear more beautiful and shining so that she may go forth in this way more sweetly and more agreeably to the embraces of her Beloved. The vision which you saw signifies all this in mystic fashion.’” (Scivias 3:11; Translated by B McGinn, Visions of the End, pp101-102)

I'll leave you to consider whether elements of this vision apply to the Episcopal Church.

The Seer is Hildegard von Bingen (of course), Katharine Jefferts Schori's new "ally."

God bless,

LSP

Horsing Around

Some of my parishioners are afraid I'll come off the horse(s) and die. "Don't go so fast, Padre!" they say. They are serious horse people.

Parishioner

I reply, "Don't worry, if things get tippy I'll just hold onto the pommel thing." 

"Saddle horn," they reply.

Grace Slick

Walk, trot, canter, gallop, run!

Arm the Kurds.

LSP

Jefferts Schori, Episcopal Bishop or Two-Bit Space Alien?

Katherine Jefferts Schori is the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church (TEC). But we have to ask, is Jefferts Schori a bishop, or a no-account, two-bit, space alien?

Here's what Jefferts Schori had to say about the Islamic terror attack on the World Trade Center:

"I saw a pickup truck a couple of weeks ago with a waving American flag painted on its rear window. As I walked through the parking lot, I realized there was something written on the tailgate – the word ISLAM stood out first. Finally I saw the whole sorry slogan, “everything I need to know about Islam I learned on September 11th.” How will we change hearts that seem closed to learning more about peace?

"Are we willing to recognize and then proclaim that as children of Abraham, Christians, Jews, and Muslims share that vision of a healed world that Micah paints for us?"

Here's what people in Saudi Arabia were saying:

"Then we all knew it wasn't an accident. We heard sporadic yelling in the streets and happy shouts from Saudis in our own hospital. In the terminal cancer ward, patients were hooting and screaming “Down with USA,” much to the horror of the American nurses tending them."

Maybe the Saudis weren't, you know, Muslims.

And maybe Jefferts Schori isn't "off-world."

LSP

Solstice in Austin

Some time ago I set LL a challenge; write a short about hippies and Austin, I suggested. "If you can work in the Hog Farm, the Whole Earth Catalogue, and their repellent Clown, I'll be impressed." Sure enough, Solstice in Austin wasn't far behind. Here's an excerpt from this dark tale of counter-cultural criminality and vice:

At times, Carlos forgot why his friend, who published The Whole Earth Catalog, sent him to Texas in the first place because the shit he’d been injecting covered everything with a narcotic haze... At first it seemed like a good idea to escape from the constant pressure of selling the damned book in hippie communes. Now he didn’t seem quite as sure as he had once been—that it would be all right in the end.

The girl, Cindy or Candy, or maybe her name was something different, asked him about their destination. He told her that the Solstice party in Austin could not be missed.

You can read the whole thing here, but be warned, it's a little graphic.

 

If you meet the Hippy on the road, kill it. Or, if you'd rather, donate your gun to Greenpeace and watch it turn into a rainbow.

Cheers,

LSP

Drone Hunting, TEC in Iker Smackdown

Shoot it Down

Drone hunting? What's not to like, though given my recent lack of success against the predatory dove, I probably wouldn't be much help in clearing our unfriendly skies. Still, I understand it's open season, at least in Colorado.

Iker

In other news, it's game on against the Episcopal Church (TEC) in the diocese of Fort Worth, where Bishop Iker has scolded TEC litigants, suggesting that they pay attention to the Apostle and stop suing. Good luck with that. Here's an excerpt from everyone's favorite go-to trad Anglican lawyer, A.S. Haley:

We regret that millions of dollars have been spent on legal fees by both sides. All of this could have been avoided in an amicable separation process as provided for by the Diocese for any congregation that wished to remain in TEC. This was accomplished in the case of three churches by a simple transfer of property title to the local congregations. However, TEC insisted on blocking further transfers and sued for everything, resulting in a long, protracted process of litigation.

But now the end is in sight. The Dennis Canon is dead in Texas. Corporations are authorized to control their own decisions and affairs without the interference of third parties. That’s the law. Perhaps in light of these rulings by our Supreme Court, those who have sued us and sought to deprive us of our property might see the wisdom of terminating their continued use of the courts contrary to 1 Cor. 6:1-7. Let’s get on with the mission of the Church and apply our limited resources to advancing the Kingdom of Christ rather than to continued litigation.

Dementor

TEC's leaderene, Jefferts Schori, who is an Illuminati shill and well-known NWO puppet, was heard to say "I hate you, Iker!" unavailable for comment.

Cheers,

LSP

Worst Sermon Ever?

Bad

I've discovered what may be the worst sermon ever preached, all thanks to this blog called Not Another Episcopal Church Blog. NAECB comments on alien-possessed Jefferts Schori's exegesis of St. Paul's exorcism of a demoniac slave girl in Acts.

Boy Bishop

Jefferts Schori gives the narrative an interesting off-world twist. Read on, it's worth the effort.

"We live with the continuing tension between holier impulses that encourage us to see the image of God in all human beings and the reality that some of us choose not to see that glimpse of the divine, and instead use other people as means to an end. We’re seeing something similar right now in the changing attitudes and laws about same-sex relationships, as many people come to recognize that different is not the same thing as wrong. For many people, it can be difficult to see God at work in the world around us, particularly if God is doing something unexpected."

Alien

"There are some remarkable examples of that kind of blindness in the readings we heard this morning, and slavery is wrapped up in a lot of it. Paul is annoyed at the slave girl who keeps pursuing him, telling the world that he and his companions are slaves of God. She is quite right. She’s telling the same truth Paul and others claim for themselves. But Paul is annoyed, perhaps for being put in his place, and he responds by depriving her of her gift of spiritual awareness. Paul can’t abide something he won’t see as beautiful or holy, so he tries to destroy it. It gets him thrown in prison. That’s pretty much where he’s put himself by his own refusal to recognize that she, too, shares in God’s nature, just as much as he does – maybe more so! The amazing thing is that during that long night in jail he remembers that he might find God there – so he and his cellmates spend the night praying and singing hymns."

Space Creature

"An earthquake opens the doors and sets them free, and now Paul and his friends most definitely discern the presence of God. The jailer doesn’t – he thinks his end is at hand. This time, Paul remembers who he is and that all his neighbors are reflections of God, and he reaches out to his frightened captor. This time Paul acts with compassion rather than annoyance, and as a result the company of Jesus’ friends expands to include a whole new household. It makes me wonder what would have happened to that slave girl if Paul had seen the spirit of God in her."

Overlord

You can't get better than that, eh?

So, Jefferts Schori, I award you a remarkable 10 out of 10 coveted Alien Head awards.

Well done!

LSP

X 10

Mystery Billionaire Builds Huge Yacht

A mystery billionaire has built the world's largest yacht, leading some experts to speculate that the Episcopal Church's leaderene is looking for a quick getaway from her rapidly sinking denomination.

From over three million members in the 1960s, the Episcopal Church has shrunk to a mere one million members, but only 657,000 of these can work up the energy to turn up to church for Sunday worship. That number's shrinking fast, with some 50,000 members exiting the pews every year.

that'll bring 'em in

Maybe allocating $1 million of the shrinking church's $111 million budget towards "church planting" and $13 million towards legal costs, will help to bail out Episcopalian fortunes.

sorted

There is no line item item for shipbuilding in the Episcopal Church's triennial budget. Jefferts Schori is a keen boat person and a marine biologist.

Anchors away!

LSP