Monday, March 21, 2016

Womyn Bishops Are So Awesome

Perhaps you think womyn bishops are really great and awesome. Do you remember Jane Dixon? She was pretty awesome.

And what about the good looking Bishop of Gloucester. Paranormal experts say that diocese is under an ancient curse.

Or Mary Glasspool, another high-flier who broke through the stained glass ceiling. Was she the first ever lesbian bishop?

But don't forget Jefferts Schori, the one womyn bishop to rule them all. How much did the Episcopal Church decline under her overwomynship? By something like 200,000 people on any given Sunday, of which 50,000 left in 2013-14 alone. Good looking out, Schori.

Surely there's some mistake here. Weren't womyn bishops going to make the church relevant again and bring everyone back to church, filling all those empty pews? Well that really happened, didn't it. The Church of England's busy trying the experiment, too. Let's see how well that works out.

Good Luck, CofE

In the meanwhile, over the last 10 years, the Orthodox have been building or opening 1000 churches a year, in Russia. But that's a different story.




Fredd said...

The Episcopalians have simply got to stop tinkering around the margins with this womyn bishop stuff. If they want to put butts in the pews, here's how you do it:

1. Goat sacrifices. Nothing says you love the Lord like a good old fashioned goat sacrifice.
2. Snakes. You can really pack the pews with serpents, the flock can't get enough of them, and it is written: 'ye shall take up serpents.' Look it up, it's in the Bible.
3. Talking in tongues' Folks love that, and once word spreads that the Episcopal Church has added that to the liturgy, you will have to beat the overflow that can't get into the church sanctuary that Sunday off with a stick.

Those Episcopalians should get in touch with my agent, I'm sure I can squeeze them into my calendar to discuss their membership issues.

LL said...

I have difficulty responding to this blog post in a way that won't offend the fairer gender...but there is a subtle difference between women and womyn isn't there.

The scriptures warn that "ye shall not suffer a witch to live". Yet in CofE, they take direction from women who are substantively just that. How can parishioners reconcile the two? And how does it work in Britain where I can be put into jail for saying, "I'm not fond of Mooselims." Does that apply to me simply saying, "I'd like another helping of bacon?" It's confusing.

LSP said...

Those are all good points, Fredd, and potentially lucrative. The Episcopal Church (TEC) is richer than a trainload of Nazi gold.

LSP said...

And just to add to the confusion, LL, what will all the womyn do when their Moslem overlords force them to wear Burkas?