Is This Goon High?

Media watchdogs are speculating that famous Fox News mouthpiece, Geraldo Rivera, is twisted on a deadly cocktail of Thorazine, Adderall and DMT.

Suspicions were aroused when the renowned reporter lost his mind, blasting out incoherently, "Mass shooting in San Bernadino California at a Center for the Developmentally Disabled WTF! The 2d Amendment is Stupid!!! Don’t rationalize.”

Geraldo, time for rehab?

LSP

It Was The Pork That Did It!

Workplace violence, The Weather, El Nino, guns, simple rage, you name it, the race was on to find the motive behind the apparently inexplicable shootings in California. But now the search is over, and the culprit is pork!

According to eye witnesses who were in the Inland Resource Center in Loma Linda, CA and attending the Christmas Party where the attacks took place, Muslim employees of the county had previously asked that Pork products not be served. When one of those Muslims arrived at the event and saw that, in addition to many other foods, Bacon and Pork Sausage was being served, he angrily confronted other party-goers - allegedly saying "I'm tired of these insults to Islam" - and then stormed out of the event.

Less than an hour later, he returned with two others in a pre-planned revenge attack and started shooting.

A Typical Pork Recipe

We have the motive. Dietary insensitivity, destroying Sayed's safe space, is the cause of this latest tragedy. We must therefore ban guns and outlaw Christianity.

Problem? Solution.

Your Pal,

LSP

San Bernardino Massacre And The Case of The Missing Motive

No one knows the motive for yesterday's massacre, that saw two well-armed Muslims attack a Christmas party, while wearing Go-Pro cameras to film the slaughter. Why would Sayed and Tashfeen do such a thing?

Here's the New York Times, racking its collective psyche to solve this impenetrable mystery:

The officials called the case perplexing, saying that no clear evidence of terrorism had emerged and that there were some signs pointing away from it. But they said the shooting was clearly premeditated, and does not fit the mold for typical workplace violence incidents. The idea that this was a workplace argument that spiraled out of control seems far-fetched now, the officials said, given the explosives and the preparation. An overnight review of Mr. Farook’s electronic devices has not provided clear answers to these questions, but the officials noted that the investigation is in its early phases.

Look, stupids, it's the Jihad.

LSP

Syed Farook & Tashfeen Malik -- Jihad California

At first the media tried to blame the California massacre on the pro-life movement and then it was gun control and Christianity. "Better think of something better to do than pray, you stupid NRA Christians," went the chorus. But the narrative broke down when the shooters turned out to be Muslims.

Syed Farook and his wife Tashfeen Malik, a pair of devout Muslims. 

What could possibly have been their motive? And as you ponder that, reflect on the wisdom of large-scale Muslim immigration.

LSP

Saeed Farooq

Saeed Farooq. It must have been The Weather.

Or "workplace violence."

ISIS taking credit.

LSP

San Bernardino Shooting, Suspect Farooq Saeed

News outlets are reporting that one of the suspects in the San Bernardino medical center shooting is Farooq Saeed, However, this is presently unconfirmed.

Police scanner reports also identify a further suspect as a Middle Eastern woman. Again, this is unconfirmed.

The shooting, which left 14 killed and more wounded, appears to be a terrorist attack, carried out by three persons armed with AK 47s, and wearing body armor. ISIS have not claimed responsibility, though Jihadists have celebrated it on social media.

Who would attack a Christmas party at a medical center for people with disabilities? It takes an exceptionally evil mind to do such a thing.

May the victims rest in peace,

LSP

Humanity on The Edge of Suicide

Here they are, the rich stooge puppets of Godless Western secularism and the New World Order. Observe their insouciant grins and pampered luxury, as they meet to discuss new ways to take your money. Note, Vladimir Putin, who is a Christian, is not with them.

Beast

Pope Francis has declared that "humanity is on the edge of suicide" thanks to The Weather, and that's what our transi-elite are meeting in Paris to resolve. You can sense their urgency in the face of impending, annihilating catastrophe.

This is Illuminati dupe, Beyonce. She's part of the movement, too.

Rocking on in the not-so-free world.

Your Pal,

LSP

It's The Woman Bishop Beauty Pageant!

It's a rare day that the shrinking Church of England doesn't promote a woman to one of its top bishop jobs, but who's the best looking?

Libby Lane?

Karen Gorham?

Christine Hardman?

Alison White?

Rachel Treweek?

Which one of these stained glass ceiling stunners wins the beauty prize?

You, the reader, be the judge.

LSP

Behold Your Rulers!

Look upon your rulers in awe. They're meeting in Paris, to work out a plan to tax you more. And here's Illuminati shill, Miley Cyrus.

Illuminati NWO Puppet

Rock on, the New World Order.

Kick out the Jams.

LSP

Archbishop of Canterbury Suspect in Detroit Carjacking

CCTV footage and a witness reconstruction, make Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury, a prime suspect in a series of Detroit carjackings.

The most recent attack happened on Sunday at a gas station at McNichols Road and St. Mary’s Street. After purchasing Blunts, the carjackers ran up to a parked vehicle and robbed it's owner.

Carjacker Suspect

One of the carjackers was captured on in-store video surveillance, which agrees with the victim's description of one of his attackers as, "A balding, Eurolib technocrat, white Caucasian male."

Artist's Reconstruction

The images and description point to the Archbishop of Canterbury, who was recently involved in a mall brawl in a Detroit suburb and thrown out of a pawn shop on the Motor City's iconic 8 Mile Road.

Justin Welby in Mall Brawl

Police have appealed for information and warn the public that Welby is potentially dangerous.

Lambeth Palace was unavailable for comment.

LSP

Church of England Appoints Nudist Woman Bishop

Hardly a week goes by without the Church of England appointing a new woman bishop in its desperate attempt to reverse declining congregations and shrinking budgets. But the new Bishop of Sherbourne, Karen Gorham, isn't just a woman, she's also a nudist.

Archdeacon of Buckingham, Karen Gorham, was named next Bishop of Sherbourne last Thursday and has a long history of nudism, going back to her upbringing in a nudist family. According to Gorham, going around naked isn't necessarily about sex:

A Typical Woman Bishop Figure

"The connection of nakedness and sex, though it may seem inescapable, need not necessarily be so," stated the new bishop in a theology booklet, "Life in a naturist club, or a naturist resort, is just about doing things which one generally does with clothes on, but unclothed when the circumstances permit it."

Pew Filler

Gorham, 51, is unmarried. Maybe she'll get all the "singles" back to church and fill those empty CofE pews.

Good luck.

 

LSP

Jesus Isn't Your Imaginary Friend

Here's a helpful message for Advent. Maybe you think Jesus is some kind of imaginary buddy, in your mind. Well He's not.

At some point in our history, we began to attribute a merely mental reality to anything that was not an object and reduced the importance of objects to what they could contribute to our mental reality. We live in a sea of psychology. Things, we believe, are only what we think they are. My “relationship” with you means nothing more than the set of inner experiences and dispositions I have towards you. In many ways, a very good version of “virtual reality” is just as good as “reality” itself.

You can read the whole thing here. And while we're at it, let's have Hagia Sophia back.

Maybe you think I'm kidding about that last bit.

LSP