Cooking With LSP - Quail Poppers

 

Cooking with LSP? Excuse me? Hold fire, skeptics, this is how it's done. Go out and shoot some quail, then congratulate yourself on a "mixed bag." Put the birds in the freezer. Narnia over, remove the quail, defrost and place side by side on a cutting board with jalapenos.

A remarkable thing, and reverie over, slice the peppers in half, scoop out the seeds without wiping your eyes in an attempt to see better, and fill those empty beasts with cream cheese. 

Next up, cut the meat from the quail breasts, embed avian goodness in the cream cheese filled peppers and wrap those delicious morsels in bacon. Then put 'em in the oven at 400* until they're crisp and ready for action. They should look something like this:

But there's no rule. Fall upon those bad boys when you're ready and eat that scoff.

Yes, like a Warrior,

LSP

A Miracle

 

Found at Walmart this morning, normal price. I'm celebrating this miracle with a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. No fooling.

Shoot straight,

LSP

Cooking With LSP

 

Cooking with LSP? That's not only stupid, it's dangerous, and what's that, a vegetable? Yes readers, a vegetable, asparagus, and here's how you do it. Wrap those green beasts in bacon.

It's not hard. Trim the warlike spears, toss in olive oil and black pepper and then wrap 'em up, three or four spears to a bundle. A bit like Fasces but without the axe. Then sit back and behold your handiwork, all this asparagus wrapped in bacon.

Level unlocked, put the enhanced veg in the oven at 400* for twenty minutes or so while, inspired by LL's sermon, you research Texas' illusive black cat, the Jaguarundi. 

These long tailed wild cats weigh in at around 20 pounds and are mistaken for Jaguars, which may or may not exist in the Lone Star State. They've been sighted here in Hill County, but not by me.

Better have a pistol handy in case the veg attacks!

Important research over, take the bacon wrapped green aggressors out of the oven. Serve with steak. I chose a Rib Eye, you may prefer a different cut, like a New York Strip. Hey, your call, no rule.

Then fall upon your scoff.

Like a warrior,

LSP

Cooking, Yet Again, With LSP

Glock & Salmon

What, you cook with LSP? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You say incredulously. But it's true, a lot of cooking goes on at the Compound because the Team's got to eat and they want to improve their marksmanship. That's where quail and venison come in.

Everyone knows that quail and venison make you a better shot, it's settled science, but how do you cook these two aids to ballistic excellence? It's not hard.

Quail & Sig

Make yourself a Glock and Salmon starter, then get some quail that you or one of your pals has shot. Salt and pepper the diminutive birds, fill their cavity with a lemon wedge, then wrap them in bacon. Put the finished result on a baking tray and preheat your oven to 500*. That's right, get that oven hot.

Quail

As you master this tricky task, skin some potatoes and carrots, put them in pots of water and boil them. It's easy, when you know how. Veg on, wait for a while, there's no rush, then put some spicy venison sausage into an iron skillet and apply heat. 

Oven Ready

About 30 minutes from the time you put the veg on, put the quail in the oven for 12 or 13 minutes, no longer. Take the birds out, cover them with foil and let them rest; they're just fine, don't mess with them. As they're finishing off, mash the potatoes, remove the sausage from the skillet and make some gravy in it. I like chopped garlic, white wine, chicken stock and flour. That's one way to do it.

A Knife And Some Garlic

Simmer the gravy and enjoy the aroma, reflect upon the perfidy of Shillary and the GOP establishment, whatever, play some Motorhead; if needs be, reheat the veg. Then put it all together. Two birds a person, extra bacon on the side, sausage, veg and gravy.

Then eat your scoff like a hero and congratulate yourself on a job well done. You'll shoot better the next day, it's been proven, settled science. And that's cooking.

With,

LSP

It Was The Pork That Did It!

Workplace violence, The Weather, El Nino, guns, simple rage, you name it, the race was on to find the motive behind the apparently inexplicable shootings in California. But now the search is over, and the culprit is pork!

According to eye witnesses who were in the Inland Resource Center in Loma Linda, CA and attending the Christmas Party where the attacks took place, Muslim employees of the county had previously asked that Pork products not be served. When one of those Muslims arrived at the event and saw that, in addition to many other foods, Bacon and Pork Sausage was being served, he angrily confronted other party-goers - allegedly saying "I'm tired of these insults to Islam" - and then stormed out of the event.

Less than an hour later, he returned with two others in a pre-planned revenge attack and started shooting.

A Typical Pork Recipe

We have the motive. Dietary insensitivity, destroying Sayed's safe space, is the cause of this latest tragedy. We must therefore ban guns and outlaw Christianity.

Problem? Solution.

Your Pal,

LSP

Backyard Blasters

It's important to keep your shooting skills honed, so it makes sense to set up a range in your back yard, a BB gun range.

Hours of fun and the ammo is cheap. Just be careful that your Blue Heeler doesn't try and eat the speeding BBs in mid-air...

Cheers,

LSP

Cooking With LSP, Poppers. Jihad Version

"You can't cook with LSP!" you exclaim indignantly, "That's as dangerous as it is absurd." Not so fast, my friend. You can, and here's how.

Buy some Jalapeno peppers, larger ones work better, and cut them in half. Then scoop out the seeds and fill the pepper shells with cream cheese. You can use a Spyderco Perseverance to cut the peppers, but any knife will do. Just make sure it's sharp!

Next, wrap the cream cheese filled peppers in bacon. Go on, use a slice per pepper, then skewer the bacon-wrapped awesomness with a toothpick. Stand back and admire your handiwork, life is good.

Put the poppers in the oven at 400 and bake, turning half-way through, until the bacon's done, for about 20 minutes or so. then remove those bad boys from the oven and savor the delicious smell of cooking pig that fills your house. Have a beer, maybe a glass of wine, you've earned it.

After you've let the poppers rest a bit, say grace, and eat them, like Charles Martel. 

And that's cooking, with...

LSP