Roast Beef Perfection?

 

Here's the thing. You drive over to the local Dallas Tom Overpriced Thumb in search of Boxing Day provisions, and what do you find? A lonely, less than half-price, New York Strip roast. Whoa, apparently no one wanted this bad boy before Christmas because it cost an absurd Bidenflation 70 bucks. So now it sits orphaned and unwanted on the slave block of fate at a mere 24 USD. So what do you do?

Buy it, of course, and thank the Gods of Roast Beef for their largesse. Good work, you've rescued this superior cut of beef from the scandal of back alley dumpsterism. Well done, but your work isn't over, you have to roast that beef and do it right. Yes, but how?

Gravy Incoming

Here's how. Take the meat out of the fridge and let it rest till room temp, in the meanwhile preheat your oven to 450. It's not hard, listen to triumphant music while you're at it, maybe something by Handel or Hawkwind's Motorhead, your call.

Nice

Then brush the meat with olive oil, grind some black pepper onto the thing, add coarse salt, and place on a vegetable trivot of onion, carrot, garlic and celery. Let the beast sit while the oven heats up and make Yorkshire Pudding batter. It's not hard, I use Gordon Ramsey's recipe because it works. Put the batter in the fridge and the roast in the oven.

RIP, Mr. Glock

Sear at 450 for 15 minutes, then lower heat to 325 and roast for 45 minutes. Watch that thing like a hawk and check with a meat thermometer an hour in. It probably won't be ready and that's a good thing, you have leeway. If so, let it cook for another 15 minutes or so until the meat reaches 120. (4.5 pound timing) When it does, take it out and cover with tinfoil.

Gravy's Out of The Frame, Forgive Absence of Regimental Silver

Let it rest and become perfect as you make Yorkshire Pudding, gravy and reheat Christmas Eve's roast potatoes; that'll take about thirty minutes. Then have at it, and slice that medium rare beef up. And fall upon your scoff.

Like a Warrior,

LSP

Cooking With LSP - Poppers

 

Oh yeah, cooking with LSP, that old shibboleth. Good call, readers, but hold on. There you are, and it's a Sunday afternoon in the Texas Free State, Masses said, Sacrament confected. So what to do? Have a glass of nicely chilled Vieille Ferme, and ponder the issue. An obvious answer springs to mind, after all, it's dove season, make poppers.

It's easy enough, shoot some birds, soak the breasts in brine and while they're doing their thing slice some jalapeno's in half, scoop out the seeds and fill those bad boys with cream cheese. I use Philadelphia Cream Cheese in its famously silvery foil packet, but that's just me, feel free to use a lesser brand. No rule.

Then put the dove breasts on a cutting board, slice off the meat and place each breast in the middle of each cream cheese filled pepper. It's not hard, far from it, but word to the wise, do not rub or wipe your eyes during this evolution. Seriously, bad error.

Next up? Wrap the pepper, cream cheese, dove combos up in bacon, drive a toothpick through the midst of each one to secure the life-giving bacon or, if you can't get toothpicks because supply chain collapse and inflation, simply wrap bacon around the morsels and let it be. Likewise, if you run out of bacon because you can't afford one slice per popper because Bidenomics, cut your bacon strips in half and get the job done that way. Trust me, it still works.

Prep done, behold the beauty of the thing and fire the popper tray into the oven at 400*. Take it out after the bacon's ready, you can smell the deliciousness of it when it is, and fall upon your scoff.

Like a Warrior,

LSP

Cooking With LSP

 

Cooking with LSP? That's not only stupid, it's dangerous, and what's that, a vegetable? Yes readers, a vegetable, asparagus, and here's how you do it. Wrap those green beasts in bacon.

It's not hard. Trim the warlike spears, toss in olive oil and black pepper and then wrap 'em up, three or four spears to a bundle. A bit like Fasces but without the axe. Then sit back and behold your handiwork, all this asparagus wrapped in bacon.

Level unlocked, put the enhanced veg in the oven at 400* for twenty minutes or so while, inspired by LL's sermon, you research Texas' illusive black cat, the Jaguarundi. 

These long tailed wild cats weigh in at around 20 pounds and are mistaken for Jaguars, which may or may not exist in the Lone Star State. They've been sighted here in Hill County, but not by me.

Better have a pistol handy in case the veg attacks!

Important research over, take the bacon wrapped green aggressors out of the oven. Serve with steak. I chose a Rib Eye, you may prefer a different cut, like a New York Strip. Hey, your call, no rule.

Then fall upon your scoff.

Like a warrior,

LSP