Shoot The Glock

So you get up, shower, say your prayers, walk the dog and buy a coffee from the local pick 'n steal, then you visit the sick; congratulations, you're on task, but what next?  Get out in the field and shoot, obviously.

I chose a Glock 21 because I like it, you might favor another weapon, like a .357 Magnum and that's fine. There's no rule. 

Targets were simple. A steel turkey at around 50 yards, steel plates at 25 and a Gatorade bottle wherever I felt like putting it. Fine, but did I still know how to shoot? Good question.

In the end, yes, but it took about half a box of cheap Federal .45 ACP to get back in the swing of things. BOOM. Tink. Down goes the turkey and BOOM, take that, Gatorade bottle as you fly through the air. The steel plates met their match too, once I'd warmed up. Boom, tink, swing.

Satisfying and, for me at least, exciting. There's something about the explosive power of a handgun that gets the adrenaline up, big fun. Still, if you plan on hitting your target you'd better practice. I reminded myself of that today.

Of course all this is banned in England, but not to worry, Brits. Nanny State will protect you.

Gun rights,

LSP

Maybe Magic Will Stop Trump

Hillary couldn't stop him, the lying, corrupt, elitist media couldn't stop him, all the expert pundits from around the world couldn't stop him, so now it's time for the left to to try something new. Who knows, maybe magic will stop Donald Trump!

With that in mind, optimistic witches and wizards from across America are set to perform a magic "binding spell" on the President tomorrow, February 24, at Midnight. Here's an excerpt from the magic ritual:

(Light white candle)

Hear me, oh spirits

Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air

Heavenly hosts

Demons of the infernal realms

And spirits of the ancestors

(Light inscribed orange candle stub)

I call upon you

To bind

Donald J. Trump

So that he may fail utterly

That he may do no harm

To any human soul

Nor any tree

Animal

Rock

Stream

or Sea

Pretty neat, eh? That'll get Trump, just the way the hippies managed to levitate the Pentagon with their magic powers. Leaving aside the mawkish, eerie similarity of the "ritual" to an Episcopalian "liturgy", we have to ask, have the Democrats become the party of Satan?

Look at the evidence. They vigorously support Planned Parenthood which sells baby parts, think Moloch, they're trans, think Baphomet, they hate traditional Christianity and go into paroxysms of rage at the Lord's Prayer, think The Exorcist. But that's not all.

Their spectacularly failed healthcare plan was used to attack nuns, they persecute Christian businesses, they love Islam, Christianity's ancient enemy, they hate Christian marriage, and on and on. 

For goodness sake, Hillary's Campaign Chairman, John Podesta, is a spirit cooking ritual occultist. Their defence? So what. And now, following their epic political fail they're rallying their spiritual side, the nation's witches.

Good luck, Demoncrats, and remember, Satan has a way of devouring his own.

Out, Demons, out.

LSP

On The Road

I drove to a suburb of Fort Worth this morning. It took one and a half hours to get there, the worst of which was through the metrosprawl. Someone hasn't told the DFW civic planners that highways running through, across and over a town doesn't make for a pleasant urban environment. Visit Venice and see its famous 6 lane highway bisecting St. Mark's Square! said no tourist brochure ever.

Seriously, after a good few thousand years of Western civilization, you'd think we could do better than turn our cities into roads. Like, what's best to live in, a city or a road? Let's think about that; road, city, city, road, hmmmm... road? 

Road trip over, I ended up at the cathedral, which is a good church, and went to a meeting. A bishop who I like very much was there and had a parrot on his shoulder. It's an aggressive beast and attacks people who try to pet it.

At the end of the meeting I drove back home through the 'sprawl to the countryside. Blue Exertion was there, taking it easy in the sun and I don't blame him. 

Later on today I'll drive to another church and, by the end of it all, feel like a travelling salesman. But hey, all in a good cause.

If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it.

LSP

You Brazen Dhimmwits

The progleft's new symbol of freedom and tolerance is a woman in a Stars and Bars hijab. "We The People," runs the slogan, "Are Greater Than Fear." Fear of what? Sharia punishments like being stoned for adultery or raped as a sex-slave? How about beaten by your husband or, you know, forced to wear a hijab while you eat in the basement with the other women, sharia style.

Islam is famous for its support of women's rights. Go ask a Saudi Arabian woman before she's beaten for driving a car or trying on clothes when shopping. But seriously, why does the left fall over backwards to endorse the same Islam that's 180 degrees opposed to everything it stands for? Everything, that is, except hatred for the West. Perhaps that's the clue.

In the meanwhile, hijab feminists, you are brazen dhimmwits.

By the beard of the Prophet,

LSP

Fish, You Fool

For a country blogger you sure don't seem to do much country stuff, so-called LSP, I thought bitterly to myself. To set the record straight, I drove over to the dam after visiting the sick.

The sun was out, the air was fresh and the water churned in the spillway, but would I catch any fish? Only one way to find out, cast off, which I did, using an earthworm as bait. No science, just throw the thing out there and let the current do its work. 

Soon enough, boom, fish on and a fighter. I reeled him in, struggling all the way, and was pleased with a decent Whitney dam Striper. Good result. 

Just as I was putting him back another fisherman arrived and started casting off with what looked liked fake minnows or shad. I was curious to see how he'd do compared to my nightcrawlers.

I Gave it Away

Another Striper later I felt vindicated, not a bad fish at all, and I gave it to my new pal who told me he'd caught a 30 incher yesterday. But here's the thing, he went on to catch a lot of fish with his fake minnows and I only caught one more. So I'm tempted to try his method and see how it goes.

And that was that, an hour or so of fishing and some fast action with it. For my next trick I'll go out and shoot some guns, if only to see if I remember how.

God bless,

LSP

Tax The Robots

Bill Gates, the richest man that has ever been and the co-founder of Microsoft, has hit on a novel way to reverse the declining fortunes of the once great Church of England. Tax the robots.

The Church of England is currently plagued by automatons who robotically repeat the slogans of popular culture, leading to shrinking membership and deficit budgets.

The Mind of Synod

"The robots are killing us," stated one General Synod insider, "They won't shut up until the entire Church is gay married, or trans, or both. So normal people don't come anymore and giving is right down. With the Gates plan maybe we can turn the robots into profit centers."

The First Law of Robotics

Robots in the Church of England's General Synod recently decided that marriage wasn't confined to men and women. However, the shrinking denomination stopped short of affirming artificial intelligence marriage equality (AIME).

DAARPA

Rumors that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justsin Welby, is a DAARPA manufactured AI are currently unconfirmed.

God bless,

LSP

Melania Mondays!

It's that time of the week again, the best time of the week, that's right, Monday, Melania Monday! So what's America's popular and glamorous First Lady been up to? Only leading a Florida rally, and by proxy the nation, in prayer.

God-Fearing Melania

God-fearing Melania opened the Presidential rally at Orlando-Melboune Airport with the Lord's Prayer last Saturday, causing leftist heads to explode in paroxysms of scorn and derision. One antisocial media user, Harry Benson (@TrumpUriNation) went to far as to blasphemously accuse Melania of being a "whore." Benson's Twitter page no longer exists.

Melania Prays. Demons Hate Prayer

People that are possessed hate the Lord's Prayer, it makes them lash out in furious rage; the demons that drive them don't like it, you see. Perhaps that says something about the left in general and the critics of Melania's prayer in particular. You be the judge.

In the meanwhile, well done Melania for leading the nation in prayer. Keep up the good work!

God bless,

LSP

So What's England Like?

There's a lot to love about England, the pubs, butchers, cheap food, being able to walk around the towns, beautiful countryside and the history of the place. All that and more, such as the greatness of the Victorians who pretty much built, with bricks and mortar, what we see today. 

Greatness

Go to Trafalgar Square and look out at the buildings and consider the Victorians who built them as they conquered the world. They were giants, obviously, but are today's Britons pygmies? Has the Sceptered Isle that produced Palmerston, Gladstone and Disraeli become a cossetted realm of beta cucks sipping foamy coffee in plush onesies as they cuddle their favourite unicorn?

LSP Goes Postal

I don't think so, go ask your nearest Millwall fan and see how far it gets you. That said, perhaps Great Britain's been co-opted by the Caliphate and you'd be forgiven for thinking that, given London's Muslim Mayor and the Church of England's fondness for the call to prayer. But no, the England I saw wasn't lost in the grip of the global Jihad, thank God. If anything it was overrun by Russians, who are clearly a Putinist 5th Column intent on subverting what was once a great liberal democracy.

So all that's good but is there a downside? Unfortunately there is. England's very regulated. For example, pretty much wherever you go you're being filmed. Driving, shopping, walking around town, whatever, smile, you're on camera. Are there microphones in the hedges? Who knows.

Smile, You're on Camera

Maybe this has something to do with geography and size of the population, some 60 million people crammed into a country the size of a shoe box; without a lot of rules there'd be chaos. Perhaps, but it's a far cry from Britons never, ever, ever shall be slaves. And of course today's Englishman, sorry Englishperson, isn't allowed to defend themselves, that's up to Nanny.

I Love Pubs

America in general and Texas in particular, seems to have a broader horizon. It's less settled, it's much larger, and the frontier isn't that far behind. That lends itself to an expansiveness and sense of opportunity which England doesn't have. And hey, I can go out and buy a Glock and a deadly assault rifle and blaze away without being sent to gaol via CCTV. You can defend yourself here and you can't in England, who's more free?

The French House Flies The Union Jack

Still, there's a greatness to England and maybe that's getting greater now that the country's decided to throw off the dead hand of Brussells and BREXIT. Let's see how that goes. I'm looking forward to a return visit.

Cheers and Rule Britannia,

LSP

Are They Insane?

Keen-eyed observers of the religious scene will have noted that Pope Francis doesn't think Islamic terrorism exists.

“Christian terrorism does not exist, Jewish terrorism does not exist, and Muslim terrorism does not exist. They do not exist,” said the popular pontiff in a statement to the World Meeting of Popular Movements in Modesto, California.

Germany's unpopular Chancellor, Frau Merkel, wasn't slow off the mark either. In a speech outlining the European Union's responsibility to take in more Muslim refugees as well as fighting terrorism, she stated that the EU has to "convince people that it is not Islam that is the problem, but a falsely understood Islam."

So, it's agreed, by authorities none other than the Holy Father and the German Chancellor, that Islam has nothing to do with terrorism. Hunh, far out, now we know, Islamic terrorism doesn't exist, which prompts the question. Are these people insane?

Maybe Mohammad, when he was cutting people's heads off at Medina or raping sex slaves wasn't anything to do with Islam. Perhaps, when the Prophet was leading his war horde to conquest, he was guilty of misunderstanding the religion he founded.

Sure, maybe he was, in the crazy world of PapalMerkelLand, and maybe Pope Francis and the German Chancellor know more about Islam than the learned Imams who sanction slavery, wife beating, stoning for adultery and execution for apostasy.

On the other hand, maybe Francis and Merkel have been driven mad by the glittering lights of progleft lib dogma, by the faith that says all religions are but aspects of one big Lennonesque peace sign written in the aether.

Tell that to a Yazidi sex slave or a Christian in Mosul.

Kizmet.

LSP

Pier Pressure

"I want to go to the Pier."

"Er, why?"

"Because it's awesome."

So that's what we did, climbed into the Mercedes and drove, fast and furious, through the winding streets of downtown Aberystwyth until we reached the wave racked seafront and its famous Pier. Gulls shrieked overhead as we skidded to a stop, loose Welsh grit flying like shrapnel.

Team on Target

"Do it!" No time for hesitation, this is D Day, and the Team was out of the vehicle and making for the Pier. Open the door, walk right through the casino glow of the slots, they mean nothing, and hit the objective. That's right, our target, Aber's notorious Inn on the Pier bar.

Windowpanes

It was empty. "I'd like a pint of San Miguel, please. Make that two, and a glass of red wine," I asked the lonely barman. "Right you are, sir," he replied, and there we were, on the Pier. "It's like being on the Channel Ferry," I observed, looking at the sea through the windows of the deserted bar. "I feel seasick," replied my brother. "Don't be ridiculous," said JS with characteristic common sense, "It's nothing like being on the Channel Ferry." 

Dizzy

We sipped our drinks, watching the seafront through windows that might have seen better days, or not. "But it is awesome," I replied at last, "It's the Pier."

We wanted to go outside, to the end of the Pier, and look out to sea and Ireland and the barman told us it was closed, but he did show us how to go through the snooker hall to an outside smoking area. We walked through the snooker tables, past young Welshmen sticking darts in their hands, and made it outside.

The Seafront

The sun shone through the clouds, illuminating the seafront with a golden glow. It was a good moment and I imagined the same coast, with its now ruined castle, standing guard against Irish raiders. 

The Aberystwyth Angel

Then the moment passed and we left, mission accomplished. "I feel dizzy," said my brother, "I know," I replied, "It's like being on the Channel Ferry." JS wasn't playing, "It's not like a ship at all. But look at that angel!" And sure enough, off to our right was an angel, wings outspread towards the sea.

Perhaps it's the spirit of the place.

LSP

It's the Dyslexic Deacon! Sinodd Rocks Wobbly

Yes, he's back and reporting on the venerable but shrinking Church of England and its recent Gendral Sinodd. Over to you, Deacon:

The Chruch of Ingland's Genderal Sinodd has desided not to take nowt of a long-aweighted £360,000 Bishops' Rapport on Homosectuality, Mantrimony, and Status Quo (with reverence to 'Down the dustpipe' 1970, Whatever you want 1979, and Burning bridges 1988).

Sinodd Delgeates

APB Justsin Wobbly, Promate of Ingland's Naglican Chruch, said 'All plobrems are made in the image of God'. He will now aks the Chruch Conmissiomers for £500,000 for a much stronger dysagreement.

The Church of England's Genderal  Sinodd is famous for being unable to affirm that marriage is something that takes place between a man and a woman.

Rumours that Justsin Wobbly's coat of arms now include a rainbow unicorn are presently unconfirmed.

LSP